asgard-5 Reviews

Prison (1987)

Even the Prison couldn't hold them

[5/10 · 4 June 2011]

Lane Smith stars as a worn-out bug-eyed warden Sharpe who in 1968 executed some prisoner. 20 years later the almighty Board reopens the Prison, transfers some inmates to it and reinstates the old dog Sharpe who's plagued by nightmares of that execution he carried out a long time ago. Viggo Mortensen plays a mysterious convict do-gooder that helps everybody and carries himself with unprecedented grace. Lincoln Kilpatrick (who did some quality time later in Fortress) plays an old black guy that already did time here under warden Sharpe. The go-to girl of late 80s action and horror Chelsea Field is spliced in as a concerned female observer. To top it all off the evil spirit gets unleashed (it's the 20th anniversary of that execution) and haunts the place The Keep/Evil Dead style. Prison is not well written, but looks okay and is shot well. It has a lot of familiar faces. The scares don't work, but I think it's because they're ridiculous and funny to begin with. The third act has people running around in panic and a surprise twist is revealed that goes absolutely nowhere. This movie you're going to laugh at if you've seen Evil Dead, The Keep and Fletch. But to Renny Harlin's credit, he made it watchable enough for others to comfortably sit through it. It's his first all-American movie and he made a wise decision of grabbing onto the first (worst?) thing they gave him and do his best with it.

100 Feet (2008)

Great quality stuff

[8/10 · 16 May 2011]

This is a great thriller from Eric Red, the writer of Hitcher and many more. On the outside it's a budget haunted house horror flick, the kind that everybody used to make a couple of years ago, before the slashers came back. But this one stands out with its solid writing and impressive no nonsense execution. Eric Red took what was fashionable and made the most of it. He has quite a reputation with numerous classic genre films throughout the 80s and 90s that he has to live up to. And live up to it this movie does. Famke Janssen carries the film with ease. It doesn't take much time till you root for her because the character is as real a person as it gets in these movies. The supporting cast are all great too. Bobby Cannavale who plays the cop on a stakeout outside her house does a "young Chazz Palminteri", just what the role asks for. And Michael Pare who plays the ghost actually acts and acts well under the coat of blurry special effects and not a word of dialog save for a couple of grunts, not to mention he *is* scary. I enjoyed the hell out of it and I hope Eric Red continues to make movies this good.

Schlock (1973)

Schlock in 73, cult classic now.

[7/10 · 17 April 2011]

The reviews for this movie here are mainly positive. And it's no surprise. This is a very, Very strong first movie. In fact, it looks almost exactly like the more famous Landis movies down to the lighting and editing. It does have some silly stuff in it, and there are scenes to make the picture longer. But the movie never feels constricted by its low budget, it successfully pokes fun at it. Landis is great as the titular ape and Rick Baker's done a great job on the mask - it even allowed Landis to emote. Eric Roberts' wife plays a blind girl who befriends Schlock thinking he's a dog, but soon she regains her sight and then!... Schlock's really funny, it looks like it's someone's first movie only for the first 15 minutes, and then it becomes big and quite enjoyable.

Susan's Plan (1998)

Susan's Plan worked for me.

[7/10 · 15 April 2011]

People had been dumping on this film a lot so I made sure to check all the other Landis movies I could before trying this one out. Susan's Plan is a low budget "a bunch of people talking to each other" movie with a very simple plot - the title character comes up with a plan to whack her ex husband with the help of her friends and split the insurance money, but the plan goes wrong and hilarity ensues.

Susan's Plan, even if obviously smaller, is still classic Landis. The low budget is compensated by a strong narrative and a myriad of colorful characters who're rather at home in the Dream On universe, than in bigger Landis movies. Almost everybody in this movie is famous for one thing or the other, even the small parts, just check out the cast. The most unexpected performance comes from Michael Biehn, I'm not sure if he ever played something so funny and against type, because it's a role one would expect Jim Carey to play. Thomas Haden Church seems to be playing Peter Weller. Lisa Edelstein is all Cuddy again. And Dan Aykroyd's character is just really sick!

Susan's Plan feels constructed around cheap and accessible locations and well known, but inexpensive actors, and it's very well done at that. At just 85 minutes it appears to have some padding scenes of various importance, like characters' dream sequences, Susan's day job as a teacher, or Stuart Gordon as a doctor telling a dirty joke, but it's done to make a full creative use of a location. One thing that I found amazing was how Landis and his actors manage to switch between something really funny, or plain silly to something suspenseful and genuinely scary almost all in a single scene. Overall it's a small crime comedy for midnight TV that looks bigger than it actually is. I really liked it and I recommend it.

Ghosts of Mars (2001)

Another positive review

[7/10 · 10 April 2011]

A team of future cops take a bullet train to a Marsian colony to retrieve a murderer played by Ice Cube. Upon arrival they're attacked by colonists possessed by the Ghosts of Mars. John Carpenter's penultimate theatrical feature to date is easily one of his best, considering the odds against it. The film borrows from Total Recall, The Thing and Assault on Precinct 13, but still looks fresh and original. The pace is steady and the mood consistent. The electronic/metal score recorded by Carpenter and Anthrax, while being uncharacteristically modern, still is very much signature Carpenter. The glorious Panavision cinematography is fresh just like it was in the 80s. The (then) young stars Natasha Henstridge, Ice Cube, Jason Statham and Clea DuVall fit their roles perfectly, most notably Henstridge, who effortlessly portrays a woman in command and *not* a tough chick with a chip on her shoulder. The seasoned actresses Pam Grier and Joanna Cassidy add a punch here and there. Ghosts of Mars leans closer to Escape from LA on the fun meter, but retains the quality and edginess of The Thing. A good movie.

My Son, My Son, What Have Ye Done (2009)

Check the gate

[7/10 · 8 April 2011]

I'm pleasantly surprised by the movie thanks to people's negative comments. Good acting, good rhythm, the dialog doesn't knock you out of the mood that the film has going. Willem Dafoe and Chloe Sevigny are especially comfortable in this one. Didn't like the ending. But that's always the case with arty movies about something vague. For the most part the thing was not pretentious. Art-house viewers keep expecting that legendary moment of cinematic epiphany to hit them. And it never does. I mean it's a movie about acting, directing and pretty landscapes. Maybe the disappointed viewers wanted a smart SWAT thriller or something.

Qualcuno pagherà (1988)

Qualcuno paghera, aku several other titles

[7/10 · 12 March 2011]

This is the second Sergio Martino movie after Hands of Steel with Daniel Greene as his star. Greene plays an up and coming boxer with a powerful right hand and a heart of gold. He works night shifts in a bar and has a girlfriend whose father played by Ernest Borgnine disapproves of the relationship thinking Greene is a no good for nothing loser. To prove himself Greene catches the attention of a local boxing promoter played by Giuliano Gemma who decides to make a champion out of his newfound protégé. Then some other stuff happens... Martino gets a lot of flack for his 80s movies, like they're no match for his gialli. I think it's uncalled for because they're certainly more memorable. Cheesy, yes, but entertaining in many ways. In this Gemma plays his character almost like he's suicidal, which works. Borgnine can't do much with the lines he has, but still kind of fits the picture. Greene has a strange appeal with his looks of a thug and voice of a saint. Technically the film is very well done on what I suppose is a very low budget. The boxing bits aren't disastrous - they're short and to the point (unlike Rocky). The pace is fine, there's never a slow moment, plus the movie has one of the catchiest theme songs I've ever heard and that's always a big bonus. Ultimately the film suffers from the strange things the writers made the characters do in order to have an act three when all was resolved in act two. A flawed but fun Italian Rocky knock-off.

Survival Quest (1988)

Lance Henriksen the action hero

[7/10 · 8 March 2011]

Survival Quest is one of the few Lance Henriksen starrers that happened during the eighties. This time he gives a great unexpected performance as a good guy, who runs a survival school and leads a group of assorted city people through the wilderness. Eventually they cross paths with a military man played by Mark Rolston who leads a survival class of his own. Don Coscarelli pulls out fine performances from everybody and the script is so well done that every character that's supposed to matter does. Aside from the acting, the film relies on such inexpensive things as breathtaking vistas and avoiding clichés (for the most part). The only thing that downplays the whole experience is the music one'd expect from a Hallmark family movie. Definitely the strongest Coscarelli effort outside of Phantasm and Bubba Ho-Tep.

Burke and Hare (2010)

Landis Comeback

[7/10 · 23 February 2011]

Burke and Hare is a story of two men in Scotland in the late XIX century barely making a dime when an opportunity comes along to earn hard cash by killing people and selling their bodies to the benefit of science.

This movie may seem morally rotten at its core making a comedy out of murder, but it succeeds at it while quite a lot of comedies with far less harmful plots don't, not to mention that some of the most popular TV shows of today make it fit right in. John Landis comedies much in common with ZAZ productions and sometimes are almost live action cartoons. The title characters are shown as flawed people in a desperate situation which they think justifies their actions - we don't laugh with them, only at them. And that's intentional.

John Landis came back with a surprisingly decent feature. It's as if the MTV-style cinema revolution has passed him by (the one that hit the new Sherlock Holmes square in the face). No camera gymnastics, no forced sensual assault, all the action and physical comedy happens in frame. Burke and Hare is his first 2.35:1 feature and it shows - the frame at first appears a little too wide, like if the characters were taken from a 16:9 movie and arranged accordingly. By the way, "highly entertaining", "very funny" and "packed with the cream of British talent" - those bits on the poster aren't far from the truth.

Stuck (I) (2007)

Stuart Gordon shows what he can do with a drama

[8/10 · 19 February 2011]

Mena Suvari is a young easygoing nurse who bumps into an out of job and newly homeless Stephen Rea and gets stuck in a situation she wasn't expecting herself to wind up in. Comedy and drama ensue.

Stuck came as a true surprise to me. I didn't believe Gordon had it in him to direct a provocative social drama bordering on satire and make it as good if not better than his horror classics From Beyond and Reanimator. I didn't believe I'd be watching a movie starring Mena Suvari, who did a great job too. And Stephen Rea played destitute like few can.

I hope Gordon does more non-horror films. Past examples of Mamet-scripted Edmond and Troma-distributed King of the Ants have shown that Stuart Gordon can put the bloodsoaked Lovecraft library aside and do something special. Lucky for him and his fans, he's not among the horror directors who have to cling to their 30yearold genre successes.

Beast Cops (1998)

Exploit me

[4/10 · 18 December 2010]

This movie is a pretentious excuse to exploit the two lead actors and their fans. The script makes little sense, which is a bad filmmakers device to make you watch till the end so that you figure out eventually what's going on while this is definitely not the kind of a film that needs it. Acting is really uninspired from everybody, mainly because most of the time there's little to play with. Action is non-existent, people spend more time loitering, clubbing, eating out and in bed, than racing, shooting, fighting and chopping each other. When the action comes it is shot in a "can't see a thing it shakes so much"-vision and presented very badly to you, often employing speed-ups and various stylish editing techniques...badly! The trailer probably looked worthy of all the awards this movie got. Does it mean that there were no better films that year?

Nemesis 2: Nebula (1995 Video)

Well done straight to video cheapo

[6/10 · 21 October 2010]

Bodybuilder Sue Price plays Alex, a girl who grew up in an African tribe. Everybody lies to her about her true origins, but once she passes a toughness test and beats her main tribe bully to a pulp, the main man finally lets her see the time machine she came out of 20 odd years ago. Meanwhile a cyborg called Nebula who looks like a cross between The Fly, Predator and the evil alien wife from the Outer Limits episode, zeroes in on Alex and sets on a path of total annihilation. That's how this film starts and it's relatively well made for a video feature. The rest of the movie is non stop Sue running around in little clothing, kicking, stabbing and shooting Nebula and various goons and that's it. But, to Albert Pyun's credit, he's smart enough to blow up as many buildings as he can on camera. What this movie lacks in plot, and it really does lack in plot, it makes up for with explosions. And Sue Price, who's quite feminine looking despite being ripped as hell.

Nightmare Beach (1989)

Feel-good slasher

[7/10 · 4 October 2010]

This juicy slice of summer happens to be one of the most professional Italian movies made on US soil. You get young people partying, 80s metal non stop, wet t-shirt contests, pretty girls making a buck or two on the side with older gents, sharply dressed biker gang, shady local government figures, and a leather-clad masked killer who offs everybody in high voltage fashion. The story isn't very special, a beach town biker gang leader gets fried on electric chair, while John Saxon the sheriff and Michael Parks the doctor see to it. BTBGL's last words consist of a vow to avenge his own death. Later it's summertime and horny young people start turning up dead. Amidst all this two friends ride into town to join the party. Will it all turn out well? This film is one of the most watchable slashers out there. It's so well made, well paced and well acted (well, it's campy but not horrible) that it almost qualifies for a "feel-good slasher". You might not like it if you're a "gore hound" and only want to see people suffer, because here everybody's having fun.

La moglie in bianco... l'amante al pepe (1981)

More hot than funny

[6/10 · 24 September 2010]

Generally, when a comedy relies on ethnic flavour it means the story doesn't have enough going for it to do well on its own. This is the case with Kusturica's gypsy movie(s), this is the case with many Italian, French, Georgian (etc...) comedies. La moglie in bianco is that kind of a movie. Lino Banfi is in overdrive here with screaming and gesticulating. This is my first Michele Massimo Tarantini movie. If you saw Sergio Martino's work with Banfi and liked it, chances are you won't like MMT's movie as much. BUT. The main lady Pamela Prati is irresistible and all around gorgeous especially without her clothes, which she is most of the movie. Yes, La moglie IS funny, in theory, although it wants to secure the laughs by laughing in your ear and trying to choke you for good measure.

Victory (1981)

The Expendables of football

[6/10 · 18 August 2010]

Michael Cain plays a British POW who was a football star before the war, and with fellow POWs is kicking the ball around the nazi camp awaiting the end of the WW2. Max von Sydow, a high rank nazi official comes up to him and proposes a football match between Nazis and POWs. This movie showcases Sylvester Stallone's attempt to break out of action genre, even though his career as an action star didn't take off yet, as it was pre-Rambo. He plays a sly American POW who's only goal is to escape the nazi camp. So he makes it a priority to join the POW team, but he can't play football to save his life, because he only knows "American football". So they make him a goalkeeper, since only his hands are of any use to the cause. Victory is populated with football stars of the past, Pele being the most famous one. The tone of this film is very very light - it's basically "Mean Machine" for kids, only kids wouldn't want to watch it, because it's pretty low on twists and a generally unengaging picture.

Predators (2010)

Great time killer.

[7/10 · 18 July 2010]

A bunch of people get dropped off to a jungle, they gather and start walking. Then! A bunch of lizard jamaicans start to scare them. The people start to run and there's this fat guy who wears a stolen mask and you can't see him at first, but then he takes it off and tells the people to follow him. He takes him to his place, and pretends to sleep, but doesn't sleep, he just walks away. And the people get scared again and run, but some of them meet their demise. Then there's just three of them left, and they try to fly to their safety on a hovercraft, but one of them turns out to be a bad guy and they kill him, then there's a bunch of lizard jamaicans fighting again but this time they fight each other. One of them wins, but a guy kills him. And then the movie basically starts all over again, but with other people. I don't know, it's kinda fun and all, but it could've been better in the story department. Oh, and the music was very good in this. Go see it, it's sure worth it.

Run! Bitch Run! (2009)

Better luck next time! Bitch better luck next time!

[5/10 · 15 June 2010]

Two chicks dress up in supposedly sexy outfits and drive an old family car to a redneck suburb to sell bibles that they have stacked in the back. Almost immediately they wind up in a whorehouse, whose habitants (a long haired macho man, a stuttering dork and a crazy latina) proceed to trash the girls' lives. One girl gets out, finds some weapons who knows where, and goes after the bad guys/girls. Run Bitch Run is a piece of modern video trash. It doesn't have a standard, the quality of writing, acting and general film-making is all over the place. Lots of filler material in segments that are supposed to be the most interesting scenes in this sort of a movie. The girl's motivations are never explained, but her crazy face almost sells the idea that if you're left in the woods alone, stripped of your clothes, wandering through the beautiful vistas, you just might go on a spree of all things irrational. One thing that's good about the film is music - it is better than what you'll witness on screen. The makes of this movie probably are aware of that too, since the music almost never stops. Basically, with this particular movie you're getting a porno that substitutes sex with blood and profanity.

Hard Ride to Hell (2010 Video)

From Dusk Till Dawn meets Rosemary's Baby

[6/10 · 14 June 2010]

This is a very solid DTV movie. In fact, it could've been a part of those Masters of Horror series had it been shorter and tighter, the atmosphere is exactly that. The pacing is fast, the stuff that's supposed to be funny is funny, and what's meant to be scary - is scary enough. Hard Ride to Hell doesn't just feel like some grindhouse movie, it feels exactly like a sequel to From Dusk Til Dawn. I wasn't bored for a minute. The presence of Miguel Ferrer adds to it, but doesn't overshadow the movie itself, which says something about the director. Look at her resume, at least by now she definitely knows how to make a movie look good.

Code of Silence (1985)

Not Chuck's best

[2/10 · 29 May 2010]

Code of Silence is basically Andrew Davis' training ground for Above the Law with Steven Seagal. Chuck plays a cop who's so righteous, that he has to do it alone, cause his buddies wouldn't bother helping him, fearing for the safety of their public image. The whole movie rushed in front of my eyes like it wasn't even there. The plot, although interesting, is handled in the same clunky way as Above the Law, where the story's also a little hard to follow and could also be presented much clearer, but at least it had a supercool main man Nico throwing around people left and right. What stops CoS in its tracks is that Chuck's so minimalistic, that it feels like there's no protagonist, as for Henry Silva - not much time spent to show him off either. Code of Silence really is a mixed bag. The style that the story is told is mangled by the style the action is presented (lookout for the robot). Although whenever Denis Farina pops up on the screen the movie sucks you back in, because you expect something interesting to happen. Well, nothing ever did.

Universal Soldier: Regeneration (2009)

S3 might be one of the very best Van Damme films

[9/10 · 29 January 2010]

MINOR SPOILERS Universal Soldier 3 is probably not what you wanted Van Damme to do after the success of JCVD. Turning down the Expendables sounds like a very big mistake too, since this action star is no longer in his prime. But doing US3 with John Hyams directing and Peter Hyams shooting just might be the the best career decision Jean-Claude could make at this point in his life. The Hyams father-son team impressed me a whole lot. Let me tell you, why. Everything is spot on; the characters, the dialogue delivery, the stunts, and especially the camera-work and editing. Each move and each frame is precise and meticulous. Hyams' camera composition is rich in detail and never shows something that is not needed, never tries to sugarcoat the shortcomings of this production. There are a few, namely the setting of Chernobyl, the digital camera that's no substitute for film, and some of the people involved - the star is not Van Damme, but Pit Bull Arlovsky, which makes it sound like it's another doomed straight-to-DVD Eastern Europe manufactured cheapo. Half the film is in Ukrainian, it's winter and people drink a lot. But from the looks of the film, the producers obviously set out to make a good action film, and what they got on their hands is action gold. US3 might be one of the very best Van Damme films, and undoubtedly THE best DTV action effort I've ever seen.

Give this one a chance.

C.A.T. Squad (1986 TV Movie)

CAT Squad is too serious for a name like that.

[4/10 · 28 October 2009]

I'm a huge Friedkin fan, but this was not a very good film. Two good things about it: Steve James shines in his role as always, and Eddie "Napoleon" Velez of all people is so much better here than the rest of the cast that the wtf factor of him playing an international terrorist drops quite quickly. The boss Joseph Cortese looks tough as hell says such dopey lines you'd think it's all a parody. Action scenes are well done, but don't really make up for the abundance of dramatic scenes that have a pathetic edge. Ennio Morricone rehashes his old score from Almost Human (Milano Odia) which doesn't fit the tone of this film at all. Friedkin himself rehashes the beginning of Sorcerer on a smaller scale. Written by Gerald Petievich, the same guy who wrote To Live & Die In L.A., it's understandable that the dialogue isn't very good. But hey, this is out on DVD, so you should check it out!

Firecracker (2005)

One of the worst paced movies ever

[3/10 · 24 May 2009]

This film raises eyebrows. Then puts them down. It has people in it that you're familiar with, like Jane Wiedlin (Go-Go's), Kathleen Wilhoite (Angel Heart), Karen Black (Easy Rider), the latter being the most professional of all. It has a story, but it isn't really interested in telling it to you: there's trouble in a family, a blond guy belittles his younger brother for wanting to play piano in a circus show. The star of the show is in trouble too, she's in tight grip of her master. What could've happened if somebody was to rip off Twin Peaks, Santa Sangre & Requiem for a Dream? This... BUT: The scenes drag - total length almost 2 hours - why? Actors look lost as if directed in wrong places. Dialog - boring filler (had this film been silent, it'd be better). Shocks - don't shock. The good points now - Mike Patton. He looks as if he tries hard to have fun playing his characters, even though he's no actor. Photography is very good and rich. And the "humorous bits" in Firecracker are actually pretty funny. Just for Mike Patton completists only. Sorry guys, hope your next movies are better.

A Quiet Place in the Country (1968)

Madhouse in the Country

[8/10 · 22 March 2009]

A hypnotic Italian thriller about a very imaginative young painter (Nero). He's popular, energetic, so are his paintings. His matron and lover (Redgrave) is going to do everything to make him do his thing. She's willing to create an environment in which he'd be able to churn out more work that's hot and expensive. He decides he needs a quiet place in the country to live and paint in. But as they find such a place, he gets distracted big time... This film is brilliantly crafted. Full of striking and dynamic visuals created by clever camera-work. Always logical, insane, but never "cheesy", "Quiet Place..." at times reminds of Fulci's "Lucertola con la Pelle di Donna" and Verhoeven's "De Vierde Man". Franco Nero's a dead ringer to Kurt Cobain in this one. He's so great in this role that it's almost as if he isn't acting. Highly recommended to fans of Bunuel, Verhoeven, Argento, etc.

Body Double (1984)

This movie...

[6/10 · 1 March 2009]

This movie, let me tell you... (MILD SPOILER) This film is a Vertigo "homage" with a little movie-making thrown in to fill the gaps. If you disapprove of forced "homages" and movies about movie-making you better just go see Vertigo instead. Or any film by Hitchcock or Dario Argento, from whom DePalma borrows most of what we see here. Visually Body Double is very nice, sometimes great. But it's like listening to a cover album, where all bands are trying to sound like the artist they're covering. If it's fine by you - you're really gonna enjoy Body Double. If not, then not. Looking for thrills and surprises? Better check out all of Hitchcock instead, if you haven't already. Otherwise you're about to spoil your enjoyment of his films, cause quite a few directors try to make them again and again.

Out in Fifty (1999)

Not good enough for its potential

[5/10 · 11 February 2009]

Here we have an interesting story that could've been put on film by guys like Robert Rodriguez and become a minor hit. Which didn't happen, so this film has several drawbacks. The writing and acting is a mixed bag: bigger name actors like Mickey Rourke and Peter Greene stay low-key, whilst the actors we watch for the most of the movie are trying to act all over the place. The more emotional the scenes get, the worse they play out. The photography, lighting and editing is pretty inconsistent: some very decent shots, some very decent cuts, but mostly not. You could say Scott Leet and the gang spent more effort on getting the familiar faces into their movie (the above mentioned Rourke, Greene, Ed Lauter, who was with Rourke in Eureka, and Abraham Benrubi, of ER fame), they really didn't polish their material well enough. The movie is being eaten out by a couple of really annoying characters and scenes. Leet looks like a perfect movie ex-con, but he can't carry the film on his own, since Rourke hides in the shadow, his hair, sunglasses and a cowboy hat for the whole time he's in there - he actually IS a second lead, but he rarely does something with his character. Nevertheless - a nice effort. 5 out of 10.