eldinhomehic Reviews

Godzilla vs. Kong (2021)

Entertaining, but...

[4 April 2021]

The movie's completely forgettable. Yes, I'm fully aware of the fact that this is a monster movie and that's exactly what I expected -- a spectacular effects-driven battle between 2 titans and nothing else. It's good, it delivered exactly what was promised.

The effects are top-notch, the fight scenes are spectacular and the story is orders of magnitudes better than its predecessor, simply by virtue of not being utterly brain-dead and moronic. Yes, giant monster movies have stupid stories by default, but King Of The Monsters felt like watcing your own brain die a slow death. Anyway, the human characters are actually tolerable this time around whereas in King of the Monsters they were utterly despicable in their stupidity. Kong himself got some nice and juicy characterization, making him the de facto protagonist of sorts, compared to Godzilla who pretty much kicks off the plot by acting like a colossal jerkass. But how else is the plot supposed to happen, right? Whatever, let them fight.

So yes, if all you want is a movie about 2 larger-than-life titans duking it out in spectacular fashion, this is as good as it gets -- but don't be surprised if by the time you finished watching, you can barely recall anything you just saw, because that's how I feel about this movie: it was entertaining while I watched it, but now I'm done and don't really have a desire to re-watch it again. Entertaining but forgettable -- that's all I can say.

Mulan (2020)

The Chi Awakens

[14 September 2020]

They turned Mulan into a Rey clone; that's all you need to know. Why bother creating a flawed and vulnerable character that gains the viewer's respect through hard work, perseverance and resourcefulness when you can just tack on magical plot-solving heritage and thus cut out the middleman entirely? Worked well with Rey, didn't it?

Also, remember how in the original, Shan Yu didn't care one bit that Mulan was a woman? All that mattered to him was that she was responsible for destroying his army and he took her as seriously as any other enemy. Well it would seem that was just way too progressive for modern audiences because Mr. Khan over here can't go 5 minutes without reminding you how much he hates women...because, you know, overcoming segregation matters more than overcoming your enemy through skill and ingenuity.

A 200 million dollar female power fantasy -- that's what this is.

Sonic the Hedgehog (2020)

A tale of redemption -- in more ways than one

[16 February 2020]

I'm a simple man: anyone that admits to their mistake and makes an honest effort to correct them has my respect. The moment I saw the trailer with Sonic's new and improved design, I knew these people deserved a chance, come hell or high water...and by god if they didn't deliver.

THIS is how you make a video game movie. From the faithfulness to the source material, including Sonic's overall design and personality, to Jim Carrey's deliciously hammy performance and just the general feel-good nature of the movie, Sonic the Hedgehog -- alongside Detective Pikachu -- breaks the long-lasting curse of video game inspired movies and delivers an experience that is fully and unironically enjoyable for both long-time fans and newcomers alike.

The animation studio that delivered this precious gem sadly went under before they could see it shine brighter than all the Chaos Emeralds combined...but they can rest easy knowing they delivered something that should serve as a shining beacon on how to properly make a movie based on a video game. Kudos to the animators and kudos to you too, Jeff Fowler, for listening to the fans and giving them exactly what they wanted.

In an age where moviemakers and actors treat their fans and naysayers with utter contempt, Sonic the Hedgehog is a tale of redemption -- in more ways than one -- and a long-awaited achievement of its genre.

Batwoman (2019–2022)

Fundamentally obnoxious

[1/10 · 18 October 2019]

I thought superhero shows couldn't get any worse after Marvel's Inhumans -- CW is here to prove us wrong. But whereas Inhumans was just plain bad, this one's pro-actively obnoxious on top of being bad. If you've seen that infamous trailer -- which they've changed to private in the wake of its scathing reception, go figure -- then you don't need me to tell you that.

If you're looking for anything in the way of good storytelling or characterization, you won't find any of that here because the writers are too busy shoving their agenda down your throat with all the grace and subtlety of a jackhammer to even bother.

The acting is sub-par, the characters are either one-dimensional or wholly unlikable and the costume design is utterly ridiculous; for god's sake, our heroine looks like a friggin' bobblehead while wearing that wigless batsuit, which she ironically claimed would be perfect once it fit a woman. Good job writers, you played yourselves.

Our heroine deserves special mention; on top of being a walking stereotype --lesbian, jewish and a complete tomboy -- she's also the very embodiment of a "strong female character": brash, arrogant, condescending and shamelessly hypocritical. This, combined with Ruby's wooden acting, turns her into an obnoxious pile of wish fulfillment as opposed to anything resembling an actual character.

This isn't a show so much as it is a checklist of all the things NOT to do when making a show and how NOT to get on your audience's bad side...but all things considered, nobody involved in the making of this tripe cared one bit.

Superman Returns (2006)

A superhero movie without the "super"...or a "hero"

[1/10 · 13 October 2018]

This is the most boring superhero movie ever made...and the most lazily written. You're being asked to watch a 2 and a half hour movie with almost no action sequences and a bunch of people just talking and doing things that don't really make sense half the time.

Not helping matters is that the movie has plot holes big enough to fly a plane through them. Why did Superman leave Earth at all? To find Krypton? The Krypton he knows had been blown up -- that Krypton? What did he live off of all these years flying through space? Sunlight? He's an alien, not a plant...and even a plant needs water here and there. OK, so what was Lex Luthor's plan here? He's gonna grow a new continent that'll swallow the US and then he's gonna sell it to...whom exactly? With what leverage? With what power? Did he even think this through? This guy has nothing in common with the real Lex Luthor. Also, Superman can't have children, not with humans anyway. Also said child can't just spontaneously grow superpowers AFTER being exposed to kryptonite and show no sings of being affected. This is not how things work.

Say what you want about Richard Donner's Superman, at least he cared about the whole thing feeling believable. Say what you want about Man of Steel, at least it felt consistent. At least its villain had a clear motive. At least it had some meaty action sequence thrown in between the usual bits of stupidity. Never thought I'd favor a Zack Snyder movie over Bryan Singer.

Looking back, the whole thing was just a boring, overdrawn blunder that can't even decide whether it wants to be a sequel, reboot or whatever the hell it thinks it is.