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Reviews
X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)
I hate kids!
I just saw the Bulgarian pre miere of X-Men 3. It's such a colossal let-down that I am unsure where to begin.
Now I remember enjoying X-Men 1 and 2 when they came out. Especially 2. I don't remember what it was about but I remember the plot making sense which is a whole lot more than "The Last Stand" has to offer.
1) If I had a dollar for every time a character said something totally predictable and stupid while heroic music was playing in the background, I'd probably have like 5 dollars. My personal favourites include but are certainly not limited to: "I hear the's a shelter for mutants here?" Dr. Blue Dog-like thing : "There was, son... there was..." A victorious anthem starts as Holly Berry utters with forced pathos: "And there still is!!!" Speaking of Dr. Blue Dog-like thing - how the hell did he became a doctor? What kind of university did he attend exactly? The kind where being blue is nothing to raise eyebrows to.
2) Oh, yeah - I loved the little story around Rouge. It's always been my dream to see X-Men and Dowson's Creek mixed together. Oh.... wait... no, it hasn't. In fact, It was a total waste of screen time.
3) "Cure" weapons and people disintegrate have got to be the two most pathetic substitutes for bloodshed every devised by mortal man. Now, the previous installments were engineered for kids as well but they still weren't this ridiculous.
4) That angel guy you've seen in the trailer has no more than 2 lines and 3 minutes of screen time. I think it goes without saying that he was totally irrelevant to the plot or anything at all for that matter.
5) The plot-line was apparently concocted in less than 30 minutes: "Hey, guys let's bring back the psychic chick from the dead without every explaining how. We'll give her split personality despite it being at odds with the previously established character." "Oh, cool - I got another idea too, I was watching Dowson's Creek yesterday..." I think you get the point.
6) A lot of events contradict anything that's got something to do with sense. So many many, in fact, that I won't mention a single one.
7) There were lots of other thing wrong with X-Men 3, but I'm way too lazy to write them all down. Let's just say this movie makes cool characters be uncool.
Dead & Breakfast (2004)
Kicks ass!
I decided to comment on this after seeing that lots of people hated it. Now generally I'm not a horror fan. In fact I hate almost anything horror - gore and slashing is plain boring to me. And yet I find this movie really entertaining. Most of the characters were perfectly likable and I actually cared what was happening to them. They did a pretty good job in terms of acting as well, except for David's girlfriend but I'll overlook that.
The movie made me laugh out loud no fewer than 3 time, which is quite a lot for me. The country interludes I found kind of cool (maybe because I'm not American).
It was packed with gore which wasn't that interesting for me, but it didn't bother me the way it did in The Evil Dead for instance. I'm guessing most horror fans will like it.
Sure, it lacked originality but guess what - when I'm watching a zombie horror movie I don't expect to see anything ground-breaking. I just want something cool that doesn't take itself too seriously - and this movie delivered. So why not see it?
The Exorcism of Emily Rose (2005)
Would make a fine bed-time story
I saw this movie with a friend of mine at his place a few months ago. By the end we were both literally asleep. The flick couldn't have been more boring if it tried. "The Exorcist" was too boring as hell but 30 years ago everything was. A 2005 movie has no excuse to rock people to sleep (which I doubt was an intended effect). And don't even get me started on the whole faith thing - I'm tired of people trying to force religious crap down my throat, to hell with all that! That's what this is - one long, hyper-mundane, preaching piece of $#*"! Anyway I'm guessing that most people out there will miss the point (so did I actually but I couldn't have cared less about what was happening on screen) which is that God is trying to prove his own existence by proving that of Satan. Say what!? Could it possibly be any more ridiculous? Even the CAP Ministry are gonna think this is plain absurd.
Bandwagon (1996)
Masterpiece... what else can I say...
It's very hard to comment on what for me personally is the greatest movie ever created but I'll give it a shot anyway.
"Bandwagon" is something of a comedy but it's got some romance and drama thrown in the mix as well. Actually the tag-line says it best - "Bandwagon" is a movie about a band. Four young man who have little in common are joined together by their love for music. It's exactly their incompatibility that most of the humor stems from. The jokes are all funny. Non of them will have you rolling on the floor with laughter but not one seems out of place. I wish there would be more comedies like this...
The movie deals with themes of love and commercialism, friendship and loneliness. Each of the four main character has his own demons. And each of the four characters will have to deal with them. As their journey through the auster reality progresses, some all our band members will experience a shift in values and viewpoints. Gradually they will be able to put aside their differences... but you'd be better off seeing that for yourself. Let's just say integrity is opposed to success in the industry and a choice is going to have to be made.
The movie isn't trying to be overly deep, but it doesn't need to be either. You won't find any symbolism that requires vast contemplating like you would in "Last Days" for instance but for me that has never been the mark of a good movie. Things here are kept on a understandable, human level which, however, in no way means that the movie is a no-brainer, so to speak.
The cast consists of unknowns only but John Schultz somehow manages to draw out an excellent performance out of them. Not a single character seemed forced, not a single line was delivered unconvincingly. On the contrary: all the characters seemed perfectly honest and real. It's like the actors were simply being themselves which might just be the truth. You see, Mr. Schultz is telling us a story that's been told a million times - X meets success, X is torn apart from a world that doesn't give a damn, X falls from grace (where X can be a band, an artist, an actor etc.). But "Bandwagon" tells that story in a much simpler, down-to-earth, and it the end believable way. We can all relate (especially those of us who have been in a band) - something that is missing from most movies out there. In light of that, I'm guessing, it was easy for the cast to get acquainted with their characters. By no means are they one-dimensional, however.
Like most movies about a band, "Bandwagon" has that quirky, neurotic front-man. Rather brilliantly portrayed by Lee Holmes, Tony is always perfectly believable, never going overboard (often happens in similar movies), yet retaining a sense of detachment from the world. He's not that out-of-control Jim Morrison from "The Doors", he's simply a little out there. Also unlike "The Doors", "Bandwagon" is a movie about a band, meaning that John Schultz never neglects his other characters in order to put more emphasis on the front-man. At this point I'm starting to think that the tag-line really does say it all but regardless I push on...
"The Connells" member Doug MacMillan also stars in "Bandwagon". I imagine that can be an extra incentive for their fans to go see this. He's Linus Tate, a mysterious and intriguing character who has acquired lots of wisdom over the years spent in the music business. Although I make him sound like an old Chinese guy from a Karate movie, I assure you he's got nothing to do with one of those.
The music in Bandwagon (much like everything else) is simply brilliant. Catchy indie-rock tracks that could have been hits, had they seen some airplay. Alas, the music industry doesn't care about good music.
John Schutlz... I'd rather not contemplate the reason why a man of his talent went on to direct such awful movies like "Like Mike" and "Drive Me Crazy". At least I have some comfort in the fact that he didn't write any of them with the exception of "When Zachary Beaver Came to Town" which I haven't seen (hopefully I will one day and more hopefully it will be OK).
I must admit that my review is by no means objective but it's hard to stick to the facts with a movie that means so much to me. This is one of the few flicks that brought me to tears without even aspiring to do so (*note: I don't cry to tearjerkers).
It's just a wonderful story told with honesty and zest. It's just a movie about a band, there's isn't much more to it really. And I think everyone out there can relate to it on some level.
Tamara (2005)
Quick! - get that guy!
This movie is awful. No, no, no - that's an understatement. THIS MOVIE IS *BEEP* HORRIBLE(meaning bad, not scary)! It is very seldom that one stumbles upon a story so mundane that in each and every scene it is perfectly obvious what's about to happen. There wasn't a single event in this movie that couldn't have been predicted after seeing the first 30 seconds. The characters are all stereotypical, one-dimensional teenagers. The loser-chick is hotter than most popular ones I've seen.
The guy who wrote this is also set to write the screenplay for the upcoming "Day of the Dead" remake, and I'm scared as hell he'll mess it up. I hope an angry mob of people who have been rendered dumber by Tamara get to him before that.
If you're 12 and you've never EVER seen a horror movie - go see this. In any other case do not.
Deadline (2002)
More zombies please!
This is a decent endeavor but the guy who wrote the screenplay seems to be a bit in the dark as to what exactly makes a zombie movie cool. No, it isn't CGI bugs and software companies. Actually I'm not sure whether it was a software company - I saw it without subtitles so I had to guess what they're talking about. Anyway my point was - instead of wasting your time animating some dumb-ass bug, why not throw in more zombies and more action. 2/3 of the 20 minutes consist of news bulletins, bugs, some guys yelling about something. And to makes matters worse (more boring) most of the deaths occur off-screen. I realize that's all too common for no-budget movies, but then there were some very impressive effects (well, kind-a of) which left me wondering why did the director (or screenwriter, whatever) chose to focus on how the epidemic started - it's a short, nobody's gonna care anyway.
Speak (2004)
So teenage
If your like 12 and need a break from all those "American Pie" movies and avril lavigne CDs; if you want something real dramatic and tragic, something that provokes thoughts in your young head: well, my friend this is the one for you.
OK, so the story in itself IS tragic, but that doesn't make the movie any better. It was the same old "social outcast who's actually real hot" routine. Ultimately it did explain why she had became one of those, which was pretty much the only good thing about this movie. It still sucked though. I literally found myself begging for it to end so i could go on with my life. yeah.
Non ti muovere (2004)
Definitely not for everyone
This movie starts off looking rather interesting. It soon gets plain bizarre. One out of every four scenes features the main character having sex, usually in a violent manner. That in itself is not a problem, but it simply gets annoying after a while. I mean what audience is this movie targeting after all - 12 year olds? I also found the main character to be rather unrealistic. I was left with the impression that Italy was simply a sex toy for him, even later on when he confessed he loved her. The film never really made a decent point about what he found in her.
To make matters worse it was terribly overplaying. A whole lot of scenes were unnecessary - the flick could have been cut to like 1.30. That would be far more watchable.
Some people seems to think the guy who plays the doctor does a great job. Well, I found it quite strange how he heard the news of his daughter's accident with a face emitting pure indifference and yet later on burst out in tears.
So to sum it up: This is a movie who tries too hard to be "art" and "something different". Though if you're a sexualy frustrated, die-hard "art movies" fan - well you might just love this. (no offenses anyone).
The Legend of Zorro (2005)
Now don't you wish your dad was as cool as Zorro
The way I see it this movie is a comedy. Don't bother to watch it though, cos if you're above the age of 8 you probably won't find it funny. I though, Zorro and all, there'd be at least some fencing - and that was the sole reason i went to see the movie. Well, there was almost no fencing, Zorro just jumps around and always manages to hit his enemies over the head with something instead of killing them (yeah, those kids shouldn't be shown such abject things). And how about the "man, once we start calling ourself American - we'll be in heaven" routine? I suppose Americans won't mind that, but us europeans find it a bit annoying (not to mention the "slovenian polo"). And of course what good is a movie without a plot to destroy the USA. You get that plus a little extra in the face of "knights of aragon", who seek to dominate the world as you might have already guessed. Oh, yeah - they intend to do it with soup - i always forget that part. Well i do have to admit that part was funny. And Kathrine Zita Jones makes faces that will certainly get you to laugh your ass off. What wasn't funny was, for example, the scene where little what's his name spanks his teacher up. What was that about? Then of course you have the "divert the train off the collision course" scene, which is probably like the oldest action cliché. The horse did a bunch-a "funny" stuff too. If you thought "Wild Wild West" was the bomb - go see "the legend of zorro". Also if you're looking for a movie for your son's sixth birthday - this is the flick for you. Otherswise i'm sure you'll find something better to do.
Day of the Dead 2: Contagium (2005)
Bad on just about every level
I knew I should have read some reviews of this flick before seeing it. Nevertheless I went on without having the slightest idea what am I getting myself into. Well, serves me right. This movie sucks. First 5 min. seem OK. Well gunfire did resemble firecrackers but that was no biggie. After that you get over and hour of a bunch of dumb-ass actors walking around a mental hospital, sounding stupid and peeling some skin off. Oh, yeah - two chicks get in a fight as well. Sounds exciting, don't it? Then you get another OK 5 minutes. I think the movie would have been far more successful if it had been cut down to 10 min. First 5 and last five. I advice all living creatures to stay away from this THING!
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)
Easily The Best Installment Of The Series After Episode 5
I love this movie. I simply can't get enough of it - a true masterpiece. Entirely computer-generated environments that are more detailed and life-like than most real ones. Grandiose battle scenes that easily overshadow anything you've ever witnessed in theaters, especially the lightsabre duels. And last but certainly not least - the Plot line. You will understand the source of Anakin's troubles and exactly how Palpatine came to power. The movie doesn't give a clear definition of good and evil but rather leaves the line between them somewhat blurry. You are left to decide for your self what's right or wrong. That makes the whole experience way better than the naive, teenage "evil Empire" we came to know in Episode 4. Palpatine's portrayal it's quite simply staggering. Ian McDiarmid is perhaps the best actor ever to be involved in the series. A mixture of wisdom, hypocrisy, ambition and of course some good 'ol evil marks his character. Ewan McGregor and Hayden Christensen give a relatively good performance, though the later probably should have worked a bit more on it, given it's importance. However, the movie has one major flaw and it's name is Natalie Portman. I'm not sure exactly who's fault it is but most of her scenes are a major disaster. Bad acting and a naive, fairy-tale-like romance seem to be the trademarks of her character. I can imagine it's hard - blue screen and all, but still her acting and generally dialogs involving her seems to be under all expectations. This is the sole reason I rated the movie with a 9.
All and all a truly great flick, one that will have your mind occupied weeks after have seen it.