Barbarians And Bad Hair Days.
11 January 2004
There are few stars that can lay claim to a character as being solely their own. But Schwarzenegger can undeniably count sole proprietorship on two characters. The first, and undoubtedly the most famous, is the ‘Terminator'. Who can ever begin to imagine any one else playing this role? Without him, the ‘Terminator' franchise can only produce products based on the three movies. He is the franchise – period. Then there is ‘Conan'. If there ever were roles tailor made for an actor, these two were made for Schwarzenegger. Here was another story that could not continue without this star. The audience identified Arnold with the character. No – one else would suffice.

The obvious implication of the above statement is that Arnold was a huge contributor to the movies success. This together with the story – albeit with some cheesiness – and a powerful soundtrack helped to prevent the negative factors detracting from an entertaining movie. The detracting factors of note were the obligatory 80's cheesiness, weak special effects and hammed up acting. Oh, I almost forgot to mention the wigs. How can anyone ever forget those?

The gargantuan presense of Arnold is all conquering from the moment we see him. He is perfect for the role. Besides fulfilling the physical appearance needs of the character with his obvious girth, he radiates the charisma of a leader. As in real life, the audience is in no doubt as to the fact that this is a man destined for greatness. His chiseled features and thick accent accentuate him as a mighty warrior with a deadly purpose. It also gives us the audience's visual pre – conception of barbarians. The word barbarian conjures up an image of powerful warriors who ensured that their foes met with a bloody end. They were ruthless and justice was meted out with powerful swings of their oversized weapons. Their history has been more than glossed over with tales of fantasy and folklore. This is a fact that is also attributable to Arnold when we hear of stories of incredible feats in his bodybuilding days. The character thus demanded someone larger than life and Arnold fills the tag quite comfortably.

The story tells of a man who when released from slavery, seeks revenge and embarks on a dangerous journey with many perils in the form of creatures of the night and fearless warriors. He befriends others as daring as himself and their combined talents draws the attention of the King whose daughter has been kidnapped by Conan's enemies. This is a classic version of the hero's journey where he rises from suppression against his enemies overcoming seemingly insurmountable obstacles and wreaks his revenge. This is a story that has mass appeal since most people feel suppressed by the system and would like to cause their own havoc in overcoming it. The resonance of the characters therefore has a real effect despite the fantasy aspect of the story.

The mixture of characters is reminiscent of folklore, especially the barbarian's small sidekick. All knights and warriors have their dependable right hand man who is usually very much the second man. This is also evident in other media and I was particularly reminded of ‘Slaine' from the 2000AD comic strip. It is this combination of characters that keeps the story moving forward with added interest. Each new character must add something different thus making a worthwhile contribution. This necessary element is well included here.

Movies in this era were unfortunately burdened with obligatory cheesiness in order to have appeal to the audience. A concomitant factor to this is that the acting becomes hammed up. Although understandable from a financial point of view since movies have to be in tandem with the current trend, better scripting could have been used in order to retain the stories respectability. It would have also contributed to audience appreciation in later years. Lines such as ‘Do you want to live forever?' should be changed to ‘They can keep their cages for somebody else'.

The soundtrack resonates the strength of the lead character. Its booming drums are the battle cry of the barbarian. A barbarian must make a loud entrance to be in character. The larger than life character now has a larger than life soundtrack and the movie explodes into life in front of the audience. The strong opening number is thus very effective as it sets the tone for the movie. Audience mood is initiated as value is added to the character as well.

The special effects as delivered to today's audiences will result in these on show here being a detracting factor. Audiences are now inundated with high – tech CGI and will immediately notice the artificial nature of the effects. Most of them looked very fake which will adversely affect the movie's longevity. It is difficult to immerse yourself into a story when you are jolted to reality with effects that literally stand out like a sore thumb.

I will take one final look at the last of the detracting factors. It concerns the little matter of the wigs. Although this could fall under the previous paragraphs discussion, the wigs were so bad that they deserve special mention. Even in the 80's where big hair and even bigger wigs were the norm, these must have been noticeable. The wigs looked exactly like what they were – wigs. Forget the sore thumb – this one was a sore limb.

Well told fantasy stories will always have an audience. Together with a strong cast the story will carry itself through to general acceptance. Members of the cast of special note were William Smith, Franco Columbo (a small appearance but the well known name draws attention) and Max Von Sydow. Powerful character players were well utilized here which complemented the aura of the age of the barbarian. It is this factor together with the story that will keep the movie available to future audiences, although the flame is starting to falter in the face of greater expectations for CGI. Production companies will invest heavily in CGI as this is what the current audience expects. There will, however, be fans of Arnold for many generations to come and it will be his star appeal that will be the key to this movie's endurance.

This also means that the continuing story of ‘Conan The Barbarian' will not be told for many years to come. There is no – one today who can prise this role from Arnold. Any remake can only be attempted long after Arnold has left the movie arena. Others will only pale by comparison as movie fans have resoundingly chalked up another character for Arnold. If a remake is attempted, please do not raid the props cabinet where the old material may lay. Maybe they can digitally animate the wigs.
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