MellowStello Reviews

Brooklyn Nine-Nine (2013–2021)

You think that's B99 you're watching?

[1/10 · 25 December 2021]

I feel absolutely terrible for those reviewers that discovered B99 after the "revival" and believe it's even remotely watchable. The real B99 ended after S5 E22...

What these unsuspecting "new fans" have been watching is something else...

A supposed comedy completely devoid of all taste and smell and feeling. No humor to be found.

The utter and shameless proliferation of countless insufferable agendas.

Wholehearted betrayal of all character development since the pilot episode... You name it. NBC has botched it. I could go on for hours but this review will be ratio-ed by bot accounts so I won't waste my time continuing.

The media content we used to be able to consume with joy to help us escape the abysmal reality that we exist within has become ironclad in it's defence of, and obnoxious in it's promulgation of the most cynical aspects of our reality.

The Matrix Resurrections (I) (2021)

Worth $4,000 in Vietnam...

[1/10 · 22 December 2021]

According to IMDB, this absolute masterpiece bagged a whopping $4,600 on opening day in Vietnam.

Reports indicate the next film has already been confirmed and yes, Keanu has said he will reprise his role as Neo so long as the Vietnamese continue to come out in droves to show their support.

One Vietnamese movie go-er had this to say about the new Matrix, and specifically Keanu:

"Ma tran that khung khiep va khong can thiet. Keanu nen cam thay hoi xau ho vì da dang ky. Nhu nguoi xua co cau: "An thit ga, cuu mot mang nguoi.""

Dexter: New Blood (2021–2022)

Shut Up & Kill Someone FFS....

[1/10 · 15 December 2021]

6 episodes in and only 1 Dexter kill... WTF is this? I find myself wondering if I'm watching a random Free Form series. Another soap opera...-___-

Botched Harrison to the maximum.

Yet another legendary series revived only to be ruined by PC bullsh**.

Mafia III (2016 Video Game)

10 for Combat & Cannabis Cultivation

[10/10 · 24 June 2021]

Before I get in to the main review, let me just grab your attention with this: YOU CAN GROW AND SELL WEED! And create your own strains. EPIC!

This game is unjustly maligned and seriously underrated. Though 2K did get a smidge political and overly racial, the fundamentals of the game are just too strong to ignore. I highly encourage you to enjoy this phenomenal game.

Hangar 13 deserves so much credit for the functionality and rich gameplay Mafia III provides.

This game has it all: Clean, incredibly realistic sounding gunfire. Strong, reactive hand-to-hand combat complimented by gruesome finishers and chilling stealth kills. An efficient and well designed weapon wheel with very unique "summon" options for your weapons dealer, cash handler, and car delivery services. I could go on for a while!

Though this game has an invigorating main storyline, the beginning is quite dark and abrasive. It gets a little heavy, but the payoff is well worth the weight of the plot. Vengeance is sweet!

The vehicles were so beautifully designed, and the driving is as fulfilling as I've ever experienced. Perfect engine, and tire sound replication.

Give this game a chance. You'll be glad you did.

Deadwood (2004–2006)

Greatest Western Ever

[10/10 · 14 June 2021]

An all encompassing masterpiece. Truly noteworthy.

This is an example of what can be accomplished when Actors, Writers, Producers, and the Director have the ability to work unhindered by political correctness.

Better than West World. Better than any Western ever, IMHO.

Channel your inner Swearengen.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine (2013–2021)

Justifiably Salty

[1/10 · 8 June 2021]

I changed my 10/10 rating to 1/10 out of pure spite. I'll try to be articulate in my explanation.

B99 was an EXCELLENT comedy series for YEARS. It just simply flew under the radar for the most part.

There was a political/social agenda rift right from the jump... FOX vs. NBC and all of the partisan BS that comes with cross-network productions. No surprise.

Even with the clashing ideologies, the show runners and FOX managed to put together a seriously funny show for about 5 seasons before everything went to trash.

With ratings dropping across the spectrum for the big networks, B99 wasn't hitting the numbers for FOX... so they axed it. I was upset that no one else seemed to enjoy their brand of comedy, but no hard feelings. I appreciated the good laughs and earnest effort from the cast. RIP B99, or so I thought.

After the cancellation announcement, all of the sudden, Twitter starts going crazy and B99 was trending everywhere. Next thing you know, NBC comes out of nowhere saying they're going to pick up B99 and give it another shot. Honestly, I was ecstatic! My family and I eagerly awaited the new season...

Let me just preface my next comments by stating that I do not enjoy having other people's political/social beliefs and perspectives shoved down my throat or elegantly, subliminally planted into my subconscious.

B99 came back AGENDAS LOADED.

Sweet Lord NBC...

They INSTANTLY ruined Captain Holt's character. By the end of S6 he's basically a beat cop again.

And they might as well have just made Amy Santiago the darn Captain of the precinct... unbelievable. The Jake/Amy rivalry gave the show oxygen. Now that's pretty much gone. Big mistake.

Jake Peralta ends up a husband/father, which is absolutely crazy if you've watched the show for even a second. Should have gone back to the Die Hard references, name of your sex tape, and general Peralta hilarity.

If I have to sit through another Rosa Diaz monologue about her perpetually fluctuating sexual orientation, I might need to check myself into a clinic of some sort. I miss when she was just a badass biker cop with a vendetta against ballerinas.

Boyle/Gina started off as a funny, quirky side joke that accurately reflected most secret office romances. Now it's just tasteless sex jokes dragging on, layered in with the awkward Boyle family antics. Gina becomes the most unbearable character of the entire cast, extras included. There was no need to bring her back.

NBC obviously didn't know what to do with Sergeant Terry because he kind of turns in to a limp noodle of a character.

The hate for Hitchcock/Skully was apparent. It's pretty absurd that they felt the need to dedicate an entire episode to metaphorically beating their characters to death with a stick. Lol. Zero ability to cater to varying demographics.

I'll wrap it up by reiterating my spiteful 1 star rating. Any high ratings you see for this series should be credited to the first 5 seasons.

S6 & S7 of B99 are an insult to the fans. I don't think NBC deserves any credit for the very enjoyable early seasons.

Tacoma FD (2019–2023)

A Whimsical Delight

[10/10 · 21 March 2021]

The concentrated hilarity of this program is unparalleled in documented history. Every molecule of my being yearns for more Tacoma FD. It is the oxygen that I breath and the natural spring water with which I quench my undying thirst for happiness and purpose.

But seriously, this show is the absolute epitome of comedy right now. This is my second review... I'm that enthused. Even classics like South Park and Family Guy are losing their edge but somehow this crew manages to produce some QUALITY comedy.

The whole cast was perfectly chosen and collectively provide a really pleasant entourage effect that I think separates a phenomenal, successful show from the rest of the pack.

And an honorable mention... Ike Crystal steals the show. I don't know where this dude has been hiding but I'm glad he got a chance to shine. Stupendous!

Three Busy Debras (2020–2022)

Golly Gee Whillikers

[10/10 · 15 March 2021]

Profoundly hilarious.

Absurdist, bizarre comedy at its absolute finest.

More please.

NBA 2K21 (2020 Video Game)

Sinister

[1/10 · 4 January 2021]

Not only does this game provide absolutely NOTHING new or invigorating, it actively sabotages your enjoyment of the game to incentivize buying "tokens" to boost your stats.

The second or third match in "career mode" is against a team of maxed-out superstars and you, for some reason, just switched over from football to basketball? In other words, your character is complete garbage and his stats are all way below what they should be. 2K would only do such a thing to infuriate the player. And after every game, of course, you have the opportunity to spend up to $100 to boost your stats...

It doesn't take a genius to analyze the situation and come to the conclusion that this game is borderline PREDATORY in regards to monetizing in-game character skill development.

Not to mention, in order to even play "career mode" you have to be connected to the internet and your system must be FULLY updated. So to actually play this game to the fullest on a regular basis you must pay $60 for the game, +\- $100 for decent stats, and +\- $80 per month for internet access so you can update this absurd copy/paste game daily.

No kidding, this game made me very angry. I'm a calm person, but it's obvious that the game was engineered to frustrate the player into spending more on boosting character stats, etc. 2K should be more responsible with this kind of thing considering the entire world is falling into poverty and suffering from mental health issues. Seriously. We bought the darn game, shouldn't we get full value without being tortured into spending even more money?

Bill & Ted Face the Music (2020)

Deserves A Much Lower Rating...

[1/10 · 29 September 2020]

It pains me to be writing this about a Bill & Ted flick, then again I'd HARDLY consider this a Bill &Ted flick. Just because you direct the actors to say "Dude" 17 trillion times, doesn't make it authentic.

This film is like if they made a new Ace Ventura, but instead of developing a legitimate story to fill fans with joy and nostalgia, they just lazily wrote in a daughter and made everyone sit through 2 hours of mediocre, cringeworthy scenes complimented by EVER SO SUBTLE Georgia O'keeffe stylings. And in the end Ace Ventura was never the true Pet Detective... it was his glorious, inspiring, jaw-droppingly beautiful daughter who will eventually become president and inaugurate a new "epoch" in which women govern all of human existence and everything is rainbow and tastes like strawberry-cream dandy lions. -__-

Ruining all formerly watch-able content, Go Feminism!

This film received SUCH positive coverage in the media, it was suspicious in all honesty. And now that I've seen it, I know why the media was pumping it... even the "coronavirus" can't stop these clowns from destroying classics with modern political/social agendas.

Project Power (2020)

Belligerently Unoriginal

[1/10 · 15 August 2020]

This film is a lazy rehashing of Netflix's Bright with just enough of Limitless to push it over the edge in to the "belligerently unoriginal" classification.

The Cop/Detective "war on drugs" archetype DOES NOT blend well with the "misunderstood lower class with unique abilities" model that Netflix seems to enjoy.

Originality aside, there is an abundance of other issues with this one... especially considering they had literally $85.1 MILLION to work with. -__-

• Joseph Gordon-Levitt in a Saints jersey on the hunt for a little girl to buy more super-drugs from so that he can even the odds in the fight against the super-drug manufacturers.

• Machine Gun Kelly "acting".

• Dominique Fishback (Robin) is actually a 29 year old woman playing a child... That's kind of weird.

• Jamie Foxx running around with PTSD looking for "the source", constantly slipping in and out of reality like a deranged lunatic. He went from kidnapping a child and threatening to kill her family, to kissing the same child on the head and wishing her well as he drove into the sunset victorious. This clown described himself as a pistol shrimp, no joke.

• Clandestine supervillain scientists in search of angel investors to fund their dream of creating a population of substance abusing super-beings.

And at the end of the day... it just flat out wasn't entertaining. The acting was incredibly weak. I felt no connection to any of the characters. The story was empty and directionless so I just couldn't get behind the narrative. Bad film.

Da 5 Bloods (2020)

Inflammatory

[1/10 · 16 June 2020]

This entire film is just another overly racial exhibition by the notoriously inflammatory Spike Lee. Positivity and love are needed... not a film about 5 soldiers trying to redistribute found wealth to STRICTLY African Americans. 99% of the world is impoverished, regardless of race or nationality. But I imagine thats irrelevant to their narrative. It just annoys me that this films offers nothing to the battle against racism... Just more fuel to the raging fire.

Both distasteful and unhelpful in any way, this unnecessary piece of propaganda isn't even remotely enjoyable to watch. NOT RECOMMENDED.

The Flash (2014–2023)

Dawson's Creek: Superhero Edition

[1/10 · 13 June 2020]

I've reviewed "The Flash" many times over the years, ALL of which were removed. This series is so maliciously apathetic, I feel the need to keep taking my shots at it.

The Flash initially started as a pretty interesting new spin on a legendary DC Comic hero. Season 1 was watchable! Interesting enough, and the potential for so much more.

Season 2 started out decently, but "dropped the ball" doesn't even begin to accurately depict how infuriatingly terrible this show became. EVERYONE develops "powers" and EVERYONE has at least 3-4 lame monologues about the same juvenile bulls*** every single episode.

After losing the crutch that was Barry's Mom's death, the writing devolved into a meandering, convoluted after-school-special. TONS of social messages, ENDLESS unwarranted political perspectives, and MINIMAL enthralling television.

Around season 2 or 3, for SOME PC/SJW REASON, the show runners somehow got the impression that the audience liked IRIS and wanted to see infinitely more IRIS. Very bad call. She is the worst and further ruined an already terrible show. I imagine that's how hidden agendas work though. Actually, her entire existence demonstrates perfectly how willing The CW is to sacrifice a potentially decent show in the pursuit of whatever propaganda they're trying to peddle.

There is actually an episode in which Barry Allen, THE FLASH, somehow transfers his unattainable Meta-human abilities to his lame sister/girlfriend... and then offers that she keep them permanently because "We are the Flash".... I couldn't make this up if I tried. COMPLETELY GUTTED THE ENTIRE PREMISE OF THE SHOW.

The end of all of these garbage, agenda ridden shows is near AND IM ABSOLUTELY THRILLED.😏

Space Force (2020–2022)

Make Something Worth Watching....

[1/10 · 1 June 2020]

It's sad that Netflix and company would rather pay glorified bots to come on these review sites and make it seem as though people enjoyed the show, INSTEAD OF MAKING A SHOW PEOPLE ACTUALLY ENJOY. Their agendas are that important to them...

The show WILL have unwarranted social messages and political propaganda, end of story. The question for Netflix is, "How much do we have to spend to make subscribers think this is a good show?" And I imagine it's a lot, considering how many 10/10 reviews there are from brand new accounts.

And you KNOW something is up when there are reviews that simply say, "Ignore the negative reviews", almost as if it came from the Netflix executives themselves LOL.

Space Force (2020–2022)

Another Atrocity From Netflix....

[1/10 · 31 May 2020]

I can't believe Steve Carell agreed to do this series, in all honesty. Obviously, every episode is FULLY SATURATED with the standard Netflix social messages and political musings. And such a lame attempt to portray the military as humorous! It just came off as if the government sponsored the production of the show.

Terrible. If you're looking for something like The Office or another funny Steve Carell classic, keep looking. This isn't it.

Avatar: The Last Airbender (2005–2008)

Modern Show-runners... TAKE NOTES!

[10/10 · 16 May 2020]

First of all, if you haven't watched this series from beginning to end, you're doing yourself a disservice. Seriously. If you find any modern show even REMOTELY watchable, watch this series and then promptly recalibrate your scale for good television.

Filled with wholesome, hilarious, gripping storylines and some of the best character development I've ever seen, Avatar: The Last Airbender will enthrall you and you WILL form a healthy addiction until you've finished.

Just kick back and enjoy this masterpiece... I'm not sure there will be another show like it for some time. It existed outside of the current "woke" political Hellscape that prevents anything tasteful or even watchable from being produced.

Celebrity Family Feud (2008– )

Family Feud For Rich Idiots

[1/10 · 18 September 2019]

Part of the appeal of the original Family Feud was the opportunity for ordinary families to win money....

This is just a bunch of rich people clamoring for attention and publicity. LAME AS HELL. It's all about "winning for their charity". But then even the loser gets a donation. What are the stakes? At this point we're watching over-privileged elitists being coddled on stage.

Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones (2019 TV Special)

Dave Turns Coal Into Diamonds

[10/10 · 27 August 2019]

Another phenomenal standup special from Dave Chappelle. Netflix should just give him their entire budget because his specials are the ONLY "Netflix Originals" I have ever enjoyed from beginning to end.

He takes the PC garbage we've been force-fed for the last decade, puts it in a blender, and then pours that sh** down the drain.

He's the only comedian that can get away with these hilarious jokes. I should probably say he's the only comedian with the audacity and confidence to pull it off... ON NETFLIX, the biggest Neoliberal Corporate shill on the planet.

WELL DONE, sir. WELL DONE. :)

The Righteous Gemstones: Is This the Man Who Made the Earth Tremble (2019) Season 1, Episode 2

The Real Deal

[10/10 · 26 August 2019]

Skyler Gisondo has come a LONG WAY since playing little Shawn in Psych. This dude has the skills to pay the bills.

I loved the style of transition from last episode to this episode. Showing the events unfold from the opposite perspective was an extremely good call.

And, of course, this episode was HILARIOUS. Another great one in the books.

Workaholics (2011–2017)

Quintessential

[10/10 · 21 August 2019]

I miss this series so much! It perfectly encapsulates my young adult years in a nutshell.

Don't take Workaholics too seriously because it's the polar opposite of serious. It's absurdist, juvenile comedy packaged in a Ninja Turtle gift box.

It's a shame these fellas became so popular, though they deserve it. I just can't imagine they will be able to come back to this type of content in the future, sadly. All I can do is rewatch the series for the umpteenth time!:P

Highly recommended.

The Righteous Gemstones (2019– )

Original And Hilarious

[10/10 · 21 August 2019]

Wonderfully talented ensemble cast! Everyone brings something to the table.

Danny McBride never fails to deliver, in my humble opinion.

I'm always pleasantly surprised by how enthralling McBride HBO productions can be. Like Vice Principles and Eastbound & Down, this series packs a comedic punch while also maintaining a shroud of mystery around the main plot.

I've been a fan of Danny McBride since before Hot Rod and Land of the Lost, but he's really becoming a decorated professional. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.

The Waterboy (1998)

Criminally Underrated

[10/10 · 22 July 2019]

This has to be one of the most underrated films on IMDB. Absolutely hilarious.

Compared to the modern PC drivel being released today, this film is phenomenal.

In fact, I'd rather watch The Waterboy for the umpteenth time than ANY of the films released in the last 5-10 years... except maybe the John Wick series.

I don't think Adam Sandler has made a funnier production to date. This film deserves more than a 6.1 star rating... at least worthy of 8 stars.

Fear the Walking Dead (2015–2023)

Genuinely Shocked About The Renewal

[1/10 · 20 July 2019]

Another season of this trash? Absolute insanity.

Who is calling the shots? A blind, deaf, illiterate? Do the low ratings, bad reviews, and general consensus mean anything to these clowns? Apparently not.

Greed. That's all I can say about TWD and it's offspring these days. Milking the cash cow until the milk it produces is necrotic and poisonous. Cancel everything about TWD, including the horrible mistake that's currently in development.

Show some damn respect to the audience and the first 6 seasons that gave TWD life.

Mr. Iglesias (2019–2020)

Political agenda pushing + laugh track = bad show

[1/10 · 4 July 2019]

I remember back in 2009-2012 when "Fluffy" was actually funny... seems like a lifetime ago when watching this atrocity.

Apparently Fluffy needs a laugh track to lean on at this point in his career! And he's become so obnoxiously liberal and corporate... Netflix? Ew.

Do yourselves a favor and skip this series! Just rewatch some of his old stand-ups if you're feeling a little nostalgic.

Tacoma FD (2019–2023)

Gold

[10/10 · 2 July 2019]

One of the funniest shows in the game right now. Great cast, excellent chemistry. Everything funny about Super Troopers plus a little something extra! I hope they keep it going with this one.