kynoceph Review of Tarzan the Ape Man

Tarzan the Ape Man (1981)

Bo, breasts, and bloomin' idiots, and a buncha monkeys.

[1 May 1999]

Of course this is a horrid movie, for pete's sake, it was made by John Derek, one of the worst actors ever. (He played Joshua in the Ten Commandments, and his performance there is truly laughable). Bo of course runs around topless or near topless for most of the movie, and has one expression: vacant. No one has yet mentioned Richard Harris' utterly deranged performance as Jane's dad. Harris acts as if he has drunk a case of Jack Daniels and snorted a pound of cocaine. He runs through the entire movie screaming, shouting, and gesticulating insanely, and when he's finally killed by the ALL-WHITE-PEOPLE CANNIBAL TRIBE (I kid you not) you cheer in relief. Another point of hilarity is Miles O'Keefe's pointless battle with an OBVIOUSLY COMPLETELY FAKE rubber boa constrictor. All in all a truly dreadful movie, but still not as awful as Manos: The Hands Of Fate. See it at your own risk, or only if you have an unhealthy fixation on Bo Derek's breasts.