Review of Pitch Black

Pitch Black (2000)
1/10
Probably the worst film I have ever seen!
28 February 2000
I went to see this movie, not expecting much, but still was curious and hoping for something good. After I saw "Event Horizon", a film I liked that garnered an enormous amount of negative criticism, I kept my eyes peeled for something like it to resurface. "Pitch Black" looked like it, and I was attracted to it. The theater was packed, and the ads labeled it "the scariest movie", so I was in exceptionally good spirits. What the projector and celluloid strip revealed was probably the worst film I think I have ever seen in my life! Never, ever, have I been so cheated and so offended by a movie! I'm ashamed to say that I watched it!

First off, there's no plot. Next, the casting and acting is bad. Following that, it's not scary. It's boring, actually. Also, it's unoriginal, whatever the point of this...thing may be. And of course, nothing is done with the characters, so you don't care about what happens to them and find yourself enjoying watching them die. For the first time in my life, I wanted to ask for my money back, and the hour and a half of my life. For the first time, I felt like I wasted my time. I was upset all afternoon after it, and I woke up this morning thinking of all the different, more useful ways I could have spent my money.

This movie shouldn't have been released in theaters. It could have been released direct-to-video. I take it back, it's not even that good. This should have been released as a "premiere-TV-movie" on the sci-fi channel, which loves illogical, mindless sci-fi garbage. The best alternative would've been to shelve this movie permanently and make absolute certain that it never saw the light of day!

The effects and de-saturation of colors are nifty, but that becomes boring in and of itself and fails to save this shit. Hell, this movie is so bad, it doesn't deserve to be called shit. For those of you who like laughing at bad movies, stay away. This makes Ed Wood look like Stanley Kubrick! I can't help but be deeply saddened by this movie. It'll take me a while to recover from the shock of how I wasted my money, my hard earned money, so crudely and so thoughtlessly.
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