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Reviews
Frostbite (2005)
Bad movie and nearly no nudity to save it.
Ewe, The opening screams zero budget. The titles whooshing in look like my grandson was let loose with iMovie. The DVD box gives the impression that you'll be treated to the old days of '80s boobie movies. NOPE! Hardly any nudity from a flick that stars Traci Lords! This movie really did need the nudity too. Instead you get a lot of Lords perkies pointing through a shirt, however they seem to be activated by hot steam. That's odd, in my world the headlights go on in the COLD.
The plot is pathetic, the blind guy is just is a joke, and not a funny one. His antics are so forced and predictable. He trips over stuff and you see him bracing for the fall. He needs to work on his physical comedy.
Most of Frostbite's nudity comes from a hot tub scene that looks like it was shot months later and inserted in to get a distributor. And the nudity is not worth it.
NamoiBucks; it's just a matter of time before Starbucks sues over that. Not even funny. As Billy arrives in town for the first time they come across Namoi Bucks, He comments "Wow they have these everywhere." This leads you to believe it's a parody on Starbucks, but surprise, behind the counter of this location is Namoi herself. Apparently she loves coffee so much that the owner of this huge chain decided to work in a tiny cold town.
The only thing this movie has going for it is the Warren Miller snowboarding footage. Yep this is all Warren's stuff, so if you want to see great action, get a Warren miller flick. Leave Frostbite alone.
There is nothing good about this movie. There is no reason to rent it or buy it, and if a friend offers to loan you a copy for free. Hit him and end the friendship.
Speakeasy (2002)
SpeakHARD, it's hard to watch.
I just saw this and had to rent it. I still can't believe this piece of crap got made. Speakeasy really is bad. I hated the script and couldn't for the life of me get why PGL liked it so much. The script was weak, boring and needed A LOT of help.
I was eager to see this, because I figured PGL would develop the script. Naw, they just shot exactly what is on the page.
Battle of Shaker Heights and Stolen Summer are way better then Speakeasy. Although both of those have problems. I can't believe Live Planet optioned this over "Feeling Mr. Jiggs", "Kisses And Caroms", and many others that I read online.
Speakeasy is so forced and is filled with unrealistic events. Bruce crashes into Frank in one of the slowest and most methodically contrived car crashes ever caught on film. Luckily the LAPD is on hand to write a ticket to Bruce. Apparently in Los Angeles both parties need to go to court over an accident, Sorry, wouldn't happen. Nobody in LA goes to court over an accident, we go to Arbitrators for injury lawsuits. They make LA feel like a small town. Frank and Bruce land parking spaces right in the front of the court house, yeah right! Has the writer ever been to the judicial district in LA? Anyway, Frank and Bruce walk out of court and Frank's truck has a wheel boot on it because he parked in a Red zone. So Frank asks Bruce for a ride. We all know how nice Angelenos are, Sure I'll give the guy who I was just in court against a ride! NOT!
The rest of the movie is just as bad. The dog runs out of the house everyday. The wife is a mean nut for no reason. Luckily a successful published doctor is hot for the homely mean wife. The Magician wants to bond with the deaf and make music boxes for no reason. Frank owns the cleanest pawn shop in the world. Which is odd because he spends all his time in the back room making a jewelry box. All the pawn shops I've been in are dirty and grimy, but not this one.
Get this? Grampa's house is up for sale, but nothing is packed. Apparently Real Estate agents never bothered to inspect the house, otherwise they would have found Grampa's hidden secret.
I could go on and on. Bottom line. Speakeasy, is not easy to watch, it's Speakhard. Don't bother with this one.
Kisses and Caroms (2006)
Great Fun, I laughed a lot.
A buddy gave me a screener copy of this and it cracked me up. It's a low budget indie-ish movie that totally reminded me of Clerks and Chasing Amy. If I didn't know any better, I'd be suspicious that this was made by the same guy.
It's very one room stage play-ish. But it keeps your attention. There are some JackAss scenes that seemed to be inserted for shock value, but they were funny.
The acting is soft, but not bad. Some of the people were really good and I'm surprised I haven't seen them before. The lead Zack is a great example. That guy has a familiarity that I could swear I seen him before, but when I looked him up, he wasn't listed in anything. The women were HOTT. My god, I was mesmerized every time the blond was on screen. I'm not even sure if she spoke, I was just in awe.
I didn't think the David guys character would do what he did, and if he did, I thought he'd back away. May sound riddle-ish if you haven't see it, but once you do, you'll get my drift.
Overall, knowing this is a first movie, and was made by a guy who never made a movie before, it was great.
Clerks (1994)
Even Better today.
I had watched this movie Kisses And Caroms and was soooo reminded of Clerks that I had to re-watch Clerks. And Clerks still is great today. It was interesting to compare it to Kisses And Caroms, both were first features, both are one location, both are about 2 guys, but Kisses and Caroms has hot naked women in it. I suspected that these clerks guys had something to do with it, but I'm told no.
Anyway, I watched an old copy on Laser Disc, but a buddy told me about the new improved DVD. I guess I'll be watching that soon.
I loved the movies crude and simple humor. It was a nice trip down memory lane. I kept thinking oh yeah, this is where this happens. Then, I'd laugh. I also heard they're making a part 2. That seems to be odd, but hey Terminator 2 was made years after part 1, so I guess they can pull it off, it'll be interesting to see how they do it.
I did think the opening dragged on a bit this time. It seemed to take forever to get behind the counter. And that whiny "I have a game at 2" bit was forced in the opening call. I thought I remembered Jay and Silent Bob in more of it, but I guess not. Maybe the new DVD has more then the Laser Disc had.
The Bad News Bears (1976)
Still Holds Up.
I loved this as a kid and just caught it on Satilite last night. It's still great. As a kid I loved O'Neal because she was hot, but now I dug her acting. She held her own and went toe to toe with Walter. I was reminded of Dakota Fanning. I'm always so impressed with her acting and I can imagine back in '78 people were probably impressed with O'Neal for the same reason.
It'll be interesting to see the remake. I don't think a shot for shot would hold up today. The '78 one feels low budget and indish. It's mainly on that field. I don't think that could be pulled off with Billy Bob.
You know this must have been pretty cutting edge for it's time. The little blond kid has some great off color remarks. Course this was a time of All in the Falimy, but still to hear those things being delivered by an 8 year old was funny and great.
Moving (1988)
Was bad, nows Good.
I saw this back in '88 and hated it because it's so forced and contrived, but I just watched it, and it was fun. I had no expectations and it was still forced and contrived, but in a good way. I loved the finger bit, and the DOG was great.
Dana Carvey was Great. Course he always is. Pryor has been better. Like in Stir Crazy, or Live in Concert, but he's still Pryor here. Quaid, seemed like a rip off from Vacation, or maybe that was a rip off of this? Maybe Quaid was one diminutional, on second thought maybe he still is. I like him anyway. Morris Day had a cool cameo.
Apparently I need 10 lines to post an opinion, but there is not much to add, it's a simple movie, what else can I say? The credits were cool. I bet the titles guys are evenious of PhotoShop. I can see them now saying back in my day we had to skew those titles by hand.
Now that I think about it, this could have been better if they just played up some of the bits and ignored others. Like the house, who is going to remove that from the back yard? But the old packing guy was great, yet they just dropped that.
Roger Dodger (2002)
Solid Ending Saves It.
Here is a great example of how an ending can make or break a movie. I thought this movie had some really great highs, but mostly was filled with lows. In the middle of the movie, we're treated with this great high, then we're kicked in the crotch (almost literally) and hit the lowest of lows. The girls ride off in the cab. Ugh, it would've been so great. But I thought the ending was brilliant and made the movie worth watching again. I have a feeling this is one of those that gets better on multiple viewings.
My biggest problem was the synopsis says the guy is a Chauvinist, and he's NOT. He doesn't talk down to women, he talks down to two women, and not because there're women, just cause he's a arrogant jerk. Actually he is in love with a powerful woman, this love is WAAAAY out of character for him, not cause he's a chauvinist, but because it's just not him.
The movies is actually filled with many loose ends, like the "Last Resort" What would the uncle pull his nephew out then apologize?? Thankfully, most of the loose ends don't matter, because of the HIGH highs.
Johnson Family Vacation (2004)
Crap that insults the viewer.
Ugh, this movies was bad. Not so bad that you want to hunt the filmmakers down and get your money back. Bud pretty close. The movie insults its audience on so many levels. Do we not have a clue which end of a car the muffler is on? It is so forced and contrived. The wife is just mean to the hubby. Shannon Elizabeth's alligator comes out of nowhere, and The Entertainer is just an Ego Maniac. I mean please, even Madonna didn't call herself "Madonna The Signer" How far would Spielberg have gotten as "Steven The Director" Cedric's head is bigger then the fat body you get to see in this movie. Which by the way the only bear chest exposed in this is his. I'd NEVER watch this again.