Change Your Image
zapalloso
Reviews
Argylle (2024)
One of the worst movies I've ever seen
The misleading advertising that sold us this rubbish as a "spy movie starring Henry Cavill" (the man who was born to play the perfect James Bond, so the producers will never consider him, and who only makes a cameo here) is the least of the problems of this disaster. Very boring, eternal (each sequence could last a third of its duration and it would still seem long), confusing, with a plot twist every 10 minutes, there is no way to follow it. A real torture. Needless to mention the unattractiveness of the protagonists. It's hard to understand how no one realized they were flushing $200 million down the toilet... Are you really surprised that it was a complete failure?
Upgraded (2024)
Camila Mendes is the new Sandra Bullock!
I love every second Camila Mendes is on any screen. Her charism and gorgeousness must be the reason I survived 7 years of nonsense storylines in (thanks "god" or whatever it ended) Riverdale and now make me enjoy this Devil wears Prada in the Art Market from beginning to end. Rom-coms are foreseeable, the secret to succeed is to have a really charming star, that have been very scarce in the last time, but Camila is one of that kind. I guess she could even save a major disaster like The Marvels. Just one thing: for another time, please give her a costar at her level, not the leftovers from the gallants department.
Spinning Gold (2023)
What a disappointment
Apparently, the descendants of the biographee wanted to imitate the successful "biopics" about popular music icons of recent years, but the result is very different, because here the time jumps/dreams/hallucinations are like when the series shows advances from the next chapter or scenes from the previous one. Aside from bad acting, the cast is not only nothing alike, but the complete opposite of the musical stars they represent; but the worst thing is having a protagonist-narrator who spends more than two hours recounting what happened, what is going to happen, and even explaining the scene he is playing at the moment... for that, they would have done a podcast instead to spend so much on production (the 70s recreation is pretty spot on).
Reviviendo la Navidad (2022)
Doesn't disappoint: unbearable from beginning to end
This is a movie that lives up to expectations: from the insufferable opening credits sequence you know it will be a mess, as well as eternal, even using the FF key. It seems that they put all the clichés of famous holiday movies (Christmas Carol, the Grinch, Scrooge, Christmas Vacation, etc) in a blender and the result is nonsense: the protagonist is condemned to have his groundhog day (in this case, Christmas) repeated every day, but at the same time the years go by and it is not understood. Mexicans confuse the comedy genre with terror: they fill the screen with obnoxious and overacting characters, and one is left waiting for the Freddy Kruger or Jason on duty to appear and do justice.
Home Sweet Home Alone (2021)
What else could you expect from another unnecessary remake/reboot /sequel?
Although it is not the first (failed) attempt to revive the now classic Christmas comedy, here the most dissonant thing is that unlike the original plot, the "thieves" are not such, but a married couple with financial problems and desperate to recover what is theirs, therefore it is not funny to see them subjected to so much torture by a really unpleasant child (the only good thing is that at least this protagonist does not correspond to the physical Hollywood stereotypes).
No Time to Die (2021)
And for this they made us wait 6 years?
When you go from the longest and most boring pre-credits sequence to the worst "song" in the series, it's not just a bad start. The film never turns on, except in the Cuba sequence with the dazzling Ana de Armas, and despite the fact that the global threat plot is good, it is diluted among the excess of melodrama (I've been a fan of Daniel Craig for humanizing the character, but this time it bored me). At least this is the end of the crying 007 (oh no, he also lost the number), I hope they'll choose a new Bond as it should be, although as Hollywood works today, surely they will want to change gender, race and even species.
Follow Me (2020)
Most hateful leading role ever?
Bad and / or cheap horror movies have as a rule that the characters / performances are irrelevant (they are on screen only to die), but this took it to the extreme: the protagonist is an extremely annoying internet "star", who travels with his obnoxious friends to Russia to broadcast an "event" to his fans, which obviously doesn't go as planned. So unbearable are the characters that their sufferings are amusing; in addition to the surprise that from a movie like this I would never have expected one of the best endings in a long time.
Submerged (2016)
What happened here?
How can they do something so bad? It is good that they want to tell a story in a non-linear way, but for doing that they needed to know how to edit and write a script that allows the viewer to reconstruct the plot, even if it is not presented chronologically. But in this monstrosity there is nothing of the kind: we never knew who these "characters" were or why they were underwater ... Supposedly there was a kidnapping but it was not known whether it turned out according to plan or what happened. .. One of the worst "movies" I've ever seen.
Direct to Video: Straight to Video Horror of the 90s (2019)
Direct to oblivion
Bad low-budget horror movies from the 80s-90s was a great subject for a documentary, addressing why this phenomenon occurred parallel to the cinema, the expansion of the home video market, the talents that emerged from there, etc. However, this film is nothing more than a series of tedious interviews with characters who are practically not identified with a character generator (there is a special effects technician, a music composer, actresses in decline), whose anecdotes would be attractive if they had been edited and also accompanied by videos of the films they are talking about, which apparently the production had neither rights nor images. Many promotional shorts for films are included, but they have no greater relation to what the interviewees speak before or later, they go from one thing to another without a narrative thread and the result is a disaster worse than the films that went directly to video .
Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)
Where is New Order's Blue Monday?
Excess of romance, lack of action, but my biggest disappointment was that, with the plot being set in the historical moment when the best music in history was heard, there is no 80's music at all.
Terminator: Dark Fate (2019)
The worst of Terminator saga
Didn't they really realize they were making such a mess? After THREE disastrous sequels? Maybe it would work like any low budget action movie, but in a legendary franchise this is just crap