rohanownz Reviews

Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022)

Awful. Literally rather gouge my eyes out.

[1/10 · 7 October 2022]

I am not a harsh critic so when I give this movie a 1 out of 10 it must mean it is really that bad. Out the gate this movie just rehashes the original almost verbatim but does it like 100x worse. The moment the old man immediately puts together that the license plate says B Eating U is just a prime example of how lazy and rushed this whole movie feels.

If you have seen Wrong Turn 5 Bloodlines that is exactly what I compare this movie to. It's cheap, poorly written, and caters to the mindless with pointless off screen killings. There is no tension building in this movie, the story is paper thin and hardly progresses, the dialogue is God awful and the acting is not much better. Unlike the original two which I consider some of the best horror to ever hit the big screen, this takes all of what makes those good and completely throws them out.

Who ever wrote and produced this has no right ever making a movie again. It is so rudimentary and stale it is beyond belief. Have they never taken any classes or produced a movie before? Nobody wants to see a creature just running around killing people for no reason for an hour and a half. Especially when the creature looks atrocious compared to the original and all the deaths are off screen! Hell this makes the third look amazing in comparison. Even though that movie was quickly written with a low budget in mind just to get the franchise moving again and did not deliver on any of it's promises. It at least had a story and was worth watching.

For the love of all things mighty do not even bother watching this. I'm warning you now coming from a huge fan. It even disappointed my super low expectations. Enough of these modern horror tripes and trying to come off as edgy. I had enough of these Halloween festivals gone wrong. Every low budget horror movie that comes out these days is rinse and repeat, you can tell them apart from a mile away and this is no different.

This is a complete disgrace to the Jeepers Creeper's franchise. I honestly wish people could separate the person from their art and allow Victor Salva to come back with the proper budget so we could get the end to the trilogy we all deserve. Sadly this does not look like it will ever happen. I thought this was going to be bad but I could have never dreamt it would be anywhere near this awful. This doesn't even belong on Syfy! And the CGI at the very end? What in the world was that? I am lost for words. Stay away from this cesspool!

Gatecrash (2020)

Wtf is this?

[1/10 · 23 February 2021]

You know the premise sounded quite interesting, but when I turned the movie on and 40 minutes later I have no idea wtf is even happening and seems to have very little to do with the plot then its a complete failure and a garbage movie.

Don't even bother wasting your time. I'm not even a harsh critic. Seems common these days that someone comes up with a cool idea but the execution goes so far off the rails and sends you straight into a wall. Hire me to write your movies and I assure you they will be better than this!

Maybe the ending gets better... I highly doubt it though. Turning this off before it consumes more of my time.

The Jack in the Box (2019)

Exceeded my expectations

[5/10 · 22 February 2020]

I am a hugeeee scary clown fan and I can't tell you how many times I come across movies with amazing covers that turn out to be dog crap. Clown movies are staples of low budget, f grade acting, and terribly written atrocities. It seems for every decent one you have to dig through 5 terrible ones. For instance some of the better ones would have to be Drive Thru, Clown, Killer Klowns From Outerspace, Terrifier, and Haunt. Just to name a few.

So where does Jack in the Box stand? I was actually quite shocked at the production value of this movie. The clown looks wonderful and the intricacies of the box itself. Although CGI in some spots. Looked really well done. This movie reminded me of Gremlin from 2017. In that it had a similar story line. And for me I also enjoyed that movie because it brought some new ideas and was pretty interesting to watch. Especially the twist at the end which I thought really made the movie. This one took some of those same principles but mixed it in with a clown and I for one am quite happy for the attempt.

The back story of demon boxes and how something like this came to be. Although pretty far fetched is quite a fascinating piece of fiction. I really like how this thing thrives on it's victims and has to be passed along in order to stay alive. It's clear they at least had a foundation for the plot line of this movie. However I would argue I wish it contained a few more layers. At times we are left trying to put together the pieces and you can't help but notice that at it's core it's pretty one dimensional. There isn't really a pay off and the ending although alright, has been done many times before in similarly told stories.

This movie also has several drawn on boring scenes. Not even important scenes that are critical to the progression of the film. More so just there to fill in the gaps and add some dialogue and character interaction. We have all seen this done countless times in movies that don't have much direction or a solid complex story that can keep things interesting. Nor do they really go out of there way to make you fall in love with any of these people to warrant such scenes. But when it counts they do give you just enough to keep watching.

The death scenes aren't amazing. A lot of times you just see people being dragged into the box. I'm sure with a bigger budget we could have had some more glorified kills. However when that clown is walking around it is quite terrifying and I cannot credit them more with nailing the way he moves and breathes.

Acting is fine in my opinion. Nobody took me out of the film nor did anyone go above and beyond. There are times where it isn't as strong as it could be. But I am not a stickler for this kind of stuff. As long as it isn't amateur hour.

If you are a fan of creepy dolls or music boxes. Puzzles or clowns. Then this is a great movie to watch if you have nothing else to do. I would say the movie itself probably deserves a 4 in it's plot progression. But it gets another point for me because that clown was so well done.

Black Christmas (2019)

Not as bad as people are making it out to be

[5/10 · 22 February 2020]

I won't go out on a limb and say this is a masterpiece or even remotely a great film. However I do feel as though it's getting some undeserving hate. Yes it has plenty of propaganda that is being shoved in our faces as of lately. And I suppose if you want to be offended by it then you may immediately down vote this movie to oblivion. But I honestly enjoyed this movie as much if not more than the last Ghostbusters. It has plenty of flaws. Does not have anything to do with the previous Black Christmas's. But once you see the film then you understand why they used the name and I think it fits quite well. The story reminds of a mix of a several different movies and shows that are centered around cults and secret society's. Is it super original? No. But it still offers a compelling and semi unique setting.

As for the acting I wouldn't say there is anything to write home about here but at the same time it wasn't that bad either. Other than the dj kid who I would argue wasn't as strong of a choice in comparison to the others. Some of his line deliveries were forced and not natural.

If you are just looking for a slasher film that entertains but isn't trying to shake up the genre too much then you will certainly find it here. Keep your sexism and political agenda out of it and you will probably enjoy it a bit more. However considering the name it shares I would hoped to have been given a bit more. It certainly leaves things to be desired for but overall it is worth a watch. And for those who want to find a fairly clean movie. This doesn't have much swearing and no nudity so that can be a plus or minus depending on the situation. Something that is getting harder and harder to find.

Mythbusters Jr. (2019)

Excited to see a return of Mythbusters

[8/10 · 1 April 2019]

Being a huge fan of the original series I have to say I was really happy when I saw a preview for this show. Adam returning and a new Mythbusters show? Heck yes! Sure it may be aimed more at children. Sure I would like to see a little more Adam now and again. But I enjoyed watching all the episodes so far. A lot of the myths are unique and interesting and I like their approach at tackling them. If you're a fan of the original series, I say don't expect it to be a clone of it. Don't come in with huge expectations. If you can do that then I feel you will get a lot of out of it.

American Satan (2017)

Pretty Entertaining. People have too high of expectations or shouldn't review movies

[6/10 · 15 July 2018]

First of all I don't know why so many people are like "I thought this was a horror movie". From the trailer or description alone it did not scream horror movie. It turned out to be pretty much exactly what I expected it to be. A movie about a band signing a deal with the Devil and the consequences and reality of making such a decision. Many people actually believe that this type of thing exists. But it really doesn't matter if you believe it or not because although the movie is seen as fictitious, it opens up a lot of doors when it comes to the journey of becoming the next big sensation in Hollywood. The trials and tribulations, the impact your actions and decisions make on not only your career but your whole future. Including your family, friends, and even your own soul. To the point where you can't even distinguish what is real and what isn't real.

Now I'm not even a huge fan of metal and satan and all that jazz but the music in this movie was pretty damn good. Some people are upset it wasn't hardcore metal and considering the name American Satan you would think that it would be. But I feel like this will resonate with a lot more people than just targeting a specific group of listeners. I mean even if you like heavy metal you can listen to this and enjoy it. But if you don't like heavy metal it would ruin the whole movie.

With all that being said I felt like the actors did a really good job and I was actually stoked to see Drake Bell in this movie because I wasn't expecting it. Sure you can argue maybe the Devil wasn't portrayed in the best way but I still feel like his cryptic and weird behavior made for an interesting and layered character. Constantly kept me on my feet wondering when he was going to return again and what he had to say next. I also wanted to learn a lot about his history which is always good for a film because it leaves you wanting more.

Oh yeah and screw the bass player. Like seriously. What a lowlife piece of trash.

Some are arguing that this film portrays sex and drugs in a good light but that's only true if you watch the beginning of the film. Which I wouldn't be surprised because a lot of people probably stopped watching it and tried to make a review based on something they didn't even finish. Just like life of course in the beginning it's all fun and games but eventually your sins and addictions will destroy you. It all starts when they make the deal and then quickly things start to go downhill real fast. I don't really see how you can say this movie is complete trash. It's nothing amazing but it's a decent watch and has a few highlights. Which is why I am rating it a 6/10. It's above an average meh film for sure.

American Vandal (2017–2018)

A binge worthy masterpiece!

[10/10 · 18 May 2018]

I have to say I wasn't sure what to expect coming into watching this a few months back but once I saw the first episode I was drawn in to the point I spent the rest of the night watching the whole season. Each episode has you questioning new pieces of evidence and you start eliminating suspects in your own mind based on what just happened. The best part is the story line and how they go about introducing new facts. Although kind of out there it is believable and it's something many of us can relate to. That's because they recreate the school atmosphere so well and they do such a great job at making it feel like a real crime tv show. The actors are all top notch and the filming techniques are well shot and edited. Some may be upset about the ending being left open however with some further investigating they did tell us who actually did it. In my opinion they couldn't have ended it in a better way. Totally looking forward to season 2! If you are looking for something to watch, particularity something to binge if you have the free time. This is a prime choice! At least for someone under 40. I'm sure even people beyond that would enjoy it. If they have an open mind and don't take things to seriously.

The Open House (2018)

Decent intriguing beginning and then all down hill from there

[3/10 · 18 May 2018]

I'm not going to give this film a 1 like most people have because I have seen worse movies. Believe me this movie sucked and left me questioning why I spend time watching anything. But it started well enough to earn some points. The plot itself is rather weak, it is a overused premise and nothing new is really brought to the table. For a moment I thought it was heading down an interesting path and it certainly could have been a lot better if they had taken the time to sit down and actually think about what they were writing. But instead we get this. The movie goes from being semi interesting to suddenly making little sense. The characters witness things moving around their house and yet go on with their daily lives like nothing is happening. If that doesn't upset you, by the time the movie is supposed to hit its peak point you already have lost interest and the killing scenes further upset you because you never see the killers face and he some how knows how to magically move around without being seen. The climax or lack there of is literally just a huge disappointment and by the very end you are left wondering what, who, and why the whole thing happened in the first place. News flash leaving your viewers questioning things at this extent is not a strategic and philosophical achievement. It's pure laziness and movies like this should not be allowed to be made EVER. Save yourself a lot of time and do not watch this trash.

Daphne & Velma (2018)

I for one am open for anything Scooby Doo related!

[6/10 · 16 May 2018]

I was quite surprised to see this movie existed. I can't say I'm close to the Cartoon Network scene or any of that anymore like I was as a child so it doesn't surprise me, but I still love me some Scooby Doo! I personally love all the real action versions including the Cartoon Network ones. With that being said the absence of Fred, Shaggy, and Scooby although they were certainly missed; didn't take away from the overall mood. I would have liked to see the actors from the last couple movies return. But being though this was a spin off it needed to separate itself. So having new actresses didn't really bother me. You could say they didn't fit the roles as ideally as the previous choices. However I think this was intentional not only to create a fresh twist on the series, but also to universalize the characters and to open up to different races and cultures.

Overall I think they did a pretty good job at playing Velma and Daphne. I liked that they made this like a prequel to them becoming the mystery solvers that we all know them for. This opened up a fresh breath of air on the series and allows a lot more to be explored. It's fun to be a part of the characters slowly start to take on the form that we are so keen on seeing. I also want to take the time to appreciate the homage they paid with the chasing montage towards the end. Although rather cheesy, it still put a smile on my face and it certainly added to the mood of the film.

I would say the plot line itself is rather simplistic and at times seems a bit cheesy and underplayed. This is a Scooby Doo movie though, so you have to remember it is aimed mostly for kids and teenagers. With that in mind I think if you stop thinking about how ridiculous and questionable it is, and rather accept it for what it is. You will realize it has a place and it delivers a slighly above average experience. It's certainly not the most action packed hour and 15 minute. But it's also not as boring as other reviewers have stated. I guess as a younger child you would certainly get bored of this. Especially with the lack of Scooby and comedy relief from Shaggy. But as a teenager I think you would certainly relate a lot more to it's modern approach and would be pretty invested into figuring out what is happening and who is behind the whole thing.

This type of story has been used in many other shows and movies over the years. Kids being hypnotized or changed into mindless zombies in a school setting. Just off the top of my head I remember an episode of Even Stevens where this happened with eye exams. Or even the movie Cooties for instance. Where only the children are being affected. So the premise is fairly overused but they tried to modernize it with the technology of today and they changed the reasoning just enough to make it something unique. Some could argue filling a movie with cell phones, social media, and Instagram clones just to try to relate to today's youth is a cheap lazy trick. I myself start to feel a bit drained of the constant pushing of social media influence in today's programming. Although if it works it works. It just really shows what the world has become. It also kind of teaches a lesson in a way by telling people not to be so invested in technology. However if the children and teens who watch this actually pick up on that I am not too sure. I think this is why they address the situation at the end of the movie just to verbally let it sink in for those who didn't figure it out beforehand.

I enjoyed watching this movie. I think it was shot well, paid it's dues, and provided a unique experience. It could have had more Scooby Doo references and things that made it feel like a Scooby movie but it wasn't too bad. I don't want to blast it because I do not want them to stop making movies altogether. I rather we got things like this than nothing at all. I also am appreciative that they are trying something new. I absolutely loved the music during the credits! It had an awesome Scooby Doo vibe and I believe it was used a couple times in the film as well. As for where this could head? Well like I said there's a lot more they can explore. That it be with the same duo or even the other characters. This is a great opportunity to create back stories and to help demonstrate why certain characters are they way they are. I just hope the future chapters will have a bit more substance as far as action and to keep younger audiences engaged. I believe this is an average to slighyly above average movie. I am not a harsh critic when it comes to movies so if you like Scooby Doo or do not have much else to do, then I recommend you give it a watch!

Rampage: President Down (2016)

Beautiful and a great end to the trilogy!

[8/10 · 8 October 2016]

Now after reading other people's thoughts about this movie, I am rather shocked a good number of people did not like it very much. I absolutely loved the first although the idea of making a movie about a mass murderer is kind of messed up in my opinion. But none the less much of the ideas he shared are pretty truthful and it really puts attention to the issues we face and the means someone would really have to go to just to make any difference. The first one had some great scenes and a unique and enticing story. Brendan is an amazing actor and plays the role perfectly. The 2nd movie I was shocked to find out existed and as soon as I heard I had to watch it. Again I was highly impressed. Although a little slower than the first it still held my attention and continued to progress his story. I just found out they made a third movie and again I had to rush to go watch it. Now sure you can tell this one had a smaller budget. And sure I would have loved to see some more scenes. As some have mentioned a little more background on how he met Crystal and when he killed the President. But the movie was very well built. It had tension that was slowly increasing throughout the film and climaxed perfectly. Great use of referencing the past films and driving his ideals home. Not to mention adding that human element to Bill's character through the use of his girlfriend and son was brilliant. Of course some of the "wow only in a movie" aspects were present like in all 3 but it's good those are there because it keeps it on the movie plane and not so much as "Hey go out and do this and it will work" kind of motive. I personally liked Ryan McDonell's performance as Vincent even though some people said he and the other guy were awful. He filled that bad ass cop role like William Forsythe played in the Devils Rejects. The ending was pretty funny, seemed like Uwe Boll had some fun and possibly a vendetta against some of those celebrities that were announced dead. Not that death is funny but it's a good time seeing them get knocked down from their pedestal. Anyways definitely not a flawless movie by any means but it was certainly a good ending to the series.

The Demented (2013)

Not half bad but the ending kinda sucked.

[5/10 · 14 July 2013]

Personally if your expecting a zombie movie that isn't going to repeat similar scenarios that have been seen in other movies then keep dreaming. The essence of a good zombie movie isn't always about being fresh, it's just keeping you on your toes and giving you enough zombie killing action to be like "this is badass". This movie isn't amazing by any means, the acting is decent, in some spots it felt a little scripted and not up to par but for the most part the actors do a good job playing their roles. The plot itself isn't anything complex. It starts with 6 young adults hanging out at one of their friend's dad's house and then a missile comes and blows up near by. The rest of the movie is them trying to escape the quarantined area that has become filled with infected people who stand still until they hear a noise.

The zombies themselves were nothing special. They all seemed to wear the same kind of clothing and the makeup wasn't very effective but it was enough to keep you watching. However they run very fast like something out of Dawn Of The Dead or 28 Days Later. None of those slow moving puppies here. The CGI wasn't anything special either, it's only really seen in the beginning but I have seen a lot worse. As far as being gory, there isn't much blood here so if your into gore fests then look elsewhere. Aside from the typical dumb actions you see people do in horror movies, this movie wasn't too bad for being low budget. It actually kept me on my toes through much of it. However if your looking for gun use this movie doesn't have any. In fact you only see 1 bullet fired haha. The only thing that ruined it for me was the false ending combination. I won't spoil anymore but why can't they just let things end on a good note once and a while? I mean they stopped the cliché of the African American dying first.