michaelmain-62884 Reviews

Vesper (2022)

This has it all,

[5/10 · 15 July 2023]

Think Castaway meets Wall-e meets Jack and the Bean Stalk..meets Powder meets..The green mile...meets Star wars meets Bugs meets The little shop of horrors meets The Lord of the Rings meets The Chronicles of Narnia..meets The Hobbit...meets Johnny Appleseed.

And there are more.

There are no outer space aliens, but beyond that, the writers imbibed fully in every homage, sounds better than they just stole every idea for this film, in any and all fantasy, fairy tale, dystopian scenario plot device imaginable.

It's actually watchable.

It's even more watchable with your Mystery Science Theater goggles fully affixed.

Tom Hanks: The Nomad (2023)

Oh my. Has anyone told Tom?

[2/10 · 10 June 2023]

This is a horrible attempt at documentary film making. It honestly reminded me of an educational film from my elementary school days...which were in the 1960s. The narrator or narrator bot is the only thing with a future and that's only because she is either a robot or an automaton wannabe who will thrive when the artificial intelligence overlords take over. Ya know, next year.

Honestly, I suspect this is a film done entirely by artificial intelligence and, for the record, as with much of life these days intelligence is lacking..along with decent writing, interesting facts or even meaningful movie clips.

It's just bad.

Mrs. Davis (2023)

Finally! Creativity!

[9/10 · 18 May 2023]

This is a completely enjoyable, weirdly and wonderfully conceived and, for the most part, written TV show.

It is not like anything else on TV.

That alone makes it praiseworthy to me. The acting is great. The characters are great although tightroping cartoonish at times, but that fits with entire premise of the program. There are a few, especially the first episodes, perhaps overly campy scenes, but the crazy continuity and deliberate dalliance with big issues and beliefs is fascinatingly well done.

It's fun to watch, makes you laugh at times, think at times and then makes you think and laugh again.

The writers have achieved a very pleasurable balance between the irreverent and reverence.

I really think this program may set a new standard.

Or at least I hope so.

The Mother (2023)

I honestly made it thru 5 minutes

[2/10 · 13 May 2023]

I'm sure the acting is fine, the cinematography is okay, even the premise is alright. I love a let me kick your rear bad ass protagonist flick.

But, you have to be able to not write stupid.

Spoiler

So, 6 or 8 FBI agents are gunned down by an amazingly accurate long gun assassin who, for some reason, doesn't kill his very pregnant target who has time to do minor surgery on a wounded agent and make a bomb from household products, including a candle that burns down in seconds, blowing up the assassin

That's the first 3 minutes. I gave it 2 more minutes. I'd recommend you not waste as much time.

Sr. (2022)

Poignant, moving. Very good.

[9/10 · 30 December 2022]

This is an intimately wonderful, moving film with poignantly raw honesty. I was unfamiliar with much of Robert Downey Sr.'s history and this documentary was surprising to me. It is a beautiful tribute and an almost embarrassing inside look at a family seeing time pass quickly and grasping onto a chance to reminisce and reflect.

Downey Jr. Guides this effort with frank admissions and remarkable grace

This a documentary, but it's stories within stories of entertainment history, a movie making family, the foibles of fathers and sons, and the end of a life unabashedly lived

Watch this one.

I was honestly very moved.

Norman (2016)

Lost in translation

[2/10 · 1 December 2022]

I gave up midway through because, at least on the version available on Hulu, there is no translation of the Hebrew dialog

If this was a passing moment in the film designed to emphasize the culture it would be okay, but there are long conversations between characters in Hebrew. Presumably these conversations are important to the plot, but I don't speak Hebrew nor do I own a decoder ring...so I turned it off.

It's disappointing because I was initially surprised and a bit enthused about finding a Richard Gere movie which Imhad not heard about previously. Now, however, I understand why that is...even though I couldn't understand the movie.

The Rookie: Feds (2022–2023)

Stinky

[3/10 · 19 October 2022]

I like The Rookie, but I'm not sure what this show is trying to be. The premise is dumb. A busty pansexual former guidance counselor becomes a member of an elite FBI team in record time and with little training because of her talents in...I don't know...excessive makeup, undersized shirts ,oversized boobs and dealing with troubled school kids.

The lead actress seems like a cartoon character.

The writing seems to rely a lot of lengthy cringy unbelievable conversations to explain things, often in a round robin formula among the characters.

Cram in stereotypical back stories of distressed marriages, hidden health concerns and the newly single woman with relationship issues and you get whatever this is

I don't know what that is, but I do know one thing.

It stinks.

Monarch (2022)

This Ain't Us with a sad countrysoundtrack.

[2/10 · 12 September 2022]

Attempted "This Is Us" ripoff with timeline bouncing, three siblings (heck, let's make one overweight), mix character development based on researching "Dallas" reruns,a healthy dose of contrived attempts at stereotypical accents and "big hair for everyone!"...the season with a few saccharine songs, and salinated ballots sung well...and you end up with this.

This is crap.

While there are actors whose films I avoid because of their outspokenness, it's not really their politics that dictate my reaction...it's that they're idiots. While I disagree with much of Susan Sarandon's viewpoints, she seems to be contemplative and sincere. I like her as an actress.

However she couldn't save this crap with a roadmap, a flashlight, a shotgun and a safe word.

The 355 (2022)

Subtitles substituted for substance

[3/10 · 27 February 2022]

Four or five pretty women who speak four or five languages. Whenever they speak to someone from their various camps we get subtitles.

I suppose this a clever way to distract from the plot...or it would be, if there was a plot.

On the upside, the women are pretty. Penelope Cruz is perhaps more stunning than ever.

However, the movie kinda sucks.

NCIS: Hawai'i (2021–2024)

Oh no ha

[2/10 · 19 January 2022]

This is is just bad. Bad acting. Bad writing. Stereotypes and cliches. It's really amazingly bad. I have to say bad a lot to fulfill the character requirements.

Just bad.

Enlightened (2011–2013)

I keep reading it gets better

[5/10 · 10 October 2021]

Fine acting. Same basic premise repeating. A lot of cringe.

Gomorrah (2014–2021)

It's okay. Some reviewers must have a gun to their heads

[5/10 · 3 October 2021]

I was hopeful, but 8 episodes in, I see nothing.

It's got a lot of gritty dark cinematography.

And a lot of dumb dialog. Comparing this to "The Wire" is a joke.

La Brea (2021–2024)

Tarpit Armpit -Twice the stink

[1/10 · 30 September 2021]

This show takes the term bad to previously unplumbed deep and dark levels.

Take your pick: Bad writing - check Ludicrous plot - check Horrific acting - check Crappy special effects - check Characters you don't care about -check A sprinkling of heavy handed inclusiveness - check

If this show isn't canceled quickly it will only prove we long ago peaked as a species.

Promising Young Woman (2020)

Quirky, well acted, highly watchable

[9/10 · 26 September 2021]

This is a really well done little film. Delightful acting, nice twists with a dark theme.

I was surprised by every aspect.

It's a gem.

American Traitor: The Trial of Axis Sally (2021)

It has Al Pacino...and that's about it

[4/10 · 20 September 2021]

This is an interesting bit of history told in a very bad way. Al Pacino is the same guy he's been playing for decades and he's good at it. With the exception of the courtroom dialog, the script is rancid. The schmaltzy scenes are so over the top bad it's like comedy, but not in a good way.

I found the lead actress exceeding dull and by the end of the film, I was in favor of hanging her.

It's watchable, but you'll cringe a lot.

Cry Macho (2021)

What the cluck?

[2/10 · 17 September 2021]

This is bad. Dwight Yaokum can't act. The kid actor makes him look better. Clint strives to stoop to their level and succeeds.

The plot is ridiculous. " Hey, I'll bully a 90 year old man to go Mexico to get my son who would willingly come to the U. S. if Daddy had just called him. "

The voluptuous ex wife wants to seduce the 90 year old man and gets angry when he rejects her. Weird stereotypes. Accents are insulting and bad, prickly pear cactus has medicinal powers. Federales everywhere. The scenery is nice. And there's a chicken.

An American Pickle (2020)

This may be the worst movie ever made

[1/10 · 9 September 2021]

Honestly, this makes "Cabin Boy" seem high brow. It's just stupid. It's not funny. You get a double dose of really crappy acting by the same actor topped off with crappy directing.

From the premise, to the script, to the acting, to the editing and camera angles...it's just horrible.

How stoned do people in Hollywood have to be to green light much less finance something this incredibly bad?

An American Pickle will leave a bad taste in your mouth.

Greenland (2020)

Too stupid

[1/10 · 31 May 2021]

Sorry. Too contrived. It's the end of the world. Our amazing technology has singled out selected people for survival

Oh, wait. You forgot to pack your son's life saving medicine.

Sorry, we didn't have records of basic medical needs, yer on yer own.

I had to change my review from 3 stars to 1 after suffering through it.

It.is.horrible.

Bad script. Terrible acting. Mindless plot.

Just jump in front of the meteorites.

The Wire (2002–2008)

I honestly believe this was the best tv series ever. Writing, acting and premise

[10/10 · 29 May 2021]

I don't do effusive, but I can not think of any television ever done any better. I just rewatched the series on HBO Max and am blown away.

It's unlike any series before or since. The acting is superb. The writing and storylines are developed and coherent. I never felt like I was watching "actors."

There are no doughy eyed looks at the camera for drama. It's honestly like you have a front row seat to a very harsh reality.

Simply great.

Jumper (2008)

Don't look just leap

[4/10 · 8 April 2021]

This is a hard to follow mess. Weird grainy green lighting. No character development.

Someone please feed the lead actress.

Casualties of War (1989)

Bad acting

[5/10 · 21 March 2021]

Exploitative plot. Really bad acting.

Generally...dumb.

Boss Level (2020)

Good lord, I wanna die too

[2/10 · 13 March 2021]

Groundhog day meets stupider meets boring. Character relives each day....seemingly in real time. This move drags. It needs a sound track, Jason Statham and meth.

So slow, so bad.

Strange Cargo (1940)

I really wanted to like this...but toss the cargo overboard.

[2/10 · 9 February 2021]

Clark Gable, Joan Crawford, Peter Lorre..what could go wrong?

Apparently everything. Although it's a nicely filmed movie , the plot is almost impossible to follow. The character development is non-existent.

It's just really a bad, well filmed, movie.

The Pack (2020)

Cute, but

[6/10 · 5 December 2020]

This is a sorta fun show to watch, but if you ever wonder if dogs are smarter than people, this will eliminate all doubt.

Humoresque (1946)

Humor me...I feel suicidal, and you can't blame me.

[3/10 · 9 October 2020]

I love John Garfield and Joan Crawford, but for the love of all that is holy, avoid this! Go watch any of the 19 million depressing new dystopian tv shows or movies, you'll be happier.

This movie will make you want to slit your wrists, take barbiturates, put a plastic bag over your head, weights on your ankles and jump into a deep abyss of molten lava .

Albeit with a nice violin soundtrack.