Change Your Image
laurabirtwistle
Reviews
The Holiday (2006)
Utterly unconvincing
I find it hard to believe that someone as neurotic as Cameron Diaz's character would let a drunk stranger into her house in the middle of the night just because he is good looking. In fact that sort of makes it more terrifying. Ted Bundy was incredibly charming and handsome and he killed like, 30 people. Generally bad acting and writing all round in this film. The only convincing moment in the whole movie is maybe when Kate Winslet stares longingly at that old guy's Academy Award at about 59 minutes in. Apparently she only agreed to do this film on the condition that she didn't have to kiss Jack Black on the mouth. Lighting is flattering.
Edward Scissorhands (1990)
Yeah good
Where is he getting all these blocks of ice from? I really enjoy the 30 seconds of Vincent Price in this film. I couldn't make this comment any longer to be honest but it has to be 150 characters in order to submit.
The Sopranos (1999)
A worthwhile watch
Much like The Wire, I often tell people this is one of the greatest shows ever made and I've only ever watched one episode. Anyway I know it's good because my friend Pam told me she was so addicted she watched all six seasons while she was at work and nobody said anything. She would just watch The Sopranos at her desk all day and not do any work. She got a promotion like, a month later. Pam gives this 10 stars.
The Wire (2002)
I'm told it's the best
I take great pleasure in telling everyone how great this show is despite never actually watching it myself. I'm giving it 10 stars because Charlie Brooker essentially told me to. I'm sure the lighting is really great.
The Matrix (1999)
Almost perfect
I love this movie but it has some flaws. Everyone in this movie sort of mumbles or murmurs to one another so I have to turn the volume up really high whenever there is dialogue, but the music and SFX are WAY too loud so I have to turn the volume back down again! Does anyone know how I can contact one of the sentient programs and ask them to sort out the audio in the matrix? Thanks!
The Bodyguard (1992)
Movie magic
Bobby Brown once scooped poo out of Whitney Houston's bum to ease her constipation. Kevin Costner may have taken a bullet for her but he wouldn't have done that. 10 stars!
Fading Gigolo (2013)
Not great
Would anyone realistically pay money to have sex with this man? I've asked at least five women about this and they all said no. Woody Allen is in this movie and I'd probably rather have sex with him, although I'm sure his daughter would have a thing or two to say about that. Lighting is fine.
The Sixth Sense (1999)
Wow! What a twist!
I had no idea that the man in the hair piece was Bruce Willis the whole time!
Independence Day (1996)
Easy watching
I used to have this mate that was utterly convinced that this was the greatest film ever made, and I was like "What? This one? Really?", and she was like "Yes it is, and if you don't agree then you're just plain wrong and stupid". She was always saying stuff like this, I guess that's why we probably grew apart. To be fair I can be a lot like this as well. I think that might have been what went wrong - people who are too similar don't often end up getting along. It's quite normal for me to resent characteristics in others that I also have and dislike in myself. I think my therapist said that I'm "projecting" or something. Lighting is very good in this film.
Fifty Shades of Grey (2015)
Unrealistic
So at the beginning of this film Anastasia Steele goes to the city to interview Christian Grey at his office. Before the interview she pulls up and parks her car right in front of the building. How did she manage to get this parking space so easily? I mean this is central Seattle at like, 8 or 9 in the morning? It's such a good parking space, and it's RIGHT outside the building. I swear I've spent up to an hour on some occasions trying to find a parking space in the inner city suburbs of Perth and it's not even that populated here. Where is the footage of her desperately trying to find a park, sweating and panting as the interview time steadily creeps closer? Or when she eventually says "eff it!" and ends up parking in one of those multi-story car parks that cost upwards of $50 an hour? This part of the film is really tedious and it prevented me from enjoying the rest of the film after that point. Lighting could be better.
Snowpiercer (2013)
Great film
Much like Thomas the Tank Engine, but with less fat controllers and more eating babies. Lighting is initially poor but improves throughout.
Naked Lunch (1991)
Good
I can think of at least two things wrong with this title.
The Departed (2006)
I enjoyed this
Okay so after a long time of putting it off I finally got around to watching this film. This movie is great but I actually can't tell the difference between Matt Damon, Mark Wahlberg and Leonardo DiCaprio. About a third of the way in, I realised that they're actually not the same person so it made everything that happened up until that point very confusing. I didn't want to go back and watch the first hour again. Lighting is good.
Failure to Launch (2006)
Why is everyone always drinking in this movie?
Seriously in every scene of this film at least one person is drinking alcohol, and it's almost always a branded drink as well - is this film just a really long bud light/Moët and Chandon ad?
There's also way too much animal related slapsticky shtick, the worst of all being that part where that horse makes out with Matthew McConaughey. Oh wait that was SJP. Okay that joke was quite lazy, but certainly no lazier than the writing of this film.
Uhh this movie was generally bad - Zooey Deschanel's performance is the only redeeming factor as she is quite charming. I guess the lighting is also good?