Any movie that comes with a warning at the beginning saying that the following film may insult the viewer's intelligence, has set the "this better be stupid" bar pretty high. Well, this film certainly reaches that bar...then pole vaults right over it into the inane!!! First of all, one must know that this is the famous film where the sound track was apparently "lost," so in order to keep the film from being a silent movie, a voice-over narration was used for about 90% of the film. Ugh! It's like listening to a book-on-tape...with pictures.
Ostensibly a cheap monster movie, this movie is more fun to watch with a "how-not-to-make-a-monster-movie" mindset. Clearly made with the intention of producing a horror movie, this one fails miserably in all departments: acting, direction, set decoration, you name it. First of all, the monster. It looks like a discarded float from an old Mardi Gras celebration, or like one of those horse costumes...you know, where one person is the front and one person is the butt?? Except that this time, the whole thing is covered in carpet samples, with vacuum cleaner hoses pasted around the head to give it a squiggly look! And it moves slower than my elderly cocker spaniel. Which brings us to the second nonsensical thing about this picture: the acting. The looks of horror on some of these actors' faces when the monster approaches has to be seen to be believed. The actors must have been friends or relatives of the director because no one could keep a straight face while being attacked by a carpet monster unless they were doing it for someone they truly love. Nor could they keep it straight while uttering dialogue like, "Sorry to hear about your uncle. Tough break." To make matters even dumber, when the characters see the monster approach, what do they do? Run away? Try to attack and kill it? No...they just sit there and wait for it to get closer and closer and closer until they practically feed themselves to the thing! Thirdly, the production values. Now, I know this is a low budget production, but like the old deodorant commercial said "Never let 'em see you sweat." In other words, try not to make it look and sound like a low-budget production. Aside from the aforementioned lame-o monster and monosyllabic voice-over narration, the rest of the production pretty much equals those levels of crap. For instance, when one girl is being eaten by the monster, the filmmakers are so oblivious that her scream is heard at the same decibel and volume no matter how far into the mouth of the monster she goes! I think I actually started laughing at that point. Furthermore, there are times when the monster is so completely obscured by black fuzziness that it is impossible to see.
Looking over my notes for this feature, I actually wrote, "I give up. No point in reviewing this. It's worthless." I couldn't have said it any better.
Ostensibly a cheap monster movie, this movie is more fun to watch with a "how-not-to-make-a-monster-movie" mindset. Clearly made with the intention of producing a horror movie, this one fails miserably in all departments: acting, direction, set decoration, you name it. First of all, the monster. It looks like a discarded float from an old Mardi Gras celebration, or like one of those horse costumes...you know, where one person is the front and one person is the butt?? Except that this time, the whole thing is covered in carpet samples, with vacuum cleaner hoses pasted around the head to give it a squiggly look! And it moves slower than my elderly cocker spaniel. Which brings us to the second nonsensical thing about this picture: the acting. The looks of horror on some of these actors' faces when the monster approaches has to be seen to be believed. The actors must have been friends or relatives of the director because no one could keep a straight face while being attacked by a carpet monster unless they were doing it for someone they truly love. Nor could they keep it straight while uttering dialogue like, "Sorry to hear about your uncle. Tough break." To make matters even dumber, when the characters see the monster approach, what do they do? Run away? Try to attack and kill it? No...they just sit there and wait for it to get closer and closer and closer until they practically feed themselves to the thing! Thirdly, the production values. Now, I know this is a low budget production, but like the old deodorant commercial said "Never let 'em see you sweat." In other words, try not to make it look and sound like a low-budget production. Aside from the aforementioned lame-o monster and monosyllabic voice-over narration, the rest of the production pretty much equals those levels of crap. For instance, when one girl is being eaten by the monster, the filmmakers are so oblivious that her scream is heard at the same decibel and volume no matter how far into the mouth of the monster she goes! I think I actually started laughing at that point. Furthermore, there are times when the monster is so completely obscured by black fuzziness that it is impossible to see.
Looking over my notes for this feature, I actually wrote, "I give up. No point in reviewing this. It's worthless." I couldn't have said it any better.