2/10
Please, not another mistitled movie!!
28 September 1999
Yoy! Shouldn't there be laws against fraudulent movie titles? The movie's title suggests something like "Fire Maidens in Outer Space", with scantily-clad women prancing here and there, doing liturgical dance and generally acting as hunk magnets for the film's beefy, 1950s-era heroes. Alas, such is not the case. What you get instead is something along the line of "Beatniks" (which had none in the movie).

The film's premise dealing with time travel is noble, but the continuous back and forth on how many years have passed since this or that event are confusing. John Agar stars along with Wendell Corey as leaders of a space expedition designed to both explore other worlds and revive the culture of a dying warrior society.

Agar's ship attempts to rescue a sister ship that crash landed on a distant planet. Eighteen years of real time have passed since the crash, or is it 18 years of my life that have been lost watching this movie? Anyhow, Linda, the only woman on this "prehistoric" planet is the one brought there by Corey, whom it turns out is the love child of Corey and a woman from the Centaurian society that he's trying to save. Linda meets up with Tang (breakfast drink or hunter-gatherer, you decide), who is the offspring of two of the crash's survivors.

The movie's ending leaves you groaning under the weight of the true premise of Tang & Linda existence on this planet. This premise comes from a decidedly non-Christian world view. Watch this if you are an MST3K fan; otherwise, skip this primordial soup starter.
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