Birstyjr Reviews

Eragon (2006)

Good actors, Good special effects, Bad writing.

[6/10 · 15 December 2006]

The movie follows nothing of the book's plot line. I think someone read like maybe ten chapters of the Eragon book and decided to make the movie. If they decide to make Eldest (The sequel to Eragon) it would be nothing like the book because they have changed too many things in this movie to carry the plot correctly. The plot of the movie shares nothing with the book and the characters (the ones they actually decided to add) share no similarities to the book's idea of them. The storyline used in the movie could have possibly been acceptable if it hadn't had such bad writing. The lines were mediocre and no one other than Brom, Eragon and Saphira had ten lines. Murtagh had like eight or nine lines through the whole movie, Nasuada and Ajihad had like two or three (and Nasuada doesn't say who she is) and Hrothgar had maybe one or two lines. They completely rushed the movie too quickly. Unless you read the book, you have no idea how Eragon learns to use magic and are left in the dark about most things. The actors did the best job they could with the horrid lines they were given to read. The special effects were great except that Saphira isn't supposed to have feathers. What dragon has feathers? Christopher Paolini says like fifty times in the book that Saphira's wings are a thin membrane. Also that Eragon is fifteen, not seventeen. Every problem comes back to the horrid writing. Bottom Line: Could have been a great and timeless movie. Not Lord of the Rings worthy.

Unfabulous (2004–2007)

Addie Singer is a normal teenager. No one's ever thought of that plot before.

[1/10 · 29 August 2006]

Fabulous-fab·u·lous adj. Extremely pleasing or successful. Unfabulous is an antonym for this word. Why was it chosen for this Nickelodeon television show? A publicity tactic? Wordplay? Maybe an accidental typo that passed? The reason becomes obvious within twelve seconds of Addie Singer's spontaneous guitar notes, original lyrics to her life's events and a voice unlike any other. Addie Singer is played by Emma Roberts who's claim to fame was being the little niece of Julia Roberts and the daughter of Eric Roberts. My theory on genetics in the Roberts family is that talent seems to skip a generation so maybe Emma's children will have a shot at the big time. This show goes for the "average teenager" angle in hopes to target an audience. A failed tactic. Addie Singer lives the television definition of normal teenage life. A nice two story house in a middle class neighborhood, two parents who have no thought of divorce, a family dog, an annoying older brother, popular girls who are obsessed with makeup and fashion that can always be brought down by the average kids taking a stand, the popular guy that she's had a crush on since elementary school that barely notices her existence because she's too nervous to talk to him and Nickelodeon has added a guitar. Another failed tactic. Addie refuses to settle for ordinary and wants to be as unique as possible though several episodes along with the running plot line are based on Addie wanting to be like everyone else. I believe that's an example of irony. Addie has two main best friends, a smart guy named Zach and a best gal-pal named Geena. How very Lizzie Maguire-esquire. Her older brother is named Ben who often quotes how much he wishes he could be like Addie. Once he even went as far as to say to his girlfriend that he wished he could play the guitar as well as his little sister. I've heard one-legged dogs play the guitar better than Addie Singer. They sing better too. Addie's time can be divided into three main categories. School where she constantly hides behind the safety of her friends. Juice which is a place where teenagers "hang out" and what a surprise, drink juice. Sounds more like preschool without coloring books. Home where she writes her songs about flushing her dead pet goldfish, wishing she was a Mexican wrestler and in her own words "tossing her cookies on a yellow bus." Frankly watching this show made me want to toss my cookies.

Zoey 101 (2005–2008)

A Very Original Idea. Too Bad It's Mediocre.

[1/10 · 29 August 2006]

Shopping, sunny skies, beaches, boarding school for rich teenagers and perfectly happy endings. Welcome to the life of Zoey Brooks and her friends. Zoey Brooks is portrayed by Jamie Lynn Spears, the self proclaimed actress who got her claim to fame by being the younger sister of the international pop star Britney Spears. With her lovely blond wig in the first season and an attempt at hiding her monotonous country accent, it's confirmed that Nickelodeon has indeed gone to the dogs with nepotism. When Kristin Herrera, the actress who portrayed Dana Cruz in the first season, left the show, all hope vanquished as she was the only decent actress. The female casting is a complete disgrace but the male casting has potential for a teenage media. If they continue to pursue Jamie Lynn Spears as the picture of perfection, very many people will have to lower their standards. With hope, they will soon find that you can't make a career out of nothing. Jamie Lynn Spears is useless for acting, singing and anything else she attempts for that downward spiral she calls a career. There is no wondering why she is a self-proclaimed actress. Critics would most definitely proclaim her as something other than that.

Aquamarine (2006)

Worst Movie Ever!

[1/10 · 26 February 2006]

This is the worst movie ever made. Jojo (Hailey) definitely needs to stick to singing. She shouldn't bring down her good name like this. Sara Paxton (Aquamarine) definitely needs better actresses around her. Out of all them, she's definitely the best. Not academy award winning but not totally hopeless. If the plot line was better, she could probably be a great actress. She's just too mature for this kinda thing. Emma Roberts (Claire) is the worst actresses if you could even call her an actress. Face it, people. No one would even know her if Julia wasn't her aunt. Basically the plot line is that two rich girls with no real problems known as Hailey and Claire find a mermaid named Aquamarine in their country club pool and they have to help her get this really hot, California surfer type guy in order to get a wish so they don't have to break up their perfect friendship. It's like Encino Man meets Splash. It's a mockery of entertainment. Let's hope that Emma Roberts doesn't decide to be in any more movies anytime soon so she doesn't ruin the future generation of America. Bottom line: Don't waste your money on it.

Passport to Paris (1999 Video)

These twins get sent to France to spend spring break w/ grandpa who is an ambassedor. They meet 2 guys and get in trouble but fix it in the end.

[5/10 · 23 May 2005]

This movie was great! It was really funny and was cast extremely well. The plot, characters, etc were very original. This movie is a great film and I give it 2 thumbs up. I also recommend that all young girls see this movie cause its within that age group. Everything about this movie was terrific. It sends a positive message. It's a great feel good movie. Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen were great in this movie!!!!! They played their parts perfect. Everyone did. Every single person in this cast was terrific. It's really, really, really excellent movie and it was probably one of the best films Mary Kate Olsen and Ashley Olsen did!!!!!!!!