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mangomangomango
Reviews
Speak No Evil (2013)
Half the dialogue is kids screaming
The first minute of this movie is promising it. It has the only moments of horror and suspense you find in this entire movie. If you turned it off from there you'd walk away with a better experience.
The characters in this movie are all EXTREMELY annoying. However acting from the kids is by far the greatest horror of this film. Their insentient never-ending screaming is obnoxious and rude to the viewers. Do we really need 10 straight minutes of kids yelling and screaming in unison?? The special effects consists of motor oil dripping from the kids mouths when they aren't screaming. The other scenes ramble on pointlessly. After a while fast forwarding becomes essential. Don't waste your time.
Backcountry (2014)
Should come with a warning: Viewing will induce painful spasms
When I first read the little blurb about this movie I thought, how refreshing. Man returning to the forest and getting eaten by the woodland critters. It gives you that same tingly sensation you feel when they reintroduce bison or wolves into their natural habitat. Ahhh. This is how it should be.
Unfortunately I my state of bliss was rudely interrupted in the opening scene with one of the most annoying sing-along I've ever heard. At this point you keep watching out of pure voyeuristic sadism. You want to see obnoxious jerk get eaten by something. Preferably lots of little or lots of big somethings with large dark eyes that stare blankly into his soul as they nibble on his skin tissue and meaty fat. Little did I know the people who made this film HATE YOU. And me, apparently.
And they do hate you (and me). Like all good films, obvious little cues are littered throughout earlier scenes to set the pace. Even better films will exploit those cues in unexpected and creative ways to keep things fun. This film uses them to drive a screw driver through your stomach. You will jump between periods of simultaneous schizophrenic rage and hysterical dread. Warn the neighbors appropriately.
The climatic scenes played out in horrific glory....not for the content but because of the incredible, mind bending stupidity you are forced to sit through and endure. You will be cursing at them like grandma during a Wheel of Fortune repeat, unconsciously gripping your sides in pain as your body goes into spasms to induce you to turn away and cease subjecting yourself to cinematic wreck unfolding in front of you.
By the end of this film there was blood and vomit everywhere. Thats not a spoiler folks!