It's hard to find the words to describe how terrible this is. Poor. Boring. Childish. Pathetic. Embarrassing. Avoid at all costs and find something better to spend your time watching.
Reviews
8 Reviews
Cinderella: After Ever After
(2019 TV Movie)
Even worse than you could ever imagine
27 December 2021
The Shape of Water
(2017)
A film that divides opinion - watch it and make up your own mind.
16 December 2018
Look at the ratings, mostly very low or very high. I fall into the camp of people who loved this film. The cinematography is captivating, as is having the lead character never speaking. There's an almost comic book feel to the film, yet with some gore and nudity that delivers a unique experience. I've played computer games that are set in the past but with forward looking technology, and I'm sure many other movies have done the same, and The Shape of Water pulls it off perfectly.
No real twists - no complex plots - just a great story with great meaning, delivered beautifully.
(It reminded a little bit of Pan's Labyrinth).
If you're unsure about the film, then do watch it, because if you turn out to be someone who likes it - the ratings say that you will really love it.
The BFG
(2016)
A film to remember
17 August 2016
There are some films I can go back to time and time again, like the original Annie, Little Shop of Horrors, the original Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and now I will add the BFG to the list.
The film is childishly wonderful - and I really fell for the BFG himself, such a great character and so well voice acted.
I note the number of negative reviews on IMDb, which I'm guessing are mainly from adults. Yes I'm an adult too, but I watched the film with my children, and through the eyes of my own childhood.
Ignore the bad reviews, go and be entertained. I can't wait to watch the film again :-)
The film is childishly wonderful - and I really fell for the BFG himself, such a great character and so well voice acted.
I note the number of negative reviews on IMDb, which I'm guessing are mainly from adults. Yes I'm an adult too, but I watched the film with my children, and through the eyes of my own childhood.
Ignore the bad reviews, go and be entertained. I can't wait to watch the film again :-)
The Martian
(2015)
Dull - I mean really dull
12 February 2016
The book was bad - the film is just as bad.
My biggest problem is this...
A man is the only man alive on a planet, and is likely going to die there on his own. Does he get depressed or anxious? no. Does he lament his miserable existence? no. Does he cry about his family, his friends, his previous life on Earth? no. Does he turn to religion? no.
What does he do instead?
He tells jokes and is utterly annoying.
A bad story made into a bad film I'm afraid. And the dullness? This comes from there being one man, and he talks to the camera a lot under the guise of keeping a video log, but really it's a poor way of explaining the story.
My biggest problem is this...
A man is the only man alive on a planet, and is likely going to die there on his own. Does he get depressed or anxious? no. Does he lament his miserable existence? no. Does he cry about his family, his friends, his previous life on Earth? no. Does he turn to religion? no.
What does he do instead?
He tells jokes and is utterly annoying.
A bad story made into a bad film I'm afraid. And the dullness? This comes from there being one man, and he talks to the camera a lot under the guise of keeping a video log, but really it's a poor way of explaining the story.
Southpaw
(2015)
You don't really need to watch this
9 December 2015
If you've already seen Rocky, or any film like it, then you don't really need to see this film. It's Rocky with swearing.
I haven't ticked the spoiler box, so I'm not going to give away the ending, but see if you can guess... man loses everything and struggles through the film to rebuild his life, and the final challenge is to win a fight. Go on - have a guess if he wins or not. It's against the odds remember so he's not supposed to win, but does he or doesn't he?
Parts of the film are quite emotional and well acted, and this helps to detract from the "seen this many times before" story line.
The lead actor was in Donnie Darko - go watch that instead.
I haven't ticked the spoiler box, so I'm not going to give away the ending, but see if you can guess... man loses everything and struggles through the film to rebuild his life, and the final challenge is to win a fight. Go on - have a guess if he wins or not. It's against the odds remember so he's not supposed to win, but does he or doesn't he?
Parts of the film are quite emotional and well acted, and this helps to detract from the "seen this many times before" story line.
The lead actor was in Donnie Darko - go watch that instead.
Donnie Darko
(2001)
I loved it but I'm not sure why
30 November 2015
I have watched this film 3 times now, maybe more, and I love it each time I watch it.
But... I should hate it.
The story is complicated to follow, the time travel probably makes no sense, there are many unanswered questions, and it's probably intentionally vague and unanswerable on purpose to provoke much discussion and interpretation.
But... I love it!
It is so well filmed, so stunning to watch, from the slo-mo intro of the trampoline to the sound track, from the convincing acting to the relationships of people who feel they don't belong.
I've given up trying to understand it, I just watch it and immerse myself in it.
Very highly recommended.
But... I should hate it.
The story is complicated to follow, the time travel probably makes no sense, there are many unanswered questions, and it's probably intentionally vague and unanswerable on purpose to provoke much discussion and interpretation.
But... I love it!
It is so well filmed, so stunning to watch, from the slo-mo intro of the trampoline to the sound track, from the convincing acting to the relationships of people who feel they don't belong.
I've given up trying to understand it, I just watch it and immerse myself in it.
Very highly recommended.
Fight Club
(1999)
A film to change your life?
29 November 2015
I give this film 9 out of 10, and your only question should be "why should it lose a mark, why not 10 out of 10?" and that is indeed a fair question.
The lost mark is because when I watched the film for the first time I had no idea how amazing it was going to be, and the slightly slow build up risked me changing channel. I see the same reaction when I try to get other people to watch the film, as their interest wanes I have to say "no, stick with it!". And 'stick with it' you should.
This film literally changed my life. A share a lot of the views of the lead character and to see this expressed on the big screen is comforting, fun, scary, weird, exciting, eye-opening.
This is the only film that I had to watch for a second time immediately and it was like being immersed in a whole new story.
I was very fortunate knowing nothing about the film when I first watched it so I wasn't looking out for a twist, so the twist got me hook line and sinker. If you haven't seen the film yet, don't try to guess the twist, let it hit you at the appropriate time.
A superb film worthy of its high ranking.
The lost mark is because when I watched the film for the first time I had no idea how amazing it was going to be, and the slightly slow build up risked me changing channel. I see the same reaction when I try to get other people to watch the film, as their interest wanes I have to say "no, stick with it!". And 'stick with it' you should.
This film literally changed my life. A share a lot of the views of the lead character and to see this expressed on the big screen is comforting, fun, scary, weird, exciting, eye-opening.
This is the only film that I had to watch for a second time immediately and it was like being immersed in a whole new story.
I was very fortunate knowing nothing about the film when I first watched it so I wasn't looking out for a twist, so the twist got me hook line and sinker. If you haven't seen the film yet, don't try to guess the twist, let it hit you at the appropriate time.
A superb film worthy of its high ranking.
below average and very obvious
27 November 2015
OK - it's a film that gets a lot of good reviews, but here's a bad one. There are lots of things that I didn't like about the film...
1) Actors who spit and dribble to show how cross they really are. Yuck.
2) Actors who whisper, and not only whisper but do so in an earnest voice - I really can't stand it.
3) The lead characters are terrible actors, all except Snow. It's a bit like watching a school play.
4) Not once did I believe a character (except Snow), it was like watching people act.
5) The whole story is that they must go on a journey, and there will be peril along the way.
6) It probably doesn't need a spoiler alert to say that they succeed on their journey.
7) A young girl with a bow and arrow manages to fend of hordes of zombies, hundreds of armed soldiers etc. Give her a BFG for goodness sake!
8) The ending is dragged out. About 5 times there's a false hope that the credits will start rolling.
9) The hordes of zombies is really out of context and looks like a computer game. Really badly done. If I was playing Wolfenstien it would be fine, but this isn't a computer game.
10) Some of the traps are so huge they are ridiculous. And hundreds and hundreds of them. Yet fortunately there's a network of tunnels that bypasses them all. So contrived, so stupid, so cheap.
In summary - if you're 12 and enjoy pathetic nonsense then go for it. But if you are an adult with any sense of what is good - avoid it!
1) Actors who spit and dribble to show how cross they really are. Yuck.
2) Actors who whisper, and not only whisper but do so in an earnest voice - I really can't stand it.
3) The lead characters are terrible actors, all except Snow. It's a bit like watching a school play.
4) Not once did I believe a character (except Snow), it was like watching people act.
5) The whole story is that they must go on a journey, and there will be peril along the way.
6) It probably doesn't need a spoiler alert to say that they succeed on their journey.
7) A young girl with a bow and arrow manages to fend of hordes of zombies, hundreds of armed soldiers etc. Give her a BFG for goodness sake!
8) The ending is dragged out. About 5 times there's a false hope that the credits will start rolling.
9) The hordes of zombies is really out of context and looks like a computer game. Really badly done. If I was playing Wolfenstien it would be fine, but this isn't a computer game.
10) Some of the traps are so huge they are ridiculous. And hundreds and hundreds of them. Yet fortunately there's a network of tunnels that bypasses them all. So contrived, so stupid, so cheap.
In summary - if you're 12 and enjoy pathetic nonsense then go for it. But if you are an adult with any sense of what is good - avoid it!
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