Change Your Image
goanna_38
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Reviews
ToyMakerz (2016)
0 out of 10, because I can't give it a negative score.
Ignore the 1 out of 10, I accidentally clicked on it and I can't work out how to take it back.
This is so far beyond awful that there isn't a suitable adjective to describe it that can be uttered in polite company.
I just saw the third episode of this show. Not the third episode I've seen, thank God, just the third episode of season 1. If I ever watch another episode of this it will only be because I've been kidnapped by Francis Dolarhyde and he's developing a new torture technique.
Firstly, the host is not only the most annoying man on television, he's possibly the most annoying person in the history of people.
The episode in question involved a "Hardcore Build" on a Hayabusa, a Hayabusa which had already been ministered to by the shop in question, going by the terrible stretched (and branded with the shop logo) swingarm it was sporting (why do these things even exist?) but apparently it needed even more fixin'. A 10 day deadline was established.
Why?
No reason was given, just, for some reason, that it had to be done in 10 days.
What then followed was the most contrived and painful to watch television I've ever seen. My previous low bar was Jesse James is a Dead Man but this limboed under that horror show with ease. As each of his specialist buddies turned up with goodies (a stretched single sided swingarm, an ugly exhaust etc.) they then hung around to assist in the build. So short was the deadline that he apparently needed the help of these experts who were so good at what they do that they had nothing better to do with their time for 10 days. After their paint guy showed up and the bodywork disappeared, it was hammer and tongs into the build.
The deadline must have been even tighter than they made out because, over the course of the 10 day build (where between 3 and 5 people did what appeared to amount to little more than about 8 man-hours of work), they all wore the same clothes. The clothes they were wearing when the build was complete, 10 days later (allegedly), were the exact same clothes they were wearing at the start of the episode. It wasn't as if one of them was an Albert Einstein fan and wore the same outfit everyday, they all did. This was particularly easy to tell because they were all wearing distinctive and very individual T-Shirts.
After a gruelling build (it was gruelling to watch anyway) the paint guru came back with their bodywork. There was much oohing and ahhing about how spectacular the paintjob was, before they then set about trimming part of it away to clear the exhaust. Why they never did this at the start is yet another mystery that I'm not interested in getting to the bottom of.
The bike was eventually completed and they all went for a ride (Huzzah) which was just an excuse for 3 minutes of artsy slow motion footage of motorcycles riding along a highway, a couple of burnouts, and then a lot or crapping on about how awesome the bike was.
How this show ever made it past the pilot I'll never know.
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (2009)
One Word
Awful. The monologue wasn't amusing except for the Microsoft joke. Lick it for 10???? Awful. Slow jamming the news? Excruciatingly awful. De Niro was funnier and he only said about 4 words. The Set? Awful. The band? Not bad although they didn't look entirely comfortable. But it's not a band show, it's a talk show. This might be a funny show after a bit of time under it's belt (and a comedy injection into the host who appears to have undergone a sense of humour bypass sometime in his youth) but will anyone still be watching it? I might check it every once in a while but on first nights effort I don't hold out much hope for an improvement. Although in his defense he was just as funny in this as he is on SNL. Which was awful. It could have been worse though, they might have gotten Adam Sandler to host it instead. Just as well they didn't because I can't think of a worse word than awful (not one that can be used in a public forum anyway).
Hancock (2008)
Not what I expected
When I sat down to watch this I expected a standard, by the numbers, Hollywood Superhero movie. I was pleasantly surprised to be surprised by it. Standard Hollywood movie? Not by a long shot. Is it likely to garner a lot of Oscar nominations? No. Is it entertaining? Yes, yes, yes. As one of the other comments says, sit down and turn your brain off. It's most definitely not high art, but then again why does everyone expect high art from every film and then bag it badly when it isn't? Who cares if doesn't leave you pondering the "meaning of life" or make you want to protest outside the $%^&*#$ embassy about the way they treat their women/children/livestock? I enjoyed it, and I don't care if you didn't.
Batman: The Movie (1966)
Hilarious
I only have one thing to say about this movie, the bomb scene.
Anyone who can watch the bomb scene (complete with a hilariously cartoonish bomb) and not laugh is obviously in need of a humour transplant. I remember watching this movie nearly 30 years ago as a wide eyed kid and thought it was pretty good. The one thing that stuck in my head was that bomb. Fast forward 30 years and I bought it on DVD (at a bargain price too I might add) and the bomb scene was just so much funnier through adult eyes. The rest of the movie contains all the ludicrous dialogue of the TV series and is definitely good value entertainment, but that bomb scene still makes me crack up every time I see it. If I was a genetic mutant I would give it 3 thumbs up but I'm not, so 2 thumbs will have to suffice.
Slipstream (2005)
Could have been good.
Just watched this on DVD. Potentially a good idea, spoiled by woeful direction and some of the worst acting I have seen outside of a school play. Sean Astin puts in a reasonable performance and Vinnie Jones tries hard, but the rest of the cast was appalling. It's almost as if the principal cast was signed up, locations scouted, and then they knocked on doors at their locations and asked people if they wanted to be in a movie. The story had promise but it all fell in a heap. Awful. Time travel movies can tend to be disjointed, but if it's done well it all makes sense in the end. This makes sense it just doesn't seem worth the effort of watching. I ended up sticking with it till the end and was not rewarded for my efforts.