Ice Station Zebra is an adaptation of an Alistair MacLean book. Spies! Submarines! Suspense! Well, not really suspense. The very first scene shows a satellite dropping a payload into the arctic that is obviously of some importance. Then, the next two thirds of the movie involves our fearless captain tasked with taking a British agent to the scene of the drop. Could it be that the agent has something to do with this capsule? Gee, I wonder? Our brave captain doesn't know, but of course we do, since the director bizarrely lets us in on this little secret, ruining about an hour and a half of suspense.
The actual bits of the movie inside the submarine are well done. The crew is professional and the technical jargon they use impressive. While some may find this boring, I found it nice to watch a believable captain command a believable ship.
And then, they make their way to the ice, and it all falls apart. Plot holes big enough to drive a submarine through. MiG 21s that magically turn into F4s through lazy use of stock film, greatly confusing the viewer. Spies that do things so illogical you'll just be shaking your head in disbelief. Acting so wooden and arbitrary you'll have trouble differentiating the corpses.
And of course, the fakeness. There is something so artificial in this movie that it just hurts. No, I'm not talking about the fact that the last third was obviously filmed in a sound studio with Styrofoam ice. Rather, it's Ernest Borgnine (you know, the captain from McHale's navy TV shows) trying to fake a Russian accent. Really and truly painful.
Ultimately, the bad accents, wooden acting, and Styrofoam ice would be forgivable if the plot made sense. Alas, it does not. It's as if the good scriptwriter was fired or took to drink halfway through. Unfortunately, the unsatisfactory feeling that results is enough for me to confidently give you a recommendation of "don't bother."
The actual bits of the movie inside the submarine are well done. The crew is professional and the technical jargon they use impressive. While some may find this boring, I found it nice to watch a believable captain command a believable ship.
And then, they make their way to the ice, and it all falls apart. Plot holes big enough to drive a submarine through. MiG 21s that magically turn into F4s through lazy use of stock film, greatly confusing the viewer. Spies that do things so illogical you'll just be shaking your head in disbelief. Acting so wooden and arbitrary you'll have trouble differentiating the corpses.
And of course, the fakeness. There is something so artificial in this movie that it just hurts. No, I'm not talking about the fact that the last third was obviously filmed in a sound studio with Styrofoam ice. Rather, it's Ernest Borgnine (you know, the captain from McHale's navy TV shows) trying to fake a Russian accent. Really and truly painful.
Ultimately, the bad accents, wooden acting, and Styrofoam ice would be forgivable if the plot made sense. Alas, it does not. It's as if the good scriptwriter was fired or took to drink halfway through. Unfortunately, the unsatisfactory feeling that results is enough for me to confidently give you a recommendation of "don't bother."