rachelnstephens Reviews

Copenhagen Cowboy: Miu the Mysterious (2022) Season 1, Episode 1

What an absolute snooze for a pilot

[1/10 · 23 January 2024]

There's barely any dialog in this episode.

Basic questions that should at least be touched upon in the first episode are not answered in any capacity:

Who is this person?

How did they get here?

Is she human?

Who is this family?

How does she have powers?

How do people know that she has powers?

Why is she here?

If she's a slave, why does she have a fee that she charges her owners?

Is she a jinn / genie?

If you watch with English dubbing, not everyone's dialog is dubbed so you're unsure of how much crucial information is missing.

For an hour long episode, nearly nothing is known except this woman somehow has the ability to grant wishes, women bully this person and some guy makes pig sounds when being beaten up.

It's slow and grim.

Memory (I) (2023)

Hollywood doesn't care about consent

[2/10 · 16 January 2024]

What an absolute snooze of a film. My husband asked me multiple times if I'd like to leave the theater early, but alas, I had to finish it out to make sure there was no saving grace.

1. How does one forget which classmate raped them, multiple times, where they'd throw out an unfounded accusation at someone? This is written off as a "shrug" when Jessica's character realises this guy didn't even live in her city or go to her school when she was assaulted.

2. Does Hollywood expect us to not care about consent? A man with such advanced early onset dementia that he forgets where he's going or where he lives cannot consent to a sexual relationship with his caregiver who is also a social worker that just so happens to look like his dead wife. This man thinks he's with his dead wife yet his caregiver quits so that she can now sleep with her charge? No wonder his brother was furious - this is an egregious abuse of a vulnerable person. The movie glosses over this.

3. What was with Jessica's character's brother-in-law telling her to leave his house for confronting her mother for making excuses for her dad raping her? The brother-in-law should be more supportive of Jessica's character in that instance rather than protecting his mother-in-law from tough conversations. Why he acts like this was never explored. It was weird.

Hard pass on this movie.

I Hate Christmas: You're Special (2022) Season 1, Episode 3

Why is she so defensive?

[6/10 · 15 December 2023]

What is Gianna's problem. 3 episodes in and I still don't understand why she's so defensive about everything anyone says to her when she has a loving support system and a gaggle of friends. I'd love if we had a little back story about why Gianna is the way that she is.

What is it about Gianna that all these guys ask her on dates, try to take her on their planes, their boats, sleep in their high end homes? Other than a pretty face, this many episodes in, I wish this series would go into detail via flashbacks or a narrator or something like that about what is driving Gianna to have her walls up.

I don't know if I'll be able to get through this whole series because Gianna hasn't given me a reason to root for her.

Napoleon (2023)

Snapshots of Napoleon's life

[4/10 · 22 November 2023]

If I knew nothing of Napoleon, I'd be utterly confused about what was happening in this film. There is no hero's journey to follow and nobody to root for.

Who is Napoleon? Why is he in France? How did he get to his position? The film begins with the death of Marie Antoinette and pretty much dives right into Napoleon being in charge somehow. Why Napoleon? No idea.

Early on we meet Josephine's minor son who is never seen again on screen after a one-on-one meeting with Napoleon. Why does Napoleon meet with him? Why does he grant his request? Why is he interested in Josephine? No idea.

The film feels as if you're a time traveller who is moving forward to different snapshots of Napoleon's life. There's little context or explanation. Lots of battle scenes, troop movement, flag signaling and even smelting to make munitions but not a lot of context. Why is Napoleon going here or there? No idea. What is his end goal? No idea. Why do Napoleon's men have an affinity for him? No idea.

There are large spans of time between scenes so suddenly Josephine's daughter is a grown adult speaking with Napoleon. No clue who she was until Napoleon mentioned Josephine being her mother. Who are all of these people? No idea. How are they connected? No idea.

The film is beautifully shot. The costuming is perfection. The set design is dreamy. Nobody can say that Ridley Scott doesn't know how to make a movie or that Joaquin Phoenix isn't a fantastic actor - it's simply a poor script.

After Death (I) (2023)

A movie for Christians by Christians

[4/10 · 9 November 2023]

This movie seriously misses the mark in trying to be a convincing proselytising tool to get unbelievers to convert to Christianity. As a Christian married to an atheist, time and again, Christian films are inadvertently made to make the Christian who brings a non-Christian to see the film feel warm and fuzzy, while being wholy unconvincing to non-Christians.

It was my athiest husband who reserved tickets to this film, not me. As I assumed, he walked out after the end of the film thinking they were all liars. I don't blame him. The film was disjointed and glossed over a lot of science.

For example, a woman has surgery but they supposedly purposely had her dead on the operating table for an hour? How did they do that? How did they know she'd have a near death experience or that she'd comeback? They drained her blood and did some sort of brain surgery? As far as I know, a patient is awake during brain surgery so that they can gauge how the patient is faring.

My husband said that whole part seemed like a lie. I wasn't convinced by the fact that the doctor said that his patient said that she saw tools that looked like her "dad's socket set." Well, you're having surgery. Common sense says that tools will be there. Also her chart may have had information regarding her surgery, so it just felt bogus.

The guy at the end really was not a good fit for this film. My husband said it was weird how he became "best friends" with his abusive dad to the dismay of his mom and sisters. Supposedly Jesus told him that his purpose is to love others. Sure, Jesus Himself in the Bible said that the whole law hangs upon loving God and loving our neighbours, but there's slightly more to Christian salvation than simply loving people. Not only that, the movie completely glossed over why he had a bad relationship with his wife and kids before his accident, and afterwards, when he "became a zealot" about telling everyone about his love mission from Jesus, his kids "didn't respect (his) experience" and his now-ex-wife "poisoned" his kids against him and now they want nothing to do with the Bible. I'm seeing a real lack of accountability on his part on the continued breakdown of his relationship with his wife and kids. His "testimony" made my husband agree with him in that "people think he's crazy."

Theologically, this film is lacking. Scientifically, this film leaves the skeptic unfulfilled.

Stop making Christian proselytising movies for people who are already Christian. We are the wrong audience. Start screening your unfinished films to athiests only and go from there.

The Creator (2023)

Your preschooler can write a more cohesive script

[1/10 · 2 November 2023]

The Creator was terrible. Nice visuals don't counteract a lack of a cohesive or sensical story.

Stuff that doesn't make sense:

**Spoilers Ahead**

• The US government has a ground and air war against AI in Thailand? Vietnam? Tibet? Known as "New Asia."

• Robot Buddhist monks. Carvings of robot Buddhist monks in Buddhist temple.

• Asian subsistence farmers protect "AI" robots from Americans because they "have more heart." (???)

• Guy looking for a woman who rejected him, that he saw get blown up on a boat by the government, but thinking she'd still be alive, in the exact same spot, years later because the tracker ring she had was still signalling there.

• Uploading the last 10 seconds of your life on a memory stick that can be put in a robot, but that 10 seconds is used to tell the dead person that they're dead rather than recall information that happened. Why would you need to talk to a recording?

• A baby robot that can grow that was built by a pregnant woman who supposedly got blown up but also has been in a coma since being blown up. Did she build it before or after she was in a coma?

• Robots that eat and drink. Robots can be surprised. Elderly robots can be fat under their clothes.

• Robot can feel pain and a less painful method of ending a robot is sought (when the rest of the AI robots can simply be turned off.)

• Robot baby needed to defeat US who also uses robots. US ultimately defeated by some sort of explosive placed by a human.

What is the point of making movies with a story that was farted out during a fever dream? It's like having a small child tell a story that they haphazardly add information "and then they did x" without any consideration for if it makes sense or is consistent with the rest of the story.

Ragnarok: Till Death Do Us Part (2023) Season 3, Episode 2

This episode doesn't fit with seasons 1 & 2

[3/10 · 15 October 2023]

Why has every character gone off the rails except for Odin and the two moms, Ran & Turid? Nobody is acting like the same people in the first two seasons.

Why is mojlnir suddenly a corrupting figure?

What is the timeline here? Why are final grades happening and then everyone is right back in high school? Isn't Magne like 20 at this point?

Why is Fjir not in school anymore but Saxa is? Why is hepretending to go hiking in a suit? Why is he so mean to the new accountant and how was she only employed for 2 days yet had an entire HR complaint against Fjir?

Why is Laurits living in the woods and scrounging for food after being rejected by the Jutuls? His mom Turid is so permissive that it doesn't make sense.

Is Laurits even in school to pretend he's doing a project on food waste?

Why is Ran confiding giant information and smoking with her / the school's therapist? The therapist doesn't act like a therapist.

The writers and Netflix ruined what was a fantastic series by producing this nonsensical third season.

The Curious Creations of Christine McConnell (2018)

I love Christine's YouTube but...

[1/10 · 4 October 2023]

This show was totally ruined by the puppets. If this was simply Netflix producing Christine's YouTube channel with her actual instructions, it would rival Martha Stewart. This puppet nonsense with horrifically bad voice acting was nearly unwatchable. I had to fast forward through the puppets just to see her creations.

It would have been better if each tutorial gave measurements, items needed or something so that it would be even slightly informative rather than "here's a few tips on how I made this."

Netflix just produce her YouTube channel, as is because this was a disservice to the amazing talents of Christine.

Faithfully Yours (2022)

The Netherlands isn't progressive enough for this lesbian couple

[4/10 · 6 August 2023]

Spoilers ahead.

This movie is poorly written. I watched with the English dubbing and it had too weak of a plot to warrant spending your time on this film.

Two friends use each other as alibis as they have regular affairs on their husbands. One woman, Isabel, decides that rather than leaving her husband, she and her friend Bodil's sister, Yara, who she's having a lesbian affair with, are going to stage a fake murder scene so that she (Isabel) can escape with Yara and be lesbians together.

Rather than simply divorce her writer husband, Isabel decides not to clue in her friend Bodil to the plot.

Bodil and Michael, her latest affair partner have a beach picnic. Bodil says she doesn't want to pretend to be boyfriend/ girlfriend and that she'll pretend she doesn't know him if she sees him in the street. This disappoints Michael. While Bodil is swimming in the ocean after rejecting Michael, Isabel and Yara carry out their fake murder, yet this is not shown.

Bodil comes back to her house and sees blood on the floor but there is no body and calls her own husband and then the police. Bodil lies to the police to protect herself and her friend from disclosing that they were both having affairs. When Bodil is asked if anyone can coorborate that she was swimming in the ocean and not murdering Isabel, she says Michael can vouch for her. Michael says he doesn't know her.

Isabel's husband comes to stay with Bodil and her husband for unknown reasons. Isabel's husband blames Bodil for Isabel's death and believes Bodil was using Isabel to cover up her own affairs and decides to hire a hitman to kill Bodil, but how and for unknown reasons, Isabel intercepts the plot and pays the hitman double to do nothing. She then anonymously sends Bodil a book written by her (Isabel's) husband as a warning that he is trying to kill Bodil. Bodil never bothers to open the book and doesn't get the message.

Bodil's husband also secretly knows about all of the affairs Bodil has because she randomly finds a computer feed on her husband's laptop. He has various files that show Bodil having affairs. Bodil takes this evidence to the police to corroborate her story that she had been having an affair with Michael that she had told to the police, but when she gets to the station, the files are mysteriously gone.

Bodil's husband had a camera in the house and was secretly watching Bodil have affairs because, in his words, "it was a turn on." He doesn't mind that Bodil has affairs. Bodil thinks her husband may have killed Isabel and hog ties him after using a stun gun on him. Isabel's husband then comes downstairs and chases her into the ocean with an ax, but she is able to get the upper hand and drown him.

The police say Bodil was acting in self defense and that they no longer suspect her in Isabel's murder. Bodil then goes to a private airport and slaps and then hugs Isabel. Bodil gives Yara her passport and tells her to take good care of Isabel. Isabel and Yara get on a private plane to go be lesbians together somewhere more progressive than... THE NETHERLANDS.

WHAT?

Eleni (1985)

A lot from the book is missing, but it's still great.

[8/10 · 17 July 2023]

I read the book years ago and the book spent more time talking about what was going on in the home and why Eleni didn't leave - specifically talking about his sisters getting married and their possessions.

I'd have liked the movie to have touched more on who Eleni was and her thought process but I'm guessing there was a time constraint.

The movie was good but focused most on the Communists who took over Lia and how the family lived under this harsh occupation. The betrayal by various villagers wasn't something that was explained (ex: Anna) and it makes you absolutely furious. This movie will make you feel nothing but rage at the injustice Eleni faced.

I Am a Stalker: Imminent Fear (2022) Season 1, Episode 5

Everyone Sucks Here.

[5/10 · 1 December 2022]

Watching Netflix's " I Am A Stalker" - episode 5.

Woman breaks up with her boyfriend after they have a baby together because he's an atheist and she's a "Christian."

Then after he gets married she sends a photo of HER girlfriend in lingerie to her ex boyfriend.

Girl what?!

Everyone in this episode is a dramatic mess. The woman and her mom harassing her ex are ridiculous and petty. The woman being harassed is also dramatic and a pain. The police wouldn't even bother if these women weren't in the Bible Belt and one was doing fake magic spells on the other. Easily the worst episode in the series.

The Next 365 Days (2022)

Laura is mean to Massimo

[3/10 · 29 August 2022]

Easily the worst film in the trilogy thus far.

Is walking in on everyone having sex and just standing around a European thing because Laura seems to nonchalantly walk in on at least 3 couples in this trilogy and has literally no immediate reaction, including when she thought one of the men was her husband in the second movie.

It's not much better for Massimo as he almost has sex with some strippers while his mafia family has sex inches away from him with other sex workers with bad plastic surgery.

This movie has no resolution and it made me feel bad for Massimo the kidnapping mafiso. Why is Nacho wearing a rosary while committing adultery with Laura and being in the mafia? Why does Laura fall for Nacho when Massimo didn't cheat on her and she knows this?

Worst part is the threesome dream scene where Massimo and Nacho kiss. Bleh. What is this, Y Tu Mamá También? Too offtrack.

No real story and way too much sex for even this trilogy.

Blue Velvet (1986)

Did they forget to write a story?

[2/10 · 20 July 2022]

Zero character development and no story. Who are these people? How did they meet? What is their motive? Who knows!

What an absolute waste of 2 hours. How does this movie have such high marks when it's nothing but bad acting?

Why does Dennis' character have an entourage and why is he constantly using a face shield attached to nothing to breathe?

This movie is a waste of time.

Bridgerton: A Bee in Your Bonnet (2022) Season 2, Episode 3

Too much change

[4/10 · 12 June 2022]

How did Eloise change so much from season one? Season one she was a take charge young woman, ready to speak to the Queen uninvited.

This season Eloise is a bumbling fool who is afraid of holding a baby despite her gaggle of younger siblings that she would have obviously held.

Kate is an annoying character with no character development. Why is she accompanying her sister to these balls and acting like the man of her house when she's not the mother, the mother is alive and Kate has no business with the Ton as she's simply a step daughter of a Ton. She acts completely insolent to Lady Danbury for no reason.

Bridgerton: Capital R Rake (2022) Season 2, Episode 1

Stand down

[4/10 · 11 June 2022]

Miss Sharma acts like her sister Edwina doesn't have a mother nor a patroness. It makes zero sense why she's acting as if she's the mother presenting her daughter.

Absolutely goofy and unrealistic episode.

Blacklight (2022)

Why is Neeson Tanking His Career

[1/10 · 10 May 2022]

How does Liam Neeson continue to star in ever decreasing budget knockoffs of the Taken series? These movies are painful to watch, to the point you start to dislike Neeson for capitalizing on his name to feed you a steaming pile of trash.

Movie was so bad that I fell asleep during it. Plot was eye roll inducing.

Black Site (I) (2022)

Unwatchable

[1/10 · 10 May 2022]

The acting is so poor, it feels like they got actors off of Craigslist. Absolutely garbage writing makes it that much worse.

Save your time and money. My husband used a free Redbox code and I would have rather that he let it expire than make me sit through this movie.

Rebirth (I) (2016)

Unwatchable

[1/10 · 12 April 2022]

This show is so slow I had to turn it off after nothing of note happened in the first FORTY minutes.

Feels very amateur in terms of screenwriting and acting. Comes across as amateur.

House of Gucci (2021)

Gaga should stick to music

[5/10 · 1 December 2021]

I don't care what anyone says, Lady Gaga is a terrible actress. House of Gucci was a 3 hour long mess that should end her film career.

My husband picked this movie because he was interested in the 1980's tax evasion case that the family was involved in. The actual investigation was glossed over in the film and quite forgettable.

I originally didn't want to see this film because I read some quotes from Lady Gaga about why she didn't need to actually speak with the still living woman that she was portraying. Instead of it being a true biopic, Lady Gaga decided to play herself, but renamed Patrizia Reggiani, and with a bad Russian accent.

Gaga had zero chemistry with Adam Driver's character and it felt like she was imposing herself on him to force a relationship. Her character was intrusive and transparent in motive.

Adam Driver's character, Maurizio Gucci, seemed aloof and without agency. He was with Patrizia because he had never had a woman chase after him and from the film, you would think he had never been around women before at all. It felt like he was bullied into everything, which made his choices towards the end of the film seem out of character / confusing.

Jared Leto's character, Paolo Gucci, was straight out of an SNL skit. His fake Italian accent sounded like "it's a me, Mario!" It felt out of place to have such an over-the-top American stereotype of an Italian dancing across the screen.

*Spoilers if you don't know anything about this case.*

After reading more about what actually happened in the Gucci family, not only was one of Maurizio and Patrizia's daughters not even mentioned, but the reason for the breakdown of their marriage and why Patrizia actually ordered the hit were not even mentioned.

If you had only watched the movie, you would have believed that they were still married when the murder took place and that the hit was because she was angry about her husband not moving back in with her and their one daughter. This was not the case at all! In actuality, if her ex-husband got remarried, which he was planning to do, her alimony payments would be cut in half to only $800k a year instead of the more than $1 million per year. It was a crime motivated by greed, not because she was so in love and heartsick.

Save your money and see something else. I'm still waiting for Hollywood to put out something good.

Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021)

What is wrong with these character?!

[4/10 · 26 November 2021]

Rather than celebrating Thanksgiving, my husband and I went out to the movies today to see Ghostbusters Afterlife.

For whatever reason, every character except Paul Rudd & Finn Wolfhard's characters were unnecessarily snarky, dismissive or rude. Easily 10x while watching I said, "what is wrong with you?!"

Maybe it's just me getting older, but too many tween/teen actors are insufferable to watch in character. The tween who is a STEM savant & is dismissive of everyone, including the adults, makes me want to scream.

There were also continuity issues with the film that immediately took me out of the story, such as it being set in the "mountains" of (flat) Oklahoma that don't exist. Not only that, the mother quipped, "we live on the farm off the 99" when I-99 nor US-99 run / ran through Oklahoma. Also, why were kids, who were moving to a new town, magically and immediately enrolled in a remedial summer school? What? Lastly, why is a car that is impounded by police later on a car lift with the contents locked inside of a cell?

While well shot, there were too many storylines and none explored in-depth. The actors were unnecessarily rude and dismissive and the tweens unrealistic. Forgettable movie. Save your money.

The Addams Family 2 (2021)

Cute enough

[5/10 · 4 October 2021]

Cute enough film about Wednesday Addams finding her place in her family despite feeling different than the rest of her family.

Wish this series didn't go the way of The Simpsons in that Lisa was no longer a little girl who was smart, but a genius who was leaps and bounds smarter than her aloof father. I see this series going this way with Wednesday being macabre version of Lisa and Gomez being another Homer.

The Trader (2018)

Grim

[6/10 · 30 September 2021]

The English subtitles are awful. Often the subtitles are "speaking in Georgian" or "speaking in Armenian." Uh, yeah, we know - but what are they saying?

Very grim look at how the rest of the world in western Asia lives. It feels a bit like poverty p*rn without a clear story.

Cruella (2021)

Snoozefest

[2/10 · 3 September 2021]

Was watching this on a flight and after an hour and 6 minutes, I had enough.

Emma Stone's character doesn't match the cartoon, but Thompson does. I don't know why they'd have an origin story so divorced from the original character.

What an absolute stinker of a movie.

The Woman in the Window (2021)

Don't bother

[4/10 · 15 May 2021]

I had to turn it off after 50 minutes. People have emotional outbursts for seemingly no reason. Total snooze fest.

The Handmaid's Tale: Chicago (2021) Season 4, Episode 5

Omg just end it already

[1/10 · 13 May 2021]

This show has gone completely off the rails. What could have been 10 minutes just drags.

Also, Janine just being totally chill with June selling them all out because "they had Hannah" is so unrealistic. Actually, Janine and June being alive at all at this point is an absolute joke in the context of Gilead.