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Reviews
Artemis Fowl (2020)
A travesty of a film - the worst adaption since Last Airbender
What the film should be - Die Hard with Faries
What we got - Spy Kids franchise wannabe
This film is absolutely one of the worst adaptations I've ever seen, in fact - its not even really an adaption - instead it reads like someone skimmed the Wikipedia article of Artemis Fowl (the plain English film), then proceeded to binge watch the Spy Kid films before writing this. In case its not clear, I am a big fan of the books, I grew up with them to an extent, I should also be clear that I guess young kids are the target market, but anyway, let the salt begin!
The Characters
- Artemis Fowl
What is he in the film? Irremediably ruined, seen surfing on the Irish waves in the first few moments, turned into a bland kid who is introduced to fairies by his daddy, has no rapport with Butler, seen engaging in hand to hand combat with fairies, takes his sunglasses off and calls Holly a friend in no time. Character Assassination marks - 10/10
- Butler
What is he in the film? Irremediably ruined, race-blended for some reason, hardly effective in any scene, holds no human weaponry throughout the entirety of the film, seen crying in several scenes, hugs Artemis Fowl, FML... Character Assassination marks - 10/10
- Holly
What she is in the film? Not the first LEP female officer, has a dumb side-story about her father betraying her people, does not use an awesome LEP gun, constantly looks aimless and stupid, scenes of her flying and saluting are the dumbest thing, calls Artemis Fowl friend, oh make it stop... Character Assassination marks - 9/10
- Commander Root
What he is the film: The magnificent dame Judi Dench doing a hilarious Irish accent and wearing emerald green, never smokes a cigar. Character Assassination marks - 12/10
- Other Characters
What else is not in the film?
- A cool opening in Vietnam
- The Fairy Book
- Acorns
- Magic (lets be fair, its hardly in it)
- 'I don't even like lollipops'
- Butler in a suit of amour with a mace taking on a troll (among many other things)
- Criminal masterminds
- Guns, explosions,
I digress, but at least they added a magical magufin (the AXIOM) which everyone is after, and loads of fancy CGI (some of it quite stylish and cool), the time stop is initially cool but I don't really 'get' what is going on at the end, its very stupid and confusing (I mean, forget how cool and technical it is in the book, remember Santa?).
I'm exhausted now, I can't wait for the YouTube videos covering this, bravo Disney, you took a beloved franchise with great potential for smart, family entertainment and trashed it so completely it will be remembered only along with the other stalwarts of Eragon, Last Airbender, Hungry Cities and so forth.
Dracula (2020)
From sublime heights to gut wrenching awfulness faster then you can say GOT
A superb first episode with great acting, horror, drama, characters and even a bit of comedy.
A great second episode, a who-dunnit murder mystery on a boat which is still quite an enjoyable ride. A little woke but whatever
The third episode, wtf went wrong? Its literally awful, its stupefying really, its like they set fire to the whole thing with a lighter! Lets introduce dumb teenage characters, lets rehash some Buffy the Vampire Slayer (a show of far greater quality overall), I mean, what the heck? Its completely ruins the first two episodes and makes them completely dead to me, such a shame...such a crying shame.
Flip Flappers (2016)
A creative, colorful, but flawed adventure.
Whats good?
- Its Alice in Wonderland on Drugs - many of the first episodes are self-contained stories set in a different 'reality' of Pure Illusion. This allows the madman director to use some very different styles to tell a standard story, let me illustrate...
- Lead Animator - 'Director, episode 3 needs to show the girls first transformation sequence and adventure, what story shall we tell?'
- Lead Animator - 'Director, episode 5 needs to grow the relationship of the two characters, we could do a dinner episode?'
- Lead Animator - 'Director, its time for the required swimsuit episode 7, shall we do a beach party or a swimming lesson episode?'
And so forth. What i'm trying to get across (with some help from Reddit) is that there is a wide range of very creative environments our characters visit and this is one of the strongest elements of the show. Episode 3, 5 and 7 probably being some of the best episodes.
- Colour - The series animation is average, but the use of style and colour elevates it above the standard level. Its jazzy, exciting and the different worlds are done in various different styles, great stuff!
- Yuri - The series explores the relationship of Cocona and Papika quite boldly, while I think it could go further (much further) here its still one of the better series for looking at romantic relationship between the two girls.
- Voice Actors - Universally good for the Japanese voice-over (as you would expect), the English dub is better then some - recommended.
- Opening/Closing - Fantastic intro and fantastic closing song, very visually kinetic songs in any anime
THE BAD
- We've been here before (story) - Around the episode 9 mark the series tries to bring forward the story. It does this with mixed success. The last few episodes are still good - but I would argue quite predictable.
- Characters - Our main two are quite good, Ayaka (the childhood friend) is also well developed. But most of the other characters are undeveloped or one note, a shame.
- Grounding (and rules) - There are elements here which are just confusing, I still don't understand what a 'amorphous' is and the story is very disjointed...why are those guys dressed as KKK members, i just, don't quite get it. The series would have benefited from some strong characters in 'our' real world (in Madoka this is fulfilled by her mother mainly).
- Fan Service - I read numerous reviews being highly critical of this but...i don't really think there is much here? I really didn't see much - although when it does happen its quite uncomfortable due to the girls age
- Music - Other then the excellent credits pieces its a mixed bag.
Conclusion Worth a watch if you like magical girls or really want to watch something while high. This is a colourful, exciting series that could have been something special, instead its just above average but no less enjoyable for it.
Kotetsujo no Kabaneri (2016)
Broadly enjoyable zombie/steampunk/train anime with some great animation
There's not much (that I know of) in the zombie/steampunk world and Kabaneri of the Iron Fortress is a sold, interesting and generally likable entry into this market.
Its helped in this effort by some interesting world-building, the zombie (Kabane) outbreak seems to have happened at the height of the Japanese samurai age, with survivors grouped in great walled cities protected by samurai musket-men. At the start in particular there is a good focus on class, honor and society. These cities are connected by great iron railways on which armored trains run, taking supplies and people from one to the next, running the gauntlet of horrific zombie hordes from which, a single bite proves entirely fatal..
Kabaneri of the Iron Fortress starts strong with a great two part episode showing the horrific attack of the Kabane (basically fast zombies with flowing hearts, eyes and a nasty bite) on a walled survivors city. Its a great two episodes with a high body count, some terrific action and a desperate escape by armored train. Alas the series steadily looses it's way, but the ride is nevertheless enjoyable while it lasts.
Whats good?
- While it lasts, the story is quite enjoyable, being a sort of bizzaro 'Battlestar Galactica on rails' as our heroes and survivors try to reach safety aboard the great steam train. Its tense, interesting and fresh.
- The supporting cast is largely interesting and well voiced. You care for them more then our main characters anyway.
- The Kabane make for a horrific, interesting foe, a worthy entry into the zombie market.
- Mumei is...well for the first half of the series quite an interesting, watchable character, seeing how the survivors view her and Ikoma is quite interesting.
- The animation is generally excellent as is the character design, the use of CGI (for the iron trains) is solid and the Japanese voicework is similarly good.
- Excellent opening track, one of the best, a thunderous operatic ode.
Whats bad?
- Ikoma makes for a...well a fairly unlikable lead. He's not as bad as some might make out, but he is a little irritating and his character arc is fumbled.
- The second half makes a regrettable choice to focus on more human enemies. These enemies are both obvious, cliche and uninteresting, the second half is watchable but a notable drop in tension, interest and horror.
- This coincides with a notable change in Mumei from bad-ass mysterious warrior to the 'oni-chan' damsel in distress, hugely regrettable.
Conclusion This is a solid series, particularly for those into zombies, steamtrains and samurai, three things that don't normally appear together. While, yes, it probably never would have been made if Attack on Titan didn't exist it really is different enough to warrant a watch. Try it, enjoy it and don't watch the follow up (bleh)
Kabaneri of the Iron Fortress: Unato Decisive Battle (2019)
Significant disappointment after the first season
I was really excited to watch this after the generally good first series, what a huge disappointment, I could barely make it through this by contrast.
Whats good?
- Well the animation is still broadly good, fight scenes are fluid and creative
- The soundtrack is acceptable, the Japanese voice actors also do their best (broadly speaking)
- There isn't much in the steampunk/zombie anime genre to compare by
Whats bad?
- As another reviewer mentioned, the Kabane have been hugely nurfed from the deadly threat to a minor inconvenience. A hilarious scene at the start shows about 30 Kabane jump a single solider and pile on in a huge zombie snowball...only for Ikoma to come along and throw him out and blow the lot up. What a load of tripe - compare this to the tense first episode of season 1 where (in the first three mins) we literally see a man have to commit suicide because of a minor bite, what a change in stakes.
- Hugely disappointing story, oh boy, I wonder who the obvious bad guy is? Say, those other 'allies' seem a little dodgy, 'no we don't need to station troops at the back, trust me' - oh yeah, twirl a mustache while you do it more idiot...I mean the heroes buy it so I guess wtf do i know?
- Ikoma and Mumei - oh dear, oh dear...Mumei at least was an interesting character (for the first six episodes of season 1 before changing to 'oni-chan' mode), now both her and Ikoma are hugely unlikable anime cliches. The previously excellent supporting cast of season 1 make appearances here and there but are largely stock anime characters now.
- Oh and a fairly nonsensical story about an attempt to retake a city, was that really the best they could do with this series, a shame...
Bottom Line
- Enjoy the first season for the fun it is (and seriously, the first six episodes are genuinely, really quite enjoyable), don't bother here unless you have a very low barrier to entry, just love Kabane that much or harbor a morbid love for idiots.