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rivermann37
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Seven Kings Must Die (2023)
Definitely not worth the wait
As someone who owns the books I was happy when Netflix picked up The Last kingdom series and like a lot of ppl I was looking forward to seeing the completion of the series and hoping for something special seeing as Netflix has a big budget. However what we actually got was one more season and a 2 hour film. Something that started of as an almost one to one to the books one season was telling the story of one book so by the time we get to season 3 it was really only into the third book with nine books in the series I wasn't expecting to see it come to end by squeezing an entire season or book into 2 hours or the equivalent of two episode! And then hit us with the same cancel culture that has got me cancelling my streaming service more an more lately if there gonna treat us like little more than cash cows I mean Netflix now is charging £16 pm and it can't even finish what it starts there's even to shows in it's catalog that were cancelled after only one season so story line goes absolutely no where leaving you wondering what the hell os going on. As far as The Last Kingdom goes I'd recommend you buy the books and skip the tv series altogether unless your fine with only getting half the storyline and a 2 hour film that will just leave you wanting more.
Prey for the Devil (2022)
William Peter Blatty's 1973's The Exorcist is 50 years old next December and still blows garbage like this out of thew water
I actuly thought this looked good in the trailer but was I wrong! Firstly it was all over the place, was it an exorcist type movie.. NO, was it a horor film based around demonic possession YES but not really, despit being set in a school for catholic priests learning to perform exorsicms i didn't see a single right of exorcism being correctly performed once, not even when father Dante and sister anne were aparently perfoming an exorcism on father dantes sister at her home. Rather than watching the two of them recite the two person right of exorcism we've all seen and heard in other much better films like 1973 The Exorcist or the 2011 The Rite, father dante procedded to mumble a few words from his bible, not the book of catholic right of exorcisms, while sister anne sits on the girls bed behaving more more like a girlfriend consoling her drunk friend after a break up than any kind of priest in the throws of expelling a dangerouse deamon from a possessed women, and then the whole thing was over in less than two minutes lol these two supposed exorcists aparently thought the whole thing was done after litturaly doing next to nothing, not even calling an ambulance or doctor t come and check on his sister after a deamon nearly broke through her stomache! Where were the hours, days weeks or even months of reciting the right exorcism, the having to restrain his sister during the use of holy water or her projectile vomiting, talking in tongues? After just a few minutes of nothing really the whole thing was done just because some candles relit! And then with no explanation why we find out in the next scene that his sister commited suiced and the heads of the school all knew about the not an exorcism, exorcism and sister anne, and only sister ann gets in trouble, despite it being father dantes sister and it all being father dantes idea he seems to get off with out even a ticking off infact cut to the next scene and sister anne is back at her convent but wait here comes father dante again with a propersistion the little girl back at the school is being transferd to the dreaded place of no return, and despite the fact that neither of them are exorcists or even it seems know how to perfom an exorscism and despite sister anne no longer attending the school for exorcists father dantes suggests they dress sister anne up in a priest outfit for some reason maybe as a really bad disguise to get into the hospital despite her not doing anythig to hide her face or the long blonde hair she wore down making it plainly obviouse she was a she and not a he, they both trot off to the hospital to perform yet another not an exorcism, exorcism on what appparently is such a dangerouse deamon it killed an experianced old priest/ real exorcist and and two orderlys in the back of the ambulance on the way to the hospital but these two "exorcists" one an ex gang banger (which again seems to have absolutly no relavence in the film other than the writter must of thought it was cool or something) and the other a young and very pretty nun ( with a less than vertues past ) that claims to of wanted nothing more (due to her childhood with her mother) than to be able to study to be an actual exorcist and one day be able to perform exorcisms on the possessed does everything possible to not make that happen by breaking i think ever rule there was in that place. Basicly they then go on to somehow walk straright into what should be a place more secure than any maximum security prison without anyone asking who they are or how they got in they proced to have full access to the child/deamon and it seems the whole building all to them selves after telling the other student priests to bugger off, who all for no reason at all are in the basment of this hospital hanging around outside this kids cell for no reason as far as i can tell and without any teachers even though this deamon just killed three people and non of them are trained exorcists.. It was at this point I stopped really paying to much mind to what was happening and started checking my social media.
In short there's nothing to see here.. and even less to read in my review i was so underwelmd by the crapness of the movie I couldn't even be bothered to put much effort in to the review, honestly this the worste review i've ever written it even has spelling mistakes because i can't be bothered to spell check it!
Thats how bad the movie was!
Ghost Adventures (2008)
Used to be so much better before SLS and PUK
I have so lost interest in this show i used to watch all of them i remember the first season and how it was the only paranormal show doing actual investigations and "debunking" there own finds before this all we had in the uk was Most Haunted and that was FAKE Af they actually walked around the whole time with the camera close up in there face and screaming at every little bang and Derek Acorah the so called medium lol. But lately GA has become a massive disappointment every episode they run around with the SLS that for me does nothing except map matrixing in the imaging or the Paranormal PUK that just throws up random words that they then interpret into someone random meaning and no episode is now complete without Zak pretending to be over taken buy spirits that make him so mad that he stands there pulls faces at Aaron for a few seconds before he slaps the occasional camera away pretend punches a wall in someone's home but always manages to pull his punches so he doesn't break anything, not exactly possession is it if ur full control of what ur doing. It's a shame because they still do catch a lot of evidence on EVP's and actual orbs or full body apparitions, and some of its the best I've seen.
Willow (2022)
Target audience set for high school when most fans are in there 40's - 50's
Well I only made it about 20 minutes in and got fed up at the fact that everybody else in this is British including the queen but both the prince and princess have strong American accents that are so out of place, and then there's the prince looking like he feel out of a Dior aftershave advert or some Jim Morrison tribute band lol, the princess on the eve of her wedding day actually gets sent to bed by mummy like some little child (which to be fair she is) actually so does the waxed chested, floppy haired (couldn't grow a beard if you paid him a million quid) prince, which all comes across like the target audience for this is high school age which seems an odd choice when the original willow was released in 1988 and by far the largest audience will be fans of the original making the actual target audience in there 40''s - 50's.
Fact or Faked: Paranormal Files (2010)
Laughable at best!
I only made it past 1 episode and gave up, and that was only because of Jael being on Destination Truth!
The episode I watched was S01e04 and they literally came up with a theory that the creature (that was obviously a Dartmoor Pony at full sprint) was a cross hybrid of a Lion and a Boar, just because they couldn't replicate the same gate in the original footage with the green screen footage they shot of a Dartmoor Pony at half trot. Well we don't look the same at a full sprint as we do jogging either and seeing as the original footage was as pixelated and grainy as you could get without being completely unwatchable I think the leap to a mad scientist in the Moors is a leap to far! Oh and lets not forget the expert witness they got who's only part on the episode was 23 minutes telling us how the creature could possibly be a hell hound sent to drag some 15th century guy down to hell and the hounds decided they liked Dartmoor so much they stayed! (and this is what they needed an ex FBI agent a whole bunch of experts for)
The second investigation was of a UFO sighting consisting of 3 red lights in the sky, so what do they do.. Build a platform in the shape of a triangle and attach 3 red lights to each point and get it to fly up in to the sky at night then film it a say that's a match! LMAO wtf did they expect it to be anything other than a match! I turned it off and stopped watching after that complete rubbish.
It seems to be a lot like Most Haunted where they spent the entire time running around pointing cameras up there own noses and never actually capturing anything on camera just a lot of footage of them selves screaming and jumping at god knows what because we never see anything, it is entertainment at best, but for me it's bloody stupid rubbish, and I don't believe for one second the people hosting these shows believe anything there producers are making them say!
As we know the Most haunted crew actually got caught on audio slagging of there own psychic and talking about how they throw stones at each other under the camera to make it look like ghosts were doing it and the audio got leaked by a crew member! That's why it was taken off air for some years how the $*@~ it made a come back after that I don't know. To many ppl willing to believe everything they see, and to many ass holes willing to cash in on thos ppl which is why the genuine paranormal and crypto stuff gets a bad name!
Blue Bloods: Hate is Hate (2021)
"Hate is Hate" is about right for this episode
I waited all through the pandemic for the new season of Blue Bloods and this complete garbage is the best they can do as the opening episode for season 12, the writers should be ashamed. And what the hell was with that slap that black guy gives the cop outside the shop as he's puffing out his cheeks ffs lmao.
Midnight Mass (2021)
Anti Religious propaganda, masquerading as a horror anthology
Ok so it started out slow but with just enough to keep me interested what was coming next, although at first i didn't really know what i was watching, the Netflix description gave just enough away to know it was some kind of religious based horror. So expectations were high, as they are some of my favourite horror type films. But it didn't take long for anticipation to turn to disappointment, when the whole bizarre cat genocide appeared, and then disappointment was quickly replaced with sheer annoyance at the amount of drawn out scenes of long winded conversations about nothing in particular, or a 7 minute long walk along a beach, or even worse was the church ladies endless preaching about god, Jesus, or bible versus, honestly i started skipping those scenes pretty quickly, and believe me there not 2 minute scenes either. There's a whole load of boring un necessary scenes that made me wanna Turn off the tv and read a book! But when it did finally get going and all the speculation I'd made during the first couple of episodes play out to prove you was correct in ur assumptions about what you thought was going, you actual start thinking you made a good choice to watch this after all. But then ur back to skipping ahead to avoid a Sunday School sermon, or yelling at the tv because of the sheer stupidity of the people living on this island is astounding! You actually wonder how they didn't all wipe them selves out in accidents years ago! Even the end left me beyond stupefied! How 30+ "people" couldn't find a single fire extinguisher between them on an island that quote "is like a tinder box and one fire could wipe out the entire island" shouldn't there of been fire extinguishers everywhere and some sort of local volunteer fire station! And as much as those types of creatures are are not real in the first place neither is flying with ur wings completely shredded, i'd believe in vampires before i believe in that, seriously!
The show suffered badly from long, boring scenes, unbelievable plot twists and a major lack of direction. The ending was rushed and i agreed with the Guardians review, it would made a better 5 part series were they lost at least 2 hours of unnecessary, long winded scenes, that nearly caused me to quite watching before i'd even gotten to the disappointing, pointless ending!
Britannia (2017)
WHY did they cast Sophie Okonedo as Hemple..
I really liked the first two seasons of this show for many reasons, although the title music is not at all what i would of chosen, but I'm sure someone thought it was a good idea. However Season three is with us now and i have to be honest thats where the show lost its other 5 stars, if wasn't the terrible casting chose of Sophie Okonedo for the part of Hemple i would of probably given it a 9 or 10 but i've had to resort to jumping forward during her parts because of how cringe worthy they are, i don't know what's going on! I remember her from two pints of lager back in the 90's and she wasn't at all that bad, i also read some where she won an award for best supporting actress a while back for a film she was in, (needless to say i wont be watch that either) all i can think of is she must be out of her comfort zone or something because her portrayal of her character is unwatchable it reminds me of drama class in high school!. Unfortunately Season 3 seems to be all about her character Hemple and because of that it's been pretty much impossible to watch an entire episode of season 3 without getting pissed at the tv and stopping the episode im watching to come back to it later, it seems to be the only way i can through each episode without wanting to blow o the entire season!
Please, please don't bring her back for another season, i really liked the show other than that one huge mistake in casting, and when i can bring my self to finish the last 2 episodes, i'm hoping to see Hemple get killed off and maybe then i'll add on extra star or two just for that ;) we'll see.