Change Your Image
Albino_Hyena
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Reviews
The Green Knight (2021)
A slow-burning adaptation that breathes new life into the ancients
The Green Knight combines the best elements of both of David Lowery's two other stunning films: it immerses you into the setting like Ain't Them Bodies Saints did, and leaves you with a haunting feeling similar to that of A Ghost Story.
This film brings the world of Arthurian-era England to life like never before. Unlike Guy Ritchie's failed attempt "King Arthur: Legend of the Sword", The Green Knight does not turn this thousand-year-old epic poem into a modern action movie with the knights acting as superheroes. The story takes its time, and violence is kept to a minimum. A rich array of characters, including witches, kings, knights and tricksters, are introduced with little to no exposition, and it is mostly up to the viewer to figure out their role in the events on screen. That does not equate to the film being boring, though; it is a visual feast that you the audience are witness to, and it will require your imagination.
The Green Knight also has one of the most distinct aesthetics since Blade Runner 2049, and period-fitting music that occasionally gives the impression that the story is being sung to us by an enthusiastic bard. Being unfamiliar with the details of the epic poem it's based on will give you a great deal of anticipation, as the virtues being sought and explored by this protagonist aren't ones often focused on in modern fiction.
It doesn't quite hit the perfect groove, however. Despite the amazing cinematography and color pallet, there are a few scenes in the second act that start to feel a bit repetitive and probably could have been trimmed. I applaud this film for taking this concise plot and making it enthralling, but when the scenes in between major plot points fail to be concise, the effect may wear off on the viewer.
Overall, this is an excellent film and the best of 2021 so far. It does an incredible job memorializing the pagan legends of ancient Britain and mixing them with the ideals of chivalry romanticized by the Christian kings and their knights. The non-literal sequences are visually interesting and begging for your interpretation, and by the end you might find yourself pondering the same questions as the protagonist.
Dolittle (2020)
Know that there are cheaper ways to entertain your kids
So a lot of people are rating this a 10/10, and while part of me wants to think it's studio bots, some of the other reviews indicate it's people whose best compliment is "well my kids liked it". If your main intent is merely to entertain your kids then save yourself some money and have them watch Spongebob or take them to the park, for free. You don't need to risk them losing brain cells over this creatively-void monstrosity.
All of RDJ's scenes feel like they were done on the first take, and his attempt at a swashbuckler accent is annoying as hell. We know this man can do better. None of his animal companions look like they're in the same universe as him, let alone the same room, and this hack CGI job is even more baffling when you learn the budget for this movie was $175 million. The story? Non-engaging to say the least: the conflict rests entirely on saving some queen who has been asleep the whole time by finding the tree Dolittle's long-lost wife (also absent from the action) was after. Good thing the script tells us these women are important to him, because we sure as hell don't see it. The animals all have names, but since the screenwriter forgot to write a character for them, I promise you won't remember what they are.
Obviously, the main intent of the studio was just to cram as many celebrities into this thing as possible. The voice cast runs the Hollywood gamut from Ralph Fiennes to John Cena, but any semblance of charm or acting ability goes out the window when said voices consist of cringey jokes coming out the lips of a fake polar bear. Vulture's critic was right in calling this "anti cinema"; it is a bad movie and I got secondhand shame from watching it.
The Murder of Nicole Brown Simpson (2019)
Absolute bottom of the barrel
This is an R-rated Lifetime movie with actors you haven't heard from in over 10 years, which presents a far-fetched conspiracy theory as the truth and pads itself out with stock news footage from 1994.
According to painfully expository dialog, one of the girls from American Pie is supposed to be Nicole Brown Simpson, who is recently divorced and having a fling with some waiter. She starts another fling with the nextdoor handyman, who just might be a serial killer(?), and this character shares the role of 'sort-of villain' with OJ Simpson as the movie suddenly becomes a stalker-thriller. Nicole talks to her therapist and friends about how scared she is, occasionally interacts to these two 8-year-old extras who are supposed to be her children, has a bad dream where she is attacked by a ghost, then the climax happens. There's nothing to spoil, as the climax is literally the title of the movie, and the conspiracy theory surrounding the murders is introduced pretty early on (even shown in the trailer).
The acting is abysmal, the dialog is awkward and robotic, there's no anticipation, the screenplay doesn't add anything interesting to the events or do anything to make you interested in the characters, the movie's aesthetic is hideous, and the people who made this clearly have no respect for the real-life victims.
Just Mercy (2019)
Solid performances and a competent screenplay keep you engaged
If I was to list this film's greatest strength, that would be its ability to pull you into the characters' situation and feel their sense of frustration at the injustice they face. The film opens with one man being aggressively arrested for a crime he didn't commit, then transitions to a young student visiting prison for the first time, where he meets a peer who turns out to be more relatable than expected. From there, the audience sees how these men are driven, what they're fighting for, and how it effects their lives as well as the community around them.
Michael B Jordan, as usual, was fantastic. He did a great job portraying this young idealist who, despite being Harvard educated and possessing solid evidence, finds himself unable to make the difference he originally thought he could. Jamie Foxx's performance was also great; he displayed genuine vulnerability and emotion as this embittered, beaten-down (but still somewhat hopeful) man in a cruel world.
I had no issues with the technical aspects of this movie; they didn't do anything special nor did they do anything wrong. This being a legal drama, the script might feel a bit predictable to some, and some of the dialog/speeches seemed a bit too grandiose for real life. There are a few scenes, especially the two montages set to music, that felt a bit cliched, but this movie also has two particular sequences (which I won't spoil here) in the second half that are very effective and powerful.
Overall, this is a well-made and well-acted movie adapted from a pretty important true story, so I would recommend it to anyone interested in criminal justice or simply anyone who enjoys cinema made with a purpose.
*P.S, don't watch the full trailer; it showed way too much from the third act of the movie. I don't count that against the film itself, as the marketing team is separate from the cast and crew, but I just wanted to warn people.
The Fanatic (2019)
Everyone watch this ironically
I only saw this (for free) because Chris Stuckmann described it as unintentionally hilarious, and he was right. If you enjoy pointing and laughing at bad movies, give this one a try because I am convinced The Fanatic is going in the So Bad It's Good hall of fame. Seriously, there's about 20 different moments in this movie that could easily become memes. Seeing a household name like Travolta do such an awful job portraying a mentally challenged man (sometimes he acts like he's on the spectrum, other times like he just has severe brain damage) is truly bizarre.
P.S, did I mention this is a Fred Durst film?
9/11 (2017)
Shockingly tasteless
There is no good place to start, as every aspect of filmmaking here was done wrong, so I'll name a few random points to paint you a picture: 1) There's a shot of Whoopi Goldberg walking down the street that looks like a shot from Birdemic. 2) Charlie Sheen's response to the courier randomly blurting out that Filipinos are the worst drivers because they're Asian is "Well that makes sense; the Phillipines are considered to be in Asia, so....*mumbles*". 3) Every shot of the towers is stock news footage. 4) Every 10 minutes the wife character has an emotional outburst in what is supposed to be a dramatic scene, but they cast a woman with a botox-frozen face to play her.
The acting is on the same level as Two and a Half Men, but whereas that is a sitcom that people watch for quick, cheap laughs, this movie is trying to be a serious drama. It switches from cringeworthy acting and dialog (that honestly made me laugh), to scenes of people crying while watching the towers collapsing. Instead of writing characters that we could care about, which would have led to some emotional weight, this movie tries to cheat its way to emotional weight by showing you stock news footage and some pretend firefighters running around, as if to say "Hey, remember THAT day? Sad, right? Remember how freaked out everyone was?".
The Master (2012)
Loved it the same way I love a good novel
I'm not a particular fan of Paul Thomas Anderson, but seeing the preview of Phoenix and Hoffman's (God rest his soul) performances in the trailer made me determined to get my hands on a copy. To be honest, this isn't the kind of film I will watch over and over again, but that's because it's not made solely for entertainment. It's also not for the average viewer; they will probably find it boring and confusing.
The two times I did watch The Master start-to-finish, I paid great attention, and afterwards, I discussed it at great length. I enjoyed pondering on the story's details the same way I enjoy finishing a book with literary merit. Several of the monologues, dialogue exchanges and actions of characters are fascinating because of their ambiguity. Are they completely random, or do they connect with another meaning in the story? Are either of the two main men likable or admirable in any way? These are the kinds of questions I found myself asking.
If you're turned off by the L Ron Hubbard-inspired character or Scientology simile in general, I can assure you that so much of the film focuses on mood and human interaction, I quickly forgot about that aspect.