schism83 Reviews

Total Recall (I) (2012)

Horribly Worded Synopsis

[13 August 2012]

Hello, hello! So, I haven't seen 'Total Recall' yet, though I'm a fan of Wiseman's work and I think it will be an interesting (albeit, mediocre) take on what is a classic sci-fi flick and one of Verhoeven's best films. After reading the synopsis of the film, though, I've decided I'm not going to see it afterall. Strictly because of the wording used to describe it:

"A factory worker, Douglas Quaid, begins to suspect that he is a spy after visiting Rekall - a company that provides its clients with implanted fake memories of a life they would like to have led - goes wrong and he finds himself on the run."

Does this make sense to anyone? Let's take the basic information from the sentence. "A factory worker... begins to suspect that he is a spy after visiting Rekall... goes wrong, and he finds himself on the run." This is awful English sentence structure. In a class, there would have been red marks all over this thing. The correct way to write it would be:

"A factory worker, Douglas Quaid, begins to suspect that he is a spy after **A VISIT TO** Rekall - a company that provides its clients with implanted fake memories of a life they would like to have led - goes wrong and he finds himself on the run."

The second wording is a lot better. The first, despite being just poorly worded and awkward, suggests that people already know what Rekall is, but they don't. One, if they did, why put the separated description of the company in there, and two, you have millions of kids that don't even know there IS an ORIGINAL. So, you're marketing to people that don't know what the company is. Again, the synopsis is poorly worded.

I'm an English teacher and a film nut, so it frustrates the hell out of me when I see awesome movies being remade, those remakes potentially being terrible, but, on top of it all, the morons in those big fancy chairs pointed towards the Pacific ocean can't take the time to word a damn sentence correctly for the sake of an up and coming generation that could give a damn about the deteriorating English language. Next thing you know, synopses will be in text lingo. COME ON, PPL!

Sorry for the rant. Thanks for listening.

Schism

Macabre (II) (2009)

Solid Slasher Cinema

[7/10 · 24 July 2009]

Hello, everyone. I had the opportunity to see Macabre on Friday night at the PiFan festival in Bucheon, South Korea, and I was overall pleased. It's a story that has been told a hundred times, but it has a good, suspense building pace, some good acting (great in terms of "Maya", "Adjie", "Dara", and "Adam") despite mostly cardboard characters, and some great make up special effects. In fact, outside of the steady build into chaos, the gore may be the best part of this movie. That and that deep, wide-eyed stare of "Dara's" that truly is creepy. Some of the movie is pretty perfunctory and formulaic; some of it is cliché; most of it is predictable; and there are some parts that you can't help but burrow your eyebrows and frown, thinking, "Well, that was just stupid..." Still, the directing here is very well executed, and the cinematography is spot on. Plus, again, the make up is great. Who doesn't like seeing several people slipping around in ankle deep puddles of blood while being chased by a mad woman waving a roaring chainsaw at their face? Solid Slasher Cinema.

Acts of Violence (2010)

good movie

[7/10 · 22 July 2009]

I had the opportunity to see this film tonight at the 13th PiFan Film festival in Bucheon, Korea, and I have to say that I was impressed. I had some problems with some of the final filming decisions, but the direction was competent, if not really good at points, the action was very, very well directed and executed, and the comedy was handled in an awkward but unique and hilarious way. Ron Perlman and Il Lim's (writer, director, editor(?), producer, choreographer, AND star) scenes are spectacular, and Il Lim and Leelee Sobieski have a chemistry that is extremely strange and frustrating to watch but justifiably and redeemably so in the end. I recommend this to anyone looking for a movie that is fighting/violence heavy and revolves around an overworked premise that is handled with an innovative style and unique sense of timing. I hesitate to say great but definitely a GOOD movie.

Little Children (2006)

A more poetic Happiness...

[7/10 · 8 January 2007]

I'm not sure if it was just me, or if Little Children was just another Happiness. Obviously, Children is much more graceful and poetic, as well as simply being better than Happiness. Still, though, the plot and character similarities are numerous: psycho-sexual disorder vs hyper sexual behavior, indecent exposure vs child molester, child neglect, spousal neglect, etc. Hell, even the young woman that the child molester, Ronny, goes on a blind date with is in Happiness. I realize that the styles are totally different, as Solondz is so satirical while Fields is a little more sympathetic and caring. Still, the two just seemed so much alike. Maybe I am comparing Full Metal Jacket and Saving Private Ryan here. I don't know. Just a thought. Goodday.

long live Kubrick

Motor Home Massacre (2005 Video)

hahahahahahaha

[3/10 · 10 April 2006]

Okay... I am all for campy, fun, scare films. I mean, Sleepaway camp is one of the coolest movies I have ever seen... but Motor Home Massacre is awful. The idea was actually not that bad, but the actual product suffered. The acting was horrible -- the characters were very shallow, practically nonexistent in most cases, and, quite frankly absurd. The Benji guy did a decent job acting, as did the black girl (i forget her name). The rest could use some coaching. Every female in the movie possessed a massive "rack". Sometimes you got sidetracked from the plot (ha... plot!) for that reason alone. (The girl in the blue is absolutely gorgeous, and she doesn't even have a nude scene!) There are several scenes where the music simply does not add up. It is completely out of place and random. Not to mention it goes from love story, to porn, to funny, to creepy. Also, the goofs were outrageous. There is one scene where you can literally see a black blanket covering the windshield of the motor home. It's awful. In another scene, Benji goes back and forth from wearing a sweater and tie to wearing only a collared shirt four times within two shots. Hilarious. Also, the villain is some person in a poncho with night goggles.

Maybe it is just me, but I thought the movie was horrible, and I have seen some bad movies. It is worth than House of the Dead, Bloodsucking Freaks, Cabin Fever, and even Bloodsucking Freaks II: Manian Nurses. It's awful. Yet, the previous post comment had a point... buy some beer, drink most of it, and pop in this movie. You will have a blast. You will probably wind up in the hospital with a split gut for laughing so hard. It's hilarious. Regardless of its worth though, check it out. It will definitely inspire you to not make movies like this one.

Cursed (2005)

Lynch reference

[28 February 2005]

In the movie, there is an accident involving Christina Ricci and her brother hitting a wild animal and then running into an oncoming vehicle, driving it off the road. When Ricci gets out of her car, she walks to the canyon and looks down, showing the lights of the city below. The shot seemed vaguely familiar. Then, as Ricci rushes down the opposite side of the canyon, she yells to her brother to call for an ambulance. Jimmy, the brother (i don't recall his real name), calls, and when he finally gets through, he says, "There has been a wreck on Mulholland Dr." This stopped me immediately. The scene that looked so familiar earlier had a strong resemblance to the scene in David Lynch's Mulholland Dr. For you movie fans, I am sure you have seen it, and for those who haven't, check it out immediately. Not only is it friggin' great, there is an amazing sex scene involving Naomi Watts, whom I think is gorgeous. Getting off of my tangent, though, is this a reference to Lynch for some odd reason? Craven has a rep of his own, so why make reference to another, contemporary at that, filmmaker. There doesn't seem to be any connection between the two movies, so I was wondering if I was missing something or if the whole thing was just a coincidence. Maybe it is just me. Also, on a side note, my DVD copy of Mulholland Dr. doesn't have chapter selections available. Anyone have this problem?

Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky (1991)

Ha!

[8/10 · 10 February 2005]

This movie was awesome! The absurdity of the violence is gut-splitting, both literally and metaphorically, yet very intriguing considering the time frame. The directing was much better than I had imagine it would have been, as was the movie as a whole. The young man that played Ricky was perfect. Good lord, was he ripped! The make-up was great. The intestine scene was not only creative as hell, it was very realistic in an exaggerated way of perceiving. Overall, i was thoroughly impressed. I do not know if it was the goriest movie of all time (Dead Alive, a.k.a. Braindead? Ichi the Killer?), as I had been told that it is, but it was definitely one to be easily remembered. Friggin' awesome. Long Live Kubrick!

Boogeyman (2005)

Raimi and Kay

[7 February 2005]

I thought Boogeyman was pretty damn good. My actual comment, though, is on Boogeyman's producer -- Sam Raimi. As I am sure most of you know, Raimi directed the Evil Dead trilogy, Spiderman 1 and 2, and many other classics. Either Raimi had a large influence on the directing or Stephen Kay took notes on directing from Raimi's Evil Dead. The rushed camera movements; the camera revolution over Barry Watson's head; the action of being violated by inanimate objects (Boogeyman - clothes hangers, Evil Dead - girl is raped by a tree or series thereof) I would bet that Kay will work with Raimi again, or vice versa. Again, I thought the movie was pretty damn good.

Long Live Kubrick!