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Reviews
Reign (2013)
Murdering History One Movie at a Time
Tony Regbo was great in "The Last Kingdom," so I turned it on.
*****
If you can stomach more than 15 minutes of this revisionist nonsense without yelling at the screen, "MODERN PROM DRESSES!??" "SEQUINS AND RHINESTONES!?" "MODERN STILETTO HIGH HEELS??" "MODERN HAIRSTYLES AND MAKEUP?!" "CONTEMPORARY SOFT ROCK??" - then you'll probably like the latest "Gossip Girl With Horses and Old Houses."
But sorry, not me. I actually feel brain cells dying watching history repackaged for mall rats.
Norsemen (2016)
Orm, Orm, Orm...Spoofy Goofy fun
Note: I'm not a would-be film critic; just an average viewer.
Loving history, costumes, Norway and Vikings, I was attracted without knowing anything else about the show.
The set locations are interesting, and the music is stirring and heroic.
The dialogue was at times so silly, it took being in the right mood -and several episodes- to watch it long enough to begin to appreciate it. It's sort of the raspberry sorbet to cleanse the palate for weightier Viking shows.
Humorous - and at times, gory, graphic and offensive. Some folks will never like its tongue-in-cheek spoofy portrayal of Viking culture.
I enjoyed almost all the characters/actors - especially Freya. (The lone exception was the annoying Rufus of Rome.)
The love-to-hate Orm, however, was the unquestioned star of the show -despite having been a scheming, backstabbing coward. Kari Conradi's portrayal of the chieftain's hapless brother had me empathizing with Orm's confused sexuality and preference for crochet over raiding. Conradi simultaneously gave the desire to understand Orm's feelings of resentment and loneliness, while seeing him for the sociopath he was; a very layered performance for a comedy, IMHO.
There were silly moments, mildly amusing moments, and a few genuinely funny moments in the series, usually at Orm's expense: for instance, freezing his "assicle" ("you know, that little thing that sticks out between the penis and the hole -on the perineum, that wags when you're happ- uh, excited?"
Orm's confusion about all things sexual were the some of the most entertaining scenes in the show, whether it was Orm's pre-wedding night instructional talk with his brother, the discovery of his graphically homocentric pornographic map, or being caught in his warren of voyeur tunnels under the community toilet pole.
I laughed out loud a few times - during Orm's "scrotum whipping," and during the scene at the Thing gathering where Jarl Varg sought a promised map from Arvid, who refused because of JV's raid and rapes of Norheim's residents, including Orm (while wearing a woman's costume). As the lawspeaker began to sort out the issue, Orm appeared out of the crowd and countered the accusation against Varg's man, saying, "I actually raped HIM, with my - with my ... anus."
So, obviously, he was my favorite - but Marian Saastad Ottesen as Hildur, the chieftain's (ANY chieftain) wife, was also very talented and acerbically funny.
Upshot? Not for everyone -but give it a chance. You might secretly enjoy it.
Blue Night (2018)
Waste of talent
Could have been a sensitive portrait of someone facing life-changing circumstances but it wasn't. Tedious, with one poorly edited, pointless scene after another.
IMHO, Common played the only character worth watching.
As an aside, I looked up the cast during the movie because the girlfriend having her birthday party at a bar/restaurant looked vaguely familiar. I honestly did not recognize Rene Zellweger in this throwaway role.
Skip it and do the laundry.
Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (2003)
One of my favorite movies
An unvarnished snapshot of daily life aboard a British wooden naval ship during the Napoleonic wars, when many rank-and-file men and boys were drafted by impressment. For those interested in English history/naval history, Patrick O'Brian novels, or just beautiful cinematography, music, and fine acting, this film never disappoints. The star, Russell Crowe, is wonderful as Captain "Lucky Jack" Aubrey, though there are truly fine performances all round. Max Pirkin shines as the sweet-tempered midshipman, Lord Blakeney, and David Threlfall is fun as the grumpy but attentive Steward, "Preserved" Killick. The beautiful close shot of young Max Benitz (2nd Lt. Peter Calamy) at (the "weevil") dinner, bathed in candlelight, was reminiscent of a miniature oil portrait. Complex and layered, it's one of very few movies I can watch again and again; disappointed, as many people were, that no sequels were made. Perhaps the studios were saving money for the fifteenth version of Spider-Man. Note: Will bore mallrats to tears.
Favorite quote: "Name a shrub after me. Something prickly and hard to eradicate."
Hanna (2011)
I enjoyed this movie, but ...
First, I'm just an average viewer, not a fledgling movie critic, and these are just some random observations I had while watching.
The main actors are all accomplished, and the movie contains interesting scenes in Finland, Morocco, and a derelict German amusement park. The soundtrack by the Chemical Brothers was different, varied, and fit some scenes very well- IMHO, especially duringHanna's escape from the underground military facility somewhere in the Moroccan desert, and a weird, sort of David Lynch-ian scene of weirdos loitering in the Berlin bus station.
Cate Blanchett's ultra-sophisticated poisonous green Armani wardrobe sometimes held my attention as much as the plot; (I mean, maybe her side job as an assassin helped pay for those $800 green kidskin gloves.)
And about the plot. Okay, suspension of disbelief and all that - but I kept wondering, if Hanna wanted to experience the world outside of the arctic, why didn't she (and Eric, for that matter) just go? They'd been off the grid for 15 years, and no one was actively looking for them; they could have slipped away and lived for months or years anonymously anywhere. Instead, inexplicably, they decide to trip an ELT locator beacon, and immediately alert Marisa Weigler as to their whereabouts. It was such a 'duh' moment, that I kept thinking about it throughout the movie.
That being said, I still watch it whenever it's on cable, so I'll admit it's fairly good, despite any flaws.
The Light Between Oceans (2016)
Lovely scenery
I haven't read the book, so this based entirely on the film. Loved the windswept grasses on the island, the lighthouse interior, period clothing, especially the knitted baby caps and sweaters, the birds singing in the churchyard rhododendrons, and all the actors.
The story was spare, so details matter. I will mention a couple of little plot points that annoyed me: The town was a very small seaside hamlet, (Stanley, Tasmania, pop 481, standing in for fictional Partageuse.) Hannah and Gwen's father, Septimus Potts, was the richest man in town, and a local benefactor. Isabel Graysmark, Hannah and her sister, Gwen Potts, were longtime, (perhaps lifelong?) residents who might have even attended the same school; yet neither Isabel or her parents know who they are, or that Hannah's husband and baby were lost in a rowboat at sea. That surely would have been the biggest news in the little town; it also defies logic that the Commonwealth wouldn't have sent a cable to Tom the Lightkeeper to be on the lookout for a lost baby in a rowboat.
Second, while questioning Tom Sherborne, the constable said that Frank Roennfeldt still had "the (German) accent, by all accounts," yet when he was sitting in bed talking about forgiveness with his wife, Hannah, Frank speaks with a perfect English accent.
I also thought that Hannah going to Isabel's house and offering to give back Lucy Grace in exchange for testimony against Tom to be unbelievable on the whole, and somewhat cruel to Isabel, ostensibly in an effort to "do what's right for her daughter," after LG ran away.
Other than those sticking points, I enjoyed the film.
The Great Wall (2016)
Oh, Yimou, what were you thinking?
Other user reviewers either loved or hated this movie, with many in between. Count me in the latter.
Rather than a real review, I'm just going to share some thoughts about it.
'Hero' was one of my favorite movies ever; I loved the Chinese and Ukrainian forest scenes in 'House of Flying Daggers;' 'Curse of the Golden Flower' was fairly entertaining, though it was hard to square the fluorescent illuminated hot pink and neon-colored plastic columns with a palace in 928 A.D.
So, liking the director's other movies and the actors, I wanted to enjoy it .... but then came the flood of CGI monsters. (Maybe it's a girl thing?) but -just like in LOTR, the Twin Towers, my eyes glazed over a minute into the sight of 200,000 identically rendered grey, ugly monster animal thingies swarming the set. I cease to care. Wake me when 90% of them are dead, and there's a good sword fight, or some dialog. That occurred about the time Matt Damon chose to free Oberon instead of grabbing the black powder, but not before some of those ghastly-colored plastic interiors from COTGF made an appearance. It might be one of those movies that grows on a person over time, during the rounds of late-night cableTV. That's the recommendation- wait until you can watch it for free, so you won't resent it taking two hours from your life.