puzgolac Reviews

The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare (2024)

Flat and boring

[5/10 · 11 May 2024]

I like Henry Cavill, I like Alan Ritchson, I like Guy Ritchie. So, in theory, I should have liked this movie. However, I also like the movies not to be just a bunch of worn out tropes and cliches loosely stitched together without any sense, and this movie is exactly that.

There is very little good about it, but plenty of bad. The script, although based on a true, and supposedly interesting, story, is horrible, making for an uninteresting and completely unbelievable viewing. The protagonists are basically an indestructible bunch of superheroes, that cannot be harmed by any means, and destroy enemies by merely looking at them. They loosely wave their weapons in the general direction of the enemies and the enemies all die, apparently killed by self guided smart bullets.

The British government and military is supposedly full of traitors, defeatists and collaborationists, except for maybe two guys and the superhero team. Also, we are never given a satisfactory reason why they would be so vehemently opposed to the mission. Maybe because it was so "ungentlemanly" and the British are such gentlemen (if being a gentleman means stealing other nations' lands and resources and killing the native people, while saying "sir" and "good morning" in a very stuck up way).

There is zero tension. Fake, "insurmountable" obstacles are introduced every couple of minutes, only to be resolved seconds later without any effort. By the time it happens for the second or third time, you don't care at all, because you know that it doesn't mean anything.

There is no character development, no originality. Protagonists are the best at everything. The main villain has zero personality, zero originality, zero... anything. He is super evil, the end, and he basically does nothing for the whole movie, except existing in a very evil way.

Alan Ritchson's character is supposed to be 22. Ritchson can't pass as a twenty-something by any stretch of imagination.

The obligatory femme fatale is a paper thin stereotype, the best looking, the smartest, the coolest. She is also a crack shot that hits every target with the aiming technique that would not enable her to hit the side of a barn from two steps away. She is also supposed to be British-German-Jewish, but the actress is Mexican and looks it.

The movie is also filled by meaningless scenes of empty and stupid dialogue that is supposed to sound deep and smart but instead just pads the run time. The action scenes, on the other hand, are too cartoonish to be taken seriously, and not funny enough to be considered comedy.

I kept watching hoping that it would get better, but it stayed flat and boring until the end.

Road House (2024)

A real mess

[5/10 · 23 March 2024]

I was really excited for this movie, because the trailer seemed fun. I didn't expect a masterpiece, but I expected it to be much better than this.

The good things first: Jake Gyllenhaal was good. He has lots of charisma and really carries the movie, although he was given precious little to work with. Props also to Arturo Castro, he had a tiny role, but made it pretty fun. Billy Magnussen'e performance was pretty decent, although his character was stereotypical and nothing special. As for Conor McGregor, I find him extremely annoying and this movie did nothing to change my opinion, with him walking constantly like a chimp with a bad case of swamp butt and making idiotic faces all the time. That said, he was well suited for the role of an annoying jerk, because that is pretty much the whole of his persona(lity).

The rest of the cast ranged from bland to terrible, including ridiculous accents from the sheriff and his daughter who are explicitly said to have been born and raised in Florida (both actors are actually Portuguese). If you make it a point that a character is from somewhere, get an actor who sounds like that, or change the character's background. There really was no need for those two characters to be Florida natives.

The script was terrible. An unfinished mess of an unoriginal plot that often drags for long periods of time where nothing is happening. That includes prolonged performances by mediocre musicians. It seemed like those people paid to be in the movie in order to promote their music.

The fights ranged from good to terrible. Unfortunately, the good fights were the small ones, while the "boss fights" were absolutely terrible instances of character A standing and getting hit with no effect, only for them to then hit character B with equally no effect, and then repeating the cycle. The 80s movie case of "the main character can't unleash his full potential until he gets beaten bloody."

At least this movie made me want to see the original, because I never saw that one. Hopefully it is better than this mess.

British Men Behaving Badly: Jingle B***s! (1997) Season 6, Episode 7

Unfunny and boring - just like all of season 6

[2/10 · 4 March 2024]

This is a review of season 6 in general.

I don't consider MBB to be a great sitcom, but it can be funny, sometimes even very funny - or at least that was the case for seasons 1 through 5. But season 6 has been absolutely terrible. At its best it was merely boring, but often times it was much worse than that - annoying and a chore to watch.

I like all kinds of humor, including crude and dark humor, provided that the jokes are actually funny. Season 6 simply failed to be funny, and just desperately tried to have characters say and do stupid and gross things in hope that stupid and gross automatically means funny. However, when a clean joke fails, it is just that - a joke that failed. When a crude joke fails, it is more than that - it makes the author of the joke look like a desperate try hard, who attempts to mask their lack of intelligence and humor by being outrageous. And that is what season 6 has been all the way. I vaguely remember laughing once during all of the 7 episodes. Even though the episodes last for half an hour, they felt like three times as long.

Another problem with season 6 is that the episodes feel almost like a sketch show. There is no sense of direction, it is just random events thrown on top of each other to fill the runtime. None of the events in the life of protagonists seem natural and organic. People getting together, people being in a relationship, people breaking up - it all feels completely random and every time an important event pops up, you can just hear the writer saying "how about we try that?"

Just three more episodes in this show, I will watch them when I have the time, but I have absolutely no hopes that they will be any good.

British Men Behaving Badly: Playing Away (1995) Season 4, Episode 7

Horrible Dorothy

[2/10 · 25 February 2024]

I really don't understand the point of this episode. Men Behaving Badly was never a series that tackled serious issues, or at least it was never good at it. It is a sitcom with a very simplified, almost caricatural depiction of men, women and their relationships and sometimes can be pretty funny with that kind of approach. But tackling a serious issue such as your partner cheating on you with your best friend, that is not something that this show can do. The writing is simply not good enough. While a show like OFAH could do both comedy and drama well, Men... simply cannot. This episode is not good enough to handle a serious topic, and at the same time it is not funny at all. The jokes fall flat, and the attempts to make serious moments seem funny are painfully unfunny, so in the end we get the worst of both worlds. And the fact that at the end of the episode everything is just business as usual when it comes to relations between characters seems completely unnatural and ridiculous. If you want to make a sitcom that wants to keep relations between characters more or less constant, you should not introduce such impactful events.

Related to this, but definitely not unique to just this episode, we see again just how horrible person Dorothy is. While Gary was portrayed as an unlikable person and something of a sleaze from the start, Dorothy was sold as the better one in their relationship - smarter, more likeable, more sensitive, better mannered. But in reality, she is a far worse person. While with Gary what you see is what you get, Dorothy, while pretending, or rather really believing, that she is much better, has actually repeatedly cheated on Gary (while he never cheated on her) and is constantly insulting, belittling and putting him down.

Marmalade (2024)

A movie that thinks that it is much smarter than it actually is

[4/10 · 18 February 2024]

This is the kind of movie that relies heavily on the story and its twists. Unfortunately, the story, while shiny on the outside, falls apart upon the slightest inspection. It is not original, and it is not nearly as clever as it thinks it is.

When the movie has such gaping plot holes, and requires such enormous suspension of disbelief, then it needs to be extremely fun in order to make up for it. But this movie is not fun. The pacing is uneven, sometimes it drags slower that the terrible southern drawl of the main character, and other times it tries to rush too many things into a few minutes. Despite being billed as a comedy too, all you get form it are just a few chuckles.

The acting is perhaps the best part of it, but that goes only for some of the supporting characters. Camila Morrone was excellent and Aldis Hodge did a solid job, although his acting is uneven - some moments he is excellent, some moments downright bad. Unfortunately, Joe Keery wasn't good, although his character was supposed to carry the movie. In keeping with the aforementioned lack of originality, two characters from two famous movies immediately jump out as the inspiration (to put it politely) for the main character, but the actors in those movies are light years ahead of Keery (I won't go into any details in order to avoid spoilers).

Overall not a terrible movie, but not a good one.

Reacher: Fly Boy (2024) Season 2, Episode 8

A terrible ending to a bad season

[2/10 · 2 February 2024]

Considering that this season started not so great and just got worse, this kind of finale could have been expected. Horrible writing, completely unbelievable scenes, cringey one liners and terrible CGI is what you get for sticking with this season. At one point I thought that they decided to do a 180 and make the final episode of the series a satire. But unfortunately, this show takes itself extremely seriously.

After making Reacher the more powerful version of Superman, the writers were hard pressed to find more ways to show his superhuman strength and absolute invincibility, so in this episode we see him beat up five guys with his hands literally tied behind his back. The only reason he eventually stopped and let himself be recaptured was because there was about 40 minutes left until the end, so they needed the bad guys to be around a bit more, so that something could happen.

While on topic of super Superman strength, I don't think they went far enough with Reacher holding a gurney with his lover strapped in it while it's hanging from the helicopter (while there is a knife stuck in that very same arm). They should have had him do biceps curls with the gurney, while doing pullups with his other arm and beating up bad guys with his legs. That would really show how tough he is.

Speaking of that helicopter scene, the CGI in it was atrocious. And we have all the tropes and cliches, bad guys doing the most inefficient things to kill the protagonist, giving long speeches and wasting time when they have the upper hand, only to be defeated because of it.

There are mandatory twists upon twists. Reacher's allies betray him; but, wait, he can actually warp into reality more allies, that exist only when Reacher needs them and do only what he needs of them, and not some silly things like, you know, their actual job or duty. That is why Reacher can kill whomever he wants and steal the money while nobody bats an eye.

Reacher's team has now fully morphed into a psychotic gang of bloodthirsters, killing everybody who crosses their path. Regardless of the crime, the only punishment is death, and the more sadistic, the better. The psycho investigators are the good guys, so all of their actions are justified. THat includes the pathetic attempt of a Tarantino-esque execution of the AM guy, who started the season as some mysterious big promise that amounted to exactly nothing.

The drawn out ending is the attempt to humanize Reacher again by having him give the stolen money to different people, because he is such a nice guy, while buying himself only a bus pass, so that he can continue wandering aimlessly and without purpose across the country while having just one pair of underwear in some perverse idea of freedom.

If there is a third season, I hope they somehow manage to get back to the level of season 1.

Reacher: The Man Goes Through (2024) Season 2, Episode 7

Continues to be bad and boring

[2/10 · 27 January 2024]

Just like episode 6, this one is not only bad and unrealistic, but also boring. The show has by now managed to get me completely bored and numb. I don't care anymore about anything that is happening, because a) the plot is completely unrealistic and b) the protagonists have so much plot armor that you know that nothing can possibly happen to them, so the (completely unrealistic) action scenes have no meaning.

It seems that this episode is just one stupid and boring scene after another. While in the army, Reacher could do whatever he wanted with absolute disregard for orders and chain of command, because that is how a highly structured and ordered organization like the army works?

Then again, the fact that the army in Reacher's world is something akin to a biker gang would explain why it is so willing to let a huge drug operation continue just because some colonel doesn't want anything to look bad for his promotion.

That would also explain why the random drug dealers have no problem starting a war with the army, because in Reacher's world, there is no way that would come back and bite them in the butt.

The cops in the hospital can't hear the injured guy screaming when his mouth is free, even though they are standing right outside the door to his room? Also, just putting a hand over a persons mouth completely silences them?

The bad guy just takes Reacher's word without checking to see if he is telling the truth?

The convenient deus ex machina senator that can conveniently do everything that Reacher needs?

And as if they needed to make this any worse, they decided to make Reacher a sadistic psychopath that is in no way better than the bad guys and only uses the "fighting the bad guys" excuse to indulge his sadistic impulses. Killing that helples injured guy after torturing him, and in such a sadistic way? Wow, that's a great look for him.

Reacher: New York's Finest (2024) Season 2, Episode 6

Bad and boring

[3/10 · 19 January 2024]

The amount of negative reviews for this episode tells you everything you need to know about it. This is even weaker than episode 5, but it is not just that. As bad as some of the episodes in season 2 have been, I have so far found them just interesting enough to keep watching, but now the show gets plain boring. The main plot is simply uninteresting and I really don't care about it. The acting is worse than in daytime soap operas, the dialogues and all of the moments that are supposed to be dramatic are boring and annoying and the action scenes are completely amateurish and unrealistic, as so many people have already pointed out. What is supposed to be a serious action scene looks like a cross between Naked Gun and Scary Movie. Even the music is annoying - the sad scene having the overly loud super sad music, just in case you didn't realize that it is supposed to be a sad scene.

My biggest impression of this season's story is that the bad guys are completely incompetent. They can't do anything right, whether it is killing somebody or keeping their plan going smoothly. They look like complete amateurs who stumbled into a chance to make millions of dollars, but they can't do anything right.

Reacher: Burial (2023) Season 2, Episode 5

Getting worse

[3/10 · 16 January 2024]

This episode was really bad, the worst of the season so far. Emphasis on the "so far" part, because after seeing this one, I wouldn't be surprised if the season got even worse. This episode is pretty much nothing but plot holes and terrible writing.

For one, the characters are now literally explaining their actions to the viewers. It is as if the writers had just about enough brain to realize how bad their writing was, so they tried to make the characters explain away the plot holes to the viewers, in the kind of "see, it could actually happen because of this" way. And so we get the power girls casually waltzing into a factory that makes top secret super weapons and then telling each other (but actually tell the viewers) that you can "get in anywhere if you act like you belong and carry a clipboard". That is the actual quote, that is how ridiculously terrible the writing is. Nobody checks their credentials and the manager just gives them all the information they want. Kind of makes you wonder why the bad guys went through all the trouble of stealing the rockets, when one of them could just get a clipboard, walk into the factory and demand that they give them to him.

The power girls then just run into the truck with the rocket (because if you go into a random direction you are bound to find it, because "they couldn't have gone far"). And the hijackers are there. A gunfight ensues, during which the power girls again explain the viewers how the hijackers knew that they are here to stop them. The bad guys fire about a thousand bullets into the power girls' car, but not only are they miraculously unhurt, they also manage to teleport from the front seats into the trunk while driving the car, and thus they manage to get the jump on two of the bad guys and kill them. They then start slowly walking towards the third baddie, who, instead of shooting them point blank, decides for some reason to run away with no cover while shooting his gun behind his back and, of course, gets killed.

Meanwhile, Reacher goes to Homeland security, where the agents give him all the information he needs about their, presumably confidential, investigation, because his brother used to work there. You know, just like it would happen in real life. Then they just shake their heads amusedly when he tells them that he will kill everybody. Oh, that's classic Reacher. Go on, kill everybody, you giant rascal.

We get a flashback that shows why Reacher is so reluctant to believe that Swan is dirty. Back in the army, Swan saved his life by literally jumping in front of the bullet meant for Reacher, and the scene is exactly as cringe as it sounds. Also, what is with the delivery guy in that scene? Was he supposed to be incredibly stupid, like not allowed to use scissors stupid, or was he trying to tip off the drug dealers? The scene is neither here nor there, and all the worse for it.

Then there is the funeral part, which wastes the viewers' time first with more pointless dialogue and failed fabricated tension between Reacher and the bald cop, and then with one of the cinematography's worst shootouts. The two worst assassins in the world try to kill Reacher and his team using precision rifles and manage not only to miss them with every bullet, but also to miss every single one of the many people that stand all around them. Reacher and his team return fire. "Handguns are useless from this distance", Neagley explains the viewers, and then immediately the whole team starts firing those same handguns from that very same distance. They manage to get a bit closer, but "It's not enough", Neagly says. However, Reacher tells her "You can do it! You're a great shot!", thus explaining to the viewers that what is about to happen is, in fact, really, totally, completely possible. And so, while the assassins who use high powered scoped rifles cannot hit anybody, Neagley, who uses a handgun that is useless from that distance, scores a perfect head shot on one of the baddies. The other one decides that he wants nothing to do with that kind of plot armor and runs away, thus starting a car chase in which Reacher and the cop drive a car together; literally together, they both turn the wheel and press the pedals at the same time, thus making the car go twice as good, which is common knowledge.

The ending sees the team force the captured assassin to go to the meeting point with his employer (who happens to be Swan, oh the shock!) and do recon for them because, I guess, they didn't have time to make another pipe bomb and just chuck it into the house, like they did a few episodes back, and because it seems completely plausible that Swan will be happy that the assassin messed up his job and the meeting will not be a deadly trap at all.

Reacher: A Night at the Symphony (2023) Season 2, Episode 4

Continues in the same style

[7/10 · 13 January 2024]

It is episode four of the second season, and it is more of the same - the show is (just) entertaining enough to keep me watching. It seems that in season 2 every episode is made according to the same formula - a bit of action, a bit of background story, a whole lot of catchphrases, some "shocking" revelation, and the whole thing moves (very) slowly forward.

I liked that they brought Finlay back, not because his scenes here were great, but just for the nostalgia, and that is clearly what they tried to capitalize on, just like pretty much every other show or movie these days. I also liked O'Donnell's jab at Reacher how Marlo could be his soul mate, because of the toothbrush. A one liner that actually made me chuckle.

As for the things that weren't so great - for one, forensics is still not a thing in Reacher's world. AM kills some more people and doesn't care that he is leaving a sea of forensic evidence. Oh, but "he's a ghost", so it doesn't matter.

The fight against the biker gang, while fun, was completely unbelievable. Not just because of the mostly clumsy choreography, but also because all of the sudden, making noise is a big no-no. Noise is no problem when Reacher's team is blowing up a residential neighborhood, but now, even though the bad guys have Reacher's team at their mercy, they choose not to use their guns so that they don't draw attention. Because, you know, nobody is going to notice 50 people fighting in a diner's parking lot if they only use cold weapons.

And that Reacher's final line is pure cringe. It is not well written, and while I like Alan Ritchson as Reacher, he is just not a great actor so the whole scene isn't nearly as cool as they thought it would be.

Still, the season is watchable enough. I don't have high hopes that it will suddenly become a masterpiece, I just hope it doesn't get worse.

Reacher: Picture Says a Thousand Words (2023) Season 2, Episode 3

The weakest episode of the season so far

[5/10 · 9 January 2024]

I really don't understand why this episode is the best rated of the first three. Despite the explosions and the "shocking" revelation at the end, it is definitely the weakest of them, and with the most plot holes.

I wrote previously that I hope they will not do the old, tired, worn out "your buddy is actually the bad guy", and what do you know, it is the very next episode and they are possibly doing just that. Of course, it is still not clear whether Swan is on of the bad guys, or somebody who stumbled upon some people doing bad things at his workplace, and got in trouble for it.

There were too many things that didn't make sense in this episode. A supposedly good, straight cop, lets Reacher and his gang blow up houses and kill people left and right, because he wants their help to solve the case? Completely unbelievable.

But never mind that, because Reacher and his team must be leaving a million bits of evidence for the forensic teams. Their fingerprints, hair, DNA must be all over pretty much every one of their crime scenes, and somehow, cops are never wise to them.

Reacher and his team "investigate" a possible setup by throwing a pipe bomb inside a house? If you suspect that you are being set up, and that there are bad guys waiting for you in the house, how about doing some recon first and throwing bombs later, if there is a need for it?

Bombing a house and firing a thousand bullets evokes no response from the police or the neighbors, except for a single old lady who casually strolls out some time later to see what the explosions and gun fighting are all about?

The bad guys send a half dead team leader to oversee the killing operation. When things go south, he "runs away" by slowly driving his car in circles around the block, so that Reacher can get him. Of course, he carries his ID during illegal activities, so that Reacher can have the next clue, because, you know, he is the investigator that never interrogates people, just kills them.

There is not a single security guard at the evil company's headquarters?

On top of all this, it was kind of unintentionally funny how Franz basically put a target on Reacher's back when he told the bad guy about him, without any need for it. Kind of like a kid threatening somebody with his big brother or daddy.

Reacher: What Happens in Atlantic City (2023) Season 2, Episode 2

Still kind of OK

[7/10 · 7 January 2024]

Pretty similar to the first episode of this season, this episode is also OK. Not great, not terrible, as the quote goes. So far the episodes do just enough to make you keep on watching.

Here we get some more info about the investigation that was the cause of death for the members of the 110th, but it's just a spoonful more. It is still not clear why the bad guys are going for the whole of 110th, thought there is a hint about an investigation they did once. There are two more dead members, but Swan is still not accounted for. Dead? Or one of the bad guys? I hope they will not go for "your buddy is actually the bad guy" worn out trope.

Speaking of the 110th, I still don't feel a real connection between them. And instead of personalities, they got quick labels, and the viewer is supposed to assign a ready made personality according to them.

Concerning personalities, Reacher's hasn't really been made that well. Sometimes he is incredibly cool and stoic, but other times he acts rashly and impulsively. Sometimes he is a genius who understands every detail, whether it concerns things or people, other times he comes across as kind of dumb and autistic. This last part is obviously done for comic relief, but it feels off. And considering that he used to be an investigator, it is odd how he never interrogates the suspects. He just kills them and I guess then he relies on those flashes of genius to get the information he needs.

We get the Reacher shirtless scene, so that all of Ritchson's hard work on his physique would not be in vain. We also get an awkward sex scene between Reacher and Dixon that looks more like a fight for dominance and who gets to be on top.

A few dumb moments in this episode too: Reacher knocks the cop out with a couple of blows, but then he deals twice as much punishment for less than half an effect on the guy in the bar. Dixon is a scrawny accountant, but she is also a super fighter; guess Reacher's toughness is infectious. The concrete in the construction site changes consistency as needed - first it's hard enough to support Reacher walking on it, and moments later it is as mushy as an oatmeal, so that Reacher can conveniently drown the bad guy in it. Speaking of that concrete, somebody should really do a quality control, because apparently, blocks made from it are of such a subpar quality that you can smash them full force on a person's head without causing them any kind of injury.

Overall, this episode is between 6 and 7, just like the first one. I gave the first one a 6, so this gets a 7.

Reacher: ATM (2023) Season 2, Episode 1

A lukewarm opening

[6/10 · 6 January 2024]

This wasn't terrible, but it most definitely wasn't great. The story in this opening episode is kind of OK, but so far it didn't really hook me. I didn't really feel suspense nor tension. I also didn't feel the supposed connection between the members of the 110th. They speak as if there is a strong bond between them, but so far it feels like just empty words. Maybe it will feel more real as we get more of their backstory. We'll see how it goes from here, but I really wished that this first episode got the heat up more than just lukewarm.

It is still cool to see Reacher kicking butt, but there were also a few dumb moments. Then again, that was also the case in many episodes of season 1.

Reacher is not only a Hulk on steroids, he is also a Sherlock Holmes on steroids, able to deduce everything from minuscule information and in a fraction of a second. Then Neagly does the same thing, just so that nobody would be offended.

The unnecessary and meaningless fake suspense in the post office brought back the memories of searching psycho redneck's truck from season 1. Not good.

The mysterious AM bad guy has so far not been convincing, looking more like a try hard than a scary villain. And why would he kill the guys who made him the fake documents? Wouldn't that hurt his business long term? There can't be too many people who can make perfect fake documents, and if you go killing them every time you do business with one of them, pretty soon there would be nobody left, or at least nobody who would want to work with you. Speaking of killing, how did he manage to kill a guy by stabbing him in the stomach with the blade the size of a paperclip?

By the way, Alan Ritchson didn't look good. Neagly says that he looks "road worn", but to me he looked tired, bloated in the face (probably from gaining so much weight for the role) and like he is one PED dose from a heart atack.

Reacher: Reacher Said Nothing (2022) Season 1, Episode 7

Reacher said nothing...

[7/10 · 30 December 2023]

...because he was dumbfounded by the stupid mini boss fight that the writers put him in. And I mean mini. That scrawny kid who's combat experience consists of blowing up mailboxes with fireworks is suddenly more skilled in hand to hand combat than Reacher? I've said it before, changing a character's powers and abilities to suit the current moment is proof of weak writing. One moment Reacher is Superman to the power of Hulk, and the next redneck stickman is wiping the floor with him. And the only reason that Reacher is able to defeat him is because he managed to grab a gun? Well, that is underwhelming and really ruins the otherwise exciting part of Reacher killing off the bad guys in the house.

Couple of other weak moments: Reacher baiting the baddies by suddenly fake confiding in the crooked cop was bad. The cop, and his masters, must have been really stupid to buy that.

Also, how many Venezuelan special force soldiers are there in the US? A brigade? There seems to be a limitless supply of them.

Other than that, it is a fun episode, although the twist is cliche and you could see it coming from far, far away.

Reacher: Papier (2022) Season 1, Episode 6

World's worst special forces and the world's strongest tie

[7/10 · 29 December 2023]

Overall, it was not a bad episode. A bit slow, but things are moving, and there were some exciting moments. Again, however, there were some completely ridiculous moments that break the immersion and worsen the viewing experience.

Kliner's death seems a bit forced. Such a high profile murder is bound to bring heaps of unwanted attention to the counterfeiting operation. We'll see how they explain the reason behind it, but for now it just seems like it was done just for the twists.

We know by now that the Venezuelan hit men are (ex) special forces. Yet, somehow, they are utterly incompetent when doing surveillance and chasing their prey. And Roscoe, the "99th percentile in intelligence" girl wonder from the sticks, is somehow a superior fighter and marksman than the special forces operators. She can not only see them in what is supposed to be pitch black woods, but shoots them with pinpoint accuracy. She is also able to carry the injured girl for several kilometers, despite weighing not much more than her.

Reacher and Finlay follow the psycho redneck for hours upon hours, yet they have no patience to wait half an hour more and be sure that he is asleep, but go to inspect his truck the second he turns off the lights in his room. Why? So we can get some forced suspense, that amounts to nothing in the end.

Reacher can apparently convince a cop he has seen for the first time in his life to give the professor police protection, but do it pretty much illegally by "keeping it off the books". How? Well, they are both ex military. "Yo, buddy, I see by your shoelaces that you were in the army; so was I, so you must do whatever I ask you to do."

And finally, we have the backstreet fight, in which Reacher breaks the other guy's arm twice (because after the first time it healed miraculously and he felt no consequences) and then he strangles him with the world's strongest tie, that can withstand a Sasquatch like Reacher hanging from it without snapping.

I like this show and think that it is great fun, but it sure has its share of needlessly stupid moments.

Everybody Loves Raymond: Not So Fast (2004) Season 9, Episode 2

A kind of a failed experiment

[4 December 2023]

I have mixed feelings about this (and the previous) episode. There are a few laughs and funny situations, though it is not great. But more importantly, the overall tone just seems to be wrong. It feels like some kind of a failed experiment to bring a new direction in the show. Frank and Marie have moved... no, wait, they haven't. As some of the other reviewers have said, this episode, if put together with the previous, could have made a great finale. Frank and Marie have moved, Ray and Debra have new neighbors, with the possible hint that the new neighbors could be just as annoying to them as the previous ones. Or even show that Frank and Marie have been kicked out of their retirement condo, but end it with them showing at Robert's door, and end the show that way. It would have been funny and meaningful.

Also, there is a thing that doesn't make sense. Robert bought the house, it is his now. Even if he felt the obligation to give it back to his parents, there is no need for him to stay there, and he is not without money, as they make it out to be. If Frank and Marie get the house back, Robert should get his 26000 dollars back, and that should be plenty of money to rent a place of his own.

Vienna Blood: The Last Seance (2019) Season 1, Episode 1

OK, nothing special, with an annoying main character

[5/10 · 20 November 2023]

This was an average mystery that tried to be above average by utilizing its historic setting - imperial Vienna at the beginning of the 20th century. I love Vienna, so I thought that we would see lots of historic locations and buildings. Sadly, there is not much Vienna featured here - just a couple of panoramic shots of the city, and some very cramped shots of street corners and cobblestone. I guess it is very hard to film in prime Viennese locations because of all the tourists and the modern additions, unless you have a huge budget.

So, with the historical grandeur unavailable, the series is left to do with its plot and characters, but that is its weak point. The main character is the young doctor, barely out of his diapers, yet he is somehow omniscient with seemingly endless experience in just about every area of life. How does he do it? Through the magic of psychoanalysis and Freud fanboyism. To anyone who is actually knowledgeable about psychology, this is absolutely laughable. Not only does psychoanalysis have absolutely nothing to do with many of the areas that the kid doctor is an expert in (forensics, magic, illusionism, mediums, to name just a few), but even the psychology part is often wrong. The doctor explains to his policeman partner that he can draw conclusions about a person by carefully observing their behavior. That is not psychoanalysis, but behaviorism and those two schools of thought in psychology are completely opposite to each other and mutually exclusive. Oh, and his brilliant deduction? He sees the cop huffing, puffing, pacing nervously and concludes that he is anxious. And the cop is completely blown away by the deduction. Really, doctor, how on earth did you do it?

Adding to this, the doctor is a thoroughly unlikeable character - annoying, arrogant, dishonest, know it all. I am not sure if that was intentional, but there should be some redeeming qualities to him since he is the main character, but there are none (unless you count the Freudian fanboyism as a likeable trait). The cop is a much better character, played by a better actor, but he plays second fiddle to the doctor, and is supposed to be a senior police officer with 20 years of experience who is apparently completely incompetent in his job. You really wonder how he managed to solve any cases and get to where he is before the doctor grew out his pacifier and came to the rescue.

So, the good guys aren't written that well, but the bad guys are written horribly. They are basically just caricatures - they are all rich, anachronistic old men, set in their old (and wrong, of course) ways, who completely despise everyone who is not in their caste and treat anybody who has a penny less than them like trash. Really nuanced characters, you see. Oh, and they are also super antisemitic, just in case you didn't realize that they are awful and you should hate them.

The plot of this episode is just run of the mill mystery, nothing special, and the resolution seems like it was just pulled out of Freud's behind (which is actually quite in line with the show's emphasis on psychoanalysis).

A Haunting in Venice (2023)

Not terrible

[6/10 · 30 October 2023]

Honestly, this movie was a lot better than I thought it would be. Then again, I thought that it would be completely and utterly terrible. Instead, it is an OK murder mystery, nothing great nor spectacular, but it manages to keep attention, which is quite a rare thing in movies these days. Then again, I would almost say that this is not a Poirot movie, but a mystery movie that tries to piggyback on Poirot's name and fame in order to sell better. There are too many things that are wrong for a Poirot movie: the over the top insistence on supernatural moments, and being ambiguous at the end whether something supernatural did exist, has no place in a Poirot movie. Poirot was always firmly realistic and even if there was anything that seemed supernatural at first, it was always unambiguously rationally explained in the end. Then there is the completely out of character moment when Poirot dunks his head in a bowl of water trying to catch an apple with his mouth - a thing that he would never do. And finally, we even get Poirot the tough guy when he kicks down a door. Completely ridiculous.

Other than that, the movie, for no reason, manages to cram in a seemingly obligatory "men bad" moment. When we find out that the ex fiance broke up with Alicia because of her sick, codependent relationship with her mother, Tina Fey (who is absolutely the worst and most obnoxious character in the movie) berates him for breaking up an engagement because "a woman made him feel small". The woke stupidity is off the charts here. No sane person should ever get involved with someone who has that kind of unhealthy relationship with their parents, and that has nothing to do with being a man, woman, dolphin or whatever. But it seems that Hollywood just has to do this crap in every movie, no matter how out of place it is.

Fey's character is horrible and it is completely unbelievable how Poirot gives her a pass even though she deliberately deceived him and tried to ruin his reputation and in the end acted as if she did nothing wrong.

Camera work is often weird, with strange angles for no reason, which is often annoying and distracting.

If you love Poirot, and wish to see this movie, tell yourself that this is not really a Poirot movie. You'll find it more enjoyable that way.

Everybody Loves Raymond: Let's Fix Robert (2001) Season 5, Episode 21

Robert in the hen house from hell

[1/10 · 25 October 2023]

Ha ha, it's so hilarious when a bunch of hens get together in a hen house and start clucking from the top of their lungs in an attempt to show a man what is wrong with him. Because, they not only know, but they are all perfect and have their lives in order, so the only thing left for them is to fix other people. And so we get the obnoxious, meddling, spiteful creature who can be called mother on a technicality, just because she has living offspring; an animated corpse with a double chin; an airhead bimbo; and a donut devourer having a rant that is utterly impossible to watch. Just imagine, if the roles were reversed and a woman had to endure what Robert did, there would be shrieking from green, blue and purple haired creatures like you can't imagine.

Ray's part at the end offers the viewer a little respite, but this is a terrible episode.

Everybody Loves Raymond: Net Worth (2001) Season 5, Episode 20

That old, flawed, false "proof"

[25 October 2023]

Sure, Ray is being a stereotypical jerk when he talks about how it's his money. But his behavior is written to be called out as wrong immediately. On the other hand, Debra's obnoxious behavior and the bill that she gives Ray for her "work" is presented as hard facts. The reality, however, is that whenever someone brings out this fake "argument" about how much a person's housework is worth, they are being dishonest, ignorant, or both.

Why is it so? Let's start with the fact that they are charging for something they do in part for themselves. Cooking? You eat that food, too. Taking care of children? They are your children. You are not doing anybody a favor by taking care of them, you are doing what you are obliged to do by the law, and thus keeping yourself out of jail. Cleaning? It's your mess, too.

Moving on, when people make such bills, they always charge the highest, or near highest prices. A person whose cooking ability consists of knowing how to open a tuna can, suddenly expects to be paid the same as a Michelin star chef.

Adding to that, if you closely examine the amount of work they charge for, you will come to conclusion that the day on this planet must be at least 50 hours long. Their total X hours of cooking, cleaning and taking care of children are always presented as X hours of cleaning plus X hours of cooking plus X hours of taking care of children. Not enough hours in a day if you bother to add it up.

Next, they never think that if they should be paid for all of the "work" they do, they should also be charged for every expense. Rent, utilities, taxes, groceries, gas... Must be very convenient to have only rights and no obligations.

Next, what about any housework that the other person does? (Oh, but they never do anything"... yeah, right) That is always conveniently skipped.

And there is so much more, but the point is, even just scratching the surface of this "proof" about how much somebody should be paid for doing stuff in their own household, show that it is completely stupid and nonsensical.

The Equalizer (2014)

Denzel has the Steven Seagal sickness

[2/10 · 23 October 2023]

There's this guy who is an ex super special something, the best, smartest and wisest at everything, who left his mysterious past behind and just wants to live peacefully in seclusion, but the world just won't let him, so he has to kick some but again. Sounds familiar? That is every Steven Seagal's movie in the past 20 years. And it is also this movie.

Denzel is this mysterious super senior citizen, who was the best at everything imaginable. He is also the only one who ever managed to retire form his mysterious job, because you know, it was the "you don't get out of this life" kind of job, of course. I suspect he had to retire, because otherwise he would have collapsed the US economy by making the whole military industry obsolete. Because you don't need other soldiers, fighter jets, tanks, aircraft carriers and nuclear missiles when you have Denzl Seagal in your arsenal.

So rather than recapping the plot, because it is nonsensical, here are just some of the stupidities and annoyances that this movie is full of:

Denzel Superman is not only the strongest, toughest and the best fighter, but he also has to be the smartest and wisest. So he reads classic books, because, you know, books automatically mean much brain. We are also subjected to his quasi intellectual advice, the kind of you can get from cringey facebook posts, that he dishes out to the people around him, and they are all in such an awe of him.

He is also supposed to be this kind, friendly and caring person, though the movie, inadvertently proves him to actually be a sadistic psychopath, actually worse than the main villain, who is just putting on a facade. Denzel even felt the need to have a scene where he steals a catch from a teammate during a baseball game, just so that it would be him who scores the point and not the other guy. That is above-Seagal level of egomania right there.

Super Denzel somehow also knows everything about everyone. He knows the main villain's childhood history, even though he didn't know who the guy was. He knows the corrupt cop's phone number. How? Well, let me give you an example of the brilliant writing in this movie: "- How did you get this number?

• It wasn't hard."

Wow, pure brilliance.

The main villain is supposed to be this ex Spetznaz (which is the Russian equivalent of a Seal), yet he is so incompetent that it is completely laughable. During his very first fight, he would have been killed if not for the crooked cop watching his back. He is supposed to have been the head of a branch of secret police, yet during his investigation he alerts Denzel that he is onto him, by doing the worst impersonation of a police officer in history. He is also unable to kill Denzel when he is within spitting distance from him, but instead just barely wounds him and then proceeds to very slowly chase him, and by "chase" I mean go in the opposite direction.

The super special team of bad guys leave the room with the hostages, where they have every tactical advantage over Denzel, and instead go to search for him, and, of course, get killed. They, also, inexplicably, don't kill any of the hostages, even though they were given a direct order from their boss, just because they heard some music over PA. Why didn't they start killing hostages and thus forced Super Grandpa to come to them?

A lowly henchman has all the evidence needed to incriminate the big boss, including the neatly listed names of corrupt politicians and the amount of money they were paid. Because, you know, mobsters keep the evidence of their crimes lying around and lowly henchmen have unrestricted access to it. And the big Russian mobster has this super criminal empire and he is "insulated from everything", yet one man is able to destroy his empire in less than a week (including going to Moscow and killing him and another hundred of his bodyguards, because why not). In fact, if the movie lasted for another half an hour, I'm sure that Super Denzel could have eradicated crime completely, in the whole world. Half a day's work for him.

In spite of all of this action, the action scenes themselves are slow and not numerous, because obviously Denzel can't do them anymore. While Seagal can at least flail his arms wildly about, Denzel's action is slow and clunky, and he even sometimes pauses briefly during an action scene to strike a cool pose, which is completely ridiculous. Much of the action happens off screen, doesn't actually show Denzel doing it, or just shows him staring into his victim like a complete psychopath.

Add to this the meandering plot (corrupt cops that extort small businesses - what's the point?; Home Depot robbery - what's the point?), the Home Depot psycho Home Alone remake during the final battle and many, many other things, this movie is nowhere near a 7.

Everybody Loves Raymond: Super Bowl (2001) Season 5, Episode 13

Love this show, hate this episode

[1/10 · 22 October 2023]

I love this show, but I hate this episode. It is not funny at all. As another reviewer said, it doesn't feel like a sitcom at all, but rather like a bad soap opera. The situations that the characters find themselves in during this episode are not funny, they are just uncomfortable to watch. Debra's passive aggressive and manipulative behavior, Ray's hysterics... there is nothing funny there, although they tried to forcefully make it so. The laughs during the episode feel completely out of place. Why would you laugh at someone acting obnoxiously to their partner, or someone having a meltdown? Adding to that, they again crammed in, for no reason at all, the stupidest and most overused "joke" in this series - it seems that in every episode of this show someone has to tell someone else their breath or feet smell bad. Wow, truly a pinnacle of comedic writing. And it even funnier the thousandth time.

Unpleasant and uncomfortable to watch, that is what this episode is.

Everybody Loves Raymond: The Christmas Picture (1999) Season 4, Episode 11

A kind of episode that is hard for me to enjoy

[4/10 · 16 October 2023]

This is the kind of episode that is hard for me to enjoy, and there are quite a few of them in this show. (And not only this show; it seems that every sitcom has them, it is just that some have more than others.) Of course, no character in this show is perfect and that is an important part of what makes it funny. I enjoy the characters' flaws and quirkiness, but not when they are dialed up to 11, as is the case in this episode. When a character is deliberately being rude, obnoxious, spiteful or similar, I don't find it funny, just awkward and unfunny. There are a few OK jokes in this episode, but Marie is being absolutely obnoxious, and Ray, Debra and Robert are not far behind.

Everybody Loves Raymond: Halloween Candy (1998) Season 3, Episode 6

Horrible, annoying Debra

[2 October 2023]

There are a lot of moments in this series where Debra is just obnoxious, and this is one of them. Trying to goad Ray into having a vasectomy with vague promises of more sex after that, which, judging by her character, were obviously false; while at the same time never even thinking about the fact that there is an equivalent procedure for women. Why should the man be the one who has to do it? You want snipping? Go get snipped.

This is not the only series where vasectomy is portrayed as being simpler and easier to do than clipping nails. For some reason it is always the man who is expected to go under the knife, and the female option is never even mentioned. Got to love those double standards that are being pushed upon us.

Everybody Loves Raymond: Mother's Day (2002) Season 6, Episode 22

I used to be a gentleman!

[10/10 · 21 August 2023]

This is not the best episode in the series, but it has perhaps the best, and certainly my favourite scene of this show. Frank's speech about how rudeness is the only thing that gets to Marie ending with his desperate scream: "I used to be a gentleman!" is fantastic. And what elevates it to pure brilliance is Peter Boyle's perfect acting - the timing, the tone, the facial expressions - everything is fantastic. Whenever I watch this episode, I always re-watch that scene a few times and it always makes me laugh.

The rest of the episode is ok, not the greatest, but not bad, but that scene alone makes it a 10 out of 10.