Change Your Image
mark-141-746998
Reviews
Uncharted (2022)
Stupid beyond belief
Sure, it's based on a video game, but this is a fantasy film that asks me to deny basic laws of physics and rates of decay. No one explains how 2 500 year old caravels get into a cave in the first place, and since they are exposed to the air, the wood and ropes of the ships should have long ago decayed. There's no way one Sky Crane could carry a ship that size, even without the gold in the cargo hold. Mark Wahlberg couldn't climb the ratlines either, they'd fall apart. Nor would a ship so decayed be able to hold together after being dropped in the sea, even for the short time it did. I can suspend some disbelief for other films, but this was too much. I'm sorry, but I was just bored by the ridiculousness of it all.
Outlander: I Am Not Alone (2022)
Sing me a song that rambles and bores.
The real problem is the source material. Every time a series like Outlander becomes a bestseller, the editing gets thrown out the window. Each book gets longer but the substance gets thinner. Gabaldon could write about quidditch and no one would care. This adaptation is full of improbable twists. Accusations are made that could easily be refuted but Jamie and Clare are too wrapped up in their fits to gather any evidence. So what could have been dealt with in 4 episodes leaves us with a cliffhanger again. This is the same thin stuff that Game of Thrones pulled: lure us in and then spend way too much time telling a thin tale. Yawn.
Beowulf (2007)
Water Demons don't wear high heels
This movie is pure trash. The CGI hasn't aged well, and, other than getting to see Angelina Jolie nude, (with no nipples!) there isn't much point. Sure, it's a fantasy movie, but why does a Water Demon like Angelina need high heels? WTF? Beowulf and Grendel was a better movie, good live action filmed in Iceland where the weather was as important a character as the cast.
Community: Advanced Dungeons & Dragons (2011)
Netflix censorship is inconsistent
In season 5, episode 12 of Weeds, ("Glue") Dean (played by Andy Milder) appears in Blackface makeup in an attempt to fool Celia (played by Elizabeth Perkins) As of 8/20/2020, this episode had not been censored or removed from the streaming service Netflix, unlike the controversy over the "Advanced Dungeons & Dragons" episode in Community (where actor Ken Jeong wore dark makeup to play a Dark Elf, not a human.) Netflix is completely inconsistent and unjust in its censorship of a brilliant episode here.
Richard the Lionheart (2013)
One Star is too many!
I was physically ill after watching this for only 20 minutes. The one ironic thing about this production was the armor and costumes were very accurate, with none of the corners cut in most medieval films, so someone clearly cared about the historical accuracy of the armor. But it seems they failed to hire a writer who could put together a sentence that made sense, let alone a plot. Don't waste your time on this trash!
Manhattan: The Prisoner's Dilemma (2014)
Hmmm...
The other reviewer says he was at Los Alamos. I assume since he's revealed that secret that they have since had to kill him...