This film presents itself as Roland Emmerich's move into cinematic maturity, a move away from the special effects laden films of his youth and into a concentration on plot, atmosphere and mature characterisation. Or so he apparently intended, but by the end of the film I was hoping in vain for an alien invasion to destroy London or Godzilla to burn down the globe...anything to raise the mood of gloom and doom that Emmerich apparently thinks is 'proper' film-making. Derek Jacobi (one of the few performers who actually gives any sparkle to his performances) promises at the beginning to tell a 'darker story' and dark the story certainly is; full of tightly framed underlit shots of lots of men in ruffs and beards shouting at each other and generally being underhand. Not one sympathetic character shows themselves; Edward Hogg's Robert Cecil is a grumpy hunchback who, like his father, hates the arts and wants to put King James of Scotland on the throne (which the film, rather ineffectually tries to suggest is a Bad Thing). Rafe Spall's William Shakespeare is a drunken fornicator who kills Christopher Marlowe when he discovers the truth about his non-authorship of the plays. Ben Jonson is a treacherous swine who is given one of the film's unintentionally hilarious lines ('You know he's illiterate. Oh he can read well enough'). Queen Elizabeth is a senile old bat who has spent most of her reign dropping bastards left, right and centre, which his counsellors alternate between covering up and trying to stick them on the throne. And as for Edward De Vere, the 'soul of the age?' Well it's hard to sympathise with a man who, according to the film, killed an unnamed servant and wasted most of his family fortune while ignoring his own family. The part is given to Rhys Ifans who fails entirely to endow it with any sign of life whatsoever. And as for the big question the film poses, 'Who wrote Shakespeare?' The film does such harm to the Oxfordian cause by piling on absurdity on absurdity that one might suspect this to be a stealth satire.
Reviews
4 Reviews
The Golden Compass
(2007)
Looks Good - but lacking plot and characterisation.
31 December 2007
Warning: Spoilers
As an aside, I've often wondered how people who haven't read the book managed to cope with Peter Jackson's film trilogy of Lord of the Rings? Never mind following the plot, how did they manage without the joys of seeing Bilbo's petrified trolls in the Fellowship, of recognising Gimli's speech on Dwarf women from the appendix, of shouting "Oi! What the bloody hell are elves doing at Helm's Deep"
I was put into this situation myself with The Golden Compass, having not read the Philip Pullman novels, so I was unable to complain about how like they totally got Lyra's character wrong; how the speech said by Lee Scorsby in the film was originally said by a minor character cut out from the screenplay or how Iorek Byrnison was originally an aardvark and not a polar bear or whatever. Which is a pity because without this potential pleasure, the Golden Compass managed to be one of the most tedious cinematic experiences this year.
Part of the problem is the casting of the child actress Dakota Blue Richards as Lyra - the archetypal Girl On Whom The Fate of the World Rests. Instead of bringing this across; Dakota seems more burdened by a much greater problem; that of trying to keep up her Oliver style cockernee street kid accent. Which unfortunately left a gaping hole at the centre of the movie; at no point did I ever feel like any grave consequences ever rested on any of the actions of Lyra.
But the fault does not lie entirely with Dakota. Allegedly, the makers of the film removed much of the atheistic content of the novel; in doing so they seem to have removed most of the characterisation and the plot from the novel as well. Nicole Kidman goes round Acting for a bit but never reaches the chilling intensity of her roles in the Others and To Die For. Daniel Craig goes round Acting for a bit before realising that Bond 22 is likely to be a better bet for an Oscar and so buggers off for most of the film. At one point Nicole Kidman reveals that she is really Lyra's mother and Daniel Craig's character is really her father; a revelation which I'm sure meant a lot more in the book.
I'm certainly sure that the titular Golden Compass was a lot better used in the novel than the Deus Ex Machina it becomes in the film. A device which the Evil Magisterium wants to capture for their own ends allows Lyra to discover the answer to every question instantly (after a bit of 'follow your heart' type advice) which provides a convenient way of solving any difficulties along the way.
This perfunctory approach to plotting is at its worst at the end of the film with the Epic End Battle. Lyra leads a band of children away from the evil Magisterium only to be stopped by the baddies. Fortunately the giant polar bear turns up and helps them. Unfortunately the giant polar is tied up. Fortunately he is saved by a group of witches. Unfortunately the flying witches are shot at by the baddies. Fortunately a flying cowboy comes and rescues everyone. And it all ends happily ever after in about ten minutes. Come on, I know the Heroic Sacrifice is a bit cliché but I think we needed at least goodie to bite the dust to give some sense of jeopardy to proceedings.
On the plus side, the film at least looked good; the demons being particularly well realised. And Ian McKellan once again, after the Da Vinci Code, shows his ability to the steal the scene. But New Line Cinema are showing that the return of Peter Jackson to direct their fantasy films could not be soon enough.
I was put into this situation myself with The Golden Compass, having not read the Philip Pullman novels, so I was unable to complain about how like they totally got Lyra's character wrong; how the speech said by Lee Scorsby in the film was originally said by a minor character cut out from the screenplay or how Iorek Byrnison was originally an aardvark and not a polar bear or whatever. Which is a pity because without this potential pleasure, the Golden Compass managed to be one of the most tedious cinematic experiences this year.
Part of the problem is the casting of the child actress Dakota Blue Richards as Lyra - the archetypal Girl On Whom The Fate of the World Rests. Instead of bringing this across; Dakota seems more burdened by a much greater problem; that of trying to keep up her Oliver style cockernee street kid accent. Which unfortunately left a gaping hole at the centre of the movie; at no point did I ever feel like any grave consequences ever rested on any of the actions of Lyra.
But the fault does not lie entirely with Dakota. Allegedly, the makers of the film removed much of the atheistic content of the novel; in doing so they seem to have removed most of the characterisation and the plot from the novel as well. Nicole Kidman goes round Acting for a bit but never reaches the chilling intensity of her roles in the Others and To Die For. Daniel Craig goes round Acting for a bit before realising that Bond 22 is likely to be a better bet for an Oscar and so buggers off for most of the film. At one point Nicole Kidman reveals that she is really Lyra's mother and Daniel Craig's character is really her father; a revelation which I'm sure meant a lot more in the book.
I'm certainly sure that the titular Golden Compass was a lot better used in the novel than the Deus Ex Machina it becomes in the film. A device which the Evil Magisterium wants to capture for their own ends allows Lyra to discover the answer to every question instantly (after a bit of 'follow your heart' type advice) which provides a convenient way of solving any difficulties along the way.
This perfunctory approach to plotting is at its worst at the end of the film with the Epic End Battle. Lyra leads a band of children away from the evil Magisterium only to be stopped by the baddies. Fortunately the giant polar bear turns up and helps them. Unfortunately the giant polar is tied up. Fortunately he is saved by a group of witches. Unfortunately the flying witches are shot at by the baddies. Fortunately a flying cowboy comes and rescues everyone. And it all ends happily ever after in about ten minutes. Come on, I know the Heroic Sacrifice is a bit cliché but I think we needed at least goodie to bite the dust to give some sense of jeopardy to proceedings.
On the plus side, the film at least looked good; the demons being particularly well realised. And Ian McKellan once again, after the Da Vinci Code, shows his ability to the steal the scene. But New Line Cinema are showing that the return of Peter Jackson to direct their fantasy films could not be soon enough.
The Wicker Man
(2006)
Just don't go there.
5 February 2007
Warning: Spoilers
Prepare for the most terrifying ordeal for your life; prepare for a movie which will force to you confront your deepest fears and will not leave you unscathed as you enter a world where nightmares and reality merge.
Then, when you've finished watching the original Japense version of The Ring, you can have a good hearty laugh at the Wicker Man, a heap of old junk seemingly thrown up by Nicolas Cage and Neil La Bute after a boozy weekend and largely made by throwing together whatever bits they could remember of the original classic Wicker Man and patched up with a load of clichés stolen from much better horror movies.
Whether it is Nicolas Cage's stoned performance or La Bute's hilariously wrong dialogue ("aaah my legs!"), you won't be disappointed.
Then, when you've finished watching the original Japense version of The Ring, you can have a good hearty laugh at the Wicker Man, a heap of old junk seemingly thrown up by Nicolas Cage and Neil La Bute after a boozy weekend and largely made by throwing together whatever bits they could remember of the original classic Wicker Man and patched up with a load of clichés stolen from much better horror movies.
Whether it is Nicolas Cage's stoned performance or La Bute's hilariously wrong dialogue ("aaah my legs!"), you won't be disappointed.
The Da Vinci Code
(2006)
Oh so nearly there.
23 May 2006
Warning: Spoilers
Occasionally, there comes along a movie which falls frustratingly short of what it could have been. "If only", you think while watching it, "just a few more ingredients had been right, this could have been a classic". Such a movie is The Da Vinci Code; a film where all the ingredients are present but frustratingly do not jell enough together to create the necessary chemistry. Had the cast, writer and director gone that extra mile and worked that little bit harder, perhaps the Da Vinci Code would have achieved the goal of being one of the all time classic turkeys; worthy to stand with Can't Stop the Music and Plan 9 From Outer Space.
In fact, while there is a fair proportion of TDVC that is laugh out loud awful; sadly much of it rises to the level of competence which prevents it from being as enjoyably bad as it could have been. Not without trying, it has to be said; certainly Akira Goldsman's script gives good value for money with some excellent lines straight out of Basil Fawlty's suggested specialist subject for Sybil of "Stating The Bleeding Obvious"
Such as
Sophie on seeing her Grandfather after 20 years: "He's older than I remember" On discovering a clue pointing to the Mona Lisa "But that's just near here" (The Mona Lisa? In the Louvre? Whatever next?").
Goldsman also proves a master of plotting; making sure that such idiocies as every single police car surrounding the Louvre deciding to leave to chase a tracking device in a bar of soap. This, by the way, is Robert Langdon's preferred device for escaping a murder charge rather than relying on the alibi that at the time of the murder he was giving a lecture in front of approximately 500 people before going on to do a book signing. Goldsman also manages to keep most of the lunacies of the original source material intact. (So, the Holy Grail was the body of Mary Magdalene, kept intact by the Priory anticipating the day when DNA testing would be able to suggest a vague kinship between her and Sophie).
Praise to actors Paul Bettany and Ian MacKellan. Paul Bettany manages to portray a psychotic albino assassin with a penchant for self-flagalation with all the subtlety and nuance that that description entails, resulting in one of the most memorable comic villains since Richard Kiel's turn as Jaws in Moonraker. Ian MacKellan, meanwhile, practises for his next performance as Widow Twankey with such a portrayal of pantomime villainy that, as he is carried away in the cart, I expected a cry of "And I would have got away with it as well if it hadn't been for you pesky symbologists).
Sadly, not deciding to play the game are Tom Hanks and Audrey Tatou who, rather than attempting to out-ham everyone else, decide that their job is to turn up, say the lines clearly so that everyone can understand them and go home. It probably didn't help their cause that the script (and original source material) gives absolutely no depth to their relationship other than Sophie asking a lot of questions with Robert replying. A sort of revival of the classic Dr Who and Leggy Assistant role without the entertaining camp factor and haze of nostalgia.
Perhaps one day, a replacement will be found for the definitive Bad Movie. Until then, please try harder next time Ron.
In fact, while there is a fair proportion of TDVC that is laugh out loud awful; sadly much of it rises to the level of competence which prevents it from being as enjoyably bad as it could have been. Not without trying, it has to be said; certainly Akira Goldsman's script gives good value for money with some excellent lines straight out of Basil Fawlty's suggested specialist subject for Sybil of "Stating The Bleeding Obvious"
Such as
Sophie on seeing her Grandfather after 20 years: "He's older than I remember" On discovering a clue pointing to the Mona Lisa "But that's just near here" (The Mona Lisa? In the Louvre? Whatever next?").
Goldsman also proves a master of plotting; making sure that such idiocies as every single police car surrounding the Louvre deciding to leave to chase a tracking device in a bar of soap. This, by the way, is Robert Langdon's preferred device for escaping a murder charge rather than relying on the alibi that at the time of the murder he was giving a lecture in front of approximately 500 people before going on to do a book signing. Goldsman also manages to keep most of the lunacies of the original source material intact. (So, the Holy Grail was the body of Mary Magdalene, kept intact by the Priory anticipating the day when DNA testing would be able to suggest a vague kinship between her and Sophie).
Praise to actors Paul Bettany and Ian MacKellan. Paul Bettany manages to portray a psychotic albino assassin with a penchant for self-flagalation with all the subtlety and nuance that that description entails, resulting in one of the most memorable comic villains since Richard Kiel's turn as Jaws in Moonraker. Ian MacKellan, meanwhile, practises for his next performance as Widow Twankey with such a portrayal of pantomime villainy that, as he is carried away in the cart, I expected a cry of "And I would have got away with it as well if it hadn't been for you pesky symbologists).
Sadly, not deciding to play the game are Tom Hanks and Audrey Tatou who, rather than attempting to out-ham everyone else, decide that their job is to turn up, say the lines clearly so that everyone can understand them and go home. It probably didn't help their cause that the script (and original source material) gives absolutely no depth to their relationship other than Sophie asking a lot of questions with Robert replying. A sort of revival of the classic Dr Who and Leggy Assistant role without the entertaining camp factor and haze of nostalgia.
Perhaps one day, a replacement will be found for the definitive Bad Movie. Until then, please try harder next time Ron.
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