The Phantom of the Opera (1991 TV Movie)
2/10
A mere phantom of The Phantom
22 November 2008
I have always been a collector – stamps, books, chess sets, music, and so on, 60-years of it. Current craze is of course DVDs. Collectors generally compulsively hang on to something once they've acquired it – even if it turns out to be a piece of drek. You will therefore understand that – while it was a wrench – I've 86d this little item from my collection. And I'm about to tell you why.

The Phantom of the Opera is, like Dracula or Frankenstein (the monster's correct name since he would have the name of his father), an iconic figure from the lushly Romantic (as opposed to romantic) horror literature of the 19th Century. The Phantom exists in a number of celluloid versions, although inexplicably not so many as the endlessly dreary zombie films. At least, thank the gods, there are no zombie musicals.

The story line of this production pretty much follows (if sketchily) that of the Gaston Leroux novel on which the whole "Phantom" phenomenon is based. There is no need to rehearse this, since those who don't already know it … well, what can I say? The music for this production is, at best, kitschy and banal, more or less on a par with the alleged music Disney provides for their teeny-bopper programming. There is only one even remotely good musical number – and that is a very bad arrangement of Camille St.Saëns' "Danse Macabre". This accompanies the scène-ballet which follows the Phantom's unmasking. Missing from the production entirely is any hint of the music to the Phantom's grande-oeuvre, "Don Juan Triumphant".

The acting is no better. Indeed, it isn't acting at all; it's mere declamation. I've heard better delivery from used-car commercials.

This is of course a cut-rate production, complete with barely OK sets and obviously plastic prosthetics. Indeed, the Phantom's mask is far more realistic than his alleged disfigurements. We did get a falling chandelier – not badly done, actually.

I've seen this billed on some sites as a "musical comedy". It isn't – it's a serious if inept performance. We could perhaps regard it as a non-comedic parody. It is certainly a travesty.

I've seen some positive, even enthusiastic reviews for this performance. Well, everybody deserves to be loved by somebody. However, my advice is that you rent this before you even consider buying it.
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