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karl_mercer
Reviews
Norbit (2007)
Unfunny prejudice to the nth power!
Unfortunately, these reviews need to be a minimum of ten lines, otherwise I would simply reference the two word review used in an actually funny movie, This is Spinal Tap.
That review would be
"Sh*t Sandwich"
Quite what Eddie Murphy was thinking I do not know, but this is terrible rubbish; with the 'humour' being based solely on racism, and fat jokes. I should point out I am a larger gentleman; but this in no way detracts from my sense of humour about it, I'm fat and that's funny to some - I accept it; and some movies treat the subject well. Shallow Hal has been mentioned, but there is also the Rhonda character in Road Trip...Yeah we all had a joke about her massive underwear but she was a sweet and actually quite pretty girl. However, according to this movie all people who don't conform to the stick thin Hollywood stereotype due to increased weight are, apparently, grotesque sea-monsters.
This just is not funny. If you find this funny, see your psychiatrist.
City Rats (2009)
Pretentious, Moi!?
This film promises much more than it delivers. I am not necessarily a fan boy of films such as Football Factory, or The Business, which portray Danny Dyer et. al. as cheeky cockney chappies who aren't nice guys but we empathise with and indeed, I applaud Messrs Dyer, and Hassan for taking a film with roles which are far more challenging and require far more acting talent than previously seen from them. They are thoroughly fantastic throughout and earned a star each in this review for their outstanding performances of what is an awful concept, and, quite frankly, script.
I do not want to include any spoilers, but it appears that this film, as mentioned by way2grimee is mere arty farty rubbish. It is a film for films sake and as such neglects the audience throughout. It appears the concept of the film drove the dialogue, and this results in a choppy narrative that has been described as 'like pulp fiction', but actually just seemed more like pulp...soggy, and with little substance. It fails to deliver any satisfying character development, leaving a total lack of empathy or understanding for the characters. I also agree with way2grimee that the sexual scenes, both homo and hetero, appear to be there for no other reason than gratuity and controversy and indeed, using cinematic suggestion the same effect on the storyline, and what scant character development there was, could have been achieved, possibly in a much better, more subtle and less brick-through-a-window fashion.
As mentioned, I am not a particular fan boy of the British gangster genre, and this therefore in no way swayed my opinion. I do like to support the British film industry, but, unfortunately it seems to be aiming to be more and more pretentious with each film. Everyone in the UK business seems to be so generically British in wanting to show the worst in everything...This film reeked of "Ooh look at how seedy London is"-ness, by someone whose experience of the seediness of London is accidentally talking to a homeless man on his way home from an organic fruit and vegetable stall at Borough Market.
Simon Fantauzzo, the writer, strikes me as someone who has spent far too much time studying film and writing itself, and not enough time on cinematography, and trying to engage the audience; as such this movie falls so flat on its face that I feel its release could easily feature on You've Been Framed. Controversial? yes, edgy? perhaps; but engaging? No way.
Transporter 3 (2008)
I had my brain switched off to watch this one...WHICH WAS GREAT!!!!!!!
Let's start with the obvious shall we. Was this film ever likely to be nominated for an academy award? NO! Was it ever likely to receive high end critical acclaim? Not at all! Was it ever likely to be anything but a mindless lack-of-realism-and-overdose-of-action-fest...OF COURSE! Having read some of the reviews on here you get them impression some people expected something a little more intelligent. I like mental stimulation as much as the next person, indeed I like to consider myself intellectual enough to actually crave it. But too much of it and you'll just go crazy. Which is why I love these films. Firstly, Jason Statham is a terrible actor, but he does terrible so well! Secondly Luc Besson ALWAYS tries to get away with as much stupidity as possible, and thirdly, what happened to the chicks from the previous Transporter films? The thing is, most people are surprised that I like the Transporter films. They don't have me down as a mindless action type but every now and then it's nice to watch a film for the thrills and it not have some intense psychological undertones. Loud explosions and men fighting with nothing but their jackets is enough for me.
I know people will disagree, but with these films, it is essential to watch them not with a closed mind, but a non-existent one. Then you will see the greatness in it. Beer, popcorn, fast cars, hot women, and a man fighting off hordes of henchmen in a well pressed suit. Women have rubbish chick flicks, men have Luc Besson and Jason Statham.
The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008)
The Day the Earth Stood Still, apt, given that the Earth didn't move for this one.
This film is a shrugged shoulder. It's a horizontally held hand teetering from side to side. It's 'meh', or 'alright' or 'ok'.
Strangely, working in the movie business (store assistant in a rental shop...:-( ) People give this film incredible reviews. But the same people have also come in telling me how rubbish Saw IV was, and promptly rented Saw V when it first came out! Overall, I watched the film, which, for me to not be distracted during is a miracle. But I didn't really remember much once it had finished. I remember something to do with Neo saving the annoying kid who I wished would have died, as that would have construed, to me, a happy ending. But the fact that Mr. Reeves has not played any other character since Bill and Ted aside, this film lacked the wow factor it could have had.
I rated it a seven because, I think people should watch it, whether they have seen the original or not. But, ultimately, a 7 is a failure for a film of this budget, and of its kind. Sci Fi are some of the biggest grossing movies around and for this one to feel so...not dull but more, ordinary, is a shame.
If you missed it on the big screen it's worth a rent, but you probably won't wish to watch it twice.
The Crew (2008)
If I hadn't seen the box, I'd have thought it was a late night Hollyoaks!
There are people out there who will swoon over the Brit-Gang genre as if it were a member of Girls Aloud offering a snog (not the ginger one...). The problem is that, along with rubbish slasher/hacker films and naff 80s movies, that is because they have developed a cult following; i.e. a group of people fanatically worshipping everything about them, even if it is rubbish; perhaps even because it is rubbish.
The truth is that, when I watched this film, I genuinely felt like I was watching a late night episode of Hollyoaks. The acting was either over the top, or underplayed to the extent that it felt like I was watching a rehearsal. The plot itself is boring, and whilst the undertone of nihilism could be construed as an admirable quality, I actually felt that it merely enhanced my own despair, and feelings of nothingness.
If this is your thing, and you are a member of this apparent cult following of rubbish British Gangster films, by all means watch it, and love it if you must. But for those of a less biased disposition, avoid this like the plague. If you want a serious British gangster film, watch Gangster No. 1 (admittedly an average storyline, but one that is absolutely acted off the screen by Malcolm McDowell and Paul Bettany; and where the gratuitous violence is used in a far more artistic fashion) or even go retro and watch The Long Good Friday, or Get Carter (The Michael Caine version, not Rambo in disguise.)