AP NEWS, Dallas, TX - A man was found murdered Saturday night in his home. According to police, his wife returned home at about 11.15 pm from a night out and found her spouse dead in his home theater. He had been beaten severely, suffering extreme trauma to the head.
Police and paramedics arrived and the victim was pronounced dead on the scene. Homicide detectives concluded that all evidence pointed to Frank Capra's film ARSENIC AND OLD LACE, which the man had watched on his dvd player while his wife was out. The film apparently reached out from the television and killed the victim with an astonishing array of blunt trauma instruments: loud, annoying characters, poor comic timing, tepid pacing, stagebound theatrics, clumsy physical comedy, initially [mildly] amusing bits run into the ground repeatedly, and, most lethal of all, forced farce.
"If only the film had been 30 minutes shorter, the victim might have lived," claimed the county coroner. "He just couldn't take it for 118 minutes. Frankly, I don't know anyone who could."
The district attorney will not charge anyone with the murder, being that all parties involved in making the film are deceased. The family of the victim is considering civil action versus Warner Home Video.
"It just goes to show, anyone can be a killer, regardless of reputation," said the chief investigator. "Here we have a classic, a very highly ranked movie. Who could have known it could have been so lethal. We see it all the time in this business."
Services are set to be held Tuesday at Burkshire Memorial Park. There will be no viewing as the casket will be closed.
Police and paramedics arrived and the victim was pronounced dead on the scene. Homicide detectives concluded that all evidence pointed to Frank Capra's film ARSENIC AND OLD LACE, which the man had watched on his dvd player while his wife was out. The film apparently reached out from the television and killed the victim with an astonishing array of blunt trauma instruments: loud, annoying characters, poor comic timing, tepid pacing, stagebound theatrics, clumsy physical comedy, initially [mildly] amusing bits run into the ground repeatedly, and, most lethal of all, forced farce.
"If only the film had been 30 minutes shorter, the victim might have lived," claimed the county coroner. "He just couldn't take it for 118 minutes. Frankly, I don't know anyone who could."
The district attorney will not charge anyone with the murder, being that all parties involved in making the film are deceased. The family of the victim is considering civil action versus Warner Home Video.
"It just goes to show, anyone can be a killer, regardless of reputation," said the chief investigator. "Here we have a classic, a very highly ranked movie. Who could have known it could have been so lethal. We see it all the time in this business."
Services are set to be held Tuesday at Burkshire Memorial Park. There will be no viewing as the casket will be closed.