3/10
Guilala, Mon Amour
30 May 1999
As a grown-up, I look back on this movie and cringe. EIJI OKADA is in this, for crying out loud! What a comedown from "Hiroshima, Mon Amour". We have to wait half the movie for the monster to even show up. And a long, long wait it seems to be, as mankind's advance into space turns out to be a succession of cocktail parties and lame jokes.

Just when terminal boredom is about to set in, out pops Guilala: a huge bug-eyed rubber chicken with wings growing out of his cheeks, and the kitchen sink on the top of his head! He can turn himself into a ball of fire and do cannonballs into lakes! Suddenly I'm eight years old again and this movie is Really Cool!

Thankfully, the rest of the movie is just a pretext for scenes of that wonderfully cockeyed beast, destroying some of the worst models in monster movie history (example: there's a jet fighter Guilala smashes that looks to be larger than the oil tanker he's just sunk).

Do yourself a favor: watch the opening credits for the bouncy theme song ("The stars are our destiny...") which you will NEVER get out of your head. Then fast forward to Guilala's first appearance, turn off your brain, and prepare to laugh your head off. Just brace yourself for Peggy Neal's inane "What I learned from the monster" speech at the end.
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