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scottjasgina
Reviews
Zombiez (2005)
A look at just how bad movies can get.
Where do I start with Zombiez? I bought it at work because it was extremely cheap. I adore Zombie flicks, so I didn't really care if it was going to be bad, as long as it had the walking dead in it.
Well, it had people walking in it, but not the walking dead. The "zombies" in this flick are nothing more than demented gang members that all apparently have the same weapons. Yes, Zombies with weapons. Doesn't stop there though, these zombies can imitate voices of people they don't even know. They throw rocks and laugh about it. They also scream and talk like normal humans.
And the zombies motive? To make ****ing meat pies out of the humans they abduct. Yes, they kidnap people and bring them back to some warehouse and slaughter them to make pies. I'm not kidding at all, this is really what happens.
The lead actress has one thing going for her. And that is her body. Other than that, it's a whole lot of her walking. In fact, when she can't find anyone in the MIDDLE OF THE ****ING CITY, she walks all the way out to some secluded forest to look for help. Then out of nowhere the zombies are back and chasing her through the woods.
The worst part about the whole movie was the fact that there are no real attempt at effects. Well, they do use grape kool aid for blood effects. They also use Sausage links to sub as human guts, it never looks like anyone is actually cut open, it just looks like they are getting sausage links pulled out from under their shirts. On the movie case, it looks like the zombies are going to look bad ass, like walking corpses. Instead, they are smiling happy gang members with kool aid and red paint all over them. They talk, they laugh, they run with a stupid limp.
The director should be ashamed of himself for ever putting this out. There was no way he thought that this film would be considered even mildly good. He rushed through the scenes with a home camera, and never bothered to think about a plot. Basically it's him shooting a bunch of his buddies running around having a good time. I'm serious when I say there is ZERO plot. None.
Skip this one, no matter how much you love zombie flicks.
Disorderlies (1987)
Underrated in my eyes
Disorderlies is one of the more funny flicks to come out of the late eighties. Though it doesn't have much of a following, the movies does have some redeeming qualities that make it worth a rental.
The plot follows 3 young men, Marky, Buffy, and Kool through getting fired from a low rate Nursing home. Lucky for them (or so they think) Winslow Lowry is right there to offer them a new job caring for his Uncle Albert.
What the boys don't know is that Winslow actually wants his Uncle to die so that he can inherit Albert's huge fortune. On top of that, Mr. Winslow is in debt to Mr. Montana, a ruthless criminal mastermind. If Winslow doesn't get the money within 3 weeks, he's dead.
Winslow's plan quickly backfires as he finds out that his new Orderlies have actually helped Albert feel young again.
The movie itself is hilarious. It follows the tradition of the Three Stooges. The constant slap fights and kicks in the backside between the fat boys will keep you stomach in pain from laughter. Ralph Bellamy is great in his role as Albert Dennison. He keeps the movie fresh and alive. While Anthony Geary plays a perfect seedy bad guy.
The Soundtrack is also great. The Fat Boys have some pretty catchy tunes throughout the movie, including a hilarious performance for the camera.
Give it a Rent, while it's not for everyone, it may just make you laugh out loud a few times.
Without a Paddle (2004)
Dax + Green + Lillard = Comedy Gold
At first I only rented this flick because Seth Green had a starring role. I'm also a fan of Matthew Lillard so I figured this movie would at least be a 5/10 on the watchable scale.
Boy was I ever right. To my surprise though, Mr. Green and Mr. Lillard weren't the funniest characters in the movie. No, that role belonged to Dax Shepard. I had only seen Dax on an MTV show once and really didn't know too much about him. He quickly becomes one of the highlights of the film with his witty remarks and outrageous lies.
The movie starts out with a brief background of a childhood friendship between 4 boys and quickly moves into present day where one of the four friends has passed away.
In the meantime the boys had all went separate ways but when the remaining 3 come together over the deceased friend they agree to go on a childhood adventure into the wilderness in search of D.B. Coopers lost treasure.
This adventure takes them out into the middle of a beautiful forest but things quickly get ugly as none of them know much about wildlife. On top of the out of control animal life they stumble upon a pot-farm and two very irate farmers.
The laughs are almost non stop throughout the movie. Well worth the rent. The only reason it didn't get higher than an 8 was because some of the jokes were a little repetitive and the end was a little nutty.
Pauly Shore Is Dead (2003)
Great Movie with a Great Sense of Humor
First off, I will say that I am a huge Pauly Shore fan. I actually liked his movies. I know that a lot of people take time to rip on the guy, but all he ever did was try to make people laugh.
This movie shows a different side to Pauly. He is willing to make fun of himself and his career in order to make people laugh. It is the best act of intentional self humiliation that I have ever witnessed.
The best part of the movie is how it all ties together with his MTV career, his failed Fox show and his crazy personal life. There is a crazy amount of Cameo's in this flick. Fred Durst, Andy Dick, Vince Vaughn and others keep the movie interesting and fresh.
This is a coming of age movie for Pauly. Even though it's technically not a true story, it shows the darker side of the entertainment industry.
Even if you are someone who "hates" Pauly Shore, you should check this movie out. It's got everything a fan, or a hater could want. Only reason this film didn't get a 10/10 was because of the Elton John comment, if you've seen the movie you know what I mean.