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Reviews
Femalien: Cosmic Crush (2020)
Hilarious!
If you and your friends like to play Mystery Science Theater... then this the movie for you. Several of my buddies came over for "Movie Night" and it was nonstop laughter. This movie scores low in every category except humor, well maybe nudity would be up there. Soft porn in space, it just doesn't get better than this.
Prototype (1992)
It's got Kato Kaelin in it!
Remember him from the O. J. Simpson trial? One of his earliest films. This movie has some style to it. The lighting, the editing, the music all has some Miami Vice influences. Too bad the screen play, script, and the acting is so bad. If you are in the mood for an early 90's throwback, and there is absolutely nothing else to watch... well, you've been warned.
The Day of the Locust (1975)
I tried....
Great actors giving it their all. Well shot movie. But just a pointless screen play. Seems everybody is just gushing over this sleazy, teasing twit (Karen Black) and trying to make it in Hollywood. I get that it's a period piece dealing with old Hollywood and the intersecting stories of neighbors in a small boarding area, but I nearly hated every character and especially Karen Black's. The screen presence of the likes of Burges Merideth and Donald Sutherland were enough to keep my interest to the middle. However when they were out by the campfire and once again Karen was flirting with who-knows-what new character this time, I gave up. The pattern repeats itself and it's boring. Give this one a pass.
Miracle Workers: Oregon Trail: Hittin' the Trail (2021)
Must be Covid
Yikes... so much of this is shot on green screen. It has to be because of Covid and the actors and producers were concerned. The story and characters are getting one dimensional from season to season. Our heroine, in the first half of the episode liked like a huge Ompa Lumpa. IDK, the show is somewhat good clean fun, but I prob won't bother watching anymore.
Cypher: Second Death (2021)
Getting a little weak
This series has held my interest so far, but this episode is sort of weak. I didn't like the way the FBI Director is getting emotional and yelling at his team. Then the "wise" daughter. I can't stand when the writers go in this avenue. The whole exchange between her and Dad's new girlfriend is simply unbelievable and therefore disingenuous. I really hope the next episode gets better.
Weird City: Go to College (2019)
Just stupid
Technically well shot and polished, but the basic story falls down hard. I guess this series is trying to be a lighthearted version of Black Mirror? I love science fiction, but this is unsatisfying.
The Man Who Killed Don Quixote (2018)
Classic Gilliam
Bureaucratic adversity, fantasy, time travel, great actors... these are several hallmarks of a Terry Gilliam film. These themes run through Brazil, Time Bandits, The Adventures of Baron Munchausen. All these with Johnathon Pryce, a difficult blonde heroine, the main protagonist losing faith in themselves and reawakening their spirt. The movies are journeys to find the important parts of what the characters have lost. They are confusing, I find myself having to watch several times to understand. I guess for me, that is the fun of it.
Blindspot: Cease Forcing Enemy (2016)
Just implausible
They are trying to stop an airplane. On the tarmac with AK style automatic rifles. But that plane seems to take off instantly just after they climb into the wheel wells. How about shooting some holes in the engines or the cockpit windows? I just loved; "A plane is a plane, is a plane..." That makes every pilot is cringe..
Debris: Celestial Body (2021)
Underwhelming
Wasted potential... I could easily understand if this season is one-n-done. I love high concept SyFi; Altered Carbon, The Expanse, Devs, even Tales from the Loop are all shows I enjoyed... but this fell flat. The main characters had zero chemistry, mostly because they were at odds all the time. I found the woman's thick accent often hard to understand. There wasn't one character that I liked, symbolized with, or cared about at all. The writing was so serious that there was no room for even a slight amount of humor as many of the better shows can seem to slip in every now and then. The show could have benefited from John Noble much earlier. If a second season airs, I won't bother to watch.
Fargo: Welcome to the Alternate Economy (2020)
Woke crap... no wonder it was cancelled
Twenty minutes in and I can't stand anymore. Thanks Hollywood for once again pandering to politics. You folks are so out of touch. Stop trying to interpret history through today's views... it's nauseating.
Clarice (2021)
I'm here because I'm bored with the show.
I'm sitting here reading and writing because this series is slow, convoluted, and uninteresting. I'm on episode 5 and watching what is trying desperately to be a psychological triller... but It's missing the "thriller" part. Already with the drug fantasies. Already with too many flashbacks. Clarice is supposedly in mortal danger, but as a viewer, I know there is an episode 6 and she must be in it. So all this stuff is just a useless mental exercise. Show needs new writers. Kal Penn's talent is wasted.
Clarice: How Does It Feel to Be So Beautiful (2021)
Fantasy and flashbacks... sux
Worst episode yet. We're getting backstory on the protagonist. But how can we trust any of this because it's coming from a drug induced state? We generally don't get flashbacks/fantasy/montage sequences until towards the end of a series because the writers have run out of plot arch's to exploit in the timeline and have to reach back in time to come up with an episode. This doesn't bode well for the life of this series. I predict there will be no season two.
Miami Vice: Jack of All Trades (1989)
The writer's strike, strikes this series
Michael Mann; "Ok guys, we got no money. We gotta finish this season up with what we got left over. Let's dig up some old clips and hack a story together. We can get some quick money from Budweiser if we show Sonny drinking it and maybe show the can prominently throughout the episode. So where's Ian Hammer?"
Editor; "We didn't pay him for the last five episodes, so he quit!"
Michael; "What are we going to do about music then?"
Editor; "I don't know.... Hey! We've got some Public Domain vocal stuff that will cost us nothing!"
Michael; "You are a genius!"
American Gods: Tears of the Wrath-Bearing Tree (2021)
Slow, dull and ultimately sad.
Let's mourn this series as it mourns Odin. It's time to give it a Norse funeral and let it pass on in peace. You can always tell a series is coming to an end when half of it is flashbacks, fantasy segments, and music sequences. It feels like the writers had to stretch the story to fill the contracted amount of episodes. I can't believe they didn't just wrap this up and move on. For me, I just don't care about the characters any more. Season four... forget it, I'm done.
Wrong Turn (2021)
This would be the second movie at a drive-in.
It's one of those "why did they just do that?" kind of flicks. It just frustrates me to no end. When dad goes to find daughter, and his guides are killed... there is a whole backpack of gear, but he only takes the revolver? He doesn't even check for more ammo? Try to use his cell phone? He just drinks some booze and moves on. That's where I gave up. I knew it could only get more ridiculous after that. Just like a shark movie where after three friends get eaten, the drunk teens decide to go swimming. The only redeeming thing was brief glimpses of Charlotte Vega in short-shorts.
The Flight Attendant (2020)
Neurotic drunks are just not funny.
30 minutes in and I could stand no more. This girl drinks vodka like the rest of us drink water. It's not funny, it's sad in a serious way. Then all she does is wrap people in her orbit into her manic world and I guess that is supposed to be funny. Flashbacks, dumb decisions, everybody acting like this is just is normal for her gets real tiring, real fast. This is Russian Doll remade into a flight attendant. I can't believe the ratings here. BTW, I hated Russian Doll too.
2-Headed Shark Attack (2012)
I had to watch this because I knew the location.
Most of the scenes, on the "deserted" and "sinking" island were shot at The Crane Point Hammock Museum on Vaca Key in the Florida Keys. My son and I have been there many times. The white and blue house is the Adderly House where a Bahamian family (George Adderly) lived and made charcoal to sell throughout The Keys. That bridge they do a lot of shooting on, is a great snorkeling spot. It's a wonderful family outing if you happen to be in the Middle Keys or on Marathon which is our favorite key to stay on.
Two stars for location and scantily clad, well endowed women!
Designated Survivor: #makehistory (2019)
Just wow, Netflix went too far this time.
I was watching this with my parents. Gay sex and my mom looks at me with bewilderment. I couldn't turn it off fast enough. Shame on Netflix for that embarrassment. There should have been a warning at the beginning of the show. Now my parents say, "Don't turn that Netflix on again when we come over." They are in their 80's.
Greenland (2020)
When it stops making sense... I stop watching.
Typical end-of-the-world stuff. You have dad who seems "to get it" and wife and son who are complete idiots. Of coarse they get separated, of course cell phones don't work, of course they don't have a plan. But when some stranger who is helping them with a ride and then basically kidnaps the son with no reason, or some really lame reason... I give up. Turned it off because from that point on, all I can do is shake my head in bewilderment.
Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri (2017)
A solid drama worth watching
Great actors and wonderful character development. I can see why so many great actors signed up for the project. This was an "actors" movie that focused on relationships and small town atmosphere. With the ending... it felt like No Country for Old Men.
Evil (2019)
I hate being tricked
As a viewer, I really hate being tricked. When they go into dream sequences, there is no way of knowing until they reset the scene. It sort of offends me that the writers/directors/producers think they are so cleaver. I get to sit here and think WTF?, and they seem to love that they have fooled me. It's confusing... like a time travel story that keeps jumping back and fourth in time. I gave up on this show.
Hard Kill (2020)
Just a bad movie
This is an "elite team" of military trained warriors? They step out in the open with an automatic firearm at their waists? The bad guys fall at the first shot of a handgun... don't they wear body armor? This looks like a high school production from the 90's. Bruce does a little more than his usual, contractual 10 minutes of screen-time. Sad to see a Willis in this. He has done so many great things. He needs to stick to the RED series of movies.
Evil: Room 320 (2020)
This episode is the worst one.
Way, way too much plot wasted in "crazy land". Pointless to have to slog through drug induced fantasy trying to follow the direction of the plot. The series is in a comfortable zone, the actors all are familiar and playing off each other well, the plot has rather interesting sub-story arcs, the antagonist is well established and interesting... why go off the reservation with this "drug vision" crap? Waste of an episode.
In a Valley of Violence (2016)
Seen it all before
This is a High Plains Drifter wannabe. It should be titled High Plains Drifter 2. I've get to go re-watch Clint Eastwood to clear this out of my head and see some real film making again.
Evil (2019)
I hate being tricked
As a viewer, I really hate being tricked. When they go into dream sequences, there is no way of knowing until they reset the scene. It sort of offends me that the writers/directors/producers think they are so cleaver. I get to sit here and think WTF?, and they seem to love that they have fooled me. It's confusing... like a time travel story that keeps jumping back and fourth in time. I gave up on this show.