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An error has ocurred. Please try againNew edit: If I feel a movie with a lower rating deserves a higher spot, then I will put it where I think it belongs.
Movies closer to the top got a 1. Ones closer to the bottom got a 3.
As of the last edit:
1-7 is a 1 8-14 is a 2 15-23 is a 3
Also, for the ratings, lowest is a 1 Hell, which signifies one of the worst ever and Uber 10 is the highest, which means one of the best ever.
For 2-10, there is a Weak category which means how I thought of the movie is actually closer to half a star less than what I gave it, but was rounded up to the next closest whole number.
Target means what I thought of the movie is right at about the number of stars I give it. For Target 10's, the rating I think it would be is more like a 9.8 or 9.9.
For 1-9, Strong means what I thought of the movie was rounded down to the next closest whole number.
Only full-length movies on the list!
More will be added.
Reviews
Foodfight! (2012)
Why?
Welp! I don't what to say. How on God's Beautiful Green Earth did this movie get made? Apparently, this cost $65 million to film, and you'd think for that amount of money the animation would at least look competent for 2013. Nope! Almost everything about this film is god-awful and should be recalled from existence. The characters were flatter than a fresh sheet of paper, the animation was like watching everyone dance like they were high, the plot was a clichéd eye-roll, etc. For example, how did Brand X even find out what who was fighting for and against them? Where did characters A, D, and Q come from and where do they go? Do any of us even care what goes on in the film? The "deaths" were pointless, so this movie was robbed of any emotion it might ever have had, although it probably still would have been devoid of any emotion whatsoever. Seriously, what did I just watch? And WHY was this made? Well, not my problem.
There was one positive take away from this movie, and that would be "It's Our World". It sounds lively enough to try and add some life to the movie, but frankly, It's Our World deserved better than this abysmal piece of excrement. That song was the only thing about the movie that actually felt like it was actually in its time period because the rest of it was dated to hell.
So yeah, Foodfight can fall off a cliff and into the depths of no longer existing.
The Dark Tower (2017)
The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed
And then we followed them, hoping we could glimpse greatness. But I found something lying on the desert, as if something were wrong. Maybe I am not alone in seeing this, but I knew I had to find out more. I could see the remains of what was known as potential. I knew this to be potential because it looked like something that could have been a work of genius. And then I realized something. It wasn't the Great Mohaine Desert the man in black and the gunslinger were on at all. This was
MARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yep! That is what we have here for you folks today! How do you have an endless fountain, wealthy of information and ways you could have interpreted the movie, and screw it up this badly!? Did the director even CARE about the source material? This movie has NOTHING to do with the novels it was based off at all. It just felt like Nicolas Arcel just cherry picked tidbits here and there, at RANDOM mind you, and jammed them all into a 95-minute movie that is a gigantic, discombobulated, egg-battered shell of what it could and should have been. This film bastardized the series so much, I have not been this dumbfounded by such a bastardization since Super Mario Bros., and if you are having me compare you to THAT, you know you burned out! The Beamquakes were bastardized to oblivion, Devar Toi does not capture the feeling I had of it when I first learned of it, the scene of the Plaster Man was reduced to a bloody pulp, just to name a few of things that they got so wrong! Also, if you're going to cherry pick from the entire series, why the HELL did you not cast someone to play Eddie OR Susannah!? They were essential to the entire series and if you're going to include characters A, D, and Q in there, you can throw B and C in there at least so that you have your cream of the crop.
Really, what this movie should have done was just base itself off the first book and go the same route the Harry Potter movies went, basing itself off a different installment for each movie. You CAN adapt a 231-page book into a 95-minute, you know. But you just seriously CANNOT adapt over 4000 pages of material into ONE movie that spans for an hour and a half. There is just no way! The Dark Tower series is too big for that, and to be fair, this movie didn't even feel like a true Western like this series very well gets. It just feels forced.
I will give Idris Elba points for what he managed to do as our favorite gunslinger Roland Deschain. He sold the role the best he could, but it also adds to how much wasted potential this movie had. You had great actors, the director himself is capable of good products, and The Dark Tower series is Stephen King's crowning jewel. Do you know how sad it is when your lead does the best he can, but the kind of script you put him in is so degrading when it should have been so good? Do you see why I put the wasted potential on Mars at the beginning of this review? It is because this is one of the biggest wastes of potential I have ever seen on the big screen. Oh, and there is a GEICO product placement in the movie that bastardizes it even more. Yep! Absolutely shameless!
This movie should have been much more, but as it is, it has failed on so many levels that if the movie were firing bullets and were aiming at my head, they would be so far off they would be useless and in Jupiter while I laughed at it. It got virtually nothing right from the books, turned into a mess, and was just a complete waste. I'm going to leave this review in TRUE Dark Tower fashion, which is more than I say for this movie. It will get a 19
out of 99, and this movie really has forgotten the face of its fathers.
The man in black fled across the desert and the gunslinger followed.
Transformers: The Last Knight (2017)
Needs new direction, but still enjoyable (Part 1)
It's been years since I've reviewed a movie. I've felt quite discouraged to continue on after the multiple downvotes I received on my reviews back from 2015. However, the more I saw the reviews of Transformers: The Last Knight, the more I felt I needed to say my own thoughts of the movie, especially since I'm one of the few who still side with Michael Bay's Transformers. Throughout the years, I have come to a realization that Michael Bay's Transformers movies are one of my dearest guilty pleasures because as much as I have bad feelings every time I watch these movies and know I probably shouldn't like these movies, I can't help but enjoy them. Although I will agree that the plots can use some serious brushing up and have seen "Bay admit his mistakes and yet do nothing about them", I genuinely enjoy the special effects, the soundtracks never disappoint (Dark of the Moon's soundtrack in particular I regard to as some of the best movie scores I have heard throughout the entire decade), and every time I watch the final battles, I am thoroughly entertained. That is why I am always coming back for more Transformers and will continue to do so for as long as I can. If I really hated the series as much as a lot of other people, why would I even still be going to see these movies?
So in Bay's latest offering, we have a King Arthur theme, and considering as I've come across a King Arthur book not too long ago, I can genuinely say that I was amped to see The Last Knight and what that movie did with the whole theme. This movie was more of what we've seen in the past, but as I've explained by saying I still thoroughly enjoy what I enjoy of these Transformers movie, I'm not too bothered by that. I will say that this was my least favorite Transformers of the whole series for a few reasons.
For one thing, if you take out the soundtrack, the editing felt very off. This time around, The Last Knight had many scenes in the first 2 acts of the film in which scenes jumped from one place to the next quite a bit and I was left trying to process what I had just watched. Bay, I know you get a lot of hate, and trust me, there are many times throughout the years where I have considered you to be overhated (yes, you saw that correctly, "overHated", NOT "overRated") when it comes to your Transformers, but it is really hard to defend you when you can't even let us catch up with what happened in the movie and it's given me a headache trying to process it all in my head. It was a major pet peeve, especially when I watched movies such as Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance and *shudders* Kool-Aid Cowz? Kamikaze Claus? Oh wait, it's Kod-Adi K.O.Z., which had been 1st place in the Bottom 100 on more than one occasion. Point is, the editing of those movies were so ridiculously, painfully atrocious with those zoom-ins or what have you that they thought looked cool and crowd-pleasing but were in reality god-awfully pestilent and made me want to stab my head with a pick ax, and Bay, if your editing is going to remind me of THOSE movies, then that sure as hell is NOT a good thing. If you left some of those scenes out and expanded on some other of those scenes, I can guarantee you I would not be talking about this right now and more people probably would have enjoyed your movie. Oh, and that Suicide Squad introduction for some of the Transformers? Nuh-uh! Although I didn't hate that movie on its own, I didn't particularly enjoy Suicide Squad either, and I SURE as hell did not need to be reminded of that movie here. If you get inspirations from Suicide Squad of all movies, you need to get help.
Also, there were some humans they really could have left out of the movie. That guy who worked for Cade in the junkyard? Didn't need him. Some of those government idiots? Didn't need them. Izabella? She's debatable, but I would not have been sad to see her have been cut since she didn't add too much to the whole plot. I do, however, like that Izabella is a survivor of the the events in Chicago that took place in Dark of the Moon, and if in a future installment she got expanded upon and really made likable, then by all means keep her in the franchise, especially if Mark Wahlberg is leaving his role of Cade as was reported.
Oh, and speaking of roles, I'm actually really glad to see some older characters return for this film. The last film really missed Lennox and Simmons, and Morshower I was actually happy to see back as well. And speaking of, remember back in film one when Lennox was about to become a father? It's not too far from the time in life where his child is old enough to become a character their self, so I wouldn't be surprised to see them get thrown in in the near future considering Izabella's age is 14 and we've been watching these movies for 10 years now. Just food for thought.
Terminator Genisys (2015)
Terminator: An Introduction
Many people grew up watching the first 2 Terminator movies, so after Judgement Day, all the sequels have humongous shoes to fill, which is what this new Terminator film is tasked with. As such, many people already have some idea of what led to this film. However, I do not have that luxury, and so this is my introduction to the Terminator franchise. I wasn't even alive for the first movie and I was born the year the second movie came out. I never watched the Sarah Connor Chronicles and when I started picking for myself what movies to see in theaters, Salvation had only just already left the big screen and nothing has really come in the way of opportunities to see what the Terminator universe really is. But the advantage here is that because of all of this, I can watch this as it's own movie and not have to judge it alongside the first 2 films. So let's begin the journey with Genisys.
Genisys right out of the bat already looked promising. It was nice to see Arnie back in a role that made him an icon, the T- 800. Daenarys Targaryen, Mother of Dra... I mean Emilia Clarke, now takes on the role of Sarah Connor, and so one trades politics for being a machine and the other trades in dragons for guns and rockets. As for the rest of the characters, I can't say I had too much knowledge about them, though I have heard of Skynet, the T-1000, and John Connor. The story is set in the near future and begins like many other movies where some shït went horribly wrong despite its beginnings. At the same time though, these movies always take their own direction, and Genisys is no different.
The only bad I really have to say, and this is a minor spoiler, is that there is dialogue that voices over the opening battle and I feel that dragged that battle down quite a bit. However, this only happens once. After that, it is actually smooth sailing.
I have no idea what people who know the whole story think about the T-800 and Sarah Connor, but for me, with every character, I do feel as if I know what makes a man a man and a machine a machine. You don't have to know the films to know that the T-800 and Sarah Connor have a lot of history. I could just watch a commercial about Sarah Connor and say "Oh, Sarah? Guess this is gonna be a Terminator story!" and go on with my day. But the fact that they do means these characters already have a connection that make them inseparable. But the trick is to make both characters into a balance of both human and machine to make it worthwhile to the newcomer and I feel this movie does that, even though Terminator has a harder time adjusting.
Then you have Kyle Reese. Um... who is this guy? Never heard of him, but while he isn't as well fleshed out as the other characters, he does hold his own and he does fit in with his new family that includes T-800 and Sarah. However, why he is not fleshed-out is because I never really know enough about Kyle to really see the whole story. At least, not until the end of the film.
The plot is nothing new, but that doesn't mean it is boring at all. As a sci-fi action movie, it keeps me in my seat until the end and has a few instances that made me drop my jaw. The action in this film is never a dull moment, but whenever we don't see fighting, I learn something new about who these characters are. It isn't unpredictable, but there are some very human characteristics about the story that gives this movie a backbone and so the film begins to grow in that regard.
In the end, the decision to see this film shouldn't be left to the critics. As its own film, it's actually really good. Therefore, the decision of whether or not you want to see this should really be left to you.
Chappie (2015)
What were the haters smoking?
When the first trailers came for Chappie, I was really intrigued and wanted to see the movie. Then when it came out, it got trashed by critics. Almost 4 months later, I rent it from Redbox and watch it. Now that I've watched it, I've but one thing to ask: what were the people who hated this movie smoking and where can I get some?
Chappie is basically 2015's District 9, directed by Neil Blomkamp and takes place in Johannesburg, Africa. The plots are similar enough; however, what separates Chappie from District 9 is that unlike District 9, which was a good movie but had a slow first 30 minutes, Chappie gets going right away and is a good movie. This means that what Chappie does is it does not hesitate to get on with the story while it sets up and therefore thinks quick on its feet. It might get confusing at first, but it's not too long before it clears up. When it clears up though, this movie kept me on the edge of my seat from start to finish. It has funny scenes, emotional scenes, and they are used appropriately, never taking itself too seriously, but seriously enough to make it a meritable film.
The character Chappie is a sentient robot that can think like a human, but at the same time is a child, so it must learn the basis of its surroundings. It isn't always easy however as during its first day of... school... its life is put in danger. But it is as Chappie develops and learns that I learn and begin to know just who Chappie really is, which is a learning soul who turns his teachers into his family who will defend that family at any cost. He never fully matures until almost the end of the film, but his intelligence works with the story this movie wants to tell, which makes Chappie a very interesting character.
Dev Patel takes on the role of Chappie's maker, Deon. At some parts of the film we do not see Deon, but I'm okay with that since Chappie is the star of the show. But when he does show up on screen, I see an honest scientist who will do anything he can to help Chappie, even if it isn't always sufficient. I don't quite care for him as much as Chappie, but I do still root for him throughout the film.
Hugh Jackman fills in the role of Vince, the villain, which was actually surprising at first, but I do feel he did a decent job as Vince, as well as being a villain. Of course, this isn't his first movie with robots because I remember him in the 2011 movie Real Steel, as well as X-Men: Days of Future Past if we want to count the Sentinels, but I do think he can take a role in a robot movie and make a character out of it, like he did here.
Hans Zimmer does an amazing score as usual, though I will admit I didn't realize it was him until the end credits. But yes, the score really fit the mood of the movie in a way not many music composers can, especially during the movie's emotional scenes. Hans Zimmer is a music composer were not going to get many of in our lifetimes.
All in all, a very honest movie that, while not all the characters are fleshed out, knows when and when not to be serious with itself, makes a star out of Chappie, has great music, and really makes watching a lot of emotional fun. So I ask again: what were the haters smoking?
Inside Out (2015)
Phenomenal
Back in 2010, the last Pixar movie I had seen was Toy Story 3. It was phenomenal. Since then, I never got around to seeing Cars 2, Brave, or Monsters University. A bit more often, though still not very, I might see eye to eye with the critics. That might be because I never care what they have to say if I really want to enjoy a movie. Since Toy Story 3, no Pixar movie has ever caught my eye quite like Inside Out, so I decided to do an out- of-town viewing on the way home from work. I had nigh on 4 hours to kill anyway, and this already seemed like something to be very hopeful for. Thankfully, my hopes were well-placed because Pixar has pulled out a Hail Mary and scored a game- winning touchdown with Inside Out.
Inside Out deals with Riley's emotions, who must learn to grow when Riley moves to a new home. This proves easier said than done, but at the same time, it gives a chance to really build the world going on in Riley's mind. You have Joy, Sadness, Fear, Disgust, and Anger as the emotions, and each one serves a purpose vital to how their person lives. But how they are vital isn't always apparent, and in the inside world, that's where the plot begins. My personal favorite character is the main one, Joy, who does the beginning and ending narrations.
It's a really cute film, something one of the people at my work told me. Because of this, it'll be an awesome choice for the whole family. In fact, I really think this breaks a Pixar world record for how cute it is because I can't find a Pixar film that has really been as cute as this. Other have their moments, but none quite like this. Maybe that's just Joy in my mind glowing out a yellow memory orb.
Speaking of which, everyone has these emotions, which brings me to my next point. It is really funny when it takes a light- hearted tone, but at the same time, it is relatable. I found myself relating to many of the characters in the film, from Riley to Sadness to Joy to even Anger and the minor characters. Moving can be tough on the children. I know this because I've moved around a lot in my elementary school years until I finally had a stable place for the rest of my childhood and it can really impact lives in the immediate and long run. This makes it sad to let some characters go, and there were such in this movie. It was well-done, but still really sad and has a shock value.
Overall, I have to hand it to Pixar: they can really please a crowd. I know this because my crowd, which was practically sold out, applauded at the end of this film. Inside Out is simply amazing and a must- see. Trust the critics and all the positive reviews on this one. You'll be glad you did.
Lava (2014)
Satisfyingly cute
For those of you who are going to see Inside Out, this is the short that will accompany the actual movie. I was expecting a devastating eruption because lava is normally associated with that, but it is instead a musical about finding love. In that sense, it is a really cute short. It did feel underwhelming compared to other Pixar shorts like For The Birds, Burn-E, and Day & Night, so it almost feels like having a satisfying appetizer you probably wouldn't have ordered before getting to the gourmet main course you came for. But as its own thing, it works. It wants to be a cute musical and it is one. It also doesn't lack in a plot despite there being very little to work with, so it definitely is a worthy short, even if there are quite a few better ones out there.
Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010)
About what I expected, nothing more or less
Tonight's review is going to be short because honestly, there really isn't much to say about this movie other than the fact my mom found it on SyFy. I do remember the trailers and thinking to myself that it didn't look to be anything I'd want to watch.
Now that I have watched it (without watching the first 3 films, mind you), I can't say it was good or bad. It was just there to be there. It is a run-of-the-mill horror sequel based on what I think are the video games. There isn't much in the way of a plot, but it doesn't try to be anything innovative. It's about what you'd expect, which is a stale horror movie with some jump scares containing over-the-top monsters. It also knows what it wants to be, which is fun, but it does fall short the majority of the movie. But it did keep me in my seat and it's not the worst way ever to waste time, which is the movie's best purpose.
Jurassic World (2015)
Thrlling and left me at the edge of my seat
22 years ago, Steven Spielberg brought Jurassic Park from the paper to the big screen. 2 sequels then came out in 8 years, exceeding the books, which only went on for 2 stories. But after 2001, the movies disappeared, leaving me left to wonder: was Jurassic Park III really the end of an era? Ever since I was a child, watching these movies made dinosaurs one of my biggest fears. When I found that this movie was announced, I knew 2 things. One, Jurassic Park would live on, even as children who have watched this became adults. And two, which was the more important thing, if I was going to watch this movie, I would have to get to work and face my fears.
Right from the get-go, the movie does not hesitate to get itself right to the action and location as we see 2 of Claire's (Bryce Dallas Howard) nephews come to Isla Nublar, where Jurassic World has become a full-fledged theme park. Being that Isla Nublar is the location of the first movie, this movie also is not afraid to remember where it all came from. You can only guess that being a Jurassic Park movie, shït will go down for the worse at some point.
Meet the Indominus Rex, a hybrid created to attract visitors. That it would be in parent's nightmares is about how I would put it. When the Indominus Rex wreaks havoc, it is a really scary sight to watch. This is a great thing because it means that it accomplished its purpose: to be terrifying. But not only that, the intelligence of the Indominus is a really astonishing aspect that makes this terrible creature a unique and worthy villain.
Then you have Owen Grady (Chris Pratt), an expert at understanding animals. This makes him able to communicate with velociraptors. It also makes him into a hardened protagonist, and a very likable one at that, with his no- nonsense attitude, a brave demeanor, a calm, smart mind, alongside an easygoing personality that makes him outgoing and willing to work with anything and anyone willing to work with him.
Special effects were spectacular, from the night skies to the dinosaurs. Attention to detail is well-done with the dinosaurs, which one could see just by going to a Dairy Queen while the Jurassic Smash Blizzard is still available and looking at the scales of the Indominus Rex when deciding what you want from the menu.
Meanwhile, the plot does what it sets out to do: be an edge of your seat thrill ride, and believe me, I WAS on the edge of my seat with this film. I'll even go as far as to say that this may just be one of the scariest movies I have seen in a long time. Like said, the Indominus was terrifying, there were gruesome deaths. However, what I also love is that it doesn't just make itself terrifying, but you get to see how dinosaurs talk to each other and even get to feel for some of the dinosaurs, from the gentle giant apatosaurus to the trained raptors to even the T- Rex!
It is not for the faint of heart. But it is well worth the price of an admission ticket and does not disappoint at all. If you feel you can sit through without cowering in fear, then this is a must see.
Absolute Zero (2006)
Geographic Accuracy is at Absolute Zero
Absolute Zero is a speculator subject in that, scientifically, nothing is supposed to be colder than Absolute Zero, hence why it got its name. Nova's documentary on the matter explains it thoroughly. So then why is it that this movie wastes monumental amounts of potential when an idea for a movie based on Absolute Zero gives out so many possibilities?
Within minutes of the beginning of the movie, something is very off from the starting gate, and the first thing to notice is how poorly this movie portrays the concept of Absolute Zero.
The following is according to Wikipedia: At temperatures below -196 Celsius, oxygen and nitrogen would have liquefied and fallen to the surface. Below -220 Celsius, those liquefied gases become solid. This all would reduce the atmospheric pressure down to 0, soon bringing the very gaseous atmosphere with it. Furthermore, once you actually approach Absolute Zero, let alone reach it, a manifestation of a Bose-Einstein condensate would happen. At WHAT point in the film does ANY of that happen? The answer is never to all of these.
Some other fallacies in thermal and geographic content of the film include the following: 1. If the poles shift and reach Absolute Zero upon settling, then even if Miami were to become one of the poles, the other pole would be the world's furthest point from Miami, which would make it impossible for the entire tropic region to become the tundra, as well as make New York tropical since it would close enough to Miami to still be in the tundra. 2. Humans would freeze while it was still well above Absolute Zero. In fact, human skin can begin to become tricky to separate from metal even at as high as 9 Fahrenheit, and that's a POSITIVE Fahrenheit value. I know this because I have actually touched metal at that temperature before. 3. The very air should be frozen solid at Absolute Zero since that is when all molecular motion stops.
The only thing this movie gets right about Absolute Zero is that it is -273 Celsius. At that point though, I am past caring and really only want to watch this for the entertainment and to see what Absolute Zero might look like. It's a B-movie version of The Day After Tomorrow, pretty much, but if you plan to watch this, that's the least of your worries with this one.
One more thing wrong is the characters. They were not thought-out well at all. Here, character development and acting are more faithful to Absolute Zero than the actual Absolute Zero in the film. Almost everyone annoyed me in some way during the film and no one seemed invested in their role at all. I cared for absolutely zero people in this film, and knowing how inconsistent this people are, it's not hard to see why.
So why did I give this 2 stars instead of 1? There is actually some music in the score that makes this worthwhile, especially towards the end when it gets sad. However, for the most part, this movie is a gigantic Absolute Zero.
Sharknado (2013)
So Bad It's Hilariously Good
SyFy TV movies are usually so half-assed that I never care for them. The special effects are too cheesy to take seriously and the plot stinks. Sharknado is definitely on the same boat, but at the same time, there has to be a reason it become such a huge hit. After watching Sharknado, I see why before the film even begins. It is hilariously over-the-top, which brings this movie into the echelon of "so bad it's good".
There really isn't much to say about the plot past that last paragraph. The concept and execution are both so over-the- top that the movie becomes a comedy, even though the 2 main genres it falls in are Horror and Sci-Fi. I laughed at loud in several spots of the movie, and the play on irony is done in a way that I can't help but laugh at the movie, so it becomes fun. Also, except for Finn and Nova, I didn't really care who lived or who died, and Finn ONLY because he is the main character. Most of the supporting cast are really just perverted people who didn't put dying during a Sharknado on their upcoming To- Do Lists. The rest are either so emotionless that even Bella Swan from Twilight would be jealous while not giving 2 fücks about them and, of course, the sharks, who live the dream of being able to fly while apparently taking classes from Pac-Man on how to eat people. I even heard a few of these sharks became doctors once they got their Man-Eating Degrees, minoring in Over-the-Top Sciences.
The only person I could get any kind of grasp on from ending up being Nova. Sounds perverted, you ask? Well, hot as she is, she has the most flesh out of any character in the movie. It isn't much, but it's enough to make her an interesting bad-ass all on her own.
The special effects are corny, but that's typical of SyFy TV movies. It's supposed to look low-budget. Would it really be famed like it is now if Sharknado really had great special effects? Of course, it's popular for the wrong reasons, but Sharknado at least knows this and is honest about it.
All in all, you have to have your brain turned off and lighten up when watching Sharknado. Do NOT go in with anything but low expectations or you will be sorry you hadn't turned it down after watching the movie. But, if you want to kill time, this might be the unexpected thing you were looking for because honestly, yes, it's bad, but it's so bad that it is also hilariously good.
Kod Adi K.O.Z. (2015)
One of the Worst Films of All-Time
"Worst film ever" or "one of the worst films ever" is such an overused phrase, so much so as to give a movie that I stopped taking these comments seriously. However, such a phrase actually qualifies in the case of this film. This really IS one of the worst "movies", if we even want to call this turd that, that has ever been made and that #1 spot in the Bottom 100 is very well-deserved. I could only watch the whole film because I willed myself through it, much like Manos: The Hands of Fate. Flipping the bird at the film a grand total of 122 times helped me keep myself from destroying the laptop I used to watch it on YouTube. So everyone who gave this a negative review, I am right there with you.
The popular note about this film I've come across was how this was Turkish propaganda and how this was a new-age Nazi propaganda film. Honestly, this is where the first of many mistakes this film made lies: there are no subtitles that can help native speakers to other languages such as myself understand where this film is coming. It has a complete lack of regard to anyone who does not speak Turkish. Even Keloglan vs. the Black Prince, another god-awful film in the Bottom 100 from Turkey, had the decency to be made available in other languages. Not THIS one! No, it instead forces me to try to follow what is going on using the scenes.
This leads to my next, and arguably biggest, problem with this waste of film: it zooms in at unnecessary points oftentimes in the film and explains nothing. The requirement with foreign language films is that as long as I can follow the scenes, or even better, English subtitles since I live in America and speak English, I won't have a problem watching the film. But the special effects trying to zoom in or out at any possible moments and try to make it suspenseful when the transition really only need to be smooth make this very hard to follow or care about what's going on and I couldn't give two shïts about anyone in the film. In short, if you aren't curious as to why this film sucks so bad or if you didn't get wasted during the film, the only acceptable reason to watch this filthy hot mess is if you were torture chamber and your life depended on watching this in its dreaded entirety, and honestly, in that situation, I would just take a quick death just to end the pain and suffering.
This is also inconsistent, changing up with black-and-white shots, unnecessary zoom-in shots, etc. Seriously, when coming up with this abomination, did the editors even bother to make cuts necessary to make this look even halfway passable for a finished film? I'm willing to bet the answer to that question is a resounding NO. They were probably drinking 10 beers in 2 minutes saying "Hey, that looks cool! Put it in the film! I'm sure audiences will love it", and then after sobering up didn't even bother doing their job.
One more thing I must add is how serious it tried to make itself when really, all it was doing was making even more of a mockery of itself than it already was. If you want a film to be taken serious, make sure it is good too and not be a load of drivel like this film was. There were scenes where I grew quite bored with it, others where I got a headache, and most where I was just fed up. Hollywood has missteps too, but in crime movies, they at least know how it is done and how to be watchable and interesting at the same time and CAN be taken seriously. The same obviously can't be said for this film.
Avoid this movie and pretend it never existed if you haven't seen it, but if you're dead-set on watching this catastrophe anyway, do a drinking game, drinking to when the camera zooms in or out. At least then you'll have a good time, though you'll also be really wasted and have a huge hangover. This truly is one of the worst films I have ever had the displeasure of viewing. Have a good day!
All Dogs Go to Heaven (1989)
Lazy Villain, but this film has almost all the right moves otherwise
Some animated movies we grow to love as kids. Others we don't get an opportunity to see until we're much older. With this movie, I fall in that second category at the age of 24. To be honest, I don't mind having missed this as a kid, but that doesn't automatically make it a bad thing. I've seen better and worse than this as far as animated movies go.
All Dogs Go To Heaven is a movie heavily centered on dogs, like The Secret of NIMH for mice and rats, Legend of the Guardians for owls, Finding Nemo for aquatic life, and Madagascar for a lion, zebra, hippopotamus, giraffe, and a group of military penguins. The main protagonist is Charlie, a happy-go-lucky carefree dog who goes through a plot I've seen before, done better and done worse. His plot is one of change, as in, he must change who he is to become something better. He does this through a little girl named Anne-Marie, who is actually a lost girl, but also smart and kind. To see such a change with Charlie through this little girl is heart-warming, but there were some parts about it that were cringe-worthy, so it wasn't all perfect.
Then there's Carface, the villain. From the beginning, he really is more annoying and stupid than anything else. He makes harsh decisions for making the sake of making harsh decisions, he is a hypocrite, and he never thinks, blaming his stupidity on his subjects. His motives, or lack thereof, make him a lazily written villain and so Carface easily becomes my biggest gripe about the movie. However, the rest of the cast more than make up for Carface's shortcomings.
The jokes and songs don't always land, but when they do, and they do often, it helps the plot of the movie and also make it better in itself. There sad scenes in the film were heartfelt and genuine, so it works. Being Judith Barsi's final film, the fact that the film dedicated so much to her memory, including the ending theme, was a very nice homage and I'm sure she is feeling honored watching this in Heaven even to this day.
I wish I could give this film a higher rating, but Carface as a villain is a problem I cannot overlook and there were parts of the film I felt dry, so I'm stuck with giving it a 7. But it is still a good movie and worth a watch.
Black Ice (1992)
A missed opportunity made decent by Vanessa
OnDemand can have some well-known choices and some not so much. This movie falls into the second category for sure. The title Black Ice seemed interesting enough as a name, and the premise drew me in, so here I am watching this movie. I cannot say it was the best movie ever, but it certainly isn't the worst either.
The movie is about a girl from Detroit named Vanessa who is on the run from a villainous FBI agent. This idea has been done real well before. Why not now? Sure, Detroit to Seattle seems random, but for a road trip, it is nothing to take lightly. Trust me, this is coming from a guy who has been on a few road trips myself.
The plot definitely has its ups and downs. On the bad side, this feels way too abrupt to really care for anyone too much and the final act did seem to get tiresome. This is the biggest problem this movie has and I feel like they missed an opportunity to make a great, risky movie. However, the plot is also believable even if the convenience of some of the happenings in the plot does tend to be grating when it gets repetitive. Also, it doesn't try to be anything more than what it is, but it also does not sugarcoat itself either and can get ballsy. There were times when I asked if it explained what it was trying to do, but then I remembered when the thing I got lost on was explained and carried on with the movie, so to say this movie doesn't explain anything is simply not true because there is actually quite a bit explained here for a movie rated a 4.9/10 overall on IMDb.
Ben is not someone who is well-fleshed and so I did not care for his character at all, but Vanessa I actually did feel for, especially when considering why it is she ended up being on the run. Throughout the movie then, I am rooting for Vanessa, if only because she was the only person to root for. There weren't too many characters in the movie though, so that does in a way make up for lack of likable characters. The villain after her was a worthwhile villain, so the movie was kept interesting enough to watch start to finish.
Spoiler alert: there are a few sex scenes in the movie. Through Vanessa's body, it convinced me how beautiful she is, so it was enough to feel erotic, but past that, these could have and should have been longer and shown more so that it wasn't so watered-down. Being a film not well-known, this could have benefited from a then-X rating instead of only an R.
This film made me feel a lot of things, and while not all of them are good, the good feelings coming out of it do make the movie worthwhile, even for something that is absolutely a one-time showing. Most of the good that came out of the film was definitely from Vanessa, and since she is the main character, that works well enough for me.
Do I recommend this? Sure, if you want to pass some time, but don't expect anything groundbreaking. If you have Xfinity OnDemand, you have plenty of time to watch this. It doesn't expire away until January 31st, 2017.
Mortdecai (2015)
Annoying rip-off that makes a buffoon out of itself
January 22nd, 2015, a trio of panned movies were released into theaters. These were The Boy Next Door, Strange Magic, and... whatever this movie is. I have taken to calling them the Terrible Trio, even though this is the first of the 3 I am actually watching.
From the get-go, Mortdecai, played excruciatingly by Johnny Depp, gets an accent so annoying that I wonder why I even bothered to watch such tripe in the first place, but he wasn't an only annoying accent. Pretty much every character annoyed me with their accents, with arguable exceptions of Joanna and Chuck, portrayed respectively by Gwenyth Paltrow and Paul Bettany. Of course, 2 people do not make up for a full cast in this situation. As such, it turned from a film I wanted to like to a film that I wished would end already, which only took like 16 seconds for that to happen.
Oh don't worry, the accents aren't the only cringe-worthy thing about this POS. The characters were all either very unlikable or unbelievable that all I could in good conscience root for is for time to fast forward all the way to the end. Mortdecai is a wannabe Closeau with an ugly mustache that annoyed me just by being on his disgusting face. Chuck, the manservant to Mortdecai, may be a butt-kicking dude, as shown in the trailer, but that doesn't stop him from being an idiotic buffoon, and this is one of the BETTER characters in the film, which obviously doesn't say much. Joanna is convenient wife who has absolutely no chemistry with her husband whatsoever, and the villains are just as over-the-top in their buffoonery, if not more.
The scene transitions are a joke. At many points, this movie thinks that the audience could pick up on what's going on and jump into the next scene, but it does this in a way that is so rushed that it really just makes a parody of itself. The transitions that don't feel rushed are unnecessary, points out the obvious, and are just there to increase the runtime. Nothing else to it, except that whoever was hired to do these transitions was probably drunk out of their mind when "doing their job".
The plot itself is just a rip-off of The Pink Panther. Of course, remembering how bored I was with the Peter Sellars movie, that already is a BAD sign as to where this "movie" is going to go. Glad I haven't watched Steve Martin's remake. The characters are annoying, so I don't care for these bozos, there is no character development whatsoever, and while I did laugh maybe 2 times, the laugh(s) are very few and far between.
The score was okay enough that it does save it from a 1, but this movie was still a train-wreck in almost every sense of the word. The score tries to give it a swank atmosphere since that is the intention of the story, or lack thereof, but everything else ruins the good intentions of the score.
In short, AVOID THIS MOVIE! You'll be grateful you did.
How to Train Your Dragon 2 (2014)
Every bit as good as the first
Back in 2010, a fun animated movie about how to train a dragon took Dreamworks by storm. With such success as the first movie achieved, a sequel came out 4 years later. As such, How To Train Your Dragon 2 had very high expectations to meet. To me, at least, these expectations were met and more.
The movie picks up with Hiccup and Toothless training to become a better duo as Berk, their home, has become a place where humans and dragons live together in peace. But Hiccup still has loose ends he needs to tie up, such as the timeless question to figure out his identity. Who is Hiccup? It is while looking for the answer to this very question that he and Astrid, his new girlfriend, stumble upon a group of people working for Dragonfist, the new villain, replacing the hell dragon from the previous movie.
Along the way, he meets his long-lost mother, who has a dragon safe haven of her own, which includes an Alpha, a king of all dragons. While she and Hiccup catch up and the dragons play with each other to get to know each other better, a mother-son bond forms in such a way that behind all the laughs in the movie is a heart-warming chemistry that works well with the plot of the movie. We even see Stoic, Hiccup's dad, reunite with her and see the promise of a family rebuilding. Honestly, that is something I'd be looking forward to seeing.
That is... until Dragonfist decided to be a dick and try to hold all the dragons hostage. This is actually important because it not only present Hiccup with his greatest challenge, but it puts to the test how well Hiccup and Toothless have really bonded with each other.
The animation is done just as well as the last movie, which alone makes this fun to watch. The laughs are well-timed in this film, which only makes since Toothless is still the most hilarious dragon this side of Eragon's Saphira. The plot is engaging and consistent with a healthy balance of action, drama, and comedy, which is what a good animated family film about dragons needs in addition to well-done animation, which this has. It is a sequel that not only matches the first, but builds on it.
Astrid and Hiccup aren't near each other too much, but when they are, their chemistry is good, so their relationship works. I would love to see this build upon itself in the next sequel, coming out in 2018. The only real downside was how easily Stoic was able to locate his son every time. Granted, this is explained, but still, I found this a bit too convenient. That aside, I would hope this doesn't go the Shrek route and impress the crowds again when movie 3 comes out.
Tusk (2014)
Stale
Oh boy. I don't think ideas for horror movies get so over-the- top than Tusk, though a comedy horror is a risky genre that has paid of before, courtesy of Zombieland back in 2009. If you've seen the trailer, you can probably guess what the premise here is. If you haven't, don't worry. If you can stick around long enough to get to where the horror aspect begins, which is a chore to do all by itself, you should be able to figure it out by that point.
Journey to another boring horror movie, that tries to be a comedy and fails miserably. Despite the Comedy genre I saw attached to it on the Redbox machine, what it has, way more than it does laughs, is exposition that makes The Last Airbender shït in its pants. The flashbacks seldom ever add anything to the plot and is more likely just there to make the movie longer so that it fills an hour and a half of wasted time instead of maybe 50-60 minutes of it. There are laughs, but they are few and very far between and the movie was stale as a result.
Also, I couldn't care less about these characters, except maybe Teddy. Of course, the only reason I even followed Teddy is because Haley Joel Osment, the guy portraying Teddy, is Sora's Voice Actor for Kingdom Hearts, so really, I am really only rooting for Sora more than I am Teddy. As far as the other characters, they were too underdeveloped and, outside of being a victim, they just were not memorable.
That said, the horror aspect of the film is served as there was a slight sense of dread and even the tiniest bit of sadness come the film's end. I am even willing to admit that the villain of the film was cringe-worthy enough to be somewhat worthwhile. But this can't really save the film here. The cons far outweigh the pros because it failed as a comedy. I see what it wanted to go for, but the execution could have been a lot better and it failed to give me enough to like it. Tusk had the potential there, but it was wasted and the end result was not satisfying.
Kissing Jessica Stein (2001)
Had potential, but felt rushed and played WAY too safe just for the sake of it
Before tonight, I have never even heard of this movie. I also don't normally watch romantic comedies because many times, they are very corny and just don't work. Now, while this movie isn't perfect (and believe me, it is VERY far from perfect), it is interesting in both premise and title.
Kissing Jessica Stein actually starts off on a promising note. While the 2 love interests (Jessica and Helen) have very different beginnings, their chemistry as a couple is really believable. Because of that, I am on board for a lesbian love story. Throughout the movie, I kept rooting for their relationship to grow and for a while, it does. Jessica and Helen I think are a really cute couple and when they're in love, they are very likable as characters. As Jessica and Helen make out, it gives a sexy vibe to the movie.
But, giving this indie film a chance, my praise ends as I leave that last paragraph. See, this film could have been much more, but instead, we get a totally watered-down, rushed plot that is really just a cöcktease and past the make outs, the film never really goes anywhere and instead plays it safe. In a film about lesbian relationships, it would have been a better move to show a few scenes of nudity since it stated the 2 girls have sex, and as an indie film about a lesbian relationship, this probably would have benefited more as an NC-17 film rather than an R.
The transitioning is so fast that it becomes haphazard really quick. As a result, the plot has no flesh, no development, and many times throughout the movie, I am left wondering what happened. It isn't all like this because obviously the heart-to- heart Jessica and her mother have has time to be in the movie, but many scenes (a make up scene between Jessica and Helen is most definitely one of those scenes) could have used a few more minutes time given to the scene so that I could understand the happenings of the film a little more.
Speaking of which, the ending where Jessica and Helen break up for good and become just friends really defeats the purpose of the film and so it squanders a chance to really be something special. Once again, how this all happens is rushed to oblivion and it really doesn't work. It would have done better to let the 2 girls grow in love with one another and end in their own wedding. Instead, it becomes a clichéd guy gets a girl ending that just doesn't fit in at all.
One last thing, the soundtrack is atrocious. Good songs are ruined by bad covers, and the songs I haven't heard before ruin the mood of the movie. The only thing these songs add to anything about the movie is how safe this movie plays.
So with everything said, I welcome gay relationships in movies. Brokeback Mountain and Boys Don't Cry do this very well. But in the case of this movie, it could have been a great movie, yet it didn't want to take risks and instead went for a rushed, safe plot.
Chopped (2007)
Laughable at times, but fun and different
Chopped is not exactly the most prominent Reality TV competition. American Idol is having its final season next year, Survivor has been here since 2000 and is going to be at 32 seasons by this time next year, and I have watched Big Brother from the US and Canada editions (not to mention that Canada watches US Big Brother and vice versa). However, Chopped is a different kind of game.
On Chopped, you are given 4 ingredients for each meal from a basket and you have to make a dish out of whatever ingredients you pull out of the box, however bizarre they are, in a given amount of time (any other ingredient and machine in the kitchen can also be used). Seems simple enough, right? Well... not really. The show has 3 judges who will eat anything off the plates, critique the dishes, and decide who goes home out of a starting roster of 4 people. The insanity that goes on in the kitchen makes for a scramble that will put avid food fans at the edge of their seats. Really, it's the scrambling to make their dishes that shines in this show because not only does it make it fun, it crowns deserving winners upon deserving winners. I have even seen 1 winner of the show appear again as a judge, so if one of the judges wanted to be in the kitchen, don't count them out.
The judges critiques/comments I am mixed on. What judges make notes on while the contestants cook I do find to be positive feedback and helps us, the audience, learn about the ingredients that come out of the basket. But when giving criticism about the dishes, it can sometimes get pretty stupid real quick. Describing desserts too sweet and saying that grilled cheese cannot be a dessert are 2 examples of that and some of the eliminations are, in all honesty, kind of bogus as a result. But a lot of other criticisms are very fair and so unfair eliminations are not too much of a problem. I like Scott Conant, Chris Santos, and Amanda whatsherface especially as judges.
My other big problem is that the host is way too easy to make fun of during the cooking portions of the episodes and so it makes the show more laughable at times when it really doesn't need to be as so. However, it doesn't destroy the show entirely as he does a professional job with the eliminations and introductions.
All in all, Chopped is a fine choice for people who want to find something different on TV. However, it really needs to be taken with a grain of salt.
Wild (2014)
Nature Calls
While a biography wouldn't be the first thing that comes to mind to watch, there was something about this movie that was calling me to watch it. After waiting a long while, just staring at the cover art and being interested by the trailer, I finally get around to watching Wild. From what I got, would it make me want to hike a trail? Maybe, though the nearest one to me is the Appalachian Trail, which I have been to, but have never really tried to hike the whole trail since I was only there due to a trip to Bear Mountain. So I guess it would inspire me to hike the Appalachian Trail in a way that I can see how such a long trek can really make a person grow.
The Pacific Crest Trail, the trail Cheryl Strayed hikes, is a trail that goes from the U.S.-Mexico border to the U.S.-Canada border, but I noticed one major flaw with the plot of the movie in relation to real life: the movie clocks the PCT at 1,100 miles, but according to Wikipedia, the PCT really goes on for over 2,500 miles, and bikers can go on for about 2,700 miles. I haven't looked up the Bridge of the Gods though, so maybe I'm the knucklehead who's wrong here. Let's move on.
Throughout the movie, as Cheryl is hiking, many flashbacks are shown to illustrate what Cheryl's life was like in the past. It takes a while to figure out how it relates to the plot and how it is all connected to how Cheryl ended up hiking such a long trail in the first place. When it does though, while it makes Cheryl more rounded as a character and someone I could synthesize with, I found that I couldn't care less about any other character in the movie, not even her own mother.
This movie does not hold back on nudity more than it needed to not be an NC-17 movie as sex ends up being a factor in Wild. Reese as Cheryl shows her nipples very early on in the movie and she is naked in several scenes in the movie. Thankfully, these aren't useless outside of something to jerk off to and instead does correlate to the story being told in the film. Also in the movie is blood and bruises, which is a very real part of long distances. I know this from experience because sometimes when I need to walk several miles to a train station on the way home from work, I would find blisters on my foot. Because of this, I connect with Cheryl and appreciate this movie that much more.
Other than the frequent misjudging of distance and inadequate supporting character development, the film's other notable flaw may be its relative slow pacing, especially at the beginning. This movie isn't for people who are looking for something fast- paced, but if you can connect with Cheryl as a character, this movie will be worth your time. One nice touch is pictures of the real Cheryl at the end of the film. It also doesn't make the normal biography cliché of writing on- screen what happened to the characters after the end of the movie. Instead, it is narrated, which I thought was cool.
Wild is a movie that requires patience to enjoy, but if you can appreciate its purpose, it becomes a powerful film.
Kung Fu Panda 2 (2011)
A Fight for Identity
In what was a sequel to the successful 2008 movie known as Kung Fu Panda, the titular panda must fight not only to save China, but to find out who he truly is. This becomes easier said then done through a series of kung fu mishaps that provides some laughs. It also provides a story surprisingly darker than the first, but it's exactly the plot's darker turn that gives it more depth.
The first film shows Po, the panda, being raised by a goose. It's obvious they're not really related, but we don't really don't touch base with that until this film. It's in no way, shape, or form a new concept, but I get why it took 2 films to explain such deep roots about what happened to his parents. Furthermore, I get how Po got to where he was, from the attack on his birth village to being raised by a goose to becoming a kung fu warrior. It all works in Po's favor and makes me care for Po. This will mean that whatever happens next, Po is past character development. He is fleshed out and he becomes a very likable protagonist and hero.
I can't say the same for anyone else. I still care nothing for any of the Furious 5. Maybe the spin-offs might give more tiny details, but since I don't watch those, I am forced to look only at the context of the movie. Other than Tigress, the Furious 5 were pretty much nonexistent for me in the film, and even with Tigress, who Angelina Jolie again lends her voice to, I only see her tough persona turning into a kind of mother figure that has been done before and/or better. Master Shifu is a fine supporting character, but I won't remember his right away either, and neither will I be too quick to remember most of the rest of the cast.
The villain is really unlikable, which is good since I end up rooting for Po that much more. That being said, he does have a story of his own and it adds to the plot to give it purpose. Because of this, it makes his fights against Po that much more meaningful.
The character animation stays true to its predecessor, but the flashback animations is nothing to scoff at either. Babies are supposed to be cute, and baby pandas are no exception to the rule. Thankfully this was remembered when creating the final product and it not only made Po look adorable as a panda cub, but gave this new side of its animation flesh when mixing with the darker parts of the story. In turn, this movie explains a lot of the Kung Fu Panda universe, making it not just an obligatory movie sequel to rake in cash, but also necessary to really get what Kung Fu Panda is about.
Overall, despite feeling left behind with some of the characters, this movie works in ways it needs to and I am satisfied with the result. A great film for families who live a more comedic lifestyle, but also want more understanding in relation to the characters.
Ouija (2014)
Ouija-st Got a Headache
Not gonna lie, the horror genre is not my favorite genre. In fact, when it comes to the big screen, horror movies, in general, have some of the more dumber plots I've seen. Ouija is just one example of how dumb horror movies are capable of getting.
I've never played the game, nor do I care to, but basically this movie is about what happens when someone uses a Ouija board to talk to the dead. Okay, fine. The concept of basing a horror film out of a game is fine enough that I can give this film a shot. But the way this film was executed left a lot to be desired.
The plot was pretty annoying. It was unoriginal and/or headache-inducing in many senses of the word. By the time all the characters I would ever know about got involved with the game, I knew everyone who was living and who was dying. Not only that, but the extra characters really just were there to bring on the headaches and annoy me with their presence. For example, one of the characters (Doris's sister who I couldn't care less what her name was) even told me one thing about the plot in the movie and it all ended up being a lie thrown from nowhere and at that point, I couldn't wait for the movie to be over.
The plot itself worn out its welcome not too far into the film. That's right! It was, at the beginning, tolerable. But especially in the second half of the movie, monkey wrench after monkey wrench was unnecessarily thrown when nothing is still known about any of the characters. Did the curse get broken or what? Why was the movie even still going at that point? What was still missing? The cliffhanger ending makes sure this question is never answered and even worse, what could have been 1 hour at the most is drawn out to 89 minutes. All in all, all I got from the movie was a gigantic headache.
However, I will say that I liked Debbie as a character. She brings a little life into the movie. Also, as annoyingly devoid of intelligence as this movie is, it does provide a few jump scares and explains maybe a few things. All that saves it from getting a lower score, but it brings more questions than answers, it was grating to the mind, and I didn't really care for anybody at all.
And now to set the movie from fire if I could.
The Giver (2014)
Ordinary
If any film ever deserved to simply be called ordinary, this movie would have my vote. With successful dystopia onslaughts such as Hunger Games and Divergent, both of which come from books, it only stands to reason that The Giver would have its day in the cinemas from the world of ink, paper, and 0's and 1's. Not that I've ever read the book, mind you, but it would explain the film getting made. But that's besides the point.
The Giver is just a run-of-the-mill dystopia story that does not do anything memorable in any notable way. It does not make an impression by being horrible even though the beginning of the film did have moments where I wanted to cringe. It certainly isn't a film I would go flocking to see again. While not long, it isn't VERY short either. It is really just an ordinary film, maybe best watched when getting wasted. I also didn't really give a toot about any of the characters, which is a shame because I definitely wanted to see how Taylor Swift does as an actress. Oh well! Maybe next movie.
I will say that Jonas was halfway decent as a hero and so I do end up rooting for him, but again, he's nothing amazing. He's really just there to be the main protagonist and nothing more.
The premise in this movie reminds me a little of this book called "The Beard That was Evil" or something along those lines. I forgot who the author of that was, but I kind of relate this movie to that book.
Overall though, The Giver doesn't really "give" me anything worth remembering about the movie and there is nothing about this movie I would call extraordinary. It's just... there.
Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2011)
A Jumbled Mess
Before I review, let's get out of the way that the 1st Ghost Rider, while flawed, was good and it felt like an actual movie. This movie was a bit of an eyesore.
First, the plot. The plot didn't flow really well. It could have been a great film if it was pieced together properly. But the scene transitions were awful and it jumbled the movie into a huge mess. Because of that, this movie was not explained adequately, like how could Johnny want to lift his curse when he said he was going to own his curse at the end of the first film? Actually, that also brings me to another thing that went wrong with it.
That would be the editing. The motion capture seems like a ripoff of the reality show Survivor. It would zoom into the scene, sometimes unnecessarily, and that honestly made my head spin. If they were going to use such a tool, at least use it to help tell the story and not make us dizzy!
This movie also failed on making the devil. The devil didn't look so... tame-looking. The devil in the first movie looked so much more like a devil should look like. The new characters were all flat too. Idris Elba's character was banal, I didn't care for the mother and I only rooted for her because she was hot. Nor did I care about Danny because he did nothing to make him stand out in any notable way.
So why 4 stars? Because any time Johnny becomes the Ghost Rider, it makes the movie worthwhile. He at least retains his badassery, which is demonstrated with, for example, the transforming of machines into fiery weapons. Johnny isn't annoying in his human form either. His connection with his Ghost Rider spirit at least does get more exposition when the rest of the movie doesn't. It is the actual Ghost Rider himself that keeps this movie from being one of the worst movies ever.
Jupiter Ascending (2015)
Very fun thrill ride worth viewing underneath a flawed plot
For months I have looked forward to the film. With such grim prospects in terms of the box office, it was a film I was waiting for. Now the wait is over! Jupiter Ascending is here and its bang is here to bring some fun into the year of 2015!
It was a thoroughly fun and adventurous film. Of course, the plot of the film was a bit jumbled, and at times I didn't know what was going on. So much went on throughout the movie that it might have been a better idea to make it into more than one film to explain it better. The number of villains was too much to keep track of the film and it had a few clichés thrown in there.
However, this is where my gripes for Jupiter Ascending end. The secret to enjoying the film is to look past the mess of a plot and find its treasures, and boy does this film have them! Let's start with the special effects. They are top-notch. The release date was pushed back to finish these special effects, so when I saw the end result, I was in awe at how stunning they were. It was definitely well worth the wait.
Next, Mila Kunis, Channing Tatum, and Sean Bean, who were Jupiter Jones, Cain Wise, and Stinger respectively. Jupiter Jones starts out as a seemingly ordinary girl, cleaning toilets for a living. But as the movie goes on, we see more to her than that Plain Jane life she's had. She turns out to be royalty throughout the universe. It might seem clichéd, but it also makes her that much more believable as a protagonist and Mila Kunis served the role of Jupiter well. Then there's Cain, a fallen hunter who's needed to track Jupiter down to earn back his wings and find where he belongs in the universe. He too is a dynamic character, especially as he falls in love with Jupiter. His obstacles are some of the most over-the-top he has to overcome, but I was left rooting for him throughout. And Sean Bean as Stinger was a nice touch to the film as well. His character isn't developed as much as Jupiter and Cain, but he was still fun to watch all the same.
Third, the action in the film. It is breathtakingly fun and it left me at the edge of my seat! It takes time to get there, but once it starts, be prepared for a thrill ride that won't let go. My eyes were hooked onto the screen, excited for whatever zany yet thrilling scene or fight happened next.
The soundtrack was well-done as well. Sure, it isn't as Steve Jablonsky or Hans Zimmer, but it is good enough to go with the stunning special effects and thrill ride action, so it makes for a great movie despite any confusion from the plot.
Finally, while I had major complaints about the plot, even that had its positives. Life can be a repetition of everyday work and it can truly be a struggle, which the movie showed with Jupiter's life before it changed forever, helping Jupiter to be a believable character as a whole. Connections with the real world were displayed more than once as she and her crew had been given a go-around by the bureaucratic tax people when her identity needed to be verified as royalty, not much different from the real world struggles when we get given the go-around whenever we need to get our work done. It isn't the most original film ever, but it does have that sparkle of something different and nonconformitive to the world of sequels, reboots, and remakes. It's its own thing and I respect the risk behind it. To top it all off, it has a good message. If you spend a long time separated from home, wouldn't that make you appreciate home and your prior life that much more? This film answers this and shows underneath the boringness of the mundane, you really can't beat home once you learn to appreciate it.
Overall, this film is worth at least one watch and those who like fun sci-fi action will not regret giving this a go. In fact, it might take a few views to really appreciate it, but still, it is thoroughly enjoying and fun, so I'm glad to have found this film to go see. I might even see this again very soon. Jupiter Ascending? Yes please!