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olliejackson
Reviews
7eventy 5ive (2007)
Why God? Why?
5 minutes into this movie I was hyperventilating, shaking, and writhing in pain. And not in the good way. The story is about a troupe of idiotic children making prank phone calls to a psycho which is always a good idea. Turns out psychos don't like prank phone calls because in 2 minutes time he's at their door killing poor Williams mom and dad. Well skip ahead 15 years and guess what? Still prank phone calling people. Yep you would of thought that a horrible murder would of deterred them from doing that ever again but no. So after about two hours later and way too many scream ripoffs I realized that this movie gave me nothing but a terrible taste in my mouth and a severe urge to take my own life. This piece of crap isn't even worth laughing at the shoddy production, the "acting", or Rutger haurs dwindling career. I love crappy horror movies but this is the most unsatisfying piece I've ever seen. Just don't.
The Langoliers (1995)
So god-awful i want to eat my own face
First off, i've never read the book, and i don't care how the book translates to film. The bottom line is, when a book is directly adapted it makes a horrible film. This movie is perhaps the worst i have ever seen. it made we want to die. It was NOT scary, i laughed the entire time. It was three hours too long, had the worst acting (worse than my dog could do), and was apparently the product of a three-week long coke binge. The Langoliers sucks. The only reason I took the time to write this is to possibly strike taste into whoever actually LIKED this movie! If you like it, keep it secret, or else be shunned by competent movie watchers. Die, Langoliers, DIE! i hope the langoliers eat the director of this film continuously until he dies. AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!