I thought Steve Buscemi's movie "Tree's Lounge" was pretty boring and depressing. But his second movie "Animal Factory" is a lot better. Edward Furlong plays this pot dealer who gets sent to jail on some completely retarded charge by some mentally constipated judge. There he meets a bunch of people, one of them being Willem Dafoe, who although being kind of scary is nice enough to Ed because he likes the way Ed looks. From there the movie is basically about survival and how the system basically screws Ed over time and time again and how Ed must learn to depend on the murderers, rapists and child molesters inside because they have more integrity than the people living under or working for the system on the outside. You get to see Mickey Rourke wearing lipstick and eye shadow and acting like a complete flaming queen. Tom Arnold appears as a psychotic inmate who targets in on Ed. There's lots of good stuff here but the acting above all is top-notch. Way to go Steve!
Reviews
22 Reviews
Resident Evil: Damnation
(2012)
Better than the movies with the real actors and the real world with fake people
27 March 2014
I thought this movie was going to suck because it started out weird and I didn't really understand what the hell was going on because it takes place in Russia and stuff that happens in Russia isn't always that understandable you know? Then after awhile it all became clear and I realized that I was indeed watching a Resident Evil animated movie with zombies and good guys with guns(the Americans) and bad guys with guns(the russians) and it was full of blood and gore and great animation and conspiracies that almost made sense if they hadn't been contrived solely for making yet another Resident Evil movie instead of having any relevant social context. Then it became kind of fun and for awhile I forgot I was living in a hell called "reality". Then the movie ended and I realized I was broke, middle-aged, basically homeless and surrounded by real zombies called "other people". I was so depressed I decided to watch this movie again.
Resident Evil: Retribution
(2012)
The quintessential action movie - Silly, violent, colorful and insane in that way that only Resident Evil movies can be
27 March 2014
Not exactly awe-inspiring but still definitely watchable none the less the fifth installment of the Resident Evil series manages to be completely loopy and yet still utterly predictable at the same time all because like the zombies in it the story just WILL NOT DIE! More clones of Alice, more alternate realities, more insane bad guys who seem to have no purpose other than to be insane and do insane things, and more completely random pointless conspiracies titillate this entry with their hi-tech big-budget charm and complete lack of insight, creativity or intelligence making it the equivalent of PCP-laced tooth-rotting cinematic candy for your mind when nothing else will hit the spot. The more the filmmakers shoot this series in the head the more it becomes obvious how life without brain matter is possible especially for Hollywood producers and the audience that pirate their movies on the internet. Like me.
American Nightmare
(2002 Video)
Cheaply made cheap looking slasher is nonetheless effective
27 March 2014
This movie is cheap. It looks cheap and everything in it has a cheap feel which is okay because it actually isn't that bad when the killing starts. A bunch of college-aged kids sitting around a restaurant hear a a talk- show that is evil or something. Soon enough, based on what that talk-show is saying a sadistic killer starts killing off the kids in brutal and sadistic ways. The woman who plays the killer is very evil, very mean and very convincing despite being in a cheap-looking movie and basically carries the whole movie on her evil kills which make the college kids suffer in nasty ways. That's about it. It has something of a great twist ending and then it is over. I liked it. But the real question is will you? Guess you'll just have to find out. If you don't find out then you're fated to die a horrible nasty death like the characters in the movie. Trust me, you're mom told me.
Last Exit to Brooklyn
(1989)
Mean-spirited look at gutter-trash politics at their worst
19 March 2014
Warning: Spoilers
This is a pretty nihilistic movie with seriously unlikable hateful characters all screwing over and hurting each other just to feel some sort of power and sometimes just to feel something at all besides the isolating despair of their own squalor. That being said it still manages to be a compelling film that is somehow fascinating. The only character in the film that finds some sort of happiness is soon destroyed by those around him and is ground into the literal filth of his own environment that represents the hopeless moral depravity they all live in. Even his misguided attempt at happiness, more ambitious than most of the characters, is ultimately doomed by the fact that his only power to pursue it is based upon covering up a hate crime for the wrong people, people that inevitably turn on him when his inner vulnerability at finally almost reaching happiness at one point, make him an easy target and thus a threat to their use for him as an enforcer of their hateful enterprise. The low-life gang- bang at the end of the movie where Jennifer Jason Leigh takes on dozens of dirty drunken half-conscious men, one after another, in a fit of emotional and sexual devastation after the profundity of an intimate social rejection levels even her own venomous hate is a show-stopping finale. This movie has no redeeming qualities thematically, do not expect any answers, except to reject all those that it parades in front of you as the damned who have succumbed to the ugly hatefulness of their brutal social conditioning as a result of their co-dependency in striving for power in all the wrong ways. For that alone it should be watched. The only weakness any of the scum-sucking characters have is the one they all share, the one they all want and hunt but ultimately involuntarily kill instead of embracing, the kindness and love from others which only helplessly intensifies their self-hate for not being able to stop themselves from dreaming of something better despite the fact that they know they are doomed and that the idea of real love itself is a more injurious painful affliction against them than any physical crime they could commit against another. God and the conditions he has allowed people to live in are truly shown as evil in this. Written by the guy who wrote "Requiem for a Dream".
Chasing Amy
(1997)
Guy becomes obsessed with lesbian, contemplates psychological sex change, decides to dump lesbian instead
19 March 2014
Warning: Spoilers
Whoops, I just told you the whole story. God, I suck! But in case you didn't read my summary here it is again in an expanded literary format for those who truly enjoy redundancy. A guy, played by Ben Afflick, sees a girl and falls in love with her only to find out she's a lesbian. He chases after her anyway, hence "Chasing Amy" (do you get it? No really, do you get it? No you don't liar!), and eventually turns her onto the man meat to which all women are destined, no matter what they say, to worship and grovel at like whimpering dogs lusting after a sacred bone (just ask Bill Clinton, my favorite president). Then some really boring relationship crap ensues about feelings and thoughts and identity and blah-f**king-blah...Am I at ten lines yet? The guy ends up apologizing to the lesbian for reasons unknown after Silent Bob relates a soliloquy about his own failed gay quest for hetero love. Seriously, I think the whole point of the movie is that the guy is actually a fag and the woman is just a slut and never the tween shall meet or something like that, all done in that Kevin Smith way whose films are really the funniest when he decides to take himself too seriously like when Woody Allen tries to be Ingmar Bergman. It's like watching a shadow farting, right?
Mallrats
(1995)
Guys at mall philosophize about their lifeless plight and how enjoyable it actually is
19 March 2014
This movies pretty funny although I can't remember it that well but I'll tell you about it anyways just because I can. These two guys go to a mall and do basically nothing except walk around and comment on the stores, the people, and themselves in witty sarcastic ways inspired by their observations of the vulgar and the profane. One guy, played by the guy who plays Earl in the TV show "My Name is Earl", doesn't give a s**t about anything, hates everything and finds joy in the existence of being miserable. He tries to convince the other guy that he is better off. But wait. Even though it's true there is a reason. That's because the other guy is just a whiny bitch who is there trying to figure out how to win his girlfriend back. The whiny bitch is somewhat necessary because he's like a lot of modern guys, trendy, useful and easy for most women (and employers) to put on a leash. He's probably considered handsome by most sluts (and fags (and employers)) and because of his girlfriend problem propels the plot or what little there is of it onward towards it's comically nihilistic though predictable ending. During the course of this affair all sorts of colorful, odd and even despicable characters cross their paths rendering entertaining doses of chaos and banality in equal measures. Tea anyone?
Up in Smoke
(1978)
Back in the good ole days before being a psycho or a sociopath was the norm
18 March 2014
Weed used to be great and mellow. Nowadays after they started lacing it with strychnine and PCP to turn everybody who smokes it into a complete idiotic psycho I started to feel a little uncomfortable smoking it. back then they made movies about it where no matter how f**ked up you got everything turned out alright. Now getting stoned is as dangerous as buying stocks on wall street. You never know what your going to get but if your Forrest Gump level retardation don't worry, you'll probably like it and they'll have you dressed up in green, spouting the national anthem, and killing what passes for commies nowadays (I think they're called terrorists)in oil-saturated deserts in no time while bankers back home will be sleeping with your wife, stealing your paychecks, and pissing people off enough to fly planes into skyscrapers while homeless people starve and die on the streets because that's the American way.
Oh yea, this movie is about two stoners who go around getting f**ked up and laid with no money, no clue, and no reason. Somehow it's more entertaining, insightful, and intelligent than all the self-important serious movies in the world. A masterpiece!
Oh yea, this movie is about two stoners who go around getting f**ked up and laid with no money, no clue, and no reason. Somehow it's more entertaining, insightful, and intelligent than all the self-important serious movies in the world. A masterpiece!
Men with Guns
(II) (1997)
Another fine satire from John Sayles about how stupid people + guns equals catastrophe
18 March 2014
Because really, the worse thing you can have is stupid people with guns but since this world is essentially stupid (run by gravity and a giant fireball in the sky in a lifeless airless void full of lights that are dead by the time you see them - really?) then chance and the world favour the stupid as is painfully obvious with how many incompetent f**ks are well- established, well-paid, completely useless to anybody except to people as useless as themselves, and spouting off about how great life is, especially in the presence of or directly to anyone not like them, that is anyone smart enough not to eat s**t and train themselves to smile while doing it, anyone smart enough to hate life and define it as a s**tty miserable existence when it does deserve to be, and anyone decent enough not to stick their complacent compromised false sense of satisfaction in the faces of those less fortunate because they're smart enough to care and not be mean hateful f**ks. Well, actually that's the reason smart people use guns against stupid people so I sort of went off the track there.
But maybe in essence that is what this film is all about: How the relativity of guns in a moral sense is licensed by the conformity to what is strong and stable in this world but not necessarily right. I mean, how many homeless people in Canada carry guns even as the system they are a part of allows them to die of starvation, exposure, and general genocide as they are effortlessly replaced by more loyal unquestioning 3rd world work whores with convenient language barriers. I'll bet almost none. No protests there folks? Just big happy uncomprehending smiles, eh? And that's right? But everybody knows that Canada is a dictatorship run by cowards that the rest of the world enables. It's common knowledge.
Anyways, this doctor realizes the students he stupidly sent out to these primitive villages that are constantly being reaped and pillaged every year (kind of like me except other people call these involuntary patriotic donations "taxes" and are stupid enough to call it "necessary"and "the law" even when they can't afford to pay them - yea, I'm a minimum wage survivor) have disappeared (do you realize the word "disappeared" has two p's instead of two s' - man that's stupid!)and so he goes on a quest to find out what happened. Everywhere he goes he is told by the remaining survivors, or whoever's there, that the men with guns came and killed everybody or took everybody away.
That's about it but it's still a pretty good movie. Somehow John Sayles takes this simplistic theme and makes it seem like goddamned brain surgery and if making boring obvious things seem like interesting giant conspiracies isn't the height of modern cinematic magic then I don't know what is. Actually I don't. So take that under advisement.
But maybe in essence that is what this film is all about: How the relativity of guns in a moral sense is licensed by the conformity to what is strong and stable in this world but not necessarily right. I mean, how many homeless people in Canada carry guns even as the system they are a part of allows them to die of starvation, exposure, and general genocide as they are effortlessly replaced by more loyal unquestioning 3rd world work whores with convenient language barriers. I'll bet almost none. No protests there folks? Just big happy uncomprehending smiles, eh? And that's right? But everybody knows that Canada is a dictatorship run by cowards that the rest of the world enables. It's common knowledge.
Anyways, this doctor realizes the students he stupidly sent out to these primitive villages that are constantly being reaped and pillaged every year (kind of like me except other people call these involuntary patriotic donations "taxes" and are stupid enough to call it "necessary"and "the law" even when they can't afford to pay them - yea, I'm a minimum wage survivor) have disappeared (do you realize the word "disappeared" has two p's instead of two s' - man that's stupid!)and so he goes on a quest to find out what happened. Everywhere he goes he is told by the remaining survivors, or whoever's there, that the men with guns came and killed everybody or took everybody away.
That's about it but it's still a pretty good movie. Somehow John Sayles takes this simplistic theme and makes it seem like goddamned brain surgery and if making boring obvious things seem like interesting giant conspiracies isn't the height of modern cinematic magic then I don't know what is. Actually I don't. So take that under advisement.
The Resurrected
(1991)
H.P Lovecraft done right by the writer of "Alien"
18 March 2014
When Stuart Gordon became successful with his cheeky versions of H.P. Lovecraft stories I guess other studios decided to attempt doing a movie or two based on the guys work. This is one of them. It's actually pretty good and the best adaptation I know of although I've never read the story (I've read quite a few of his other stories though and their thematic signatures are unmistakable). I just think the movie's good and since his writing style is a lot like it, moody, murky, haunted by ambivalent facts and unholy histories that bleed horrors into the future, it's probably as accurate as your going to get without disfiguring it's essence and losing it's subtext by modernizing it. Actually, it does take place in modern times but accurate to the author's themes reality, the present, is just a superficial veil for the depthless ancient horrors lurking underneath that everyone's existence is built upon. This one takes itself really seriously and deserves credit not only for doing so but for the most part succeeding. And yes, it does have big ugly disgusting deformed monsters filmed in a way to suggest more than a fleeting glimpse of them would drive a person mad while inquisitive characters stumble around in the darkness of subterranean lairs, and of their own pasts, with unanswered questions and inadequate mobile lighting. The basic narrative starts as a detective story and then spreads into a supernatural conspiracy spanning time with the reincarnated version of the main character investigating what might be his own madness. And that's about all I can remember. I remember it was well written too but hey it's not only H.P. but Mr. O'bannon as well doing the honors. Unfortunately the douche bags (the production company?) who released and distributed this movie have not a made a DVD version of it (or any other format of it that I am aware of) readily available in years, possibly decades, so me telling you how good it is is probably a waste of time since the chances of seeing it are about as good as not seeing stupid capitalistic crap propaganda like "Batman Begins" collecting dust in a bargain bin for $2 in some department store dictatorship. Still there is the hope. Anyone with a copy heard of Youtube?
Last Embrace
(1979)
Great movie from the guy who did that one about gay aids patients
18 March 2014
Before Johnathan Demme was directing pseudo intellectual crap like "Silence of the Lambs" and socially relevant crap like "Philadelphia" he made this great movie about a burnt out CIA agent who may be going crazy, or may be the target of a psycho killer, or may be the last loose end on the bad side of a career with an organization that has too many secrets to lose. Roy Scheider plays this character who, in a state of recovery, after suffering a nervous break-down from seeing his wife gunned down becomes convinced that his own spy agency is trying to kill him because he is a liability revolving around a politically motivated serial killer who may have targeted him as the next victim for reasons he can only guess at. Then there's the Jewish conspiracy involving the physical abuse of whores. Because Jews hate whores right? Or something like that. Great movie! Lots of suspense, twists and turns, killings, paranoia, great filmmaking, exposing horrifying history that reveal people losing their humanity, identity and individuality by either being a victim of or thriving off of the human race defined by cultures, organizations and finance/power ambition based collectives that evolve through time into nothing more than the despicable scum-sucking power hungry monsters they try to convince themselves, and others, they aren't, and ultimately failing at, through lies and deceit masquerading as the innocence they lost long ago. Watch it and be entertained!
Still of the Night
(1982)
Great movie! Can't remember what it's about but I remember loving it!
18 March 2014
Yea, it has Roy Scheider in it who plays a psychiatrist who gets involved with Meryll Streep somehow who may or may not be a psychotic killer whose stalking him. Or maybe she is being stalked by a psychotic killer and he's trying to help her or something. Can't remember. Saw it along time ago and I remember I loved it. Thought the performances were great. It had a psycho in it and it was well directed and well written. At the end Roy Sheider blows up a shark with a gun and a tank of compressed air. No wait, that was the French Connection. Anyways if I see it again I'll probably update this review but probably not because I'm not getting paid to write this and so really don't care whether I've convinced you to see this movie or not. All I can tell you is that I remember loving it about fifteen years ago. If the matrix has turned it into a terrible movie by now I recommend you don't see it. Remember the magic word, it rhymes with "Microsoft". It is "Obey".
Rubber
(2010)
Unexpected joyful surprise with bloody kills, surrealism and inspired narrative insanity
18 March 2014
Warning: Spoilers
I wasn't expecting much when I turned this on and had been putting off watching this for a long time but "Rubber" turned out to be a really great horror movie more insane and surreal than actually funny.
One of the cool elements in the movie is the fact that there is an audience watching the tire go on a killing rampage from a distance in the desert with binoculars who are being killed off sometimes one by one, sometimes en mass, by some unknown conspiracy as the movie takes place. Meanwhile the tire itself is killing people so it's like watching two slasher movies in one.
All the characters are completely insane and seem completely at ease in situations that are completely insane, horrifying and non-nonsensical.
"Rubber" is a lot of fun. It is well-shot, well-acted, well-paced and bloody (The tire makes people's heads explode - I guess he's psychotically telepathic).
One of the cool elements in the movie is the fact that there is an audience watching the tire go on a killing rampage from a distance in the desert with binoculars who are being killed off sometimes one by one, sometimes en mass, by some unknown conspiracy as the movie takes place. Meanwhile the tire itself is killing people so it's like watching two slasher movies in one.
All the characters are completely insane and seem completely at ease in situations that are completely insane, horrifying and non-nonsensical.
"Rubber" is a lot of fun. It is well-shot, well-acted, well-paced and bloody (The tire makes people's heads explode - I guess he's psychotically telepathic).
Cold Prey 2
(2008)
Second time out for cold-weather slasher ups the violence and tension
18 March 2014
This is a pretty decent slasher trilogy in the making.
I saw the first "Cold Prey" and thought it was okay. It was kind of slow and the kills weren't that great but it was beautifully filmed, well- enough acted for a Swedish film, or maybe that's Norwegian, who knows, and it had an awesome twist ending with one of the best hardcore metal songs to the end credits I have ever heard. In many respects it was a lot like Halloween (1978).
"Cold Prey 2" is even better than the first. It keeps all the successful elements from the first movie (well shot, well acted, well-directed) but has more kills, more tension and less build-up which is good because really, I've seen it all before and unless your birthing some slasher narrative miracle of nature there really is no need to have protracted character development revolving around horny teens.
Actually I liked this one (#2) better because it takes place in a hospital, has fully mature adults who are way less happy and way less whiny than the annoying teens in the first movie and has way better kills and pacing.
By the way, Halloween 2 (1980) takes place in a hospital. Go figure.
I saw the first "Cold Prey" and thought it was okay. It was kind of slow and the kills weren't that great but it was beautifully filmed, well- enough acted for a Swedish film, or maybe that's Norwegian, who knows, and it had an awesome twist ending with one of the best hardcore metal songs to the end credits I have ever heard. In many respects it was a lot like Halloween (1978).
"Cold Prey 2" is even better than the first. It keeps all the successful elements from the first movie (well shot, well acted, well-directed) but has more kills, more tension and less build-up which is good because really, I've seen it all before and unless your birthing some slasher narrative miracle of nature there really is no need to have protracted character development revolving around horny teens.
Actually I liked this one (#2) better because it takes place in a hospital, has fully mature adults who are way less happy and way less whiny than the annoying teens in the first movie and has way better kills and pacing.
By the way, Halloween 2 (1980) takes place in a hospital. Go figure.
Cold Prey III
(2010)
Trilogy-ending prequel ends on a fine bloody note that leaves room for more
18 March 2014
The end(?) of the "Cold Prey" trilogy is better than the first but not as good as the second. They dispense with the "Halloween" movie mimicry and most of the tale takes place in the woods where a group of horny Sweden, or is it Norwegian, teens end up camping only to be relentlessly stalked and colorfully killed by our now well-known killer in pre- mid- or post- coitus mode.
Again the movie looks great, the kills are good, not as good or as many as in the second but there none the less. There is some snaky twists involving a cop and that hearkens back to the first film but all around nothing too complicated or ambitious.
A well-made slasher trilogy that deserves either another sequel or a spin-off.
Again the movie looks great, the kills are good, not as good or as many as in the second but there none the less. There is some snaky twists involving a cop and that hearkens back to the first film but all around nothing too complicated or ambitious.
A well-made slasher trilogy that deserves either another sequel or a spin-off.
Occupant
(2011)
Terrifying tale of a man trapped in room with murder, madness and maybe even a monster
18 March 2014
This guy decides to stay in an apartment for a month because somehow if he does he become the legal owner of it because his Grandma willed it to him and its awesome, huge and best of all rent-controlled so he'll be able to live there forever for a super cheap price.
The only catch is that he can't leave the apartment for an entire month because if he does somehow the landlord will be able to rent it to someone else because technically nobody would be living there (?).
Get it? I don't. But I like it because it is a perfect example how stupid and illogical real laws are in real life when it comes to real estate and what people have to do just to have a place to live at a decent price. I found this realistic. I could totally see this hateful stupid conundrum forced upon some poor sucker just looking for a good place to live happening in real life so I found the premise rather compelling. Just think if you won the lottery but you were only allowed to keep the money as long as someone else told you how to spend it. Huh? Yea? Exactly. Well, not really but you still get what I'm talking about.
So the guy moves in.
Of course that is when the horror and madness starts. "Occupant" builds tensions and dread nicely while never becoming boring or repetitive which is quite an accomplishment for a tale that takes place almost entirely in an apartment.
Murder, madness and even maybe supernatural stuff ensue. The story builds in a way just enough to keep us intrigued while never fully answering what is happening.
Good stuff. Check it out.
The only catch is that he can't leave the apartment for an entire month because if he does somehow the landlord will be able to rent it to someone else because technically nobody would be living there (?).
Get it? I don't. But I like it because it is a perfect example how stupid and illogical real laws are in real life when it comes to real estate and what people have to do just to have a place to live at a decent price. I found this realistic. I could totally see this hateful stupid conundrum forced upon some poor sucker just looking for a good place to live happening in real life so I found the premise rather compelling. Just think if you won the lottery but you were only allowed to keep the money as long as someone else told you how to spend it. Huh? Yea? Exactly. Well, not really but you still get what I'm talking about.
So the guy moves in.
Of course that is when the horror and madness starts. "Occupant" builds tensions and dread nicely while never becoming boring or repetitive which is quite an accomplishment for a tale that takes place almost entirely in an apartment.
Murder, madness and even maybe supernatural stuff ensue. The story builds in a way just enough to keep us intrigued while never fully answering what is happening.
Good stuff. Check it out.
Entrance
(2012)
If this is the new horror than for those of you with talent, intelligence and creativity do yourself a favour - don't evolve
18 December 2013
There are fans of film out there who think anything slow and boring must be deep, meaningful and intelligent. To be fair, there are a lot of films that are slow, meaningful and intelligent but have so much going on underneath the surface that it is like you are secretly seeing the most exciting action movie taking place in a way you can't describe and being able to read and feel what is happening even though everything appears to be still or uneventful makes it even more exhilarating.
ENTRANCE is not one of those movies.
This film is just slow and boring. It wants to convince you it is one of those deliberately slow films that has a lot going on underneath what appears not to be happening but it doesn't. It is made for fans who are just too stupid to know the difference between subtle and subliminal versus plodding and meaningless and thus settle for anything that is slow and boring because it makes them feel smart, sensitive and privy to details most other people would miss.
Yes this movie is that bad. To think there are people out there lame and stupid enough to call this movie a terrific "slow burn" piece of cinema is a phenomena in itself. I don't even want to imagine the kind of boring f***ing lives those who find this type of cinema entertaining must lead. It just shows how depressingly and pathetically low standards have become to have generated the kind of lead-minded audience that would champion this drudgery just because it is as ordinary and unremarkable as they are. Well, that's the Microsoft age for you. There is nothing innovative, striking, remarkable or subtle about it. It is just pretentious stupidity drawn out to an intolerable length by the unoriginality and lack of creativity of it's makers. The movie follows the life of one of the most hollow-eyed, blank-faced, vacuous idiot women you'll ever meet as she goes about her daily routine, getting her hair cut, taking care of her dog, walking around and generally doing nothing of any importance or interest. Unfortunately, she is probably typical of most women nowadays - pretty, uninteresting, unassuming and completely self-absorbed in a mentally vacuum-sealed delusion of self-importance - but the filmmakers don't bother with offering any insight or commentary into this weak-mined shell of a narrative and seem completely unaware of this all the while performing an amateurish sleight-of-hand by trying to pass their lack of style and substance off as clinical objectivity in the hopes that the audience will do all the work for them by creating subtext out of something that just isn't there. During this mind-numbing character study the woman starts to notice supposedly strange things, which I suppose are supposed to be disturbing and unsettling by the way she overreacts (and overacts) to them, like strange noises in her apartment, men looking at her on the street, a car momentarily following her, but these instances are steeped so heavily in such random banality that they could happen, and probably have happened, to anyone without any sort of threatening context and if they are meant to be foreshadowing for something more terrible to come are as lame, limp and unpromising as the advances of a chemically castrated sex-addict in a whorehouse. All this stringent boredom interrupted by dramatic farts of pseudo-ominous occurrences eventually lead to what is supposed to be, I'm assuming, the grand finale which is nothing short of being absolutely predictable and stunningly uninspired and which you have seen a hundred times before done way better. It is actually a relief when the absence of plot and story finally climaxes, not for the sake of alleviating any suspense or intensity that has built up, there is none, but for the reassuring knowledge that this truly failed attempt at subliminal cinema is finally over, like somebody with nerve damage, who in desperately trying to achieve an orgasm masturbates until they have chafed themselves down to raw tissue and blood, without noticing, only to finally recoil defensively in a realization of simultaneous disgust and agony long after you've grown bored and desensitized watching it happen. Yes, this movie is that bad. What's worse is that Stephen King apparently blogged a review about it for free in order to comment about how great it is. No wonder that guy's writing has sucked for the last twenty-five years. He's written himself into a state of mumbling infantile literary dormancy and there is no greater proof of that, besides his current work, than his advocacy of this waste of time. Not to mention the other dozen or so positive reviews by fans and so-called professional critics alike on IMDb - they are all untrue and inaccurate. If you really want to see subtle horror, anxiety-producing subtext, and fairly uniquely detailed character studies you can watch THE PACT (2012), OCCUPANT (2011), STILL OF THE NIGHT (1982), THE AWAKENING (2011), MAGIC MAGIC (2013), THE TENANT (1976), THE BEGUILED (1971), or THE COLLECTOR (1965). All these movies are awesome and the complete antithesis of whatever ENTRANCE is. And to think the same witless hacks who managed to get this garbage made are making the sequel to one of the best new psychological horror movies recently released - THE PACT(2012). It's an insult, a shame but not surprising. They may not be able to make a good movie but they must be giving great head to the ($)right($) people. I guess that's what you get when you live in a world dominated by conformity and career whores. And now you know what ENTRANCE is really about and really like. For people whose lives are dull enough to induce comas and mental retardation in others - enjoy! For all others I've made the movie sound way more interesting than it actually is by just telling you how much it sucked. The f***ing idiots who made it should be paying me.
ENTRANCE is not one of those movies.
This film is just slow and boring. It wants to convince you it is one of those deliberately slow films that has a lot going on underneath what appears not to be happening but it doesn't. It is made for fans who are just too stupid to know the difference between subtle and subliminal versus plodding and meaningless and thus settle for anything that is slow and boring because it makes them feel smart, sensitive and privy to details most other people would miss.
Yes this movie is that bad. To think there are people out there lame and stupid enough to call this movie a terrific "slow burn" piece of cinema is a phenomena in itself. I don't even want to imagine the kind of boring f***ing lives those who find this type of cinema entertaining must lead. It just shows how depressingly and pathetically low standards have become to have generated the kind of lead-minded audience that would champion this drudgery just because it is as ordinary and unremarkable as they are. Well, that's the Microsoft age for you. There is nothing innovative, striking, remarkable or subtle about it. It is just pretentious stupidity drawn out to an intolerable length by the unoriginality and lack of creativity of it's makers. The movie follows the life of one of the most hollow-eyed, blank-faced, vacuous idiot women you'll ever meet as she goes about her daily routine, getting her hair cut, taking care of her dog, walking around and generally doing nothing of any importance or interest. Unfortunately, she is probably typical of most women nowadays - pretty, uninteresting, unassuming and completely self-absorbed in a mentally vacuum-sealed delusion of self-importance - but the filmmakers don't bother with offering any insight or commentary into this weak-mined shell of a narrative and seem completely unaware of this all the while performing an amateurish sleight-of-hand by trying to pass their lack of style and substance off as clinical objectivity in the hopes that the audience will do all the work for them by creating subtext out of something that just isn't there. During this mind-numbing character study the woman starts to notice supposedly strange things, which I suppose are supposed to be disturbing and unsettling by the way she overreacts (and overacts) to them, like strange noises in her apartment, men looking at her on the street, a car momentarily following her, but these instances are steeped so heavily in such random banality that they could happen, and probably have happened, to anyone without any sort of threatening context and if they are meant to be foreshadowing for something more terrible to come are as lame, limp and unpromising as the advances of a chemically castrated sex-addict in a whorehouse. All this stringent boredom interrupted by dramatic farts of pseudo-ominous occurrences eventually lead to what is supposed to be, I'm assuming, the grand finale which is nothing short of being absolutely predictable and stunningly uninspired and which you have seen a hundred times before done way better. It is actually a relief when the absence of plot and story finally climaxes, not for the sake of alleviating any suspense or intensity that has built up, there is none, but for the reassuring knowledge that this truly failed attempt at subliminal cinema is finally over, like somebody with nerve damage, who in desperately trying to achieve an orgasm masturbates until they have chafed themselves down to raw tissue and blood, without noticing, only to finally recoil defensively in a realization of simultaneous disgust and agony long after you've grown bored and desensitized watching it happen. Yes, this movie is that bad. What's worse is that Stephen King apparently blogged a review about it for free in order to comment about how great it is. No wonder that guy's writing has sucked for the last twenty-five years. He's written himself into a state of mumbling infantile literary dormancy and there is no greater proof of that, besides his current work, than his advocacy of this waste of time. Not to mention the other dozen or so positive reviews by fans and so-called professional critics alike on IMDb - they are all untrue and inaccurate. If you really want to see subtle horror, anxiety-producing subtext, and fairly uniquely detailed character studies you can watch THE PACT (2012), OCCUPANT (2011), STILL OF THE NIGHT (1982), THE AWAKENING (2011), MAGIC MAGIC (2013), THE TENANT (1976), THE BEGUILED (1971), or THE COLLECTOR (1965). All these movies are awesome and the complete antithesis of whatever ENTRANCE is. And to think the same witless hacks who managed to get this garbage made are making the sequel to one of the best new psychological horror movies recently released - THE PACT(2012). It's an insult, a shame but not surprising. They may not be able to make a good movie but they must be giving great head to the ($)right($) people. I guess that's what you get when you live in a world dominated by conformity and career whores. And now you know what ENTRANCE is really about and really like. For people whose lives are dull enough to induce comas and mental retardation in others - enjoy! For all others I've made the movie sound way more interesting than it actually is by just telling you how much it sucked. The f***ing idiots who made it should be paying me.
300
(2006)
Is this the ultimate litmus test for latent homosexuality in the misguided soul of every heterosexual female-worshipping man-b***h or what?!
2 November 2013
What's hilarious is how incredibly dumb this movie is. What's even more hilarious is how glorified it is by it's legion of fans despite how brilliantly it's stupidity flashes through the overwrought attempts to hide it under all the paint-on tan, gay-stripper posturing and contorting, and orgasmic orgiastic all-male battle cries and fight scenes.
Maybe that's the attraction. The movie was obviously made for idiots, gay men, liberated house wives, and the heterosexual man-b***hes who mindlessly serve them. Wow. If ever their was a cinematic phenomena for how pathetic the human race has become (or perhaps always was) then the success of 300 is proof of just that.
If you liked seeing Sylvester Stallone in Rambo, half-naked, covered in sweat and mud, and blowing away communists like a five year-old lost in his own fantasy world shooting invisible bad guys then imagine that, dumbed down and visually amped up a hundred times and you've got 300.
The noble(sarcasm), admirable(sarcasm) and sympathetic(sarcasm) Greek nation of Sparta who enjoy murdering their physically imperfect babies so readily it would make Adolf Hitler green with envy, and yet who still worship and are under the rule of a group of old deformed leprous wise-men who live on top of a mountain molesting underage girls they have put into a stupor with some sort of primitive date-rape drug (it seems like its okay to be born a physically imperfect Spartan as long as you're a pervert), are put in the dubiously honorable disposition by their hot-headed king when (after getting permission from his queen to act all psycho like the little mama's boy man-b***h that he actually is) he kicks some Persian messenger into a bottomless well and thus declares war on Persia before anyone else - the nation that is relegated to a military footnote by this decision between King psycho man-b***h and the cowardly wife-Queen hiding behind him - or the corrupt senate that has somehow turned against its own nation (gee I wonder why) despite its collectively physically perfect attributes - can bat a lash, say a word against it or hose their warhorse-of-a-king down to stop him from slitting all their wrists.
This movie has to be a joke. It can't be expecting anybody with half a brain to take this premise as seriously as it seems to take itself.
Are we supposed to be sympathizing with, relating to or finding these Spartan characters interesting in any way? The only thing they're fighting for is their already corrupt nation which seems rife with hypocrisy, stupidity, hatred and social turmoil to begin with which the military characters, the king and his 300 soldiers, that dominate the story seem either oblivious or indifferent to. So what exactly are they defending? A nation of baby killers who worship deformed leprous pedophiles while pretending to be a proud and noble culture? Ha! Don't make me laugh! Actually too late!
And don't tell me about the battle scenes.
I don't care what the history books say (history is filled with lies told by authoritative liars endorsed by weak-minded people dumb enough to accept it as truth) but there is no way 300 soldiers could withstand an oncoming crowd made up of thousands upon thousands of people, in this case full grown men armed and hostile, no matter what battle strategy was used. It's just physically impossible. If 3 people were standing in front of an entrance to an alley and 10 people rushed them there is no way they could prevent at least some of them from getting through. You'd have to be a f***ing idiot to believe otherwise.
Of course the filmmakers would have you believe that the Persians weren't smart enough to rush the 300 Spartans all at once (I think the modern term for it is a "stampede" and is usually the result of mindlessly panicking cattle) with their tens of thousands of soldiers so instead of realistic battle scenes we get an hour and a half of endless shots of the Spartans hacking away at Persian soldiers who for some reason are all mysteriously separated by dozens of feet of space as if relentlessly swarming the Spartans and thus crushing and overcoming them with the sheer size and weight of their numbers never occurred to them.
Wow. Talk about stupid and unrealistic. And supposedly using a battle strategy attributed to the mindless panicking of cattle was not obvious enough for the Persians, an insurmountable army that was already sweeping through the land conquering everything it came across.
If you want to know how dangerously gullible, stupid and pathetic people have become in the Microsoft age then the success of this moronic feat of CGI overkill made by one of the most glorified film-making hacks out there, Zack Snyder, possibly Uwe Boll's illegitimate brother, is overwhelming proof that if you make something shiny, polished and pretty enough it doesn't have to work at all in any other way to get sold on the open market to the idiot masses.
Maybe that's the attraction. The movie was obviously made for idiots, gay men, liberated house wives, and the heterosexual man-b***hes who mindlessly serve them. Wow. If ever their was a cinematic phenomena for how pathetic the human race has become (or perhaps always was) then the success of 300 is proof of just that.
If you liked seeing Sylvester Stallone in Rambo, half-naked, covered in sweat and mud, and blowing away communists like a five year-old lost in his own fantasy world shooting invisible bad guys then imagine that, dumbed down and visually amped up a hundred times and you've got 300.
The noble(sarcasm), admirable(sarcasm) and sympathetic(sarcasm) Greek nation of Sparta who enjoy murdering their physically imperfect babies so readily it would make Adolf Hitler green with envy, and yet who still worship and are under the rule of a group of old deformed leprous wise-men who live on top of a mountain molesting underage girls they have put into a stupor with some sort of primitive date-rape drug (it seems like its okay to be born a physically imperfect Spartan as long as you're a pervert), are put in the dubiously honorable disposition by their hot-headed king when (after getting permission from his queen to act all psycho like the little mama's boy man-b***h that he actually is) he kicks some Persian messenger into a bottomless well and thus declares war on Persia before anyone else - the nation that is relegated to a military footnote by this decision between King psycho man-b***h and the cowardly wife-Queen hiding behind him - or the corrupt senate that has somehow turned against its own nation (gee I wonder why) despite its collectively physically perfect attributes - can bat a lash, say a word against it or hose their warhorse-of-a-king down to stop him from slitting all their wrists.
This movie has to be a joke. It can't be expecting anybody with half a brain to take this premise as seriously as it seems to take itself.
Are we supposed to be sympathizing with, relating to or finding these Spartan characters interesting in any way? The only thing they're fighting for is their already corrupt nation which seems rife with hypocrisy, stupidity, hatred and social turmoil to begin with which the military characters, the king and his 300 soldiers, that dominate the story seem either oblivious or indifferent to. So what exactly are they defending? A nation of baby killers who worship deformed leprous pedophiles while pretending to be a proud and noble culture? Ha! Don't make me laugh! Actually too late!
And don't tell me about the battle scenes.
I don't care what the history books say (history is filled with lies told by authoritative liars endorsed by weak-minded people dumb enough to accept it as truth) but there is no way 300 soldiers could withstand an oncoming crowd made up of thousands upon thousands of people, in this case full grown men armed and hostile, no matter what battle strategy was used. It's just physically impossible. If 3 people were standing in front of an entrance to an alley and 10 people rushed them there is no way they could prevent at least some of them from getting through. You'd have to be a f***ing idiot to believe otherwise.
Of course the filmmakers would have you believe that the Persians weren't smart enough to rush the 300 Spartans all at once (I think the modern term for it is a "stampede" and is usually the result of mindlessly panicking cattle) with their tens of thousands of soldiers so instead of realistic battle scenes we get an hour and a half of endless shots of the Spartans hacking away at Persian soldiers who for some reason are all mysteriously separated by dozens of feet of space as if relentlessly swarming the Spartans and thus crushing and overcoming them with the sheer size and weight of their numbers never occurred to them.
Wow. Talk about stupid and unrealistic. And supposedly using a battle strategy attributed to the mindless panicking of cattle was not obvious enough for the Persians, an insurmountable army that was already sweeping through the land conquering everything it came across.
If you want to know how dangerously gullible, stupid and pathetic people have become in the Microsoft age then the success of this moronic feat of CGI overkill made by one of the most glorified film-making hacks out there, Zack Snyder, possibly Uwe Boll's illegitimate brother, is overwhelming proof that if you make something shiny, polished and pretty enough it doesn't have to work at all in any other way to get sold on the open market to the idiot masses.
Complicity
(2013)
A masterful expose of the sociopathic personalities being bred by modern education and its collective norms
11 October 2013
It may not seem like it on the surface but "Complicity" is as much about the unbalanced personalities, thought-processes, and behaviors spawned within the classrooms of high schools today as it is about the co-dependent teenagers who will go to obsessive murderous lengths to covet and perpetuate the completely unrealistic social norms they feel pressured into upholding in order to feel worthy and valid enough to deserve the approval, love, and acceptance of each other and the adults who hold their fate in their hands.
Perhaps this is nothing new but "Complicity" makes this much treaded theme even more urgently relevant. Because of the obvious and extensive examination of it in the past not leading to actions of any real social consequence it shows, more than ever, how the real victims of these horrible unchecked expectations are the teenagers and the terrible things they are capable of as a result of it.
"Complicity" is an open-ended meditation on the subtext of what survival means to teenagers as individuals and as groups in a so- called peaceful enlightened society (North America) where good grades and making nice with the right people is as important as pretending everything is "okay" and just as it should be even when it isn't because the threat of failing to meet these grotesque standards looms over their heads in the form of rejection, poverty, despair, social ostracization and isolation, persecution, and the unspoken political agreement by a system of professional cowards that once a child reaches the legal age of adulthood their welfare is no longer the legal responsibility of any representative, organization or institution in this great and free country. This means no matter how screwed up they might have become from years of conditioning from the adult world during their childhood, everything that has happened to them out of their control during that time to make them who they are, is their own liability. And usually they don't realize they are their own liability until they are old enough to realize they have no f***ing clue what they are doing, suppose to be doing, or why they are doing it. The adult world, which up until then ran everything, takes no responsibility for what happens unless it can profit or benefit in some way either financially or socially. This type of hateful "ignorance" is what passes for "innocence" nowadays in North America. "Complicity" examines this heartless self-serving mentality in the blossoming personalities of its teenage characters as survival and innocence war for the dominion of their souls. They all know what they have been taught they are not supposed to understand because their suppressed instincts in this case are much sharper than the falsified experiences forced upon them by their "know-better" education. They all know that if they don't do the right thing they risk being relegated to that awful miserable fate that many succumb to, that dismissed never-mentioned minority of failures doomed to die a slow death from the deliberately flawed and calculated system bent on making survival as hard and as unbearable as it can for them. Murder has never been so objectified, insidious and untraceable as when it complies to an accepted social standard.
This is the accepted norm nowadays. As okay as it was to segregate school by skin color fifty years ago nowadays it is okay to get away with murder as long as it uses certain means like psychological torture through cyber-bullying, shooting an innocent teenager because you are a member of a neighborhood watch committee, or decapitating and dismembering a person on a bus and then claiming that god made you do it. If there ever was a collective conscience it is definitely dormant, if not dead, and as this movie beautifully and clearly illustrates sociopathic behavior has become the norm in today's world and stresses more than ever: What makes somebody right or wrong is not how it affects somebody else either negatively or positively but whether or not they can get away with it.
A high-school party at a suburban home spirals into tragedy forcing a group of teenage friends to examine the strength of their values and what choices they will make in order to make things "right".
This sounds like typical fodder for a teenage horror movie but this is an extremely intelligent and realistic dissection of the idealistically merciless expectations put on teenagers by a callously unaware, disconnected and ignorant adult world and the effect it has on teenagers as a social group to handle real-life situations when they have to rely solely on their spoon-fed intellect because they have acquired no meaningful and worthwhile real-life experiences to draw from in order to support them in a time of crisis. This movie is definitely a horror movie in many respects but only because it presents its subject and characters with such a believable and unflinching eye. In that regard it is an incredibly detailed drama from which the horror is a side-effect of how believable it is. You've seen it before but never done this well. It is a triumph of both film making and acting that feels both successfully symbolic, insightful and realistic all at the same time. It is a film that shows the already overwhelming danger of a world that has stupidly come to value information and intellect over experience and sincerity and the devastating false edifices of integrity, character and knowledge that have resulted because of it.
You know when Allen Ginsberg's epic poem "Howl" becomes as relevant as a murder ballad for the burden of a prematurely doomed soul as much as a justification for a horrendous crime that it's time people pricked up their ears and listened.
Everyone should see this movie. How exceptionally well made it is is only surpassed by how relevant, realistic and truthful its subject matter is treated by cast and crew alike.
Perhaps this is nothing new but "Complicity" makes this much treaded theme even more urgently relevant. Because of the obvious and extensive examination of it in the past not leading to actions of any real social consequence it shows, more than ever, how the real victims of these horrible unchecked expectations are the teenagers and the terrible things they are capable of as a result of it.
"Complicity" is an open-ended meditation on the subtext of what survival means to teenagers as individuals and as groups in a so- called peaceful enlightened society (North America) where good grades and making nice with the right people is as important as pretending everything is "okay" and just as it should be even when it isn't because the threat of failing to meet these grotesque standards looms over their heads in the form of rejection, poverty, despair, social ostracization and isolation, persecution, and the unspoken political agreement by a system of professional cowards that once a child reaches the legal age of adulthood their welfare is no longer the legal responsibility of any representative, organization or institution in this great and free country. This means no matter how screwed up they might have become from years of conditioning from the adult world during their childhood, everything that has happened to them out of their control during that time to make them who they are, is their own liability. And usually they don't realize they are their own liability until they are old enough to realize they have no f***ing clue what they are doing, suppose to be doing, or why they are doing it. The adult world, which up until then ran everything, takes no responsibility for what happens unless it can profit or benefit in some way either financially or socially. This type of hateful "ignorance" is what passes for "innocence" nowadays in North America. "Complicity" examines this heartless self-serving mentality in the blossoming personalities of its teenage characters as survival and innocence war for the dominion of their souls. They all know what they have been taught they are not supposed to understand because their suppressed instincts in this case are much sharper than the falsified experiences forced upon them by their "know-better" education. They all know that if they don't do the right thing they risk being relegated to that awful miserable fate that many succumb to, that dismissed never-mentioned minority of failures doomed to die a slow death from the deliberately flawed and calculated system bent on making survival as hard and as unbearable as it can for them. Murder has never been so objectified, insidious and untraceable as when it complies to an accepted social standard.
This is the accepted norm nowadays. As okay as it was to segregate school by skin color fifty years ago nowadays it is okay to get away with murder as long as it uses certain means like psychological torture through cyber-bullying, shooting an innocent teenager because you are a member of a neighborhood watch committee, or decapitating and dismembering a person on a bus and then claiming that god made you do it. If there ever was a collective conscience it is definitely dormant, if not dead, and as this movie beautifully and clearly illustrates sociopathic behavior has become the norm in today's world and stresses more than ever: What makes somebody right or wrong is not how it affects somebody else either negatively or positively but whether or not they can get away with it.
A high-school party at a suburban home spirals into tragedy forcing a group of teenage friends to examine the strength of their values and what choices they will make in order to make things "right".
This sounds like typical fodder for a teenage horror movie but this is an extremely intelligent and realistic dissection of the idealistically merciless expectations put on teenagers by a callously unaware, disconnected and ignorant adult world and the effect it has on teenagers as a social group to handle real-life situations when they have to rely solely on their spoon-fed intellect because they have acquired no meaningful and worthwhile real-life experiences to draw from in order to support them in a time of crisis. This movie is definitely a horror movie in many respects but only because it presents its subject and characters with such a believable and unflinching eye. In that regard it is an incredibly detailed drama from which the horror is a side-effect of how believable it is. You've seen it before but never done this well. It is a triumph of both film making and acting that feels both successfully symbolic, insightful and realistic all at the same time. It is a film that shows the already overwhelming danger of a world that has stupidly come to value information and intellect over experience and sincerity and the devastating false edifices of integrity, character and knowledge that have resulted because of it.
You know when Allen Ginsberg's epic poem "Howl" becomes as relevant as a murder ballad for the burden of a prematurely doomed soul as much as a justification for a horrendous crime that it's time people pricked up their ears and listened.
Everyone should see this movie. How exceptionally well made it is is only surpassed by how relevant, realistic and truthful its subject matter is treated by cast and crew alike.
The Thing
(1982)
What can you say about a horror movie that's made history and still stands up today as a special-effects extravaganza? See it again! Now!!!
11 October 2013
John Carpenter's "The Thing" is a legendary movie. For me, it's a movie that gets better with each viewing and still stands up today over 30 years later as a marvel of atmosphere, special effects and existential dread. Whether intentional or through sheer luck, or perhaps an unlikely combination of both, the filmmakers who made this incredible opus have made one of the few greatest monster movies of all time that not only delivers the grisly goods of gory kills and nightmarish creatures but even more importantly is so meticulously paced and plotted with such vivid characterization of seemingly ordinary men isolated and trapped in a nightmarish wasteland that it naturalistically questions, perhaps without even meaning to, the nature of trust, identity, and the extent of human relationships on a professional and personal level based purely on the instinct to preserve the idea of "self" as the truest form of survival. This is not just a survival movie where the characters will do anything to live, including compromising their own integrity at the expense of others like so many shallow modernistic survival horror movies have done lately in order to seemingly justify extreme and seemingly sociopathic behavior. No, "The Thing" questions at what point does a decent caring person have to act on their own, perhaps even against the group, for not only the sake of his/her own good but for the good of the group as well to avoid being destroyed by the very human collective paranoia and hysteria that may be even more insane and monstrous than the thing causing it. In a group where trust has broken down because anyone could be a monster the question becomes not who has the right to assume authority but who will be authoritative enough over themselves to take a leap of faith in trusting someone who might lead them to their destruction. Is the greatest feat of "self" deciding to resist the potentially compromised authority of another person or deciding to take a leap of faith by submitting one's trust and ultimately one's will to someone who may prevent you from destroying yourself and others in a fit of fear and paranoia? These are the kind of ideas and themes explored in John Carpenter's "The Thing" and add to that mind-blowing special effects that put current CGI to shame even today and you've got an unique unrivaled masterpiece that is as deep and terrifying as it is dazzling.
I love this movie so much I own two copies of it on DVD just in case one of them bunks out all of a sudden.
So there.
I love this movie so much I own two copies of it on DVD just in case one of them bunks out all of a sudden.
So there.
Final Days of Planet Earth
(2006– )
City Hall is run by a bunch of murderous human insects who kill off any citizens who protest their stupid, destructive, self-serving ways. Whoa. Just like real life.
11 October 2013
Although this movie drags a bit I cannot help giving it a decent rating simply for the idea that giant murderous insects masquerading as human beings have taken over(or perhaps always have been) the municipal governments of nameless North American cities.
How can you get better than that? It's just so...true.
In this movie (perhaps as in reality) it seems nobody has noticed that the local politicians seem a little emotionless, a little unimaginative, a little impersonal, a little lacking in every human aspect because either people have grown used to them being this way and think it's normal or the ones that protest this end up being liquidated in a way that fertilizes the progress of the proverbial colony.
One of the best scenes has citizens from all over the city, who have been directed by various city officials in all manner of public service departments to a tiny room underneath city hall to have their complaints and concerns "addressed" by the ombudsman, sitting there only to realize almost too late that in the next room where they are waiting to be received is a processing station full of dead citizens just like themselves who have been cut up into bloody bits and now reside in large bins as they await further "processing" by the city representatives.
This movie has such great ideas and such relevant social commentary on the inhuman nature of politics at even the most local level that it is a shame it doesn't play with this more and instead opts for a survivalist attitude instead of ironic disgust. It clearly shows how people in modern North American cities have become not even disposable resources but a threatening burden to social systems designed to support only certain "types" of people and that popular prejudice nowadays is based more on rejecting challenging attitudes, practical enquiry, and an unwillingness to mindlessly go with the flow than it is on culture, gender or class. The movie plays itself straight, which is admirable given its B- movie roots in regards to giant insects, but comes off rather flat since the protagonists don't apply any criticisms to the rest of the world as it reflects their current predicament.
Still, the ideas are there and if you can pluck out the more ironic ones even as the movie glosses, either deliberately or unintentionally, over them "The Final Days of Planet Earth" can be a rewarding experience in the right mindset.
Dedicated to people who have had to suffer the many stupidities of the government on any or all levels, and have survived the socially inbred, administratively useless and retarded public service sectors who have helped them be this way, a dedication which applies to everybody who isn't a part of that self-applied and superior- minded specialized type of ignorance and insensitivity, god bless you. Get out your mental bug-spray, put this movie on and start exterminating!
How can you get better than that? It's just so...true.
In this movie (perhaps as in reality) it seems nobody has noticed that the local politicians seem a little emotionless, a little unimaginative, a little impersonal, a little lacking in every human aspect because either people have grown used to them being this way and think it's normal or the ones that protest this end up being liquidated in a way that fertilizes the progress of the proverbial colony.
One of the best scenes has citizens from all over the city, who have been directed by various city officials in all manner of public service departments to a tiny room underneath city hall to have their complaints and concerns "addressed" by the ombudsman, sitting there only to realize almost too late that in the next room where they are waiting to be received is a processing station full of dead citizens just like themselves who have been cut up into bloody bits and now reside in large bins as they await further "processing" by the city representatives.
This movie has such great ideas and such relevant social commentary on the inhuman nature of politics at even the most local level that it is a shame it doesn't play with this more and instead opts for a survivalist attitude instead of ironic disgust. It clearly shows how people in modern North American cities have become not even disposable resources but a threatening burden to social systems designed to support only certain "types" of people and that popular prejudice nowadays is based more on rejecting challenging attitudes, practical enquiry, and an unwillingness to mindlessly go with the flow than it is on culture, gender or class. The movie plays itself straight, which is admirable given its B- movie roots in regards to giant insects, but comes off rather flat since the protagonists don't apply any criticisms to the rest of the world as it reflects their current predicament.
Still, the ideas are there and if you can pluck out the more ironic ones even as the movie glosses, either deliberately or unintentionally, over them "The Final Days of Planet Earth" can be a rewarding experience in the right mindset.
Dedicated to people who have had to suffer the many stupidities of the government on any or all levels, and have survived the socially inbred, administratively useless and retarded public service sectors who have helped them be this way, a dedication which applies to everybody who isn't a part of that self-applied and superior- minded specialized type of ignorance and insensitivity, god bless you. Get out your mental bug-spray, put this movie on and start exterminating!
Nude Nuns with Big Guns
(2010)
An exploitation masterpiece that joyfully relishes and wallows in its excessive sleaze, brutal violence and gratuitous sex! Hallelujah!!!
8 October 2013
If your looking for a movie that is a perfectly stylistic rendition of what a grindhouse movie from the seventies wanted to be but probably never was then this shocker has everything you've been waiting for with style to boot. What makes this movie a winner is not just it's excessive bloodshed, in the form of bloody shotgun blasts to the upper torso of naked nuns, multiple blood-spraying head-shots leaving nice red meaty holes in the wide-eyed gaped-mouthed faces of the victims, or a corrupt priest having bullets pounded systematically into him in the form of a cross. It is not the bevels of naked slave nuns forced to cut cocaine instead of contemplating Christ, the rampant lesbianism involving strung-out biker chicks and rapture-seeking sisters of the cloth, the endless parade of beautiful dancing bare-breasted whores, or the scenes of rape that are so visually exaggerated and overzealous that they are as stomach-turning as they are comical. Neither is it the deliciously sadistic dialogue which ranges from surprisingly reverent, insightful and philosophical to the downright racially profane, colorfully sadistic and intimately vulgar.
No.
This movie is ALSO great because it is so well-made. Despite other misguided hecklers who have denigrated the plot for being lacking in many regards the narrative structure is quite snakey, sophisticated and intelligent using flashbacks and a veritable sideshow of sleazoid characters to interlink all the violence, sex and perversion on screen while never failing to propel the twisted tale of Sister Sarah's vengeance full speed ahead towards it's ever increasing violent climax. Unlike in "Kill Bill" where Uma Thurman's character basically hops from one confrontation to the next in a tediously simplistic fashion Sister Sarah is surrounded by villainy and deceit in the form of psychotic bikers and sociopathic clergy all with their own agenda that is as equally threatening and as merciless as her own. The filmmakers and cast take considerable pleasure in fleshing out these unlikely though gleefully perverse situations and each scene and shot is greedily milked for every possible iota of sleaze, moral filth and sexual violence that they are worth.
Now technically the film is also a triumph of style, lighting and cinematography. The images manage to look both grimy and crisp in all the right ways. The picture is lit with heated reds, glowering dirty yellows, and somehow is still able to present a crisp picture while capturing the grimy corrupt texture of every image without being compromised by the shadowy murkiness of its own polluted atmosphere. Every image in the movie is shown with perfect clarity and yet the movie never loses its grip on its own dirty vile charm for a second. Amazing. The pacing is another amazing feat. The filmmakers seem to pride themselves on keeping the action not only going but as volatile as possible without losing cohesion, with constant zooms on exaggerated dramatic moments, colored filters and repetitive images creating visceral shot montages, and freeze frames to capture the moment of impact of many of the most violent scenes. The special effects are perfect for the movie's psychotic tone consisting mostly of perfectly formed gun-shot wounds that look good enough to stick your finger into. One last thing to mention is also the superior music and sound effects which effortlessly capture the mood of each scene while enhancing the violence and tension, both seen and unseen.
"Nude Nuns with Big Guns" deserves it's praise not only for it's energy, dedication to style, certainty of character, and unwavering delivery of all the violence and sex that have become iconic staples of the mythical exploitation genre, but for being a beautiful piece of cinematic art full of style, great lighting and cinematography, dead-on dialogue, great character acting, juicy plot and narrative, and doing it all on a meager budget of what the IMDb site estimates to be $85000. For that alone it is an incredible feat but even if the budget were five times that much I would still considerate it to be an incredible masterpiece of filmmaking talent that is equal to, and perhaps surpasses, the likes of Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantio. I may not be an exploitation cinema expert but from what ideologies and iconography I've absorbed out of all the low-budget violence-filled and sex-soaked films I've watched when I think of an exploitation film this is exactly what I've imagined it to be.
No.
This movie is ALSO great because it is so well-made. Despite other misguided hecklers who have denigrated the plot for being lacking in many regards the narrative structure is quite snakey, sophisticated and intelligent using flashbacks and a veritable sideshow of sleazoid characters to interlink all the violence, sex and perversion on screen while never failing to propel the twisted tale of Sister Sarah's vengeance full speed ahead towards it's ever increasing violent climax. Unlike in "Kill Bill" where Uma Thurman's character basically hops from one confrontation to the next in a tediously simplistic fashion Sister Sarah is surrounded by villainy and deceit in the form of psychotic bikers and sociopathic clergy all with their own agenda that is as equally threatening and as merciless as her own. The filmmakers and cast take considerable pleasure in fleshing out these unlikely though gleefully perverse situations and each scene and shot is greedily milked for every possible iota of sleaze, moral filth and sexual violence that they are worth.
Now technically the film is also a triumph of style, lighting and cinematography. The images manage to look both grimy and crisp in all the right ways. The picture is lit with heated reds, glowering dirty yellows, and somehow is still able to present a crisp picture while capturing the grimy corrupt texture of every image without being compromised by the shadowy murkiness of its own polluted atmosphere. Every image in the movie is shown with perfect clarity and yet the movie never loses its grip on its own dirty vile charm for a second. Amazing. The pacing is another amazing feat. The filmmakers seem to pride themselves on keeping the action not only going but as volatile as possible without losing cohesion, with constant zooms on exaggerated dramatic moments, colored filters and repetitive images creating visceral shot montages, and freeze frames to capture the moment of impact of many of the most violent scenes. The special effects are perfect for the movie's psychotic tone consisting mostly of perfectly formed gun-shot wounds that look good enough to stick your finger into. One last thing to mention is also the superior music and sound effects which effortlessly capture the mood of each scene while enhancing the violence and tension, both seen and unseen.
"Nude Nuns with Big Guns" deserves it's praise not only for it's energy, dedication to style, certainty of character, and unwavering delivery of all the violence and sex that have become iconic staples of the mythical exploitation genre, but for being a beautiful piece of cinematic art full of style, great lighting and cinematography, dead-on dialogue, great character acting, juicy plot and narrative, and doing it all on a meager budget of what the IMDb site estimates to be $85000. For that alone it is an incredible feat but even if the budget were five times that much I would still considerate it to be an incredible masterpiece of filmmaking talent that is equal to, and perhaps surpasses, the likes of Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantio. I may not be an exploitation cinema expert but from what ideologies and iconography I've absorbed out of all the low-budget violence-filled and sex-soaked films I've watched when I think of an exploitation film this is exactly what I've imagined it to be.
Tell Your Friends