mike_panikhouse Reviews

Amish Mafia (2012–2015)

If you believe this is real or reality, you're not intelligent.

[5/10 · 13 August 2013]

It's another ridiculous fake show pushed as some kind of reality. I'm shocked that other reviewers of this show seem to be skeptical or suggest that "maybe" this isn't real. Of-course it isn't real. It's ridiculous to think it is. Most reality TV is fake or faked in some way. This show pushes the envelope on fake reality, perhaps to test just how much fakery audiences will consume thinking it's real.?? Dunno. In any case, real? Not in any way. It's just pure bogus all the way around. I'm not sure why these cable TV producers need to try and push content that is clearly faked, as real. Why not just push it for what it is, which is a unique take on crime fiction with some dabs of history thrown in?

That being said, it's pretty cool acting and action with some decent story lines.

The Chick's Ability (1984)

Classic Brazilian Erotica - Chada style...

[9/10 · 17 October 2008]

This movie is part of the Pornochanchada film movement in Brazil, which was very popular cinema roughly between 1977-1985. At this time, these soft-porn movies were pushing the envelope of sexuality about as far as it could go. Virtually nothing was off limits in these films and they even explored taboos including explicit rape and misogyny, bestiality, necrophilia, water-sports, adolescent sex... you name it, they covered it. Volúpia de Mulher is not extreme and does not contain any of the previous content however it exemplifies "over- the-top" sexuality just the same. All the actresses, including Brazilian goddess Helena Ramos and Vanessa Alves are totally nude throughout most of the film along with the rest of the female cast. The sex is plentiful and explicit.

Beautiful Helena Ramos plays a hospital worker and her boyfriend is a painter who of-course paints nude models. Vanessa Alves's character must become a prostitute in order to help her child.

What makes this film and many other Brazilian erotic films from this era unique is the the fact the lead actresses would often play nearly their entire role nude. Yet still there exists a story, a plot and even some acting. Here we see lovely Vanessa Alves trying to make ends meet and ends up posing nude for the painter only to end up prostituting herself. She eventually ends up having a sexual affair with the painter.

Nude Brazilian bodies fill the screen and nicely illustrates what movie-goers in 1980s Brazil were taking in at the box office. Sex!

Retrato Falado de uma Mulher Sem Pudor (1982)

Where are all the good erotic Brazilian films from the 1980s?

[7/10 · 6 May 2008]

Not one single movie from this erotic period of Brazilian movies has ever seen DVD, None! Many not even on VHS. What the heck is that about!? Beautiful Monique Lafond shines in this film, which is very indicative of Brazilian cinema of the time, which always contained excessive amounts of nude women. In-fact, there were many films made where the lead actresses did more scenes completely nude then scenes with clothes on. This is unique to Brazilian movies from the 1980s. Monique Lafond fans take note, she has over a dozen nude scenes here, Monique was a major Brazilian star at this time she is hot. This film should be issued on DVD. Nicole Puzzi is here as well and she plays a slutty model and is nude more then she is clothed... nutty.

Chicas de alquiler (1974)

One to remember - very sexy

[9/10 · 28 April 2008]

Just don't expect an uncut DVD release anytime soon. This is a 1970s European movie and most producers in Europe who own such films would rather take a nap on a beach then give any thought to these pictures. As sad as that is... Also, if it is released on DVD in Spain, there's a 50/50 chance they'll release a horrible "censored" TV version unknowingly.

That bad news aside, this is one of the best examples of Spanish Erotic film-making before there was Spanish erotic film-making. This now, very rare film features quite an interesting cast of European starlets. Although technically a Spanish film it was only released UNCUT in France and other countries before finally getting a release in Spain after dictator, Franco's death some years later. Tons of female flesh is laid bare for your enjoyment... and a young Nadiuska is a treat. Highly recommended fun for those who are into 1970s soft-erotic features.

Juegos de alcoba (1971)

Frustrating! The biggest tease of a movie ever in history?

[4/10 · 2 November 2007]

This movie is a sex comedy with beautiful women (Christa Linder, Claudia Islas, Tere Valezquez) but unfortunately in every single scene the sex begins, the women start to take off clothes etc.. but every scene ends with the guy in the scene getting shot down and the scenes ending before any real sex occurs. The versions I have are NOT censored versions they are the original film, this is how the film was made. The whole movie is a terribly frustrating tease. If you want to see some gorgeous naked Spanish 70s actresses don't watch this film. The whole point of it is to get you going thinking you will see a hot naked babe then nope, next scene.

Dark Fields (2006 Video)

Complete Pile of Gar-Baggio

[1/10 · 11 October 2007]

Very amateurish film-making that goes absolutely nowhere. Nothing redeemable at all. This film could have been good if even so much as a single individual involved in the film had a clue how to make movies.

I often wonder how much these movies cost to make. I wonder.. could this film costs like maybe $50,000 or more? If so, what dingbats are giving these people such amounts of money? I can't understand how many filmmakers there are out there who have no real understanding of any part of this wonderful medium yet they get money to make films all the same. Gotta give them points for that at least.

Aaaaanyway....

Deceit (2006 TV Movie)

A movie trying to be erotic but isn't even remotely.

[2/10 · 24 September 2007]

All I can say is, this movie is made for the Lifetime Channel on TV, which means no solid characters, no particular style, weak acting all kinds of suggested sex but no-breasts and tushs (because boy, that would just catapult the film into the depths of sleaze wouldn't it?) but the heavily simulated sex, well, that's OK.

When watching these films I have to ask myself, when will these types of TV channels and their advertisers ever grow up? I think these companies are actually way behind the times. They really have no clue what the younger generation is in tune with and if they knew they would demand we change. The whole point of many American TV channels like these seems mostly to regurgitate the same sanitized, diluded garbage over and over like a generic movie assembly line. I guess it works for them... or at least it has. Not sure about the future though.

Don't bore yourself to death like I did. Seek out some real TV movies on HBO, Showtime, IFC, Starz, etc. Any channel that puts effort into their work and doesn't have to ask a priest what they can or cannot show.

Bug (2006)

It's not some masterpiece but it's an excellent film.

[8/10 · 19 September 2007]

There are three things I loved most about this film.. it's ambiguity, it's pure creepiness and mostly, the acting. Both Ashley Judd and Michael Shannon give stellar acting performances in this movie. I have to imagine that Friedkin's intention was the leave the viewer guessing a bit. While there are several left ambiguities it holds together and makes you guess about what was going on, which is another thing I appreciate about the film. Oh, and Ashley Judd is always fun to look at. She's truly a beautiful woman and even when she's playing bottom of the barrel white-trash (as we see here) she's still somehow sexy as hell.

Broken (III) (2006)

What a piece of Junk

[2/10 · 17 September 2007]

First, I love horror films including slasher flicks but there is nothing here. They seemed to have had a decent director of photography and the acting isn't bad but sadly the problem is the film as a whole is pointless, senseless garbage. The point (if in-fact there is one) of the film seems clearly just to shock you with over the top gore and mindless violence, a theme I'm entirely sick of and in my opinion a total waste of film-making dollars. Maybe if they spent at least 5 minutes working out a story and characters it would be a decent film. But they sure as heck did no such thing here. Could have been good but this film will not be remembered.

Anomalo fortio (1977)

Not a memorable film... but Shelton does a lot more then shine. Wink Wink

[5/10 · 13 January 2007]

Probably only for Shelton fans.. Anomalo fortio is far from being a "good" film. The entire movie is filmed on a huge ship. The action sequences are rushed and it's not directed or edited with any particular care. The acting is OK and there is a lot of bland action. Fact is, this film could be seen primarily as erotica and the only woman in the film is a young and incredibly cute Deborah Shelton who apparently lived in Greece at the time and it was there where she made her first screen appearances. A fairly low budget pic with some studly Greek action stars none of whom ever made it big in Greece. Deborah Shelton is the only real (soon to be) star here and she is the only standout of the film. Oh and to my surprise she is constantly nude in this film including some really saucy sex scenes with the Pirate leader. Sadly, I doubt this film will ever see a re-release on DVD. Who knows.

Masters of Horror (2005–2007)

Masters not being remotely masterful. Gimmie a break!

[2/10 · 3 January 2007]

Some of the filmmakers who are participating in this series have made some really great films but they sure as heck are not showing much skill with this series. Particularly the writing. OK, the first season was somewhat better but these new episodes they are creating just stink. I'm a huge fan of horror and in my opinion the vast majority of these episodes are total garbage. Nothing new or genuinely interesting. Few of them are visually creative. It's just typical fabricated Hollywood crap, uninteresting, childish, poorly conceived and in some cases, flat out laughable. Much like Tales from the Crypt the only good thing this series has been offering is great nudity! Other then that this series blows hard. I get the impression sometimes that they hired a bunch of eighth-graders to write the episodes. Maybe they did.