kbeam Reviews

Good Omens (2019– )

Ratings propped up by industry shills and trolls

[4/10 · 31 May 2019]

Was expecting (hoping for) something resembling a mash-up of Supernatural and Preacher, but they've served up something much less edgy and more Hogwartsish.

A cute series with nice attention to detail, but little more to appeal to the mystical side of ecclesiastical yearnings - definitely a nod here and there to Monty Python.

Based on style, scenery, costume and other visually stimulating moments this should have been the 9-10 stars freely given by the many studio shills racing to pump up the IMDB ratings: but, in contrast to the impressive visual elements, the story was as pale and limp as the good angel.

There must be a central casting office for fake reviewers and fluffers who can quickly rally to the call for firming up the ratings before the casual movie shopper can spot the true sagging opinions of honest citizen critics.

Sneaky Pete: The Double Up and Back (2019) Season 3, Episode 1

The Con + Action + Drama = Too much drama, not enough action and con

[6/10 · 19 May 2019]

In fairness, only up to #4 of Season 3, but it sure is dragging.

Big fan of action flicks with intelligent, complex and twisty schemes. That summarizes the first two season.

Season 3, so far, has been a relationship drama show with only a distant hint of more complex development. Is now a drama with little action or suspense. Really hope it gets better and replaces all the relationship drama with some action, surprises twists and quirky characters.

Too much angst, gimme some holy-s#it fun.

The Galapagos Affair: Satan Came to Eden (2013)

A bizarre world of unimaginable characters caught on film

[7/10 · 19 November 2016]

This is a documentary that was not originally photographed or filmed to be a documentary.

The news clippings and '30s era home movies captured the lives of idealistic dreamers and isolationists trying to recreate paradise on the rugged coastal fringe of one of the least inhabited of the virtually uninhabited Galapagos Island group.

The quirky castaway cast of this real life video diary seemed at once, deeply gratified with their aloneness while paired with a disenchanted mate seeking any form of domesticated animal companionship for a feeling of self-worth and value.

Isolated introspective perfection for some, painful loneliness for others.

We view in sharp Black & White clips, shabbily dressed family members standing on the front porch of their weathered tropical shack overlooking a rocky outcrop of brush and cactus while gazing off into the distant waters of Post Office Bay hoping to catch a first glimpse of sail threaded riggings signaling the return of a familiar 3-masted schooner with goods and well wishes from distant places and friends left behind.

Somehow I found myself thinking about all of the present day larger than life personalities you find on the Alaskan survival escapist shows and their gold lusting neighbors. Hardy individuals living on the edge of society to pursue their survivalist dreams and pull riches from the grounds they farm or pan.

This is a documentary about socially awkward characters whose lives take a disruptive turn when the Baroness, soon to be slutty Piratess, arrives on the craggy island paradise with her salt and pepper boy toys.

Unattractive and delusionally self-assured the flagrantly promiscuous Baroness, of dubious royal heritage, becomes the flamboyant center point of islander society.

Territorial infringement, water rights disputes and expected jealousies create a constant undercurrent of distrust and friction.

In the midst of growing tensions we're suddenly treated to a revealing view of the Baroness's talents amply on display in intriguing scenes from the locally acted and produced movie, "The Piratess". An aaarg-rated must see!

After laying down sufficient backstory things start happening, dreadful things. People go missing, more people go missing, dead people are found and others remain mysteriously nowhere to ever be found.

I really enjoyed this stitched together artsy documentary and plan to let it sink in for awhile before watching it again.

Miracle Mile (1988)

"Red Alert, Panty Shields Up!"

[7/10 · 11 March 2005]

Once I got it, I laughed so hard I squealed and wet myself.

This movie served up a delicious stack of preposterous improbabilities neatly pancaked one atop the other. Time was stretched to such infinite bounds that it brought back visions of the miles of hallway and secret passages weaving throughout the tiny shack in Evil Dead II. That mountain top box hut was bigger on the inside than it was on the outside; if you didn't get that, you won't "get" this movie.

It took a good 30 minutes before I realized that I wasn't watching a pathetic apocalyptical made for TV love story and suddenly grasped the neatly crafted humor cleverly stitched just beneath the scenes of growing panic and mushrooming affection.

A tiny helicopter becomes the perfect Noah's Ark metaphor with a gay bodybuilding Vietnam era Huey pilot snatched from a local health club at 4:00 in the morning along with his submissive girlfriend "Leslie" dutifully at the stick. We begin to sense the escape's ultimate futility on the pre-dawn Wilshire roof top while an odd collection of passengers line up two-by-two for the first leg of their voyage to sanctuary in a water rich hidden valley of Antarctica.

Clocks, Mad Magazine like, are relentlessly ticking away in the background reminding us that time has not stood still…though you'll believe it has, it must have!

The End of the World hasn't been this funny since Kubrick's wink at oblivion in Dr. Strangelove. You too may lose some vital bodily fluids on the Miracle Mile.