jazathapus Reviews

The Blazing Cannons (2017)

Basically a home video

[1/10 · 20 April 2019]

Note to amateur filmmakers: DO NOT DELIBERATLY EDIT YOUR FILM BADLY.

Watching this movie made me nauseous. The poor editing was meant to evoke a 70's exploitation vibe. Instead, it by homage to the filmmakers mental retardation.

Adding fake scratch marks to the screen digitally also fails to achieve the look and feel these guys wanted. It's not cute, funny, or retro. It didn't work when "Planet Terror" and "Death Proof" and it doesn't work here.

Wasted my money on this pathetic attempt at filmmaking hoping for a similar viewing experience to Astron-6 films such as, "Father's Day," and "Manborg." I won't waste time on how unfunny this film is because humor is so subjective. But, nothing here hasn't been done before to an infinitely better degree.

Watch an actual 70's exploitation film. Skip this.

Baby Driver (2017)

Watch This Movie Right Now, Idiot

[9/10 · 14 October 2017]

Watch this movie right damn now! Throw whatever you are doing out a window and start watching Baby Driver.

I don't care if you are feeding a baby. Toss that sh1t out and go see this incredible movie.

Don't be fat, lazy chump. You can't write in all caps on this because IMDb is full of fascist sjws or I would be screaming.

Harvest Lake (2016)

Poorly Made Gay Porn

[1/10 · 8 July 2017]

Would you like to imagine the very worst Sci-fi Channel original movie mixed with a gay porno? If your answer is no, then don't bother watching Harvest Lake.

If you did, then don't bother watching Harvest Lake. What you imagined was probably better.

Badass Monster Killer (2015)

All Other Reviews Are Lying

[1/10 · 8 July 2017]

This movie is a total piece of crap. All the other reviewers are lying because they had a part in making it.

Every person involved this trash should be deeply ashamed. If I helped get this movie made, I would cry myself to sleep each night and engage in various forms of self mutilation each morning.

Don't believe anything that other guy said. He must have worked on the film. Everything he wrote is a total lie. This movie is worthless.

If you like it, you're stupid. It's not even so good it's bad. It's just all bad all the time.

This movie should be used as an enhanced interrogation technique in CIA black sites.