What are you all complaining about? NBC's HERCULES had everything I want in a Hercules movie:
Recipe for a Sword & Sandal Movie:
Ingredient 1: A Hero With Muscles. Step aside, Kevin Sorbo. The young actor cast as Herc is no Steve Reeves -- but then, neither was Reg Park or Ed Fury. At least he had big muscles and an enthusiastic delivery. Given that he plays Herc at the beginning of his heroic career, his lack of facial hair was perfectly acceptable. Mythology often characterized Herc as somewhat of an oaf, and the likable goofus who becomes a confident hero worked well in the context of this movie.
Ingredient 2: A Heroine With Big... Hair: The six foot tall Leelee Sobieski would have been better cast as an Amazon rather than a wood nymph, and her golden body makeup, subtle and effective in close-up, turned bright orange in longshots (not her fault), but she's always a likable presence and in the final battle she wields a bow with the best of 'em. As soon as she fondles the wounded Herc's pecks, she falls for The Big Lug, and eventually gives him the loving family he so desires. What more motivation does a sword and sandal character need? (The obligatory "heroine caught bathing in the river" scene was also nicely done. )
3: A Hissable Villain: In this case two of 'em, Eurystheus the gay king and Antaeus the brute whose strength comes from contact with the Earth. Though the movie takes liberties with the identity of Antaeus, they were perfectly acceptable within the context of the convolutions of mythology (Oedipus just happens to meet his dad on the road and kill him? What are the odds of THAT?). Its called Dramatic License.
4: A Villainess With Eye Shadow: Herc's mom Alcmene is a B-level Livia (from I, CLAUDIUS), and Elizabeth Perkins plays her for all she's worth. She and her younger accomplice Megara make for a nice tag team of bad girls.
5: Monsters: Though some of the CGI was on the level of a Terrytoon, the Hydra was very nicely done, even moving like a Harryhausen monster. Add centaurs, satyrs, harpies and a Nemean Lion more like a Lion Monster, and I'm a happy viewer.
6: Speeches Delivered To The Gods: Any movie that opens with Timothy Dalton (as Herc's dad Amphitryon) standing on the bow of a storm-tossed ship bellowing "ZZZEEEEEEEUUUUUSSSS!!!!!!!" is off to a good start. Sacrifices to Hera and Herc's speech to The Gods -- sounding like a modernization of The Lone Ranger Creed -- add up to plenty of enjoyably cheesy histrionics.
7: An Oracle: In this version, its Alcmene who castrates the hermaphroditic Tiresias, turning him into the Oracle of Delphi. Gotta getta prophesy.
8: Battles & Fights: Lots of 'em, with swords, bows, clubs, men against men, men against monsters, The People against soldiers -- if they'd had kitchens in ancient Thebes, Herc would have wielded a sink, I'm sure.
9: A Comic Relief Sidekick: Linus the lute player, played by everyone's favorite sidekick of the moment, Sean Astin. A few pratfalls and wisecracks, and loyalty to The Hero.
All in all, this movie was far more faithful to the Hercules myth than any other version made. They even tackled Herc's murder of his own children, successfully weaving it into the story of Herc's self-actualization. The violence is bloody, the sex is sexy, and Herc's weapon of choice is a big fat club. When this comes out on DVD, I'm watching it again.
Recipe for a Sword & Sandal Movie:
Ingredient 1: A Hero With Muscles. Step aside, Kevin Sorbo. The young actor cast as Herc is no Steve Reeves -- but then, neither was Reg Park or Ed Fury. At least he had big muscles and an enthusiastic delivery. Given that he plays Herc at the beginning of his heroic career, his lack of facial hair was perfectly acceptable. Mythology often characterized Herc as somewhat of an oaf, and the likable goofus who becomes a confident hero worked well in the context of this movie.
Ingredient 2: A Heroine With Big... Hair: The six foot tall Leelee Sobieski would have been better cast as an Amazon rather than a wood nymph, and her golden body makeup, subtle and effective in close-up, turned bright orange in longshots (not her fault), but she's always a likable presence and in the final battle she wields a bow with the best of 'em. As soon as she fondles the wounded Herc's pecks, she falls for The Big Lug, and eventually gives him the loving family he so desires. What more motivation does a sword and sandal character need? (The obligatory "heroine caught bathing in the river" scene was also nicely done. )
3: A Hissable Villain: In this case two of 'em, Eurystheus the gay king and Antaeus the brute whose strength comes from contact with the Earth. Though the movie takes liberties with the identity of Antaeus, they were perfectly acceptable within the context of the convolutions of mythology (Oedipus just happens to meet his dad on the road and kill him? What are the odds of THAT?). Its called Dramatic License.
4: A Villainess With Eye Shadow: Herc's mom Alcmene is a B-level Livia (from I, CLAUDIUS), and Elizabeth Perkins plays her for all she's worth. She and her younger accomplice Megara make for a nice tag team of bad girls.
5: Monsters: Though some of the CGI was on the level of a Terrytoon, the Hydra was very nicely done, even moving like a Harryhausen monster. Add centaurs, satyrs, harpies and a Nemean Lion more like a Lion Monster, and I'm a happy viewer.
6: Speeches Delivered To The Gods: Any movie that opens with Timothy Dalton (as Herc's dad Amphitryon) standing on the bow of a storm-tossed ship bellowing "ZZZEEEEEEEUUUUUSSSS!!!!!!!" is off to a good start. Sacrifices to Hera and Herc's speech to The Gods -- sounding like a modernization of The Lone Ranger Creed -- add up to plenty of enjoyably cheesy histrionics.
7: An Oracle: In this version, its Alcmene who castrates the hermaphroditic Tiresias, turning him into the Oracle of Delphi. Gotta getta prophesy.
8: Battles & Fights: Lots of 'em, with swords, bows, clubs, men against men, men against monsters, The People against soldiers -- if they'd had kitchens in ancient Thebes, Herc would have wielded a sink, I'm sure.
9: A Comic Relief Sidekick: Linus the lute player, played by everyone's favorite sidekick of the moment, Sean Astin. A few pratfalls and wisecracks, and loyalty to The Hero.
All in all, this movie was far more faithful to the Hercules myth than any other version made. They even tackled Herc's murder of his own children, successfully weaving it into the story of Herc's self-actualization. The violence is bloody, the sex is sexy, and Herc's weapon of choice is a big fat club. When this comes out on DVD, I'm watching it again.