Up till a few hours ago I was of the opinion that John Cena's debut movie 'The Marine' was the worse movie ever made. It was so godforsakingly awful that ever the memory of it brings a foul taste to my mouth.....I normally like Robert Patrick but he must have owed his dealer some megabucks to need money that badly to be part of that travesty.....
But, now, I have a new champion, a new movie that was so disgustingly awful that I am amazed and horrified that somebody actually ponied up the cash to:
a) Buy such an atrocious script b) Hire the worst 'actors', and I use the term in its loosest possible incantation, to star in said film c) Find any professional movie makers willing to risk their professional careers to be even associated with this d) Thought it was a good idea to make this at all
Where do you start?
The good points.....after thinking long and hard I decided that I wanted those 45 seconds back that a tried to find something positive to say. This waste of film deserves to have a star in its rating taken away for every single person associated with the making and distribution of it.
The bad parts....well the plot was amazingly stupid....I mean...you're ripping off one of the greatest classic war movies ever made and they botched it so badly they made Attack of the Killer Tomatoes look like a work of Shakespeare. Whoever was responsible for writing this garbage should have any and all writing implements removed from them for eternity and never be able to write or dictate so much as a shopping list. The actors....you know a movie is going to suck when the best actor in it is Michael Dudikoff.....he makes Vin Diesel look like he has all the talent, range and emotion of Sir Laurence Olivier. The rest of the cast was simply atrocious.....they don't even deserve to be struggling waiters....and the action! Oh my god....maybe some of the Generation Y posters might think that the action scenes were OK.....obviously playing Battlefield 2 for 6 weeks straight does affect the brain....but I've seen more realistic and action packed scenes in silent Charlie Chaplin films. You had boneheads...I mean supposed 'gangbangers', who look about as frightening as the local icecream man, running around with pistols 'gangsta style' one shotting everything in sight.....if that wasn't bad enough, some pelican is shooting an AK one handed AND thrusting the rifle forwards like he's stabbing someone with it with everyshot and he's one shotting hordes of Vietnamese extra's! LOL!!
Man, if I wasn't so bloody stoned and could have gotten off the lounge chair to find my remote I would have turned it off....but alas....it was just out of reach on the coffee table so I had to sit through it for an hour and a half. I now know exactly what CIA detainees are going through in secret prisons around the world! I've done my time in hell..watching this steaming dog turd of a movie....
You want to end the war on terror...drop copies of this screaming abortion on the Inturdgents in Iraq and the Talibunnies in the 'Ghan....they'll run screaming AND you'll have the UN on your arse about using WMD's....
How can crap like this get funding?? Who green lighted it and how can I contact him?
I need funding for a project I am putting together, it's about a killer robot driving instructor, who travels back in time for some reason. Ron Howard's attached to direct!
But, now, I have a new champion, a new movie that was so disgustingly awful that I am amazed and horrified that somebody actually ponied up the cash to:
a) Buy such an atrocious script b) Hire the worst 'actors', and I use the term in its loosest possible incantation, to star in said film c) Find any professional movie makers willing to risk their professional careers to be even associated with this d) Thought it was a good idea to make this at all
Where do you start?
The good points.....after thinking long and hard I decided that I wanted those 45 seconds back that a tried to find something positive to say. This waste of film deserves to have a star in its rating taken away for every single person associated with the making and distribution of it.
The bad parts....well the plot was amazingly stupid....I mean...you're ripping off one of the greatest classic war movies ever made and they botched it so badly they made Attack of the Killer Tomatoes look like a work of Shakespeare. Whoever was responsible for writing this garbage should have any and all writing implements removed from them for eternity and never be able to write or dictate so much as a shopping list. The actors....you know a movie is going to suck when the best actor in it is Michael Dudikoff.....he makes Vin Diesel look like he has all the talent, range and emotion of Sir Laurence Olivier. The rest of the cast was simply atrocious.....they don't even deserve to be struggling waiters....and the action! Oh my god....maybe some of the Generation Y posters might think that the action scenes were OK.....obviously playing Battlefield 2 for 6 weeks straight does affect the brain....but I've seen more realistic and action packed scenes in silent Charlie Chaplin films. You had boneheads...I mean supposed 'gangbangers', who look about as frightening as the local icecream man, running around with pistols 'gangsta style' one shotting everything in sight.....if that wasn't bad enough, some pelican is shooting an AK one handed AND thrusting the rifle forwards like he's stabbing someone with it with everyshot and he's one shotting hordes of Vietnamese extra's! LOL!!
Man, if I wasn't so bloody stoned and could have gotten off the lounge chair to find my remote I would have turned it off....but alas....it was just out of reach on the coffee table so I had to sit through it for an hour and a half. I now know exactly what CIA detainees are going through in secret prisons around the world! I've done my time in hell..watching this steaming dog turd of a movie....
You want to end the war on terror...drop copies of this screaming abortion on the Inturdgents in Iraq and the Talibunnies in the 'Ghan....they'll run screaming AND you'll have the UN on your arse about using WMD's....
How can crap like this get funding?? Who green lighted it and how can I contact him?
I need funding for a project I am putting together, it's about a killer robot driving instructor, who travels back in time for some reason. Ron Howard's attached to direct!