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Reviews
The A-Team (2010)
The A Team?... The S**t Team more like
I finally got round to watching the film adaptation of the the A Team and its utter rubbish. Did they never watch the original show? this is just incoherent bilge.
Where to begin reviewing this trash.
THe performances with the execption of Murdoch were terrible. Bradley Cooper is charmless in the extreme, which is problem when you're playing the Faceman. BA didn't have a BA at all. in fact he was pointless and anonymous. though he was the only one to go through a character arc in the story. what was it again? oh yes. He learned that killing is good!!!... which if I remember correctly is the complete antithesis of the morality of the original material. okay the A Team show is also problematic with its glorifying of violence to resolve problems but they at least made a point of NEVER killing anyone.
Liam Neeson was phoning it in, but maybe that's because his character was so poorly written. Hannibal is the man with the plan, except err he never seemed to have any plans. My guess is the writer wasn't clever enough to come up with anything fresh so they decided to just have him walking around chewing his cigar acting saying that his plan has come together when there was no evidence of any plan being played out. the action was occasionally fun, but not occasionally enough. Mostly it was incoherent what was happening and why it was happening. It was also so preposterous that it only served to offer amusement rather than any kind of excitement or thrill from the fact these characters lives are at stake.. No stakes, no drama... THere was no suspense in the build up to the action. the action just happened and then it stopped.
But the reason I wonder whether the c**** who made this ever watched the show was they missed the basic Robin Hood premise of the whole thing, that the A Team protect the weak from the strong. they come to the assistance of ordinary people with a problem and nobody else can help. Just awful and very disappointing.
It doesn't deserve a sequel well not one written and directed by the same Z Team anyway
Black Swan (2010)
Over blown, Over wrought and Over acted, but visually very good
I watched Black Swan finally and though it is admittedly very arresting visually, I found the whole thing to be rather tiresome. The problem was with the script. In the first place it was very difficult to give a toss about the central character. I mean really, who cares whether she can excel at her Ballet job? what happens to her if she doesn't? nothing that's what? she'll go back to having a good ballet job playing other characters. A job that many little girls will already envy. The fact that 'artists' think we give a Frick about whether they can dig deep and emerse them selves in a role shows us just how pretentious they are, and this film if anything does reflect how actors and theatre performers take themselves waaaay too seriously. Its not like they're as important as a nurse or a soldier. There is nothing at stake if they fail to perform. But even so, I could maybe have been manipulated to care a bit more if the central character was just a bit more interesting. Jeez this girl was dull. I would walk the other way if i saw her coming down the street. she was impossible to care about. I understand that her character was meant to be closed off but that doesn't help us access the story. We need to root for her and we just don't.
Visually tho, it was outstanding, with some very striking moments. Aronofsky is clearly a hugely talented film maker, if a perhaps a little indulgent and too concerned with being 'seen' as a genius at the expense of his audiences experience in his movie.
Natalie Portman isn't that great apart from the effort she puts into the ballet scenes, but that's not what acting is all about. that is a peripheral requirement to what's important. She is dull and closed off. and Portman is just over rated as an actress. She was great in Leon but she's been been very ordinary at best in everything else. Someometimes just down right bad as with princess armadildo
Outcasts (2010)
What happened to standards at the BBC?.. Wasting OUR money on this RUBBISH!!
I just watched the first two episodes on playback. you're all spot on. It really is utter tripe. I agree that there was a certain schadenfreude to be had from laughing AT it, well in episode one anyway. By episode two the joke had run dry and I was just bored. I mean where do you start with this tripe?
The actors are terrible. Even the good ones. In fairness how do you act clumsy and bungling lines of dialogue like "Your baby is very ill.. and if it doesn't get better soon... it's going to die" The rest is just meaningless techno drivel and insulting exposition.
On top of the incompetent script writer, the director is obviously inept too. He seems to have given them all the same subtext note before each scene "Remember you have a migraine and its pissing you off, action!" oh except for Hermione Norris who had an extra instruction of "Hermione you can smell burning s**t, action!" and Liam Cunningham who had the note "Liam you just really would rather be sleeping, you are so tired and bored oh and don't forget the migraine, action!"
I laughed out loud in the scene with the president (of what? the whole planet? or that bunker?) he is just stood in a corridor with his arms folded, and some faceless other character giving him a hard time, and he says "Look I haven't got time for these questions, okay!".. err you're just stood in an empty corridor staring at a wall, mate... Again the constant stream of feckless moments like this are not the actors fault. This is shoddy directing pure and simple. If you have a character saying he's busy, then you make him look busy!! Jesus! It's not brain surgery!!
other than two old timers looking very much like they have realised they are damaging their reputations every minute this c**p on screen, the rest of the 'younger' cast are just bottom of the barrel Hollyoaks and Holby City quality actors who are just happy to have a job on telly. They don't have the slightest idea how to deliver a performance for a genre piece like this.
The biggest problem of all though and the one that will bury this show is
THERE ISN'T A SINGLE LIKABLE CHARACTER... NOT ONE!
You literal despise every one of them and want them to die, know its worse, you DON'T CARE whether they live or die or not!
This is a rookie mistake for drama. Every good writer and director knows you need to root for at least one of the characters.
Where are the standards at the BBC now? is there anyone working there who has any experience in delivering quality drama? or is it just university graduates with a masters in accounting and media? you could weep to think about the salary of the person who commissioned this amateur hour mess
Devil's Playground (2010)
A Good Laugh
It's hilarious how most of these reviews are claiming Devil's Playground is unoriginal because it rips off 28 Days Later... err 28 Days later is the single most derivative movie I have EVER seen. i mean 28 Days Later is not even a zombie film, its a Frankenstein film, as it just pieces together other films. It rips off all the Romero movies particularly Day of the Dead, and it's opening act 100% rips off Day of the Triffids right down to the guy taking the bandages from his eyes and walking out into the desolate London streets. It has ONE original idea. Zombies can run. Oh big wow. at least Devil's Playground is fun compared to the pretentious self important pile of **** that is 28 Days Later.
Superbad (2007)
Irritating, moronic and pointless
I just watched Superbad, after listening to everyone and his dog telling me how hilarious it is... well as far as I can see, everyone must be retarded. If this is what is considered as funny these days then no wonder Hollywood has reverted to making films for only the most very stupid people out there. this film is about as smart and witty as someone shaking a baby's rattle in my face. Okay Mclovin is amusing, but the rest of it is irritating beyond belief and really quite mean spirited. the lead characters made my teeth itch they were so awful. One was loud and obnoxious and pretty vile, the other was a charisma vacuum and dull to the point of being in a coma. really how can you people watch this rubbish and like it?
The Tournament (2009)
It is what it is
i've made no secret of the fact that I worked in a small peripheral way on this film, but I worked on lots of films over the last seven years. My colleagues and I are still of the opinion that this film will prove to be very important in British film history. Not because it is so good, its obviously hugely flawed, but the fact that a film of this type has been attempted at all... Until The Tournament, the British just didn't do Action at all. I mean the kind of pure unadulterated 'Action' that is the reason for seeing the film, shoot outs and martial arts and car chases oh my. But these guys have gone and done it and on a LOW 'INDY' BUDGET!! And if its action you're paying to see then with The Tournament you definitely get your money's worth.. and then some. It is so action packed that it almost transcends its exploitation roots and becomes artful. My prediction is that we will now see a raft of British 'Action' movies go into development, some of which may even be better than The Tournament, but none of them would even have been attempted if these guys hadn't smashed open the doors first with this. Just go and leave your brain at the door and enjoy the ride