jakielaj Reviews

The Cave (2005)

Not bad, but I'm praying for the end of digital monsters

[6/10 · 19 December 2006]

First of all I have to say that I was pretty impressed with the overall movie. The detailed shots of the underwater caves and the environment were beautiful. I'm glad they didn't try to create the whole blue screen background or add extra detail or shadowing. The cast was also very sound and their performance throughout the movie was also a strong point.

The action kept the movie interesting and aided in moving the overall plot along. The monsters however did have their ups and downs. I know that computer enhanced creatures are used to make the use of cosutmes and weird camera angles a thing of the past, but it still doesn't make it look that much more lifelike. I'm more of a fan of showing limited shots of the creatures and using suspense to keep the audience on the edge of their seats (the same tactic used when jaws was created and because of the problems with "bruce").

I also kind of wish that they made the monsters act and think a little more human. Setting traps or rounding the people into a confined area would've help play into the development of the creatures' background (but then again this is just my personal opinion)

Overall I gave the movie a 6. My logic for this rating is that for the most part it was a solid movie. And I know the argument can be made that its a genre beaten to death (as shown in knock offs like "The Cavern" or "Caved In"). I truly believe the casting did a wonderful job in picking the characters and placing them in their respected roles.

The Slaughterhouse Massacre (2005 Video)

Not a bad movie...if it was meant to be a porno

[2/10 · 3 December 2006]

OK where to start when wasting oxygen on reviewing this movie. I guess the positives were that it only cost me 26 cents to rent this movie from family video, you have to love the half price rentals. But come on! The movie itself looks like the media club at some small university decided to shoot this movie for a project. And if this is the case I pray for the grade they may have received. The acting was pretty poor, but I wasn't expecting an Oscar worthy effort when I rented it. The scene/chapter changes we awful. At times it looked like they had forget that a change was coming and quickly had to cut to the desired scene. And at times there is even moments of complete darkness. Did someone in editing decide to leave extra time in between to extend the movies running time?

The idea behind the movie wasn't bad with the back ground information on killer and the typical urban legend that applies to the area. But the thing that tricked me into renting the movie was on the outside it actually looked as if it had some potential for a decent slasher film. The first opening minutes resemble that of a badly shot adult film. And then of course this is topped later on in the movie and much more film and time is wasted. It is a wonder how this project was even green lighted in the first place.

The digital effects probably were the last nail in this movies coffin. And in the scenes where the deaths do occur are either completely digital and wouldn't fool the common five year old or you can see that they used a dummy. (Watch when the killer gets his head chopped off at the end)

I wouldn't waste your time with this one folks. Sitting through this movie was probably the most painful thing I've done in a long time. I would glad break my arm again and deal with rehabbing the injury with pain medications than subjection my senses to this garbage.

Shredder (2001)

Editing must only be a word to this production staff

[3/10 · 5 November 2006]

Going into this movie and knowing that it was going to be a typical B movie slasher film I didn't set my expectations that high. I also wasn't surprised when I was introduced into the typical cast of this genre. There was the whore, the stoner, the nerdy kid, the less of a whore girl, the main male character, and of course the "good girl". And for the most part the acting in this movie wasn't bad enough to make me shove red hot pokers into my eyes after watching the movie. In fact a lot of the scenes were comical and I definitely had a good laugh at the expense of the characters on screen.

Like most slasher movies you get a good sense of who is going to "get it first". I almost considered giving this movie a better rating 3/4 of the way into the movie.

Without giving too much away the advice I give to those out there that are seriously thinking about renting this movie is to turn it off before the last chapter. You will thank me later and be spared the sight of one of the worse special effects I've seen in a long time. I mean did they really think that it looked good in the editing room or that it would look remotely realistic to the viewing public? The only explanation I have is that either the editing staff was high when they reviewed the footage or simply ran out of funds near the end of the movie. But then again you get what you pay for and I'm glad I didn't pay much. I'm sure my DVD player will require extensive therapy after being force to subject itself to the punishment that is known as Shedder.

Deathwatch (2002)

Lion Gate films comes through again

[7/10 · 5 November 2006]

After watching this movie I can honestly say I was extremely impressed. Lion Gate films is most commonly known for their current blockbuster hits in the Saw series. But their direct to video movies could probably fare well in the box office or at independent film festivals. This movie is truly a hidden treasure.

The acting is very sound throughout the movie and the characters are truly believable. It even follows the typical war storyline with a captain that is too young and lacks respect to lead his company, a veteran sgt, and a young private who lied about his age in order to see action on the front lines. The environment that the movie was shot in gives you the feeling that you are witnessing WWI and the trenches and their design follows historical writings to a T.

I found this movie merely by chance at our local family video and wasn't even going to rent it till my arm was pulled. The cover itself doesn't give much away about the movie and seeing that Clive Barker had a comment on the front made me wonder if he was simply paid to make that statement. The action and plot line are very well done and throughout the movie that are little hints about where the story is heading and the nature of the trench the men are forced to defend.

Without a doubt I can honestly say that I would rent this movie again and if found for a reasonable price would consider in adding it to my collection. There are some parts that aren't top notch but overall the movie is a great experience. The movie is considered as horror and does contain some strong language along with some intense scenes so this might not be one for the entire family. I hope the director creates future films that have the success of this project and that he wasn't just a one-hit wonder.

Detour (2003 Video)

It's just like wrong turn, if you're on acid

[4/10 · 3 November 2006]

This movie has pretty much the same plot line as wrong turn (minus that fact it takes place in the desert and the characters are in search of a pot field). The best part of the entire movie is probably seeing the main cannibal, who looks like Mr. Clean's brother who was locked in an unventilated room while mixing cleaning products. The worse character in possibly the history of movies is the white kid who fronts as a thug. I can honestly say that after being introduce to this character I wish every second after that to see his untimely demise.

There were some good effects and the actual camera shots weren't that bad considering their budget. Also the extras on the DVD were pretty amusing as well (especially the auditions for each character). Being a college educated individual and in the process of finishing my major and attending grad school I know that I can fall back on B movie acting if I don't get hired right away.

This movie got a 4 from me because it did have its moments. My roommates and I were laughing throughout the movie and were able to predict what was going to happen and the order that the characters would be taken out. But like I stated before, if you are forced to rent this movie for any more than one dollar you should simply tell the cashier at your local video store to pay you for removing this movie from their presence.

The Bunker (2001)

Not bad but lacking several elements

[4/10 · 3 November 2006]

The first thing that got my attention when I saw this movie on the shelf was the cover. Being located in the horror section I thought that this movie might provide a different outlet in a genre that is dominated by sequels and knockoffs of what is common right now (I can only imagine the amount of saw knockoffs that will be flooding the market in the next few years).

But I was rather disappointed with the movie and am surprised how it got a decent rating on IMDb (are these people watching the same movie that I am or do they simply have relatives that star in this film?) The action wasn't too bad and the characters and their acting was better than what you would expect from a direct to video movie. But to classify this movie as horror is probably the biggest mistake that the director made. Now I'm not saying that it should be placed in the historical section of your local video store, but I can't honestly say that there was a moment when I was truly scared.

There are some points of suspense but the director I believe fails to capitalize on this moments and get a jump out of the audience. I knew renting this movie that I wasn't going to be seeing a cult-classic or anything that was Oscar worthy but I was let down at the ending. I guess on the plus side I was never bored enough to want to turn the movie off, but that isn't saying that much.

In the end I would say not to rent this movie unless you are truly a WWII buff and want to see a story based on that time period. This movie wasn't even like the typical B horror movies where you are laughing throughout the movie and not in a state of panic or fear as the director had intended with his project. This movie got a 4 from me because it wasn't the worse thing I've seen but I am still being somewhat generous with my rating.

Feast (2005)

My 2 cents (may contain some spoiler info)

[7/10 · 19 October 2006]

"Feast" is the perfect example of what is right with the horror movie industry. It wasn't the 4 or 5th sequel to a drawn out story line (such as Jaws 4) rather it used common ideas and plot lines that are the backbone to most movies of this genre. The acting, although not Oscar worthy is still very well done and makes this better than your average b movie. The length of the film should also be appealing to those that are interested in renting or buying this movie. At only 92 minutes in length it won't leave you painfully praying for the credits to start rolling. This film does have a lot of upside but also has some parts that aren't explained along with some scenes that should've been left in the cutting room. Positives: 1) I love the intro and each character's information. I thought that was a very unique way of introducing the characters and at the same time providing some humor (esp the life expectancy lines) 2) Action, Action, Action. The first 20-30 minutes are pretty intense which may give you the first impression that this is going to be one of those "everyone dies in the first few scenes and then the director drags the action along because he wrote himself into a hole." But this isn't the case, it gets your attention then you get to see the struggles the characters are facing. 3) The hero's brief stint in the movie brings a sort of dark comedy to this horror flick (which is what I believe and what i think the extras on the DVD were leading to). Negatives: 1) Even at the end of the movie you don't really find out what those creatures were. Although from the trailer that can be found on the IMDb website, it alludes to the idea that the military created these things and was testing them on us to see how well their experiment would work. 2) Not giving away too much details but the scene with the Harley mom when she is outside the bar with the littler of the creatures. Could've gone without seeing that, but again I guess they were shooting for the comic effect.

In the end "Feast" is worth your time, if you are into horror movies. Would I say its worth the 20 bucks they are selling it for right now, nah not really. Id wait to rent it or buy it previously viewed if you only plan on watching it a few times. Also those of you who are familiar with Project Green Light (PGL to those that are reading other reviews are wondering what that stands for) will enjoy this film and know that it was the winner of one of the seasons.

Jigsaw (2002 Video)

Don't waste your time

[1/10 · 8 October 2005]

I love B movies..but come on....this wasn't even worth a grade...The ending was dumb...b/c THERE WAS NO REAL ENDING!!!..not to mention that it comes to life on its own...I mean no lighting storm or crazy demonic powers?? Slow as hell and then they just start killing off the characters one by one in like a 15 min time period...and i won't even start on the part of the thing killing the one guy without its head....and then you don't even get to see what Jigsaw even does with his so called "new jigsaw puzzle"....Unless you have nothing better to do...Id watch paint dry before Id recommend this God-forsaken movie to anyone else...oh and to make it even better the other movie totem you can see the guy throwing the one creature in the basement scene from the window..that was funny as hell and probably the only good part of watching that waste of film