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nekkidnorman
Reviews
The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power (2022)
Not good. Not even close to good.
Pretty crap and I don't recommend it.
GOOD: The music is generally decent, and some (not all) of the landscape visuals are nicely done.
BAD: The writing is terrible, like a 3rd grader wrote it (and in parts blatantly copied it from other sources). The pacing is really bad, with parts being very very slow, mixed with way too quick parts. Overall the timing of things is just not good. The CGI in general falls into 2 categories - the static CGI shots (sweeping landscape/cityscape shots) is pretty nice, however any CGI that involves movement (e.g. Battles/fights, ships sailing, etc.) is "made for TV movie" level quality (i.e. Horrible). The directing can only be described as "lacking". It's inconsistent but mainly it's just not good. Finally, the acting is atrocious. It's so bad I'll address it in it's own paragraph:
ACTING: Absolutely terrible. Obviously the infantile writing and poor decisions made don't help the actors/actresses, but they are still responsible for a lot of the acting issues (as are the Directors). There have been other shows/movies where the writing is poor but a stellar performance by the actors can redeem it somewhat, however this is NOT that. This is terrible delivery of poor writing. Over or under emoting of nonsense and cliches. It's just straight up bad, but not in a forgivable middle school play performance sort of way, it's just unforgivably bad by pretty much every actor/actress.
SUMMARY: Overall it's flat out not worth watching. There are entertaining shows/movies that while not necessarily great film making, they're entertaining and enjoyable. This is NOT that. This is pretty universally poorly done and a chore to get through. It's not entertaining and frankly there isn't a character in the show that I like or care for. Nobody to cheer for other than hoping most of the die and the rest are never seen nor heard from again. If I had to pick the best of a completely terrible bunch, I guess I'd choose Gandolf ("the stranger"), but he's saddled with the Harfoots which are appalling bad, and his plot bares moves during season 1. Reports are it's been renewed for a second season, but I doubt it'll actually get made and if it is it won't be out for 3 years and will need a major retooling/overhaul to make it remotely watchable. That said, I have no interest and won't waste any more of my time. I'd much rather rewatch the Peter Jackson films, yes, even the Hobbit series with all it's flaws are infinitly better than this drivel.
Obi-Wan Kenobi (2022)
Not complete garbage, but close
It's bad. Really bad.
The writing is terrible, the acting is poor, the action scenes are amateurish, and even the special effects are disappointing (on par with some sort of soon to be cancelled show on CW. Basically this is Xena in space, though with worse writing and acting).
I seriously don't know why I keep hoping Disney will do Star Wars right, but other than Rogue One they've really just churned out a bunch of garbage. Mandalorian is just meh, and that's the best of the new shows.
Would I Lie to You? (2022)
Garbage.
It's horrible and not funny or entertaining.
While they stick to the script of the British original word for word, and the format is the same, it's terribly done and annoyingly cringy.
The host isn't funny, the team leaders are terrible, and the guests are 5th rate.
I realize that hoping for the US version to get even a single David Mitchell or Lee Mack was a long shot, but come on! This cast is pathetic. Not even Rob Brydon would lower himself to be on THIS version.
Contrast the terrible US version with the recently finished first season of the Australian version. The Aussies get it right, and while not as consistently funny as the current (16th season) British version, it's first season was on par with the first from Mitchell-Lee-Deayton. I went into the Aussie season without knowing any of the cast, and yet it still was FUNNY (though not Bob Mortimer funny, more Lee Mack on a moderately tired Thursday kind of way).
The British version did get better after they fired Deayton and replaced him with Brydon, but it was enjoyable because the format and Lee/Mitchell were so good. In addition, the guests were also very well selected and almost always did a good job (though some of the edited out bits were not always as good). For the US version to get worth watching, they'll have to replace the ENTIRE cast and do a MUCH better job with the editing.
I guess the US just isn't always good when trying to replicate British hits. WILTY, Taskmaster, Great American Baking Show, etc. Certainly the more involved the regulars are (judges, Team Captains, etc.), the less chance of success in the US since the American production companies always miss the mark when hiring.
Will this get better in the future? It'll probably improve a star or 2 but still not enough to survive. Best case it'll get a couple years before the axe, though less than the Great American Baking Show got before cancellation. However, I'll be surprised if it even gets a second season since it's so so bad. US taskmaster was cancelled after one season, and that at least had Alex Horne and yet was still dreadful.
TL/DR: Your time is much better spent watching the British version, or even the Aussie one. Heck, rather than watch this dreck, maybe plotting how to get the US to rejoin the British colonies would be less painful.
Reacher (2022)
Bloated runtime that should've been 5 episodes instead of 8.
Overall there's some decent pieces, but ultimately it's just too over the top, too long, too many murders without the outside world or news noticing, too many "twists" that don't matter, too much too much, and FAR too many unbelievable and unnecessary scenes.
The lack of any real threats or consequences let's the whole thing down. Stabbed with a knife a few times? OK, have SFX put on a few scratches and call it good. When tons of people are killed (often times in full knowledge of the authorities) it's treated like your average Tuesday (and Law Enforcement does nothing about it, other than enable more violence). It's all so amazingly disconnected from the real world and contrived that it's not even fun.
Have one of the good guys die (or at least get injuried), even a small supporting character, as long as we care about them, and it would drastically improve the believability and increase the tension and stakes going forward. Instead it's a zero-stakes fightfest where the many fight scenes all look and feel the same, and certainly all have the exact same outtcome. Rise and repeat in practically every episode.
It's been many years since I've read a Reacher book (I've read many), and even more years since I've read the book this season is based on (The Killing Floor) so I won't speak to how faithfully it follows the book, but know that the story as presented here isn't great.
It's like the show runners were being paid by the episode, and took what could have been a very tight and tidy story told across 5 episodes and stretched it out to 8 by bloating it with unnecessary stuff. Why kill 1-2 bad guys when you can kill 4-5! And then do that 5-6 times throughout the season! There's an unlimited supply of no-name bad guys, none of which can shoot a gun or fight (so makes you wonder what positives there could be on their Bad Guy Resume to get them hired?)
The acting is a mixed bag. A few of the actors are good (and do the best they can with what the script gives them) however about half are terrible (like high school play quality level). Alan Ritchson physically makes a good Reacher (WAY better than 5'-7" Tom Cruise), however his acting is pretty mediocre. I get that Reacher is a man of few words and even fewer emotions, that's not the problem, Ritchson's delivery of his lines are just so stiff/deadpan and leaves a lot to be desired.
Malcolm Goodwin overall does a pretty nice job, though a little too "emote to the back row of the theater" at times. Tone Goodwin down 20% and Ritchson up 20% and it would be a HUGE improvement. Willa Fitzgerald overall does pretty consistently poorly, though there are some scenes she nails. Chris Webster is a caricature and his acting is "small suburb community theater" worthy.
Maria Sten's acting isn't great, but boy is she given a pile of poo to work with script and story wise. Bruce McGill, Leslie Fray, Martin Roach, Mark Bendavid, Harvey Guillen, Patrick Garrow, and Currie Graham all do good-to-great jobs in their supporting roles with Kristin Kreuk and Willie Carpenter probably being the top 2 standouts. Overall, I found that the smaller the role the better (and more consistently good) the acting was, so kudos to the casting agent that gave some lesser known people their roles, as they almost universally nailed what they had to work with.
The action scenes are generally well done, though more fitting for a superhero movie where the good guys can't be hurt and always overpower the bad guys. The biggest problem with the action is there are way too many hand to hand combat scenes considering this takes place in the Southern US and involves a TON of bad guys. But even when the bad guys are armed, they don't hurt the good guys, noooo, they explain their whole nefarious operation and then hold on to them unharmed until they have a chance to escape/be rescued. (The infrequent times where the bad guys are armed, they have Storm-trooper level shooting skills!). The best thing to say about the bad guys is they each are kind enough to make sure that the person they wronged the most, is the only person allowed to hurt/kill them. Evidently the people behind this show feel you can't have "closure" unless the correct good guy kills the correct bad guy! And amazingly the bunch of good guys spread out just enough that they pair up perfectly with the bunch of bad guys, that also were kind enough to spread out!
The cinematography is good, the sets are very nice, and the music is refreshingly different than standard TV fare (though I would've preferred a little more integration of the blues music with the actual soundtrack and not just used as "what's on the radio" music). However, there are just too many unbelievable, contrived, makes no sense but we'll do it anyway moments. Don't want to get shot? Just drop your head 2" below the top of a cardboard box and when the bad guy shoots the top of the box 6" from your head (and angled directly towards where you're hiding) the cardboard will stop the 3 bullets!
There ARE some fun scenes and some entertaining parts, but the whole show would have been vastly improved if the total runtime was under 5 hours instead of the bloated 6.5 hours. Cut out a trip to NY and that entire useless story-line and a few less "Reacher is outnumbered by a group of unarmed assailants with zero fighting ability other than their patience in waiting their turn to attack" scenes and what remains would get a few more stars (7.5* territory) and be recommendable. As for future seasons, I think they need to seriously consider shorting the number of episodes (down to 5-6) or doing 2 books per season (which probably would require a 10-12 episode season). 4-5 hours of runtime per book would translate to a much better finished product.
Wrath of Man (2021)
Pretty much every aspect is terrible
Opening scene: 2 men in a truck talking (one that really isn't even shown) and yet their "acting" is horrid. Since they're not really shown, they don't even have to act, they just have to recite their lines and yet even that is below amateurish. The performances in a typical 5th grade school play is Oscar worthy compared to the acting in this movie. I don't know who those 2 people are related to, or what sort of blackmail material they have on the powers-that-be, but they certainly didn't get their roles because of talent.
Statham's deadpan delivery is not even good by his low standards, but everyone else is MUCH worse.
Then there's the plot. Just a rehash of past heist films with no originality and every "twist" is poorly conceived and horribly done. The editing isn't great and I'd wouldn't be surprised if you took the scraps off the cutting room floor and put them together, you'd end up with a better plot (though still the terrible acting).
Finally, there's the music by Chris Benstead... it's like the budget only allowed for one track (and a bad one at that) and then the same grating, repetitive, noise is just repeated consistently throughout the movie. Seriously. The opening scene = Song #1. Opening credits = Song #1. A scene that's supposed to be full of tension = Song #1. A scene attempting to fill in the backstory = Song #1. Chase scene = Song #1. Sad scene = Song #1. Post-coital scene = Song #1. Shootout = Song #1. Heist = Song #1. End credits = Song #1. With a movie runtime of 118 minutes Song #1 was played for what felt like 283 minutes (but really was probably only played for a paltry 97 minutes total - Chris must have copies of the incriminating photos to get such a mediocre, monotone, song played non-stop throughout pretty much the entire movie.)
With all the money saved reusing the same crap song for the full runtime, and what I can only assume were unpaid "actors", you'd think someone would spent some time/money on better editing, re-shoots, and general quality control - but nope.
Dreadful film.
I've seen >1000 films in my life and while this may not be the worst I've ever sat through, off the top of my head I don't recall any that were worse.
Watch something at least entertaining like The Town, Den of Thieves, The Bank Job, or the stellar and infinitely better Inside Man. Or a top tier classic like Heat or The Usual Suspects. Even a popcorn flick like The Italian Job, 2Guns, Point Break, Ocean's Eleven, or any of hundred's of other similar movies is time better spent than watching this dreck.
Altered Carbon (2018)
7.2/10 - Pretty darn good show, with a couple of issues
Overall the series is very good, however there are a few issues.
1. The pacing is very erratic and some episodes flow much better than others.
2. All the actors were good to great, EXCEPT the hugely annoying overacting job of the Reileen character portrayed by Dichen Lachman. Certainly her dialog could've been better, but the actress' delivery is what was really terrible.
3. The ending felt rushed and slightly disjointed, with an overabundance of unnecessary subplots. Had there been 1 or 2 less subplots, the series as a whole would've been better for it.
I give the series a 7.2. Had one actress done a better job, and had an unnecessary subplot (or 2) been eliminated, it probably would've warranted a 9/10.
NOTE: This series is much better than the Expanse, which not only also suffers from some poor acting (though in the case of the Expanse it's poor acting from multiple people, not just one like in Altered Carbon). Altered Carbon also has a better overall script, story and soundtrack. I'd say the special effects are about equal.
Treasure Quest: Snake Island (2015)
Not the worst show on TV, but close to it
An absolutely terrible show. The Legend of Croc Gold was another horrid gold show and this is no better. Fake. Made up drama. Scripted parts. Too much recap and very little substance. "Experts" behaving like idiots and assuming that the audience is naive and gullible.
Don't waste your time. There are better gold shows (Gold Rush, Bering Sea Gold, White Water, etc. all are/have become pretty formulaic but they're still miles ahead of this drivel).
Ink Master: Angels (2017)
Unsurprisingly TERRIBLE
Take all the worst parts of recent Ink Master seasons and add in a metric ton of sexism and you've got the "Angels" series.
Ink Master has declined in recent years but rather than fix the issues the producers have just added MORE of the same problems. The biased judging (it should be blind), the fake drama, the scripted altercations, the sexist alliance, the inconsistent adherence to the judging criteria, the predetermined outcome (HAD to have a female winner, regardless of who deserved it more), Dave Navarro (I still can't believe someone thought viewers would enjoy seeing Dave hanging from hooks!), etc. etc etc.
Nunez comes across as a pompous ass. Dave Navarro isn't a tattoo artist (or even a visual artist) and is a terrible judge. Peck is the only reasonably decent judge.
The producers need to switch to blind judging, with a predefined criteria that is strictly adhered to. I'd even suggest a number scoring system where every tattoo is given number (1-10?) for the different aspects (i.e. application, design, line work, consistency, shading, color/grayscale, placement/fit to body, and 30 points for overall appearance) and then the winner is the person with the highest score and the lowest score goes home (regardless of past tattoos). Give the judges each 1 save per season to prevent someone's off day from sending them home (or just 1 save total?). The season finale tattoos would be scored the same way and would account for 50% with the report card counting for the other 50% of the determination of the season winner.
At no time should a non-artist have a part in judging. No Navarro votes, no public votes (which is just a popularity contest), etc. Artists should be the ones determining the winner based solely on the artwork contestants complete. If producers want to fix the judging, they should have 10 respected artists blindly judge all the completed tattoos. Utilize Navarro, Nunez, and Peck and mentors and hosts, but not as judges.
Anyway, back to Angels... Last season of Ink Master (with all the angels) was horrid. I didn't think it was possible but this show is actually even worse. Luckily, the first season of Angels will also be the last (there's zero chance this pile of stinking poo gets renewed).
Now You See Me 2 (2016)
First movie was good, this is just bad
I actually quite enjoyed the first movie. While unbelievable in parts, the movie as a whole was well done and entertaining. Not so for the sequel.
The plot is horrid.
The tricks all feel done before, are way too repetitive, and go on for far too long (things are overly complicated when they don't need to be).
The few tricks that you might be impressed by, thinking how did they do that, well the answer is movie post-production cgi.
First movie was good, this sequel is bad, hopefully the powers that be learned their lesson and don't green light any more.