ritonobono Reviews

Producing Parker (2009–2011)

If you can look past it's faults, it's not that bad.

[8/10 · 19 December 2017]

Well, this show is certainly a love it or hate it type. It's loony, awkward and kind of copies off 30 Rock. But, I enjoy it. It has a weird zaniness that I enjoy. I mean it's no masterpiece, but it is enjoyable.

Biatches (2014)

When girls urinating in boys urinals is the best joke you've got, there's a problem...

[1/10 · 7 February 2016]

Seriously, what is this? I don't know either. So the show is basically two idiotic girls doing idiotic things with idiotic results and ultimately it reaches an idiotic conclusion. I'm shocked that it was done by Comedy Central, it looks, sounds, feels and might as well be a bad MTV cartoon. The girls, Dana and Julia (har-dee-har-har show's creators) are pretty much female variants of Beavis and Butt-head and even stupider than they are. I mean I thought Minoriteam was bad, but even that beats this piece of garbage, though I'm pretty sure it won't tick too many people off... ..oh wait this is a Bento Box production where out intelligence consistently IS insulted, moving on.

Anyway I wouldn't recommend this to any of my friends, hell I wouldn't even recommend it to any of my enemies. The show is a toothless, brainless farce that falls well below many of the better CC shows.

Minoriteam (2005–2006)

And I thought Assy McGee was bad, but this...

[1/10 · 1 February 2016]

After hearing that this was created by Adam de la Pena. I decided to give it a chance, and it let me down dearly. I don't get offended by racist humor and I am usually optimistic when I start a TV show. And I think shows like Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Squidbillies have sub-par animation and are still funny. This one got the sub-par animation thing down, but it forgot to add one thing that made the shows I mentioned above successful and entertaining, good jokes. The series lacks in that particular department as most of the jokes are flat, uninspired and just plain unfitting.

Overall, Minoriteam is a brainless, toothless, atrocity and is better off left untouched. I'm glad de la Pena came back with the funny, but short lived Code Monkeys.

My Sister's Keeper (2009)

Misguided Mess

[4/10 · 20 January 2016]

Let's face it, some books are better not having film adaptations. This is no exception. The screenplay's a mess, the pacing is all over the place and the characters (apart from Kate and Anna) really aren't very likable. I mean I get it, the mother was supposed to be this die hard tenacious woman trying to save her daughter, but she comes off more as a maniac who is willing to kill everyone and everything to save her daughter, including the people around her. Cameron Diaz just doesn't convince me as the mother and what makes it worse is in the midst of being a maniac she tries to slip in quirky jokes that are flat as pancakes. As for the rest of the cast, I mean Abby Breslin is fine as Anna and is even right on the money with the part, but the script she's given is so bad that it squanders that talent. Sofia Vassilieva as well. She owns her part, but again the script kills her acting. The rest of the cast is just a range of big names from Alec Baldwin to Emily Deschanel to Joan Cusack to even E.G. Daily as nothing more than two dimensional characters who show up for a few scenes to pad out the movie. The film repeatedly switches between failed comedy and heavy handed emotionally manipulative scenes. Seriously, are you trying to make us laugh or cry?

So I'd say avoid this. It rings hollow and most of the movie feels like filler. Like I said, there are lots of movies that do well coming off of books, but this isn't one of them.

Tomb Raider: The Angel of Darkness (2003 Video Game)

Tomb Raider: Franchise Killer

[3/10 · 18 December 2015]

Now I'm not an obsessive Tomb Raider fan, nor do I dislike the series (I like it, it's just not my favorite), but this was just lame. The controls were sloppy beyond belief, the plot holes were gaping and Lara was just plain unlikable in this game. Now I'll bite, I appreciate that they were trying to take the series in another direction, but they did it wrong. I know it was meant to be darker and Lara was grittier as a result, but it just went in too many wrong directions. Then there's Kurtis who would've been better had his story been more developed. But the worst of it all was the gameplay where Lara controls like circus clown balancing on a rolling ball. If there are any redeemable qualities, they are that the graphics are nice and the dialogue is well written. Other than that, just scrap this crap. It damn nearly killed the franchise, but thankfully Tomb Raider: Legend (a far more superior game) came out and reversed that.

Soul Eater (2008–2009)

Way to scrape from the bottom of the barrel

[6/10 · 3 December 2015]

Having seen all 51 episodes I can safely say this anime was really bad. Now I'm a fan of silly anime with a good story (Yu Yu Hakusho, Sailor Moon, One Piece). This anime had the silly part down, but it's story was lame.

The series has several episodes that either drag out or just plain get nothing accomplished (I'm talking about the ones with Excalibur, ugh). The few that do try to blend humor with dark gritty storytelling (I bet they were thinking, hey it worked for One Piece, we'll do it here too) and it just doesn't fit. The characters are flat stereotypes: Maka is a typical loudmouth brainiac, Black Star's Naruto 2.0, and Death the Kid is the emo pretty boy. The weapons are all tropes and the villains are hammy knock offs of superior villains. The story is starts good, but wanders off into nonsense once the whole black blood bullcrap is introduced and it condescends into wannabe Disney idiocy.

So if you haven't seen Soul Eater, don't bother. There are a butt ton of anime that far surpass this garbage.

Bleach (2004–2023)

Your typical overrated anime: All hype and no deliverance

[4/10 · 1 December 2015]

Now, I'll be honest I can acknowledge flaws in anime and I'm not partial to any particular ones. But I respectfully didn't care for this one.

The first problem is the amount of filler, which is on par with Naruto and Rurouni Kenshin. Most of the fillers don't even connect with the story and don't even have the redeeming quality of being all that funny.

The second problem is the characters. While some of them are well developed and unique in their own regard, we get others that feel like add ons to keep the story going.

The third problem is the plot. It goes in circles. It feels like every time we finish a training arc we get a rescue mission.

And the fourth and most notable problem is the pacing: most of the fights last 10 episodes and they are often interrupted by talking about the move they just did. In the middle of war? C'mon.

So I can safely say I wouldn't recommend this to anyone who isn't a fan of long running shonen.

Saving Private Ryan (1998)

There's no "saving" this movie...

[3/10 · 11 November 2015]

I knew going in and it being Spielberg that there wasn't going to be much variety, but wow there is almost none. Most of the movie is focused around of course "saving" Private Ryan. And yet it almost feels like the movie is more about how much Spielberg is at his old tricks. Most of the characters are one dimensional and hardly get any development other than Tom Hanks who is as always golden. The worst of them though is Matt Damon (he's Pvt. Ryan). He's stereotypically arrogant and seems like the type of guy who's all talk and no walk. It makes him pretty much impossible to like and leaves you with the desire to shut off the movie once he's on the screen. As for the story, what story? Most of what should be story is hampered by more arguing and attempts at comedic, more lighthearted moments. In the middle of war? Really? And the film being nearly 3 hours feels so padded and stretched out that it's like watching a 90 minute movie in slow motion. So if you want my advice, skip this and rent Full Metal Jacket.

Naruto: Shippuden (2007–2017)

Too many damn fillers...

[6/10 · 30 October 2015]

Okay, it's gotten ridiculous. The amount of fillers in this anime is through the roof. Not only that, but the action sequences in this anime are so over the top it lessens the impact on me and since each fight is so stretched out it makes you almost beg for the fight to end.

Honestly, Naruto hasn't changed much. He's gotten stupider and his voice has for some reason gotten more irksome. Sakura isn't much better than before. The only major difference is that she can heal people now (big deal...pfft). You'd think after a while they'd have learned something, but the series is mostly something retarded happens, we get a filler, another dumb arc, filler, etc. It's lost it's edge, I honestly think this series should just be put down, it's lasted long enough and it needs to end!

The Master of Disguise (2002)

Austin Powers is emulated...badly

[1/10 · 30 October 2015]

Look, I'm all for silly movies and I dug the Austin Powers trilogy, but this was just sad. Dana Carvey plays a 23 year old when we know he's 47 at the time (see the problem there?). Most of his dialogue is saying something stupid, and attempting to make us laugh because the movie seems to be under the misconception that random sight gags are funny. The only reason it worked in Austin Powers is because they were smartly done. Here most of them are so hammy you can't enjoy them. On a worse note we have James Brolin as the father and Edie McClurg as the mother. It seems like their only purpose is to have two big names. Brolin's performance is so over the top it's embarrassing and McClurg is well... McClurg, she can only do so much. Spiner as Devlin Bowman is a fart happy crazy man who was put in jail by Brolin's guy. And I do mean fart happy. He does it as comedic relief expecting we'll think the joke is funny if done enough. Fart jokes really just aren't funny. So if you want a smarter movie, scrap this and rent the Austin Powers trilogy.

The Last Witch Hunter (2015)

At least it had some big names

[2/10 · 26 October 2015]

The Last Witch Hunter really left a lot to be desired. It's a typical last of your kind story. Vin Diesel stars as that said last of his kind. Oh, and he's immortal by the way. Something about killing the witch queen. I'm not really a big fan of Vin Diesel, but even to those who are I'd just avoid this. I mean Vin himself does what he can, but honestly the guy couldn't act to save his life. Though he's far from the worst of it.

The biggest shocker was Elijah Wood. I mean, seriously? The guy doesn't really give a convincing performance. I mean he's had his fair share of bad movies (ex. North, All I Want, Spy Kids 3-D (etc.)), but his performance in the movie made it almost seem like he was desperate, knowing he could in no way save the movie, but felt he had to make a conscious effort to do so. The problem with his character being the bad guy is that the movie hints so many times he's the bad guy and he at one point is even questioned and denies it. This wouldn't be such a problem if they didn't make it so painfully obvious he's in cahoots with the Queen. Like I said, I love the Lord of the Rings movies as much as the next guy, but he's had better movies.

The rest of the cast doesn't leave much of an impression, but we do have Michael Caine as the guy who was cursed. He's bland, but what can you expect? As for the story it's more confusing than interesting. Most of the logic seems to be set aside for glimpses of CGI effects which are only average at best and the editing during these scenes is too jumpy. Can't seem to stay on one thing too long eh? And for a movie all about action there doesn't seem to be very much of it. It seems like 70% of the movie is philosophy BS and 30% is actual action.

So there you have it, a 106 minute winded philosophical mess. It probably would've been better off as a TV series or a short film, but as a movie it wears out it's welcome far too quickly.