Change Your Image
mikael-damonk
Reviews
La marche de l'empereur (2005)
Did I miss a memo?
I mean, it was a good documentary. But it was a documentary. You know those things you fall asleep in. Which I did the first time. The second time I was forced to watch. The third time, I just decided to skip the whole ordeal and go make myself a sandwich. That's a story of survival if I've ever heard of one. But seriously, I do not comprehend why everyone loves this documentary. It has good footage I must admit. Best I've ever seen for a documentary. But in the end it comes down to basically being a PBS special with Morgan Freeman narrating which is supposed to be the Godsend of this movie. So I guess I missed the memo, because I don't even see why that makes it special. Anyone short of Paris Hilton could narrate this film without making it much more abrasive to the ears than the monotonousity of the fact that it is a documentary. So for the amazing footage of penguins I'll give it a 6. Minus 2 for everyone overhyping Morgan Freeman's voice.
Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)
Look at me I'm a ninja
This movie was directed by that guy who likes to kill things. so he killed things. in Asia. so it's automatically cooler, right? oh and let's put in uma thurman. because we need a butch actress to make it big. over-budget and overused unimpressive special effects? check. no real dialogue? of course let's keep the mystery because we have asians and you can't communicate. samurai swords? cuz what's hotter(read: scarier) than an 8 ft amazon of a woman wielding a samurai sword. Lets abandon cinematic value for more fight scenes. GREAT IDEA!!! I can just see Quentin 'I want blood and chicks with swords, that's it' He is a genius. Undoubtedly. Because he knows that no matter how bad the actual movie is, geeks will flock in mass to hot chicks with weapons. Review written ignoring the opinions I hold that Uma is neither hot, nor Asian enough to wield a samurai sword.
After School Special (2003)
I could laugh at this
This movie was almost extremely entertaining. It started out bad. and I mean bad. I kept asking myself why every scene left me wanting more. Then they gave it to me, and I asked myself why I wanted more. Nevertheless, the movie does manage to draw you...kind of...to the plight of the protagonists. There were many areas for improvement, but you got what you came for with this movie: hot teen breasts and bad acting. It just fits(it is a movie about making pornos). This movie had the essentials for its genre. The girls were definitely hot. and that is basically the point of the movie I must remind you. Yes, the acting wasn't the best and the jokes were halfhearted and cheesy, but at least that's what the movie was going for. Cheap jokes + teen antics + 18 year old girls = alright in my book.
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005)
Best movie I've seen in months
Val Kilmer as Gay Perry was a perfect fit. He played the role so well. Witty and funny without relying on the same old stereotype. Better than most actors playing gay men.
Robert Downey and Michelle Monaghan also played their roles to perfection. Some of the best scenes in the movie came from these two working together.
I was not expecting a spy/thriller/mystery to be nearly as funny. I doubt that anything along these lines will come out for years with the same comedic punch. Right from the opening scene, you felt like you were actually looking at the situation through RDJr.'s point of view. Personally, I think he is a much better narrator than Morgan Freeman...funnier at least.
Syriana (2005)
not worth watching
Considering how much money was budgeted for this film, you would expect more from the story as a whole. This could be quite possibly the most worthless movie I have ever watched. There was no real advancement of anything. Character development, minimal. Plot advancement, maybe. Enjoyment, none. I'm not sure what points were even trying to be made. If you want to see a movie where terrorists are kinda good guys, American CIA bombs everything that doesn't agree with our opinions, all capitalists are corrupt, and you like to see anything resembling a storyboard advancement accompanied by a death, have at. For those of us who realize that it doesn't take killing off a good guy to make a point, we'll stick to other movies. In summary, this was a horrible attempt at an 'Ocean's 11' style hide-the-plot-so-person-has-to- think movie because not only do you not know what's going on, nobody who made the movie did either. Home Alone 3 was a better cinematic piece.
King Kong (2005)
Judo Kong was a sad, sad movie...
Sucked! It was beautiful Eye-Candy, and I guess the message was good, but everything else was very unrealistic.
Examples:
A T-Rex will not go after smaller prey after it has just killed a meal, or go after it with a meal still in his jaws. That was just Dumb.
After Ann being swung around like by King Kong, she should have had brain damage.
when waiting to catch Kong, were were all the villagers ?
When Kong is on top of the Empire State, the planes come down to shoot him. Now where do all the bullets that don't hit Kong or the building go? They rain down on the population, thats what!
When the T-Rex's are caught in the vines, all they are thinking about is eating Ann. That's realistic.
For some reason, 5 guys with machine guns saving the 3 guys down the gully from the thousands of insects does not seem realistic. That and there were like, 5 different kinds of insects attacking them.
Jack Black did not fit the role. At one point, when he was trying to recruit Ann to play a part in the movie, he used the word "Man!" which was completely inappropriate for the time in which the movie took place.
That guy wiggling his gun around with his eyes closed shooting every insect off the other guy. Yeah...
I'm sure there were other mistakes, but I don't feel like thinking right now.