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Reviews
Evil (2019)
Cross between "Holy Bible for Kids" and "Goosebumps".
Well, if you are looking for something oryginal, keep going.
Where to start? Group of 3 people are investing demonic presence. Psychologist, who is acting like medical doctor and lawyer. Sometimes acting completely unprofessional and agressive (cuting Leland, for real?). Her kids are brats, her mother irresponsible and careless.
Acosta is man of God, but doubtful and lost. Big as a house, but more like a big baby. Defenseless and weak. Only Ben is person, who is worth watching.
Baddie Leland is just scary as a accountant. He got power to bore you to dead. No charisma at all.
Stories are weak and predictable. Ending is mostly forsed. Or they just don't have ending... Screenplayers couldn't choose, which lead they should continue. Half of the episode is blah blah blah about nothing. I despite racists, but racial issues are also forsed and completely unreasonable.
All those devils and demons are so fake, that only kid would be scared. CGI looks cheap, like from the episode of "Goosebumps ".
If you like to see decent series with similar ideas, watch "30 Coins" Better in every way!
PS That series should have caption "Sponsored by Vatican". Catholic Church is showed as a heros, helping people. Yeah, right...
The Harbinger (2022)
Watch, if you want to die from boredome.
It should be called "How I survived covid pandemic".
Most of the time peolpe just talk about their feeling, experiences or pandemic. That flick have strange post apocalyptic vibes. People are isolated. They don't have contact with others, even if they have internet. Only one demonologist know how to use Skype. Covid is showed as almost plague. Everybody is acting like it's the end of the world...
There is very sick boy, but he isn't at the hospital. But nobody cares.
For that moster is just doctor plague who is sending bad dreams. Till half of the movie we see that moster about three times... And it's not even scary.
It erase memory about the victim, but even that there is still knowledge about him. Another senseless thing.
I must admit, that I stoped watching that movie after about 40 minutes. I got so bored, that I couldn't even focus on the plot.
You could watch that during the cleaning or making the laundry, 'cos you won't miss anything.
Talk to Me (2022)
Twisted sister from Australia and the scary hand
Well, I thought: "Australian horror, what can go wrong"? After "Lake Mungo" and Babadook"? But then I've watched that movie...
There is a kind of game between teens. You hold the hand and say "Talk to me" and it let you see the ghosts.
Mia just losted her mum, and feel depressed. But she is also an annoying brat concentrated on herself. She didn't help dying animal, she let young boy to risk his life, she is flirting with her bestie's boyfriend. I understand grif, but acting like that is not normal.
I couldn't feel sorry for her.
About the story, idea is not so original. Difference? In US movies you have Quija board instead of plaster hand. Another movie with group of friends and during the experiment something went wrong. Ghost are not so scary, mostly repulsive. If you like CGI, you'll be disappointed. Acting is like in some B class movie.
To end this review, if you want to watch it, do it only for fun. You want be scared, there's nothing to be afraid.
The Good Soldier (1981)
Another great adaptation made by Granada.
Well, where should I start? It's really a sad story. Story about love, convenances and sacrifices. Where romances are kept behind closed doors. And honor is most important issue.
Two pairs of married couples and the girl. Soldier, who love his wife, but keep falling in love with another womens. His wife, who is trying to pretend that she doesn't care about infidelity of her husband. American Quaker, who is unconscious that his wife is unfaithful. His wife, who's pretending to have health problems.
And Nancy. Innocent girl, who turn the life of good soldier, Edward.
I must say, I like this adaptation. That typical for Granada attention for details in every aspect. Cloths, furniture, trains or everyday items.
That makes us feel like part of the story. We could sympathise with those people and their feelings.
And for me it's worth watching. Especially for Jeremy Brett.
The Portable Door (2023)
There is magic behide a corner, look for a doors!
If you're looking for something unusual and different that's your movie. You'll not find here impressive CGI and epic scenes. But the story and acting are just great.
If you are late for an job interview, don't panic! Maybe you will find something better. Just like Paul Carpenter, who is late for an interview for a job as a barista. But thanks to a dog, he finds a backdoors and another chance. He is starting job as a intern in J. W Welsh, mysterious firm. CEO ask him to find a portable doors, which he losted long time ago. But what or who is really behind them?
In English movies the adventure is just around the corner. An completely plain man can end up in very unusual place. You can find a magic doors in London, and your boss could be a wizard. There are goblins under the sidewalks, and baby dragons behind the furnitures.
And that movie have all that magic and adventure you are looking for.
Ghosts (2021)
We don't need an American version.
I am a big fan of the British comedies. From "Allo, Allo" to "Black Adder". I just love that witty and sarcasic humour.
But this? It lacks everything, that makes this series so original.
-Main characters are bland. The husband is a nerd with Indian decents who is like "What am I doing here?". Why he's not an Afro American? Whoud it be so strange if white women was his other half?
His wife is a nervous blonde with over the top character. Like person from rom com. Why?
-Most of the ghosts are changed. Instead of middle age sleazy politican we have stock broker. It would be funnier if he was kind of Clinton type guy with background of affair with the younger women.
No Mexican maids, black slaves, poor immigrants from Europe. But we have Native American, who looks like someone from black and white western. Person in costume speaking in perfect english. Why not in Navaho or Mohican?
There is a Vicking, barbarian who is suprisly very clean and well dressed, but his ability to speak english is not so good as Sassapis. Why, he came to US earlier?
We have also a chap from the American Revolution War time, who speaks like someone straight from XXI century. I always thought language is changing through the years...
Rest of them are just not worth mentioning. Just actors pretending to he someone else.
-House looks to European. And it's to clean, to sunny and not like ruin, which need repairs.
Summary: Yes, BBC version is definitely one you should watch. Stories about ghost are better when they're a little bit dark, with an adult humour and they don't remind a family sitcom.
If you don't like original version, just watch "Casper the friendly ghost" with your kids.
You're Next (2011)
What you shouldn't do during a home invasion
Where to start? There're 10 people on family reunion and they've been attacked by mens in animal masks.
So, what do they do? Run around like chickens, split instead of keep together in one room, go out through the main door, when they expect them, never try to barricade the doors and windows, ignore fact that before reunion house owner heard someone in the house. Etc...
The only reasonable and thinking person is that Australian girl. She is trying to send a message for a help, to fight with the attackers and do some booby traps. To be onest I liked only her. Rest of the family? Neh.
And the plot twist? Nothing new. Seen that hundreds of time. I want say more, but that's an old idea in the slashers.
To end up this review, watching this I was bored or I laughed from the stupidy of the main characters. If you need some fun, watch that, but only as a comedy.
The Simpsons: You Don't Have to Live Like a Referee (2014)
Knowledge about soccer taken from Wikipedia.
From about 10 years USA is quaite good at soccer. But the most of the Americas still know nothing about that game... And you can see that in this episode. Football (as some call soccer) is popular on 4 continents, not only 2 of them. If you are looking for mafia and buying the matches, you should learn about FIFA. Not some local gangsters from Brasil. That was so naive.
And if you what to be a referee in World Cup, you have to work for it for a very, very long time. Cos rules in soccer are to complicated. I know it's animated series not a documentary, but you need better research.
For me, a big footy fan, that was very sloppy episode. And remember last World Cup final was watched by 15 billions people. NFL finals 100 millions people. ;)
No Exit (2022)
They should name that movie "Deja vu", cos you've seen that plot before.
That movie has the most lazy screenwriter in the world.
-The handsome and nice guy is alway a psycho.
-Man who served in the army is a good guy.
-There's always a twist plot with someone who is double faced.
-Policeman who is going to the rescue dies.
-In the end of the movie main character killed all the bad guys. XD.
Really? You had an interesting idea: girl during rehab, snow storm, group of strangers and a kidnapped little girl. And you gave us only clichés? Hollywood can't come up with something new, so they give us the old s**t in the new package. Thanks God, they're spanish thrillers. Hollywood should learn from Spain, how to write a good story with twist plot.
Come Play (2020)
Mommy, there's a monster in my tablet!
Many people said, that this horror remind them movie "Babadook". I wonder why?
The great Australian flick was about mother and son, who had to fight together with their inside monsters and felt alone in the crowd. And the monster was personification of their depression and loneliness.
Here kid is autistic, but have professional help, and even could find a friend. And he still have a dad, which is alive and care about him.
Story is full of clichés about lonely bullied kid, and packed with lot of scare jumps instead of action. In the end we got a typical ending with sacrifice for the child-just like in the movies like "Mama" or in the "Lights Out".
That movie is so boring, that in the middle of the horror movie I started to play with my dog... At 3 am in the morning.
But if you like soapy endings and jump scares, you probably will be satisfied with "Come Play"
One spolier. Only ONE person died in this horror movie, after about 90 minutes. So, you can imagine how scary is this movie.
Just don't waste your time!
See How They Run (2022)
Not only for a Agatha Christie's fans!
Firstly, that movie is full of funny dialogs and references to typical whodunit criminals. Clever mix of film noir and pastiche. They also make fun of Agatha Christie! And she's not a nice old lady. Don't mess with her!
Secondly, I must say that Saroirse Ronan and Adrien Brody were really amusing. Scenes with them constantly made my laugh.
Crew made a real good job with recreating the London from the fifties. Clothes, cars, music everything is amazing. If you look closely, you will also will see the Whitehaven Mansions from "Poirot" series.
I enjoyed that split screen effect known from Brian de Palma's movies. Especially scene with the second murder looks like made by him.
At the end there is always a detective, night and people gathered in the drawing room. For me, true fan of Agatha Christie's novels this movie is 10/10.
Old (2021)
My dog is smarter than those people on the beach.
I saw a trailer and I thought that is a really original story, but after watching a half of movie I felt like watching some moronic reality TV show.
There is no logic in this story. So, if you cut someone, the wound will heal, but that rapper died from knife wounds? They operate women with tumor, but she didn't bleed to death? People who were helping the doctor didn't use alcohol on they fingers, and women haven't got sepsis. But later doctor died from rusty knife.
Why they never try to alarm someone? Write SOS on the sand? Message in the bottle?
Try to climb with rope made from clothes? Use thing founded on the beach?
Just don't waste your time...
The Sixth Secret (2022)
Hollywood watch and learn how to make movies!
That movie is for people, who like suspense and black humour. If you love Agatha Christie's novels you will definitely love it. There's an action, romance and murder. Some people will say that's nothing new about it, but that movie is a big nod to a classic black and white criminals. I smiled, when I saw scene when two main characters were in the car, with movie screen behind and city neons passing by.
But to be strict I hope there won't be a Hollywood remake of this black pearl. 'Cos they will ruin this clever script and kill the climax. But I think they should learn, how to make an interesting story instead of making remakes.
The Black Phone (2021)
Watch it only for Ethan Hawke
Well, beginning is interesting. 70's vibes, kids disappearings, siblings raised by alcoholic dad.
But I can't relate with that child Finney. Even his sister have bigger cohones. Not only that. He is showed as smart kid, who is good at math. But when he is trapped, only kids on black phone have ideas how to escape or attack The Grapper. Even Vance Hopper, the local bully was smarter then him! And after one call from black phone he's turned into Jean Claude van Damme, and he could snap the neck of the two times bigger grownup! Or that part, when he puted so much dirt inside the toilet. And it's still not clogged! Another miracle.
Ethan Hawke is really a good actor. So, why he is showed like 20 minuts in this movie? That's why second part of the movie is just boring.
Instead watch "The Boy Behind the Door". That movie is so much better!
PS If you think, that kids are not swearing or fighting you're living in Disney's movie. They just don't do that in front of the grown ups.
Doctor Sleep (2019)
More like remake of "The Shining".
I waited 3 years to watch this movie, cos I was afraid, that I'll be disappointed.
Ewan McGregor is a great actor, and I'm a huge fan. But he is only reason to watch this movie. If you read the book you will be disappointed. Not much left from the original story. You don't know almost nothing about the True Knot. There nothing about measles, deadly for the True Knot. Nothing about Dan being for real an uncle of Abra. Why?
50% of the movie is copied from Kubrick. To much for a tribute. Those are not references, but bigs parts of someone elses movie! It's more like remake of "The Shining", not a sequel.
And that actor, who played Jack Torrence. You just can't replace Jack Nicholson.
Better watch "Treehouse of Horror V.
Scare Package (2019)
You'll be bored to death.
This movie is funny only, when they making references to the other horror flicks. Rest of the movie, (about 90 minutes) is talking about nothing or just showing lot of blood and guts. If director had no idea how story should end, he just added more blabbing or guts. No oryginal stories, no new ideas, nothing to remember. Nice added music resembling cult classics from the eighties. Screaming girls covered with blood and guys in mask. That's it, end of the ideas for a parody of slasher movies.
Sorry for mistakes, my English is rusty.
The Family (2013)
Hollywood pulp fiction, not much of Besson's finest
Well, I'm a big fan of Luc Besson's movies. But this? Neh. Just like watching 90% of other mafia comedies.
Chlichés about vendetta, Michelle Pfeiffer is unbelievable as cooking italian meals and sometimes blowing up shops wife of godfather, at first feminist, then Barbie like daughter falling for modest student, son acting like Michael Corleone after 1 day at foreign school itd... Only Robert is still a real fun. Story about mafia boss, who is hiding from other bosses? Seen that in othe 100 movies.
Just not the Luc Besson I remember from movies like "Nikita" or "Léon"
Just waste of good actors. Especially Michelle and Tommy Lee Jones.
The Gift (2000)
Great actors, nice idea but we seen that before.
At start I thought, well that looks like a good thriller. But after a while, I knew what will happen next. Struggling single mother, bad character as a red herring, troubled friend with bad memories from childhood. Wow, I think I'm in nineties again. That movie is from year 2000, but have sceneplay from the decade before.
I'm not a fortune teller, but I knew who killed that girl in the middle of the movie.
I dont like spoilers, so I won't tell you who did. It.
But believe me,you don't need a crystal ball to predict the end.
Drag Me to Hell (2009)
It should be marked as a comedy, not as a horror
Definitely not a scary movie, but very funny comedy. Scene with a stapler in the car, with nose bleed or talking goat were hilarious.
And an anvil? Like in Looney Toons cartoon?
Please!
I'm glad Lamia took her. I don't feel pity for that girl. She's lying all the time. See you in hell.
Arrival (2016)
USA is Earth's peace police? Very funny.
Aliens landed on Earth. US Army is looking for someone, who will communicate with them. So, they ask linguist to help them.
Ok. Those giant squids are usings sings. But, they tried comunicate with them using latin alphabet. Not korean, not greek, not another language using signs. XD
And of course scientists around the world are trying go unscript those sings, but Americans find out, how to descript them. Why I'm not suprised?
Half of the movie is about dead daughter of the main character. For God's sake how aliens could understand what is grief or cancer?
I didn't watched that till end. This movie was just to irritating. Don't waste 2 hours of your life.
Vacancy (2007)
Too much clichés and irrational behaviours.
Couple, 3 killers and motel.
Beginning is promising, but second part is just annoying. There are things, completely irrational, making this movie hard to watch.
1) Filmed in 2007, but they don't have a cellphone?
2) Make a knife from mirror shard, but never use it.
3) They were looking for something for self defence at reception, but they forgot about guns hanging above doors.
4) Nobody is looking for a sheriff, who disappeared at night?
And those a few from things I noticed...
Wir Kinder vom Bahnhof Zoo (2021)
Drug addics are not cool
There are things, that are not mentioned in the series:
1) Christiane took hard drugs for a fist time, when she was 13. Not 16 or 18!
2) Prostitution of kids is not fun or some kind of game. She and her boyfrend Detlef (His real name) slept with much older people, to have money for drugs.
3) Her father was an alcoholic, and they lived in block of flats in poor neighbourhood.
In HBO version life of drug addics are fun, music and sex. That should be warning for a young kids, not an adverb for drug dillers.
HairBrained (2013)
If you like 80's comedies, you will like it.
Not another teenage comedy, with boy who whant to fit in and nobody understand him.
Ely is not a typical nerd, who is bullied by football players and in love with the pretties girl on the campus. His best friend is 41 years old gambler and he have a grouppie, who want to have baby with him.
So, if you want to watch something oryginal, and you're hair brained, watch that.
Little Miss Sunshine (2006)
Boooooring
Nothing new. Cliche after chliche after cliche.
I watched that, cos i like Tori Spelling. But I saw the same ideas in 10 other movies. Body of relative in the car-seen it. Griswolds...
Girl, who is ugly duckling-seen it. Unhappy teenager-seen it. Dad, who cares only about his career-seen it.
Old ideas in new package.
Die kleine Hexe (2018)
Much better than movies from Hollywood!
Original story, beautiful and magical scenery, good acting, and funny costumes. Reminds me movie with Angela Huston. Great fun for whole family.