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Reviews
The Robber Bride (2007)
Truly appalling film
I have not read Margaret Atwood's book, and after seeing this film I initially did not want to. However, I then looked up reviews and synopses of The Robber Bride, which made the novel sound infinitely more interesting than this wretched film. This adaptation is so heavy-handed and moronic that it almost makes something like Basic Instinct stand up as a paragon of subtlety and imagination. The characters are almost uniformly unlikeable, but they're not even unlikeable in any kind of interesting way! And all of them behave like complete idiots. From synopses of Atwood's novel, it would appear that the frame story in this film (that of a crime/murder investigation) doesn't even exist in the book. If that's the case, then frankly, I think Atwood should sue over this travesty. I hope, at the very least, she got a hefty paycheque. That might make up for a lot. Don't waste your valuable time on this mind-numbing excuse for cinema. Really, really, really badly written and directed. Where's Atwood's sarcasm? Her sense of humour? Her sly wit?? Lost in bad writing and bad directing. I can't even blame the actors. They're doing their best with some outrageously bad material. Speaking of actors, MUST every film made in Canada star the same subgroup of thespians? Seriously? There's a lot of untapped talent out there. Imagine if Nicole Kidman starred in 90% of the films that came out of the U.S. How believable would you find her in anything, then? Wouldn't it make you tired? But I digress. Avoid the film version of The Robber Bride at all costs. Go read the real thing instead.
11:11 (2004)
To call this movie awful is to do disservice to the definition of awful
Wow, what a bad film. Not frightening in the least, and barely comprehensible. The plot doesn't hang together at all, and the acting is absolutely appalling. What's that line from a famous critic? "She runs the emotional gamut from A to B." Yup. That about sums it up. Not even good for camp value! I wasn't expecting Oscar material, but this? And gosh, her friend's a ghost? You'd have to have the IQ of particularly stupid mollusk not to see that one coming.
This film (and I use that word loosely) is an insult to the movie-going public. If only someone involved with it knew how to string together narrative! This gets a 1 out of 10, simply because there's nothing lower. On the bright side--at least it's not a full two hours long.
Snow Wonder (2005)
What an abysmal holiday movie.
You know, I'm a fan of Connie Willis's fiction, which is the only reason I tuned into this dreck-fest of a film. I mean, it's a network made-for-TV movie called "Snow Wonder." The probability for awfulness was high from the get-go. But it was based on a short story by Connie Willis, so...I figured, what the heck, right? What a mistake. There's two hours I'll never get back. The story arc was awful--perhaps the fact that there were so many separate story lines had something to do with that, who knows? I never cared for any of the characters; almost all of them were tiresome to a fault. The cast was not so bad, but most of the actors seemed like they were flailing around without any direction. Camryn Mannheim and David Sutcliffe especially deserve better. I'm not sure what happened to Mary Tyler Moore... maybe it was just that the character she was playing was so stereotyped and tired..."Oooh, I'm so eccentric! Oooh, I wear a lot of scarves and drapey clothes--that shows how artsy I am!" Her storyline in particular was excruciating to watch. And I've never seen so many overused visual and verbal clichés that masquerade as storytelling in my life. If Connie Willis's short story is anything like this, I may have to revise my opinion of her work. Then again, look what happened to Ursula LeGuin's Earthsea when it made it to TV. Oh, the humanity. It's too late for me, but save yourselves and avoid "Snow Wonder" at all costs. I only give it a 2 out of 10 because it's not as bad as "Salsa" (truly the worst film ever made).