tom-darwin Review of Avenger

Avenger (2006 TV Movie)

"Better to Know the Worst than not to Know the Worst," and this is it

[1/10 · 13 April 2006]

With no one wanting to hear about Iraq anymore, Vietnam as remote as the War of the Austrian Succession and "24's" lock on the Depraved Terrorist gig, we're heading back to the Balkans. This time we're going with intellectual thrillmeister Frederick Forsythe ("The Day of the Jackal"), cool-as-ice screenwriter Alan Sharp ("Ulzana's Raid") & executive producer Wolfgang Petersen ("Das Boot," "The Perfect Storm"). To get there, we all have to climb together on one of those tiny bicycles that bears ride in the circus. Grizzled Vietnam vet Dexter (Elliott, in the worst role of his life) is an avenging angel-for-hire, either as a lawyer or a mercenary (same difference). He takes a job via classified ad & cell phone to protect his anonymity (wouldn't John Wayne have done the same?) to find the saintly aid-worker son of guilt-ridden tycoon Edmonds (Hope, dazed & neurotic) who's disappeared in Bosnia. After impressing us with how depraved Serb militias can be (heard something about that, did you?), we embark with Wild Bill Rambo Bond on a Quest for Justice that takes us from one exotic, budget-priced location to the next. Cadaverous CIA pencilneck Devereaux (Cromwell, who convincingly mutters catchphrases like "not an option" & "ends justify the means") wants to stop The Fastest Gun in Eastern Europe. Or does he? It's so bad on every level that you won't care. The meticulous description of operational details that Forsythe pioneered forty years ago has been retreaded more times than "The War of the Worlds" & is a big yawn in the Google age. But "Avenger" never bothers much with story details like character motivation or plot, so we're left to wonder why the carefully anonymous Dexter is so willing to let his enemies know he's coming. It brings to mind Otto in "A Fish Called Wanda" ("It's a smoke screen? Double bluff?"), but that was done for INTENTIONAL laughs. The action scenes rival the best that "South Park" has to offer. Without exception, the actors are excruciatingly bad. Elliott is a mishmash of samurai-ninja Honorable Warrior, slick secret agent, aw-shucks good-guy, wise philosopher, technical wizard & PTSD nutjob. Oh, and Truth, Justice & the American Way (or best two out of three). This is definitely one of those "What were they thinking when they upchucked this?" movies. If the batteries in your remote went dead & you've given away all those old "Police Academy" videos, you're in for a rough night.